Few Things Left Unsaid

by Sudeep Nagarkar

  ‘Do you smoke?’ she asked me.

  ‘Sometimes. Not a chain smoker. To be frank, I smoked my first cigarette around two months back with Sameer and Anup. I had never smoked before that. I don’t drink though.’

  ‘You never told me that you smoke. You should have told me.’

  ‘Jaan, I don’t smoke regularly.’

  I went close to her. I kissed her on the lips. Maybe it was the right time to kiss her to avoid a fight on smoking. It was better than the first kiss. This time it was more passionate. It was dark. No one around. I looked around and saw the place vacant. She held me closely as I kissed her. She opened two buttons of my of shirt and slipped her hands inside. It brought shivers down my body. My hands went inside her top and squeezed her breasts. She moaned in pleasure. I really thought our relationship was moving too fast. Six days after the proposal and we were at the centre of the ground in the dark. Was it a decent thing to do?

  But I was enjoying it so much that I didn’t care. I continued cuddling her, kissing her. She put her tongue deep inside my mouth.

  ‘Jaan, go easy. We are in a public space,’ I cautioned.

  ‘I want to give you a love bite which is visible to everyone so that other girls will know that you’re taken and that they should stay away from you.’

  ‘Why will a girl come close to me? I am always with you. How can I go to someone else?’

  ‘Still I want the world to know that you are mine. Just mine. And no one can get you now. I love you. Love you a lot. You are my kid. My bachcha. My Mr Perfect.’

  ‘Okay jaan. Then let me give you a love bite too.’

  I gave her a bite below her neck until she moaned in pleasure.

  ‘Now no one will come close to you too. I can’t see you with someone else. Please never ever leave me. I am all yours now.’

  After some time, we left for home. I had my dinner and I called her up.

  ‘Hey, let’s meet tomorrow at the same time. We won’t go to class, alright?.’

  ‘Aadi… do you want to fail and get a KT?’ In Mumbai University, if we fail in one subject, we call it a KT, i.e. ‘keep term’ where we are given the option of reappearing in the failed exam.

  ‘No I want you. I will wait for you.’

  I hung up. I knew she would come. She never let it show that she needed me but I knew. She was wearing my favourite red top and skirt. We had pani puri and sat on the ground like the previous day. She was driving me crazy with her touch. I was rolling my fingers all over her body. She told me she had worn bikini panties underneath her skirt. I had told her once that it was my fantasy to see her in them. But I did not cross my limits. It was not the right time.

  ‘Is this your first time with a girl?’

  I could feel myself getting aroused. What was going to happen next? She was not the first girl I had touched. Should I tell her the truth or should I hide it?

  ‘What happened bachchu, answer me?’

  I somehow took control of my nerves and said ‘no’.

  She gave me a big smile.

  ‘What happened?’ I asked her.

  ‘I knew it jaan. The way you touched me. The way you kissed me. I knew I was not the first girl in your life.’

  ‘I wanted to tell you this on the first day. But I never got a chance to do so. You are right. You are not the first girl in my life. But I never crossed my limits with any girl. Trust me’

  I hoped she would trust me. I was afraid of losing her.

  ‘Yes, I do trust you. I am not fighting with you, I am not upset. I knew this the very first day when you kissed me. But I thought you would tell this to me someday yourself. But you didn’t.’

  ‘Sorry jaan, I thought I might lose you. And I can’t afford to lose you. I am really sorry.’

  She smiled and hugged me. I almost cried at that moment. She kissed my eyes. I could not believe she loved me so much that she forgave me in a few minutes. I had started loving her more. I gave her a sweet kiss on her cheeks.

  ‘Can I ask you one thing?’

  ‘Yes,’ she said.

  ‘You said you knew I was with a girl earlier by the way I kissed. But how? If I am the first person in your life, how did you know these things? I mean the kiss must have been your first time too. Then how could you…’

  ‘Who said you are the first? I never said that, jaan.’

  ‘You mean you were in a relationship earlier? But during the truth or dare game, you had said that you loved only your brother. Am I right?’

  ‘I didn’t want to open up in front of everybody, but yes, I’ve been in a relationship before in junior college. It lasted for just 4 months. He was a Christian. I never liked his family. I do not know the reason why he broke up with me. But I do not care now. I love you and nothing else matters.

  I was thrashed. I was broken into pieces when I heard her say this. She had lied to me.

  I hadn’t done anything different. I had lied too. I just didn’t tell her I had been in a relationship before. Did it mean I was not the first person to touch her? Did it mean I was not the first person to slip my hand in her top? Or did it mean she would leave me too? I did not care if someone had touched her. I loved her and that was enough for me. I loved her more than anything else in the world. But I still felt she should have told me.

  ‘Don’t worry, jaan. I will always be with you. I will never leave you,’ I said.

  She put my head in her lap. I tried to think about our present and future. I smiled at her and kissed her eyes. Our relationship had turned even more pure than before. Now everything was transparent. I was happy she had told me the truth. I was also a little upset because I couldn’t imagine seeing her with someone else. I just loved her too much. We did not speak a word and left just looking in each other’s eyes. Our relationship had moved one step ahead though I still felt it was moving forward too rapidly. Now I couldn’t live without her. But there was one question I still wanted an answer to but didn’t know how to ask—Was she really a virgin? What if she was not? Would it affect my love for her?

  I don’t think so! It was more than just virginity now. We had shared an emotional bonding with each other.

  After a few minutes together, we left for our respective homes. As soon as I reached home, I got the best possible SMS from her.

  I love the way you look at me, your eyes so naughty and mischievous.

  I love the way you kiss me, your lips so soft and smooth.

  I love the way you make me happy, and the way you show your care for me.

  I love the way you say, ‘I Love you’,

  And the way you are always there. I love the way you touch me, always sending chills down my spine. I love that you are with me, and glad that you are mine… I will never leave you my bachcha…

  Does a mother ever leave her child alone? You are my cute little bachcha. I am missing your touch. I am looking at the love bite in the mirror. I wish it was permanent. You are very sweet. I am missing your kiss. I want to get close to you. You rock. I wonder why I met you so late in life. Anyways you are mine. Forever now. And dare you leave me. Miss you…muauaahhh…

  Love you too, I messaged back.

  She would always tell me to send her a long SMS that she could read again and again when I was not around. But I could never write long messages.

  She sent me a reply saying: I want a long SMS. Otherwise I won’t talk to you.

  Girls are beyond my comprehension. They need to have whatever their heart desires. If we don’t listen to them, they start with their emotional drama. I had to do it. I had no other option left. I opened my inbox and searched for a love SMS. I got one that was good enough to be sent. I started editing it as per my requirement. I added a few things and sent it to her. That made her really happy. She did not even realize it was a forwarded SMS. Girls are so foolish. But we boys love them as they are. I did love her a lot. And I was willing to to do anything to make her smile. One cute SMS had made her happy. It said,

  Many a times we lose ou
r special ones because we are unable to tell them how special they are. This SMS is especially to tell my special one that you are the best thing that ever happened to me. I never want to lose you. You are the one who makes me shiver every time you touch me.

  Every night I stay up late to talk to you. I love you a lot jaan. And I can honestly say it will remain like this foreover. Miss you. Love you. Muaah…

  ‘Aadi… wake up. Some rickshaw driver is here to see you,’ mom said waking me up.

  ‘What rickshaw driver?’ I asked.

  I then rememberd the rickshaw driver in whose auto I had lost my folder. I got up quickly and went to the hall. He was sitting there having a cup of tea. I thanked him for his kindness. I saw my folder and then realized Riya had written her name on it as well.

  Riya Aditya.

  Moreover, she had written her cell number on it. The driver said he had called her up on that number and she had given him my address. I was so glad to see my folder. I had written just 20 assignments until now. But Riya’s number had saved us.

  In all this process, I had forgotten all about mom! She wanted to know who Riya was and why her name was on my folder. I really hoped the driver had not told her anything about that day. About whatever we had done in the rickshaw. After having a cup of tea, he left.

  ‘Who is Riya? Why is her name on your folder?’

  ‘Mom, she is my friend and she is slightly mad. She does all these sort of silly things. She wrote her name and cell number just for fun.’

  ‘Don’t tell me she is just a friend. If she is just a friend, what were you doing with her in the rickshaw?’

  Oh my God! I was gone. I was numb. I did not know what to say. Did that driver tell my mom what we did? Bloody idiot! It would have been better if I had to write 50 more assignments than face this scene.

  ‘I did nothing.’

  ‘You went with her to R Mall. Why? What’s going on between the two of you?’ mom asked angrily.

  ‘Wait, I am calling her right now,’ mom said. She took her cellphone and dialled her number.

  I wanted to send her an SMS saying don’t pick up, but I could not. What will be Riya’s reaction? I hoped my mom wouldn’t get angry with her. What will she think about my mom?

  ‘Hello, this is Aditya’s mom. Thanks beta for telling that rickshaw driver the address.’

  I wish I could hear what she was saying. I was carefully observing the expressions on my mom’s face.

  ‘What were you two doing in R Mall? Just the two of you?’

  If I had consulted an astrologer, he would have surely said I would die in 10 minutes. This was unreal man.

  ‘Are you sure there is nothing between you two?’

  No way. No way could I survive. I was sure Riya would have panicked.

  ‘This should not happen again. Okay. Bye.’

  What should not happen again? Did she mean kisses? Did she mean we should never be alone together? I wanted to call Riya to enquire what had happened. What had she told my mom?

  ‘I dare you to repeat this thing again. Grow up and concentrate on studies. Exams are only 20 days away.’

  ‘I know, mom. Please don’t irritate me. I know what to do and what not to do.’ I went into my room and called up Riya.

  ‘Hey, what happened? What were you saying to my mom?’

  ‘Don’t worry jaan.Why do you get tensed so easily? Chill, yaar. I have handled everything. I told her we were not alone in R Mall. We went alone but our friends were waiting for us in the mall. I reached the station late and because I didn’t know the address, you waited for me and we reached the mall together. Okay? Now smile. Love you.’

  ‘Oh God! You saved me. I thought you would panic. You are the best. How can you be so good all the time?’

  ‘It’s your love which makes me good all the time. Miss you. See you in college. Wait near Priyanka Hotel. I will reach around 10.45 am, okay? Bye’

  We had to reach college by 11 pm to get our few assignments checked. We did it in an hour or so and I asked Riya where to go.

  ‘Let’s go to Grant Lane, Vashi. It will be fun. I will show you a nice place. Mini Chowpatty. Even I have not gone there. Only heard of it. Let’s give it a try.’

  ‘Hmm…Ya lets go by bus.’

  We started walking towards the bus depot. It was in sector 4, not far from my college. She had made fried rice for me. I must say she is a superb cook.

  We got a seat to sit in the bus. Grant Lane was about 15 kilometres away from college. As the bus left the depot, I told her to open her lunch box. I was desperate to have something cooked by her. She started feeding me with a spoon.

  ‘Liked it?’

  ‘Jaan, you are awesome. You are an angel. My pari. You can do anything in this world. Can’t you?’

  ‘No, I can just love you and that is more than enough for me,’ She said playing with my hair.

  ‘Why do you love me so much? Am I really worth it?’

  ‘Yes sweety, you are the only person worthy of it. I also don’t know why I love you. But I really care for you. I love to be with you. I love to play with your hair. I love the way you look at me. The innocence in your eyes brings me closer to you. You have a nice heart. You do not hide any thing from me. You are honest. I love this. And the way you proposed to me, I can never forget that in my life.’

  ‘Can anyone propose to you like I did?’

  She did not say anything. She just came close to me and gave me a sweet kiss on my neck. That said it all. No one could separate us now. Colours mixed once cannot be separated again. Our relationship was like those colours. It could not be separated.

  We reached Grant Lane, Vashi depot. We got into a rickshaw. Mini Chowpatty was hardly 5 minutes away. It was a quiet place. We had come to this place for the first time. We saw a few couples and some boys playing there. It was all very romantic.

  It was a big area. It had a lake. That’s why I thought it was called Mini Chowpatty. It had two gardens in front of the lake. They were well maintained. They had nice places for couples to sit. There were trees at the back and a nice lawn. We saw small huts at the back of the lakes. It was far away still we could see couples hanging out in those huts. It was really a romantic place. We loved it. There was a stall of Chinese food also. I found the place the best one to hang out with a girlfriend. Moreover, there were no street boys who passed lewd comments at women. Therefore, it was not a cheap place either. The biggest advantage was there were no residential buildings beside it.

  ‘Riya, this is an awesome place. We will come here regularly. What you think? Do you like it?

  ‘Yes, I love this place. It is so quiet here. So romantic.’

  We sat in the garden and looked at the view. I put my head on her lap and slept. She was playing with my hair. I was looking into her eyes and she into mine. She started playing with my eyelids. Each time she touched me, it felt like she was touching me for the first time. It was so sensual. It made me smile. She kissed me on my forehead. I was really enjoying each moment with her. I wanted to give her all the happiness that I could. I was satisfied with my life after meeting Riya. I never realized when I fell asleep.

  When I woke up, she was still looking at me and stroking my face. ‘Jaan, when did I doze off? Why didn’t you wake me up?’ I got up and sat beside her.

  ‘I was looking at you. You slept for almost 20 minutes. And I lived my life in these 20 minutes looking at you. I can tell you where each small black spot is on your face and on your neck. You look so cute when you sleep. Therefore, I did not wake you up. Love you.’

  ‘Love you too.’

  For some strange reason she used to like my neck. She would always kiss it. She used to put her hand around it gently and say it was hers. Only she had the right to touch it. ‘What’s there to like in it?’ I would ask her. But she never told me the reason. I knew she was different from other girls. Crazy is the right word.

  ‘Riya. I am going to teach you computer programming now’

  ‘Aa
di…please….I don’t want to study now. I want to talk to you. Please Aadi.’

  ‘Stop it Riya. Exams are getting close and this subject is a little tricky.’

  I forced Riya to sit on the grass and open her books. She never loved studying. Nobody does. Even I did not. But we had to study since exams were getting closer. I started teaching her the basics of programming—command, directories etc. After explaining the same concept to her a dozen times, she would still say she had not understood a word. But I wouldn’t give up until I had taught her a few basic things.

  Since it was late in the evening, we decided to come home by train instead of bus since that was a safer option. It was already 8 pm. Riya got down from the train at Aerol and I continued my journey back home. Each day with her was like honey. Sweeter and sweeter. I never thought I could love anyone so much.

  When I reached home, I was greeted by an angry mother on the door.

  ‘Why are you so late? Were you with Riya?’ mom asked me angrily.

  ‘Mom, I had told you I had class. Didn’t I?

  ‘I thought you bunked and went to the Mall.’

  ‘Mom you are too much. Give me something to eat now and let me sleep.’

  How do mothers know everything about their sons? I couldn’t hide anything from her. My eyes and expressions would say it all. However, somewhere I knew she liked Riya.

  Sleepless Nights

  Submission time is the worst time in engineering. It gets worse if your attendance is low. I knew my attendance was low in Chemistry. I had to submit two experiments as well. I was worried as to what would the response of the teacher be when she came to know about my attendance and experiments. She anyway did not have a good impression about me.

  By the time I reached college, the submissions had started. I went to the Chemistry teacher and told her about my status in the subject.

  She smiled and said, ‘No problem child, its okay. Come next year for submission. Why you want to do it so early. Enjoy yourself for a year and then come for submissions.’

  I almost had tears in my eyes. I requested her to accept my submissions. However, she was firm in whatever she said. Riya too was not with me. She was busy with her submission elsewhere. I wanted her near me. Her support meant a lot to me. I called her up. She was busy in the BEE lab. I was standing outside the Chemistry lab waiting for the teacher’s opinion to change. But she remained firm in her descision and told me to leave. I left the Chemistry lab and went to give all the other submissions which went off smoothly. Riya had finished her submissions by then.