I saw Riya’s result. She had got 1 KT in BEE. Swapnil and Anup had passed.
‘Hey Sameer, don’t worry. we will do something. Just chill,’ I consoled him.
‘I cannot believe I have failed. My papers were not so bad. So how have I scored in 30s? Mumbai University sucks yaar! They don’t show any kindness towards students. This is the most fucked up university ever,’ Sameer cried out in frustration.
‘Don’t worry. Give your papers for rechecking. Maybe it was a mistake on their part,’ Riya said to Sameer.
We bunked the next few classes and left home early that day. My parents were happy with my result. I was officially in the second year now. But I still could not believe how I could have got 1 KT in Maths 2. Maybe Sameer was right after all. College sucks.
Dad gave me permission to take my Honda Activa to college from thereon. It was getting boring going by train everyday. Having one’s own vehicle is always better for it is time saving and hassle free. Even Riya’s parents were ready to purchase a new two-wheeler for her. She wanted to buy a Scooty Pep. She asked me which colour would look nice. I told her to buy one in red, my favourite. A red hot and spicy girl on a red Scooty Pep. The only thing that was killing me was that I could not be with Riya during the lectures.
The seniors had warned us that the second year Electronics branch was the worst branch in college. They had also warned us about a particular professor who was very strict. Shinde sir. He taught Electronics Design. ECAD 1. The subject was very complicated. Our seniors had told us to attend as many of Shinde sir’s lectures as we could.
We were sitting in class for Shinde sir’s first lecture when he entered the classroom. He was on the shorter side. Formally dressed, a folder in his hand, he entered the class as if he was the king of the college. Plus, he had a big belly that was portruding from his shirt. Everybody stood up to greet him in unison. He placed the folder on the table and started taking our attendance.
‘Listen up everybody. I won’t manipulate the attendance at the end of semester. So try and attend the maximum number of lectures you can. Those who have less than 75 percent attendance won’t be allowed to make their final submissions. The rest is up to you. So let’s start with the subject,’ he said.
His warning made me think twice. His voice had such an impact that there was pin drop silence in the classroom. No one uttered a single word throughout the lecture. For the next one hour that he taught us, he did not smile even once. But he taught us well. The best I had seen so far since last year. Nevertheless, I knew he would kick our asses if we were not regular. I met Riya after the class and told her about Shinde sir.
We decided to go for a walk in the campus lawns. ‘Riya, I have been thinking about something since the last few days and wanted to share it with you now,’ I said.
‘What is it? Is there any problem?’ Riya was staring at me.
‘There’s no problem as such. I was thinking we should concentrate on our studies now. It’s the second year. And now that we have enrolled ourselves into this fucking engineering course, let’s do it seriously. We can’t look back now; let us study hard before it gets too late. I am not saying we will stop meeting or anything, but just that we should devote more time to our studies.’
‘I think you are right. Even I was thinking about this. But the truth is that I cannot live without meeting you or spending some time with you.’
We decided to start studying regularly from that day onwards. I was more regular than Riya. We used to meet before and after college, as well as in between breaks. But gradually things changed. Earlier I used to bunk my last lecture and meet her. But with the pressure of studies looming large over our heads, our meetings turned into a rarity.
Our Head of Department changed the timetable and shifted Shinde sir’s lecture from 5 pm to 6 pm. This made my life worse. I used to come to college in the morning for practicals that went on till 6 in the evening. Riya was initially upset when she found out about my revised timings, but she did not say anything. I convinced her by saying that I would meet her after college until 7 pm and then go home. That calmed her down a bit.
It was tough for me too. Last year, Riya and I were together all day long. From morning till evening. Even after college we used to be together for an hour. But this was getting impossible now. We could hardly manage a few minutes together.
I used to reach home around 7.30 pm. For two days a week I had classes at 7 pm. On those days we could not meet at all. The schedule became too hectic for me to handle. I used to be extremely stressed out by the end of the day. Riya and I tried to steal a few minutes with each other by talking on the phone at night. She used to call me around 11 pm after our parents had retired to bed. But sometimes I would be so tired by the end of the day that I would forget to take her call.
‘Aadi…this is too much. I can’t handle this,’ Riya complained one day. You have to talk to me today. I do not want to listen to a single excuse. I don’t care if you are tired. Please Aadi…I love you. This is really difficult. I am so used to listening to your voice and having you around. I am used to your touches, your sweet talk. Please.’
‘I know jaan. Even I can’t do without talking to you. But I get so tired by the time I return home that I fall asleep as soon as I put my head on the pillow. But I promise not to do that today.’
After about 30 minutes, I told her that I was feeling sleepy.
‘Fine. You don’t want to talk to me. Go to hell! I am mad to love you so much. Even I am tired Aadi… You think as if you are the only one attending lectures. It’s not like I’m sitting at home and doing nothing. Why do you create so much hype out of small things? I don’t get to see you or talk to you in the mornings, but now you don’t want to talk during the night as well. Fine then. Get lost. Bye. I hate you!’ It was the first time I had seen her so angry.
She was not wrong on her part, but I couldn’t do anything about it. I was not used to this schedule. Attending lectures without Riya was boring. Even Sameer and the rest of the gang was missing.
I fell asleep as soon as she put the phone down. I could not keep my eyes open. Everything was getting worse. Everything seemed to be different. I got up in the morning and checked my cellphone. The screen flashed 26 missed calls and 8 new messages.
Oh, shit! I thought Riya had gone to sleep last night. I should have waited for her call. But I didn’t. Now it would culminate in a big fight. I checked that her last call had come at 4.30 am and her last message was sent at 4.40 am. I checked the time on the wall clock. It was 9 am. I immediately called her up and heard an automated voice say, ‘The mobile you are trying to reach is currently switched off.’
I knew she was angry. I became tensed and prayed for everything to be okay. I kept on calling her but there was no response. Dejected, I left home for college. I tried my luck again after reaching college and called her one more time before my first class. This time she picked up the phone.
‘Hey jaan…my wife…I am so, so sorry. I thought you had slept yesterday. Forgive me. This will never happen again,’ I pleaded with her admitting my mistake.
‘Let it be, Aadi. Keep the phone down. I don’t want to talk to you,’ she said in anger.
‘Please jaan. I…’ Before I could finish the sentence, she disconnected the call.
I called her again but she did not pick up the call. I went to her classroom and saw her sitting in a corner with a sad face. The lecture had not started yet. I somehow convinced her to come out of the classroom and talk to me. But she started looking in some other direction. I was continuously apologizing to her. But she was so angry, she didn’t pay any heed to my apologies. Finally, I took her bag from the classroom and started walking away.
‘Aadi… what are you doing? I do not want to go anywhere. Please,’ she said running after me.
I stopped and smiled at her. But she was in no mood to smile and bit her lower lip in anger. I loved her in that mood too.
‘This angry look of yours suits you,’ I sai
d pinching her cheeks. She reluctantly started walking beside me but didn’t talk. We were walking towards the bus stop. I thought of calling Amit and Neha to come along with us. I knew Riya would not talk to me if it was just the two of us. I called up Amit and asked him, ‘Are you free?’
‘I am with Neha in Aerol. What happened? Any work?’ he replied.
‘I am going to Grant Lane with Riya. Do you want to join us?’ I looked at Riya. She gave me a what-do-you-think-you-are-doing look. I kissed her cheeks. She still looked as angry as before.
Amit agreed to come along with Neha. By the time they came, I was still trying my best to convince Riya to let go and not be a spoilsport. But it was of no use. I told Neha to have a word with Riya. I had messaged Amit about our fight and he knew everything that was happening. Amit and I went to get water, giving Neha time to talk to Riya while we were gone. By the time we came back, I was really happy to see a smile on Riya’s face. Neha had succeeded in convincing her. I hugged her tightly in front of them. I was in seventh heaven when I saw her smile. I could have died a thousand deaths for that smile. It felt extremely good to patch up after so long. She kissed me on my cheek and said sorry. I was in tears.
‘Please jaan… Never do something like this again. I can’t live without you. Please. You don’t know what was going through in my heart all this while. I really love you a lot. I am sorry, I won’t ever do something like this again. Love you.’
‘Will I hurt you? Nah, never. Love you? Forever. Defend you? In every heartbeat. Hate you? Impossible.’
We went and sat in the garden. A passsionate kiss after a big fight felt really good. Fondling each other after a fight was better. Feeling each other up after a fight was the best. Romance was in the air.
‘Jaan…I thought I had lost you. I was really tensed. Please let’s not get angry with each other ever again,’ I said and put my head on her lap.
‘Bachcha, what are you so afraid of? Don’t forget that we are married now. I can’t leave you. We had taken a vow of never fighting with each other and I broke the second promise today. I am really sorry. But I did not have any other method of getting your attention. You never listen to anyone unless a proof is provided to you. I am sorry. You think you’re the only one who cried? I was crying all of last night. I love you more than you love me.’
She is an angel, I thought. She had made my day by saying this. Love you my sweetheart.
Neha and Amit, who had gone off to grab a bite at the nearest dhaba, came and joined us.
‘Done with your fights?’ Amit asked looking at Riya.
‘Yes it’s over. We’ve realized we can’t live without each other,’ Riya replied.
‘Aadi…you have changed Riya. She was not like this in school. You have seriously changed her a lot,’ Amit said looking at Neha and laughed.
‘What do you mean I have changed her? She has changed me. Had she not been there, I would have left engineering for sure,’ I said.
‘She was very mischievous in school. I remember many of my friends used to like her. However, she never cared for anyone except that guy…what was his name Riya?’ Amit asked.
‘I don’t remember. What are you talking about? I never ‘cared for’ anyone. You must have been mistaken,’ Riya replied almost apologetically, like she had done something wrong and had been caught red handed.
‘Remember our class picnic to Alibagh? The time when you went out for a walk on the beach with that guy. You had slept on his lap all through the night. Remember?’ Amit asked.
Riya and I were staring at each other. What was Amit talking about? Riya had never mentioned anything like this before. She had slept on someone’s lap for the whole night at Alibagh beach! What was I hearing?
‘What are you saying, Amit. You’re joking, right?’ I wanted him to say he was joking.
‘I am dead serious man. I thought Riya had told you about this. Anyway forget it. Let’s leave. It’s getting late,’ said Amit giving me an apologetic look, that told me he was sorry for what he had blurted out by mistake. He told me not to make this an issue to fight on. However, I couldn’t stop myself. Amit and Neha were walking ahead of us.
‘What is this Riya? You slept with someone? For the whole night? Did you think I will never get to know about this and it will be forgotten?’ I was losing my mind over this.
‘Bachcha…I never slept with anyone. Are you mad? I am only yours. How can I do such a thing? I had rested my head on his lap for merely five minutes. He is like a brother to me.’
‘I don’t care about that. Who is he? Why did you hide this from me? You should have told me that you slept with him.’
‘Are you mad? I am telling you I did not sleep with anyone and you’re saying I should have told you. He is like my cousin. I didn’t have any feelings for him.’
I did not want to fight with her at that moment. She was almost on the verge of tears. I could not see her crying, so I changed the topic and pulled her closer to me. She rested her head on my shoulders in the bus and dozed off. I kept running my fingers through her hair. A million thoughts were running in my mind. Things were getting worse. Lectures, classes, no time to meet, no time to call each other and talk for hours, frequent fights, and now this talk of her having slept with someone else. I decided to break all the promises I had taken with her in Siddhivinayak temple. I wanted to see if I could live without Riya. I loved her. However, I wanted to test myself. I wanted to test my fate. It was decided then—I was going to break up with Riya. Maybe it was the worst decision I could take but I did take it.
Can’t Be Separated
There is nothing more difficult than breaking up a relationship. What had begun with mutual attraction, followed by excitement and joy, had somewhere along the way turned out to be the reason for my discomfort. Whatever the reasons, it was enough for me to conclude that breaking up was the only thing left to do. To be the one whose decision it was to break up in the first place is a very difficult position to be in. It made me feel guilty, like I was going to do something very wrong. But every good thing must come to an end. Maybe ours was a hot, torrid, quick love that could only last till here and no more.
I messaged her.
Jaan, I love you. You can’t imagine how much I care for you; you provided direction to my life. However, a few disputes in the recent past have hurt me a lot. I tried to move on but can’t. I feel that the charm we had before is missing now. I have made a decision. I think we both should give ourselves some time to be alone. I am not saying I won’t talk to you or message you. But we should take a break. It’s time to think over it and see can if we can really clive without each other or not. I am sorry. Please take care of yourself.
She immediately called me. I avoided her call. My heart was crying but I had to do this. I was trying hard to go away from her. I wanted to see whether I could live without her or not. I was thinking of the night in Alibagh and what might have happened.
She was continuously calling and messaging. One of her messages brought tears in my eyes:
You used to say that your heart skips a beat when you see me, feel my touch, when I speak, when I smile. So what has happened to you now? Even my heart used to skip a beat when I used to see you. However, that one beat will give me a lifetime of tears now. I will never love again. I will never trust anyone again. I will always love you and wait for you. Miss you. Your so called bachcha. Your unofficial wife. Saying you final goodbye by kissing your ring.
I replied to her again.
Please do not cry jaan. For me at least. I have not gone too far. I am still with you. Just give me some time. Love you. Miss you.
When she came into my classroom the next morning, I could see her eyes were swollen. She must have cried the whole night. She still had tears in her eyes. I was feeling more guilty now. I told her not to cry. I wiped her tears. That made her cry even more. I played with her cheeks. And I saw a weak smile on her face. I again told her to give me few days to think over it.
I wanted to
tell everybody what had happened. I messaged Swapnil and the others to bunk the lecture and come to Aerol station. Once all of them came, I told them everything that had happened in last few days—our fights, the night out at Alibagh, and every other small detail. Finally, I told them that I had broken up.
Swapnil came to me and slapped me as hard as he could. I was shocked for a few minutes. Nobody spoke a word.
‘I had warned you in the beginning itself. She is a nice girl. She is like my sister. How dare you take this decision? She loves you so much and you are acting like a fool. You must have slept with her. Now you need someone else, right?’ Swapnil shouted.
‘It’s not that, yaar. You have misunderstood me. I still love her but I need more time to think it over. But you will never understand all this. I am leaving,’ I said and started walking back home. I was more upset now. I thought at least my friends would support me. But it didn’t seem like they would. I thought I had taken the wrong decision. But I couldn’t handle it now. She was calling me continuously on my way back home. I did not pick up a single call. I was more hurt than anyone else. However, no one understood why I was asking for time to think. My love for her was increasing day by day. I just wanted a few more days’ time to find out if it was really love or not.
I reached home. My phone was continuously vibrating. I lied down on my bed and checked my missed calls. I saw there were two missed calls from Neha and one from Amit. Riya must have told them about our breakup. I called Amit.
‘Hey Aadi… have you lost your mind? Why are you hurting Riya? She loves you so much. And as far as I know, so do you. Then why are you both hurting each other? You will leave her just because you think she slept with someone else in Alibagh?’ screamed Amit over the phone.
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