by Ivy Jordan
“It’s not you,” he stammered.
“Then what is it?” I demanded.
“I told you, I’m not cut out to live in town. I like it out here,” he paused.
“Alone?” I finished his sentence with a huff.
“I wasn’t going to say that, but yes, I do prefer to be alone,” he snapped.
I knew I’d pushed him, maybe a little too far a little too soon.
“So, these last two weeks, that was nothing?” My eyes welled up with tears.
“You know that isn’t true,” he growled.
I wasn’t sure I knew anything.
I shrugged, realizing talking to Xander was like talking to a brick wall. He was set in his ways. As fucked up as they were, I couldn’t change them. Maybe this time we had together did mean something, maybe it didn’t. All that mattered was my father and getting back to him.
Xander moved towards me, his arms opened and inviting me into his warm, hard chest. I turned, quickly dismissing his invitation for consoling.
“Just get me down the mountain,” I snapped, moving towards the door.
Tears warmed my cheeks as the cold air blasted ono my face.
“Are you okay to get down the mountain?” Liam asked.
“I’ll be fine,” I sighed, wiping away the tears before they froze to my skin.
“Are you sure you don’t want to wrap your ankle?” he pushed.
I shook my head, moving past him and towards the clearing that I assumed led to the path.
“Wait up,” Liam called out, rushing up beside me. “Xander’s a good guy. I know his feelings for you are genuine; he just isn’t cut out for that stuff,” Liam offered.
I sniffled, wiped my face, and turned to the man who I’d once hated. He was kind and sincere, and I appreciated him offering me condolences. I knew he didn’t have to, that if he truly just wanted me gone, he would have shoved me onto his back and ran me down that mountain.
“What stuff, life?” I sassed, rolling my eyes in Xander’s direction as he walked out of the cabin.
“I don’t think he ever thought he could love anyone,” Liam whispered.
I looked over my shoulder at Xander, his face filled with grief and remorse. Love? Did Xander love me? I knew I’d fallen for him. Even if it was too quickly, I loved Xander. If he truly loved me, he wouldn’t let me leave like this.
“I’ll let you guide, brother,” Liam patted Xander on the back as he walked past us.
“Stay in the middle,” Liam instructed me as he dropped back to take the rear.
The first few steps were nice and clear, but once we reached the path, things got a little slick. The sun had melted most of the snow into a slush, but the drainage from the melted ice created a mudslide.
Liam held on to my back as we carefully made it down the steepest part. Xander turned to me several times to offer assistance, but I refused to give him the satisfaction.
About a quarter-mile was fairly flat, just a hint of an incline. Once we hit the rippling creek, things were downhill for a couple more miles. Liam held on to me, kept me steady when I started to slip, and guided me down the path with only one slip. The mud was cold, clinging to my pants and seeping through to my leg, but I wasn’t going to let it, or anything else, stop me from getting down that mountain.
That familiar sadness filled me as we got closer and closer to the end of the path. What if he didn’t make it? What if there was no one to care for him and he died all alone?
My heart sank hard into my chest, making it tough to breathe as I took that last step.
“I’m sure you’re dad’s fine, just worried,” Liam offered.
I smiled at the man who I had a deep respect for now. He was truly genuine and a great read on people. I hadn’t even voiced my concerns about my father, he just knew, sensed it, read it on my face. It was an amazing gift, and in the moment, very appreciated.
“Thank you,” I smiled. “I’m really sorry I was such a pain in the ass to you,” I added.
He chuckled, opening his arms and pulling me into his chest for a hug. I was almost taller than him, but his strength was obvious by his grip. I looked past his shoulder to my car, half-way iced over and partly melted. I sighed at the thought of going back to my life, forgetting about Xander. I wasn’t sure I could forget about him. I loved him.
“Let’s get you home,” Liam said, patting me on the back as he released his grip.
I turned around to find Xander standing there, speechless, expressionless, and offering no invitation of a hug.
“Thank you for everything,” I smiled.
He nodded. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking, if anything at all. Was he holding back his emotion, or did he have none? I knew Liam knew, but I knew he wouldn’t tell me. That was his brother, and brothers don’t rat on one another.
“You be safe,” he winked and started to turn back towards the path.
“You’re not going with us?” I questioned.
“No, you’re in good hands,” Xander assured me, nodding at Liam.
My eyes welled up with warm tears that quickly fell to my cheeks. Xander turned away, walked through the brush towards the path, and within seconds, disappeared from my sight.
My heart ached at the thought of never seeing him again. Liam put his arm around me and guided me towards his truck. He opened the frozen door, helped me inside, and then let himself in the driver’s side. It didn’t start at first, or on the second try. I wondered if Xander was watching from a distance, ensuring we made it out okay, but no matter how hard I looked, I couldn’t see him out there.
Finally, the third attempt was successful, and the truck started. We sat there for a few moments while it heated up, and once the warmth of the heater started to blow, I began to feel happy about going home.
Chapter Twenty-One
Xander
What was she thinking asking me to go to town with her, to what? Live? She knew that wasn’t my lifestyle. I thought she understood why I lived out in the woods alone.
I leaned against a tree, watching her walk across the parking lot in Liam’s arms. I knew he was comforting her, and I hated that she was upset.
A day in the life of Bailey Martin. My thoughts drifted to that the entire trip down the mountain. She had her sick dad to care for, a teaching job, students, friends, an entire life. She would forget about me just like Liam said. This was just a matter of convenience or circumstance. Once the circumstances changed, and it was no longer convenient, well, we just wouldn’t make any sense.
The pain in my chest was unbearable. What was it?
My heart raced when the truck wouldn’t start. I thought for a moment I would be able to rush out there to help, to become her hero again, and not the man that let her down, but it started.
Black smoke poured from the exhaust pipes as it warmed, and what I knew was only moments waiting for it to warm up felt like hours. I just stared out into the parking lot, watching them drive off, that painful knot in my chest growing harder and larger as they disappeared from my sight.
Without Bailey and Liam, the trip back up to the cabin was much quicker than the trek down. My gut ached as I opened the door, looking around the empty place, wishing Bailey’s smiling face would’ve greeted me. This is what I wanted?
I peeled off my coat and my gloves, and then kicked off my boots. The fire was growing small, so I tossed on a log, and then sat on the bed I’d shared with Bailey. I could still smell her and sense her presence. I fell back on the pillow, taking in the sweet scent of the shampoo from her hair and closed my eyes.
There would be no way to fit into Bailey’s life. I imagined her arriving at the police station with Liam, greeted by hundreds of desperate people who searched night after night for the missing school teacher. She was an important part of the community, one that mattered. I was the man who lived on the mountainside, the recluse, the hermit, the nobody.
I tried to find a way to be happy for Bailey, happy that she’d made it home safely an
d that she had such a wonderful life. But, that nagging part of me, the selfish part that wanted to keep her, still wished that she was running from something, that she had nowhere to go and would’ve stayed here with me.
My head was spinning with emotions that I wasn’t used to feeling, and that heaviness in my chest was growing heavier. I finally drifted off to sleep, knowing that the woman I found on the path that fateful day, the one who couldn’t remember anything, I wouldn’t forget a thing about her.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Bailey
Liam pulled his truck into the small police station parking lot. It took over an hour to get there with the roads so bad outside of town, but once we hit the main roads, things looked clear.
My hand shook as I opened the door, and my knees nearly buckled as I stepped out onto the pavement of the parking lot.
Liam immediately rushed to me, holding me in his arms as we walked inside.
Sheriff Michaels. I immediately recognized him from the talks he gave to my students. He was a large man, round and cheerful with a long white beard and bright blue eyes.
He stood from his chair, leaned over his desk to get a good look as we walked in the door, and his mouth nearly hit the floor. “Bailey?” he asked.
I nodded, tears instantly falling from my eyes.
He rushed past his desk, gripped my arm, and guided me to the seat next to his. “Do you want some coffee, some hot cocoa, something to eat?” he fumbled over me desperately.
“No, I’m fine,” I assured him, taking the seat and wiping my eyes with a tissue I grabbed from atop his desk.
“We’d searched everywhere for you,” he told me, his eyes still wide with disbelief and shock.
“Thank you,” he said, directing his glance to Liam.
“Not a problem,” he replied without much emotion.
“I didn’t think this young man would find you out there. I figured we’d be searching for two people when the snow cleared,” Sheriff Michaels gasped.
He pushed his hand over his mouth and sat down in the chair beside me, leaning back and just staring at me like I was a ghost.
“How did you end up in the woods?” he asked.
I really wasn’t in the mood for questions, but I knew they were unavoidable.
“I was hiking. They said it would be clear that day,” I explained.
He sighed, removing his hand from his mouth. “Yes, that storm came out of nowhere,” he agreed.
“How do you know this man, Liam, is it?” Sheriff asked, motioning towards Liam who stood behind my chair.
“The man who found me, they were SEAL brothers. He was the only one he could get in contact with, but then we lost service,” I explained.
Sheriff Michaels nodded as I spoke, seemingly surprised by my every word.
“How’s my dad?” I questioned.
“He’s doing good, just worried about you,” he noted.
Relief rushed over my body like a warm blanket. I just wanted to get out of there and get to him.
“Can we do this later? I just really want to get home,” I sighed.
“Sure-yes, of course,” he fumbled.
“Do you have your car, or do you need a ride?” he asked.
“My car’s at the bottom of the mountain. It’s probably frozen, and I know it won’t make it through the roads we travelled to get here,” I stated.
“I’ll take her home,” Liam spoke up, his hands gripping at my shoulders.
I hadn’t realized just how tense I’d been until his strong hands started to squeeze at the muscles in my shoulders and neck. The motion quickly soothed my anxiety and had me ready to go.
“Thank you,” I turned to look at the man who helped get me home.
“We’ll stop by the house later to get a report,” Sheriff Michaels stated.
I nodded, scooted out of my chair, and extended my hand to the Sheriff for a quick shake. Instead, he pulled me in for a large bear hug against his squishy belly and inside of his thick arms.
I melted in his arms, not realizing just how much I’d missed being back in civilization until that very moment. I pulled free, noticing the tear drop falling from the man’s left eye.
“We’re really glad you’re home safe,” he breathed.
Liam took my hand and led me out the front doors as tears rolled down my face. In the truck, I showed him which way to go, surprised at how easily I remembered everything as we passed it. When we pulled up in front of the little green house with white rockers on the front porch, I started bawling.
Liam’s strong arms surrounded me, pulling me into his chest as I sniffled. I quickly wiped away my tears, cleaning my cheeks as quickly as they were wetted, and calmed myself down enough to pull loose.
“You want me to go in with you?” he asked.
“No, I’ll be fine. There’s a key under the mat,” I assured him.
I wanted to tell him to let Xander know how much I missed him already, and that I truly cared for him, that I loved him. Instead, I thanked him and slid out of the truck. He waited by the curb while I walked up the sidewalk that had been neatly cleared and salted by one of the neighbors.
The spare key was under the mat right where I left it, making me wonder who, if anyone, had taken care of my dad all this time. I pushed the key into the lock, and then turned it until I heard the click.
The smell of vanilla candles, my dad’s favorite, filled the small front room. It was dark, quiet, and a little eerie as I turned to wave at Liam, and then took my first steps inside.
“Dad?” I called out.
My heart raced at the lack of response. I walked towards my dad’s bedroom slowly, hoping that I wouldn’t find him gone, or worse, there and passed on to the better place, as he called it.
He was there, wearing striped pajamas with the covers pushed onto the floor. He didn’t move, causing me to gasp as I took a step closer. I fought back tears as I reached towards him, resting my hand on his shoulder. It was cold, but the covers were on the floor, and the ceiling fan was spinning on high. I said a small prayer before saying his name again, hopeful for a response this time.
“Bailey?” he mumbled, his voice so weak. He turned from his side to his back, his eyes wide and wet as they stared at me. “Is it really you?” he asked.
“It’s really me. I’m so sorry,” I sobbed, gushing with an overwhelming feeling of guilt.
He took my hand and held it tightly against his chest. I stared down at it, the same wrinkled, aged hand with spots that had been in my dream.
“You have nothing to be sorry about. I’m so glad you’re safe. Are you okay?” he gushed.
I nodded, wiping away my fallen tears with my free hand.
“Someone said you were trapped in the storm with a mountain man,” he gasped.
I giggled at hearing Xander referred to that way.
“I was,” I smiled.
“Did he hurt you? No one knew who he was. Said he might be a convict.” My dad’s eyes widened as he spoke.
“He didn’t hurt me. He was a very nice man who saved me,” I asserted.
My dad smiled, his eyes softened, and I could tell he was struggling to stay awake. His IV was dripping with what looked like a new bag, and I noticed his medication was all sorted on the dresser. Someone had been taking care of him, and from what I could tell, very good care of him.
“Get some rest, Dad. I love you,” I leaned down, kissing him on the cheek.
He patted my hand before releasing it, and then fell asleep before I took a step away from the hospital bed he slept in.
I walked into my room and stripped out of the clothes that Xander had given me to wear. I knew Dad would sleep for a while. Sleep is all he did. I took a quick shower, washing the smell of the woods from my body and hair, but also the scent of Xander, which I immediately missed.
I wrapped a towel tightly around my head like a turban and one around my body, and I heard something outside my door.
My heart raced as I leaned aga
inst my bedroom door, listening to the strange noises just outside. My dad was grumbling something I couldn’t understand, and then someone, a female, responded.
I turned the doorknob, slowly stepped out into the hall and heard Lila, my neighbor and best friend from school asking my dad who had been here to take the key from the mat.
“Bailey,” he mumbled.
“Bailey’s gone,” she whispered, rubbing the old man’s head.
I stepped into the room, cleared my throat, and watched as her eyes moved towards me.
“Bailey!” she screeched, rushing towards me with open arms.
She jumped up and down as she gripped me around the waist, pulling my own feet from the ground from her excitement.
“I wondered who took the key,” she sighed, releasing me and staring at me the same way Sheriff Michaels had.
“I left the door unlocked,” I smiled.
“I’m so glad they found you. When did you get back?” she beamed.
“Just long enough to get a shower. Have you been taking care of Dad?” I questioned.
She nodded.
I leaned in, hugging her again, squeezing her with all my appreciation. Tears rolled down my face as I pulled back, so grateful for my friend.
“Thank you, so much,” I gushed.
“It was nothing. You know I love Jack, and I wasn’t about to let anyone else step in,” she smirked, looking over her shoulder at the old man.
He was a handful—that much we both knew—but a lovable man with a huge heart. Anyone else, someone who didn’t know him, would just think he was a stubborn old fart. We both laughed as we obviously had the same thought run through our minds.
“How’s he been?” I asked, stepping out of the room where he couldn’t hear.
We sat down on the couch, and Lila told me how he’d had a few incidents and how his treatment didn’t seem to making any more progress.
“He’s refusing to have any more treatments,” she informed me.
My chest caved in, and my stomach rumbled.