Few Things Left Unsaid

by Sudeep Nagarkar

  ‘You’re looking no less sexy in your sherwaani. Love you too,’ she said.

  We spent some time in Grant Lane and came back to college. When I reached college, I saw that Sameer was giving a rose to some girl but she rejected his proposal. He tried hard to convince her. I felt sad for him.

  Then came the Annual Day—the day for which we had waited for a long time. it was the last day of celebrations. We had a fashion show and a DJ night too. There was a competition of eating the maximum chillies on stage. Everyone was forcing me to participate in the competition and I finally gave in to their request.

  There was another boy in the competition against me. The anchor made his customary announcement, ‘The two of you have to eat as many chillies as possible in 1 minute. The one who eats the maximum number of chilles in 1 minute will get 1000 rupees. Your time starts now.’

  I started eating. Three chillies down, my mouth was burning. Another chilly and it was on fire. What the fuck! I wanted to quit right there and then. I wanted to urgently use the washroom. I could not handle the pressure. The match was over. I lost. There was no chance for me to win.

  ‘Please let me go to the washroom,’ I requested soon after the competition was over.

  My mouth was burning. I drank a full bottle of water and went to the washroom.

  ‘You idiots. I am screwed. Give me more water,’ I said to everyone.

  ‘Drink, my bachcha. I can feel what you are going through. I am loving it.’ Riya was laughing at my condition.

  Even though I was suffering, I had atleast succeeded in making them laugh. We had enjoyed ourselves very much the day. Riya was with me. My friends were with me. We had had lots of fun. I felt like I was complete. I had good friends to fall back on, my love, and the college life I always wanted.

  Meeting Riya’s Friends

  Neha and Riya had been close friends since school days. Neha had been in the same school as Riya and they were now in the same college. Since they were in different sections, they did not get an apportunity to interact much during college hours. Neha had shifted to Hyderabad for two years and was now back in Mumbai for higher studies.

  Once when Riya and I were standing near the bus depot, we saw her walking towards us. Riya called out to her and introduced us.

  ‘Hi Neha. How have you been? This is Aditya. We are from same division. Actually…we are dating and love each other very much.’

  ‘Hi, Aditya. Beware of her. Don’t regret your decision to be with her later,’ she said light-heartedly.

  ‘Don’t worry, I won’t regret ever. And the day I will regret it, I will call you and tell you that you were right.’

  Riya gave me an angry look. I apologized. We all laughed.

  ‘What is up with you? What about your relationship with Amit?’ Riya asked her.

  ‘Oh, you still remember him. Great. I thought you must have erased his name from your memory.’

  ‘Are you crazy. How can I? He used to love you so much. How is he now? Does he look the same? I haven’t seen him since the last 3 years.’

  ‘Lucky you. I am waiting for him. He is coming in 5 minutes.’

  From their conversation, I came to know that he also lived in the same locality as Riya and Neha. He fell in love with Neha during school days though their relationship began after school, but as Neha moved to Hyderabad, they lost touch. Now they were both together. True love, I thought. After living separately for 2 years, they were still together. I admired them and their relationship.

  ‘There he is,’ said Neha pointing at him. He was too far. We could not see him clearly. As he came closer, I observed him carefully.

  He was tall. Taller than me. Maybe 5 feet 10 inches. Dark complexioned. Muscled body. A very odd shirt though. Pink in colour. I thought he looked gay. He was wearing black aviators and Nike shoes.His low waist jeans were ripped at the bottom.

  ‘This is Amit. My Amit,’ said Neha grabbing his waist and leaning on him.

  On seeing Riya he said excitedly, ‘Riya is this really you? I cannot believe this. Oh my God. Where were you for so many years? I am seeing you after such a long time.’

  What does he mean by ‘where were you for so many years’? I thought angrily to myself. She is mine, you gay. Only mine.

  Riya replied, ‘My goodness. You have changed a lot since the last time I saw you. Really. Back then you were so thin. You have put on weight now. Nice muscles.’

  I looked at my muscles. I felt insecure as I did not have any. Do muscles mean everything? Why does any one need muscles in the first place? If you are smart looking, intelligent, and have power in your rod, why should you need muscles? Moreover, if you can understand what your girl wants from you, why need muscles?

  ‘Meet him. This is Aadi…my jaan. My everything. I love him beyond words can describe,’ said Riya finally introducing me.

  I said an awkward hi to him. His reaction was no different. It was the same as mine. Maybe he was thinking why Riya had chosen me. I wanted to tell him because I was not gay like him and would never wear a pink T-shirt. However, I kept mum.

  What was happening to me? Why was I getting so insecure? I told myself to calm down. Riya was mine. Maybe I was feeling so because she had appreciated a man in front of me for the first time. But somewhere at the back of my mind, I knew I was her one and only jaan. That made me feel much better.

  ‘Where are the two of you going? We are going to have something in the restaurant. Do you want to join us?’ Riya asked them.

  I looked at Riya in anger. Why do you want the two of them? Let them go their way. We will go our way. I wanted privacy. I did not want to indulge in stupid conversations with the both of them. I was the stranger here since all of them knew each other from before.

  Neha and Amit agreed.

  Superb! Excellent! Bloody idiots! Don’t you understand Riya asked you just for formality? Who is going to foot the bill? I will not pay a single penny. Let Amit pay it. He wanted to join us, right? What the hell? Riya looked at me. She knew what I was thinking. She gave me a sweet smile. I knew she did not want them to come but had to do it out of courtesy. However, fools will be fools. Who can change them?

  We ordered some snacks.

  ‘Amit doesn’t have oily food. He is health conscious,’ Neha added.

  Oh really, so what can we do? Keep your Amit in your showcase as a showpiece. A HEALTH CONSCIOUS MAN.

  I called the waiter on purpose and placed my order. ‘Bring me paav bhaaji,’ I said to him.

  ‘Anything more, sir?’ he asked.

  ‘Yes, put some more oil. I like oily food.’ They all stared at me. Riya pinched my thigh under the table. I looked at her and gave her a broad smile. She knew what I was trying to do.

  They were chatting about school days. I was sitting quietly watching them talk about old stuff from school about which I had no clue. What was I supposed to say? Again, Neha started with ‘my Amit’ stuff.

  ‘We have to leave early. Its time for my Amit’s gym,’ she said playing with his short hair.

  I was irritated. I was losing control. Riya gestured with her eys for me to calm down. My Amit, my Amit, my Amit! I thought he was her pussycat or some pet. How she went on and on about him was disgusting.

  We left after some time.

  ‘Jaan, I hate this. Why did they have to join us? You know I don’t like all this,’ I said angrily.

  She answered me with a kiss in the middle of the road. It was a small kiss, but it was enough to calm me down.

  A Day of Surprises

  February 26. Riya and I had decided to spend the entire day together. It was my first birthday with her. We had decided to go to Grant Lane. We met each other at 11 am at Aerol Depot. We went there by bus. She had two surprises for me. I was excited. I wanted this day to be special.

  As the bus left Aerol, she gave me a white rose. I was really touched by her thoughtfulness.

  ‘Why white rose jaan?’ I asked her.

  ‘We have been fighting so much
these past few days. So I wanted to give you a white rose to say that I really don’t want us fighting in future.’

  ‘You are a sweetheart.’ I was really touched by her first gift. It was such a special way to express her love.

  After a few minutes, she took out something from her bag. I watched her carefully. She was looking at me and smiling.

  ‘Now what? How many gifts have you brought along?’ I was excited.

  ‘Bachcha, have patience. Close your eyes,’ she said putting her hand over my eyes.

  She placed something in my hand and asked me to open my eyes. I lifted the lid to see that there was a dark pink rose this time. This was so touching. She was really making my day more beautiful with each passing second.

  ‘What is this for?’ I did not know the significance of a dark pink rose.

  ‘This is to thank you. Thank you for whatever you have done for me so far and for being with me.’

  ‘Thanks.’ She had again left me speechless. I kissed her on the cheeks.

  We reached Grant Lane. As we sat in the auto, she again put her hands in the bag. Now what? Is this a dream?

  ‘Hey, you said you had just two gifts. Now what is it?’

  She pulled out a lavender colour rose from her bag. It was my third rose of the day in the last 40 minutes. Why did she love me so much?

  ‘Jaan what has happened to you? When did you plan all this?’

  ‘You just enjoy your birthday. I will keep making it more special.’

  ‘You have already made it special, jaan.’

  ‘What does this colour mean?’

  ‘This means love at first sight. I loved you from the day I first saw you. From the day our eyes met, when I entered the classroom. I started loving you from that day onwards. I wanted you to be mine from that moment itself. Love you so much.’

  We got down from the auto and there she was again in front of me with a yellow rose. I wanted to cry now. I just could not believe my eyes.

  We hugged each other so tightly that alll the passersby looked at us. We did not care. This time I knew the meaning of the yellow rose. It meant she cared for me. She did care for me. A lot.

  We entered the garden and sat on a bench. I was just looking into her eyes. I wanted to forget every fight I had had with her. I wanted to forget all those times I had doubted her. I kissed her. For the first time while kissing her, I closed my eyes. As I opened my eyes, I saw a red rose kept on my bag which was kept beside me.

  She handed over the rose to me and said:

  ‘I love you a lot. I love you more than anything in the world. There may be many girls who will love you in future. But trust me, you will never get a girl like me who will do all these things for you. And I am not doing these things to show you that I am the best but I am doing this because you are the best. You are the best possible thing that could have ever happened in my life. My love for you is increasing day by day. Let’s get married.’

  After a pause she said, ‘I know we can’t. However, I want to be with you for 24 hours atleast. From the time you wake up until the time you sleep.’

  I grabbed her and gave her a tight squeeze. I couldn’t control myself and bit her on her lips. She cried in ecstasy. She was mine…just mine. No one could have her in their life now.

  We were both lost in our world. I went to order some food from a nearby dhaba. I ordered veg chilly and told the man to bring it to the garden. As I walked towards the bench, I saw that she had kept a cake on the bench with a candle on it. On it was written ‘To my sweet cute bachhu.’

  This time I could not stop my tears. She stood up and came close to me. She gave me the warmest hug. Each moment was special. I blew out the candle and cut my birthday cake. I forced the first piece into her mouth. She was unable to speak. She did the same with me. It was a small cake and both of us gobbled it up. After eating the cake and veg chilly, I slept with my head on her lap. I was looking into her eyes and she was weeping. I could not stop my tears as well.

  We relaxed ourselves on the bench in each other’s arms. I saw the time. It was 4 pm. We had slept for almost 2 hours. Her head was on my chest. I did not get up. I wanted to see her sleeping. On the previous occasion, she had not woken me up. It was my turn now. She finally woke up after 15 minutes.

  ‘Jaan, it’s half past four. We have slept for almost 2 hours. Thank god our belongings are safe.’

  ‘Oh my God. What are you saying? But don’t worry…we still have a few hours left to ourselves. Let me show you something.’

  One more rose? I would have fallen down on the grass. So many gifts. So many surprises.

  ‘Bachcha enough. I am already full of gifts. Why do you love me so much?’

  ‘Because you are special.’ She took out a plastic bag from her purse.

  It was a green T-shirt from Pepe Jeans. I knew it was expensive. From where did she get so much money?

  This time I hade no words to explain what I felt.

  Now it was my turn. It was my turn to give her something. She had done so much for me. Now I would return the favour. Even I had a few things in mind for her that evening.

  We left Grant Lane at about 5 pm and went to Neel restaurant. I had searched for that restaurant earlier on the Internet. I had informed the manager about all the arrangements.

  We reached the destination. I told her to wait. I went inside and confirmed with the manager if everything was ready.

  I called Riya inside. It had a long, dark passage. There were two tables in the hall that gave complete privacy to couples. It was surrounded by ply from three sides and it had a round table at the centre with two chairs. It also had a fancy candle placed at the centre and rose petals sprinkled on top of it. There were a few other people dining in the restaurant.

  However, we had our own space since I had booked one of the two tables that gave full privacy to us. I had asked them to arrange for a candlelight dinner.

  This time there were tears in her eyes. She pinched my hand so hard that it hurt me. She wanted to kiss me but could not because the waiter was coming to take the order. I told the waiter to play our special song.

  Tujhe dekh dekh sona…

  As the song started, she could not stop herself from kissing me.

  ‘Did you like my surprise? I know this is nothing compared to what you did for me today,’ I said

  ‘No sweetheart, you are the best. If I combine all the gifts that I gave you, they were nothing in front of what you did for me right now.’

  My surprises were not over yet. One surprise remained. We left the restaurant after a nice dinner and reached Grant Lane station. This was something which could backfire and go against me. However, I was willing to take the risk.

  When the train reached Aerol, Riya was about to get down but I stopped her. She told me she was getting late. Still I told her to come with me. We reached my area and then my apartment. Mom opened the door. She was surprised to see together. Mom was alone at home. We sat in the hall. Mom brought us two glasses of water.

  I said, ‘Mom I love Riya. I love her very much. We love each other very much.’

  My mom was shocked. She hadn’t seen this coming. Riya’s jaw dropped as she was stunned with the last surprise of the day.

  A Nervous Meeting

  More than 30 minutes had passed and there was still silence in the room. I was sitting on the sofa. Mom and Riya were sitting on a couch. Mom first looked at me and then at Riya. I was trying to read her mind. Finally, I broke the silence.

  ‘Mom say something. Please. I really love her.’

  My mom had always been frank with me. We were more like friends than mother and son and I shared almost everything that mattered to me with her. I wanted her to support me. I wanted her to accept Riya as my girlfriend.

  ‘Is this your age to get married? Do you even know what love is? Bunking colleges and roaming around hand in hand, watching movies…do you think this is love?’

  ‘Mom I don’t know what it is. But the one thing I do know
is that I like her. I want her to be with me.’

  ‘Do whatever you want. What can I say?’ she said looking visibly upset.

  Riya directed me to go inside. I went without saying anything. Maybe in my absence mom would talk to Riya frankly about me. Or it could be the other way round too.

  I left my bedroom door ajar and was listening to their conversation. ‘When did all this start? What exactly happened? And how far have you gone in your relationship?’ mom asked Riya.

  ‘Aunty, I know I may be wrong. You have seen more of life than us kids. Nevertheless, we seriously like each other. I don’t know when or how it happened, but it did. And we have been in a relationship since November. He helped me in my studies or whenever I was in trouble. He is very nice to me. I do not know if this is love or not. But …’

  ‘So you’ve been together since November? I knew something was brewing between you two ever since Aditya started coming late to home. But I never confronted him about it as I wanted him to concentrate on his exams. What are you both up to? First learn to earn money and stand on your own feet, then indulge in all these things.’

  ‘Aunty, I know this is not the right age for all this. But if you try to separate both of us, it would affect our semester. Aunty, do not worry, I will take care of him. Seriously, I will not let him deviate from studies. Please trust me.’

  I saw mom’s face break into a smile and I was relieved. I wanted to hug her. She had accepted Riya after all.

  I went outside for I could not hide my happiness.

  ‘So you heard everything, didn’t you? I am your mom. So don’t act smart with me,’ she chided.

  She told me that education should always be my first priority and all the rest could come later. I accepted all her terms and conditions. After all, she had accepted my Riya.

  Riya was very happy. We chatted for sometime and then I dropped her home.

  Our relationship had moved one more step ahead.

  I dreamt of getting engaged to her. A hall filled with family and friends. When she would ask me what kind of a wedding I wished for, I would answer, ‘Nothing special. Just one that makes me your husband legally at the end of the day.’