Few Things Left Unsaid

by Sudeep Nagarkar

  ‘What could I do? How could I save a broken relationship? Breaking up is a terrible, painful experience, no doubt, especially if you feel that you have lost the love of your life. Amit was with me in those days. He supported me when I needed someone whom I could rely on, whom I could tell how I was feeling. I tried contacting you. I tried messaging you. You never responded to any of my calls.’

  When she knew how it felt after a break up, why did she do the same thing to me? Was she taking revenge? When she knew how much pain it caused, why did she do the same to me? She felt that love of her life is lost? However, I felt like I had lost my life itself. ‘Please come back, jaan. Please come back. I need you. I am still your Aditya.’

  Riya hadn’t finished. ‘One of those days, Amit asked me to go on a bike ride with him. A long ride on his bike. I refused at first as I didn’t want to hurt you. When he asked me for the ride, I tried calling you. You messaged me not to disturb you. You wanted your studies. I was really upset that day. The next day Amit again asked me for a ride. I didn’t get any reply from you. So I accepted his offer. I wanted someone to share my feelings with. I thought spending some time with him would change my mood and help me brighten my mood. I met him at the depot. He was waiting for me with his bike. He had brought chocolates for me. It brought a smile on my face. I sat on his bike and we headed towards Palm Beach Road.’

  If anyone wanted to know how to take advantage of the sweetest girl in town, if any one wanted to know how to use the emotions of a girl, he should contact Amit. He never once thought about Neha before asking her for a ride. What about her love? Did she mean nothing to him? What was happening? Why was Amit doing this? I wanted to hit him straight on his dick! How could he do this?

  ‘He was driving too fast. I avoided holding him but I had to as he was driving fast. I got hold of him by his waist. It brought tears ito my eyes. It was the first time I had touched someone other than you after you had come in my life. I was feeling awkward. I told him to slow down. He did. I removed my hand from his waist. He made me smile, he made me laugh. After an hour or so, we left for Sea Woods.’

  This is unreal. This can’t be happening to me. I wanted to pinch myself to believe whether it was a bad dream or something so I could wake up and it would all be over. But I knew it was all too real. My girlfriend went on a long drive with another guy! What could be worse than that? The worst part was that bloody guy was my friend. How could Riya do this to me? How could Amit allow Riya to do this?

  ‘As we reached Grant Lane, I said “Where are we going Amit? It’s late.” He told me “I wanted to tell you something about Neha. Let’s go to that garden. We will leave in half an hour. Is it fine?” I told him it wasn’t a problem. But we will have to leave early. Otherwise you would have shouted at me. By the time we reached the garden, it was already dark. We sat on a bench in one corner. He bought ice cream for me. As we were having the ice cream, he said, “Riya, I am not happy. I am not getting what I want. I am giving my best to our relationship but still I’m not happy.” I asked him what happened and if there was any problem or conflicts with Neha.’

  ‘He replied saying, “Yes. She does not give any respect to me. I wait for her bunking my college and she doesn’t care. She keeps making silly excuses. I call her in the break when she is with her friends. I really admire your relationship with Aditya.”’

  ‘I told him, “What admire? Can’t you see how Aditya is behaving with me? All charm in our relationship is gone.” He said “I always wanted a girl who would care for me, who would look after my little needs, who would understand my feelings and would love me more than anyone else in this world. When I will be with her, I will forget what is going around me. When she will hold my hand, I would feel like I have achieved everything in life. When I will kiss her, I would feel she is the only one I wanted. I wanted a girl like this.”’

  ‘I tried to convince him and said, “I really don’t see any good qualities in Neha. She is a very different kind of girl. Her priorities are different. Her life is different. I wanted a girl who would be with me for a lifetime, someone who would give me priority. During our schooldays, I thought Neha would be the girl who would fit this bill. But as it turns out, I was wrong. Today I think I took a wrong decision. The day I saw you, I instantly liked you. You were a changed girl. Anyone could fall for you at first sight. But I ignored you since I felt I loved Neha and she deserved another chance. But day by day, we came closer. We started talking during nights for hours. I really felt you were the girl I could trust. I didn’t know what was happening. I should not do this. I should ignore the temptation. I should have kept myself calm. I should have stopped my heart from falling for you. But I really could not. If you don’t like what I’m telling you, please tell me to stop and I will not repeat it again, I promise. Nevertheless, for now I want you. I want to feel you. I want to feel what was in you that was forcing me to do what I am going to do. I want to feel your lips.” said Amit staring at me.’

  Oh gosh! This was the extreme. If he had been standing in front of me, I would have killed him. How could he have done this? Our friendship meant nothing to him. The girl he wants to kiss means nothing to me? My feelings, my love—all of it were inconsequential for him. I had heard people change with time. But change to such extent? Is Riya really so innocent that she gave in to his promises so easily? Riya wake up! Open your eyes and see that this guy is fooling you. He just wants to get you into bed with him. Please jaan, wake up before it’s too late.

  Riya continued with her explanation and said, ‘I was shocked to hear about his feelings for me. Before I could react, he came closer and touched my lips. Before I could tell him that it was wrong, he felt my lips. Before I could tell him that I was committed to you, I felt his saliva in my mouth. Before I could tell him what we were going to do was wrong, he kissed me passionately. Before I could feel anything about you, he closed my eyes. Before I could stop myself, he was kissing me so passionately that I could not stop him. Rather, I could not stop my self from kissing him back. I still don’t know it was right or wrong. But I can still feel that moment. The way he looked in my eyes, I saw the same love that was in your eyes. Before I could resist, he went on kissing me…’

  I felt as if a thousand daggers had stabbed me in the heart. I had been shattered into pieces. Riya kissed him. Who of all the people? My so called ‘good friend’ Amit. My friend Amit kissed who? My sweetheart Riya? What was I doing? I was bloody listening to whatever happened like a fool. Did she enjoy it?

  ‘I stopped him finally. We did not speak a word after the kiss. Both of us had tears in our eyes. Both of us cried. We came closer. We kissed again. We hugged. All our pent-up frustration was releasing. I never wanted this to happen. I wanted you. I wanted my Aditya. My Mr Perfect. However, destiny had something else in store for me.’

  Now what was the use of saying she never wanted this to happen? It was real. Not a dream. Not a nightmare. She had kissed him. She had kissed my friend in the same garden where we had celeberated my birthday.

  Did I mean nothing to her?

  ‘We returned. We didn’t speak a single word. He left me near my house. I went home. I slept on my bed. I could not control my tears. I did not know why I was crying. In the last few days, I had cried for you. But today I was confused. Was it for you who betrayed me or was it because of Amit who had made me smile…?’

  ‘I still did not know why the tears came. But I loved you. I loved you like crazy and you can’t deny that fact. The entire college knew this.’

  He was wrong, very wrong. I was disappointed with him. He should not have taken advantage of my girlfriend. He should not have crossed the line. It was impossible to forgive him now.

  If the heart was the most important organ, then why did it break so easily? I would still forgive her. But Amit had made so much impact on her that she just ignored my love. She had forgotten everything.

  Pyaar mein ashk behate kyun hain…

  Do dil ek doosre ko tadpaate ky
un hain…

  Kehte hain pyaar zindagi hai…

  Toh phir pyaar ko khel banaate kyun hain…

  Riya’s Confession Continues

  ‘I was guilty. I wanted to tell you whatever had happened. I wanted to confess in front of you that I had kissed Amit. I never wanted to go away from you. If I had told you about the kiss, the distance between us would have increased. I didn’t want to lose you. Your one decision changed our lives.’

  ‘I decided not to go anywhere. It would have further brought him closer to me. I did not want to hurt Neha. She was my only good friend in college. I decided not to talk to him often. I started avoiding him, even though he was the only one after you who had made me smile.’

  ‘I could not forget our first kiss. I could not forget the feel of it. Why did you take the decision of going away from me? One decision of yours changed everything, jaan. I never wanted this to happen. I wanted to marry you. But you changed everything.’

  ‘Amit called me the next day. He wanted to meet me. He said, “Please forget whatever happened yesterday. I know you love Aadi. I know you can never be mine. But can we meet as friends? I want to see you.” I told him, “No Amit. I can’t. After whatever happened yesterday I can’t meet you. I don’t want to encourage you and be the reason for your breakup with Neha. Please. I am sorry.”’

  ‘I was confused. Why did I refuse to meet him? I should say I didn’t want to encourage myself. I was really frustrated and wanted to leave all the things behind. I wanted to forget you… But I thought it was bringing me closer to Amit.’

  ‘That night you called me. I was overwhelmed when I heard your voice. I was in tears. I could not stop them. You sang our favorite song: Tujhe dekh dekh sona…’

  ‘It made me cry even more. I could not say anything. I realized then that you were my true love. I realized that no one could replace you. I loved you jaan. I loved you a lot. I was excited to talk to you the next morning in class. I thought we could spend an entire day together. But you were leaving for Ratnagiri. I was upset after hearing this. I went home. I was checking my mailbox. God knows what came to my mind and I checked your mailbox too. I saw a mail in your draft. A girl named Muskaan had e-mailed you. It had been sent on September 16. It said:

  “Hi sweetie. I am missing you. I enjoyed every moment with you. You can make any girl feel special. Your body looks so hot when you are wet. I love you. I love your back. I can never forget the time we had a bath together. My bed is missing you. I want you right now on my bed. Please come back to my home. I am waiting.”’

  ‘I could not believe what I was looking at. You had never told me about Muskaan and that you had slept with her. You even had a bath with her! My blood pressure turned low. Doctors told me to take rest. I was shattered. I wanted someone with whom I could share all these things. But there was no one. I was all alone. I could have accepted you if you had told me this from the very beginning. But you didn’t. You lied to me. You had told me once that you had not been physical with any girl. You lied. I could never trust you. Things were getting worse between us. I loved you a lot. I was always so frank with you. Still you lied to me. It was a shock for me. I called Swapnil to ask him who Muskaan was. He told me everything about her. He told me every small thing he knew about you and Muskaan. He told me Muskaan was your girlfriend and that you were very close with her. She was from Delhi. She was your friend’s friend. He even told me he had asked you to tell me everything. But you didn’t.’

  ‘I could not forget what he told me. Muskaan was your girlfriend. This was the cheapest e-mail I had ever read and you are the cheapest guy too. You broke all the promises you had made to me. Each promise was broken:

  1. We will always be together… You left me alone.

  2. We will never fight…. You broke up with me.

  3. Our love will never fade…. You cheated on me.

  4. Trust…. I can’t trust you anymore.

  5. Respect for each other… You never understood my feelings.

  6. Forget each other’s past… Now I understand why this promise was taken.

  7. Good education… I never cared about it when I was with you.’

  ‘You broke all the promises, jaan. You broke my life into pieces. Some things happen even if we don’t want them to. And we have to accept them. Even I had to accept that you had changed. You were not my Aadi. You had changed a lot. You had created your own world. I was depressed. I wanted someone with whom I could share all these things. I could not control myself. I called Amit. I told him everything that I had seen. He asked me to meet him in Aerol. I went to meet him.’

  ‘He made me smile even in those difficult moments. I was getting attracted towards him. He tried to kiss me. But I didn’t allow him to. I was depressed. I wanted to be alone. This was the reason why I didn’t answer you when you left for Ratnagiri. I wanted to go away from you. I could never trust you. I called you so many times. But your phone was out of coverage area. You must have kept it in the offline mode on purpose.’

  ‘The next day Amit messaged me. He asked me to go on a date with him to south Mumbai. I agreed to go with him. I was waiting for him at the bus stop. He came with his bike. We left. We went to McDonald’s in south Mumbai. We enjoyed ourselves the entire day. After a long time I was laughing and having a good time. We went to Reclamations, Carter Road. It was good fun.’

  ‘It was 5 pm by the time we decided to return. Amit was driving his bike slowly. He was looking at me continuously in the rear view mirror. Even I was looking at him. I was holding on to him tightly from behind. Suddenly he put his hand on mine and his touch sent a shiver down my spine. We reached Aerol. I thanked him for the lovely day.’

  ‘He asked me, “Is it urgent for you to go home?”’ I said “No. Nothing like that. I have time. Why?”’

  ‘He answered, ‘We can go to my place. There is no one at home. Only if it’s fine with you.” I was confused. I was afraid to go to his home. Still I took up the offer. We went to his house. It was a small house with just one room. I sat on the sofa. He went inside the kitchen to make tea for me. A few minutes later, he came out with tea and bisucits on a tray. He placed the tray on the table and came and sat next to me. He moved closer to me, but I moved away from him.’

  ‘He complimented me on my looks and said, “You are looking so hot today, Riya. You are beautiful. You understand me so well.” We were both looking into each other’s eyes. I wanted to break all the barriers and go with him. I had started liking him. He sensed that. He squeezed my thighs and we kissed each other. We did much more than a kiss. We went all the way that day. I still don’t know if it was for revenge or I had started loving him. Maybe it was a mixture of both. I went home. Amit messaged me.:

  I wanted a girl like you. I always wished for a girlfriend like you. Can we be together? I love you. Listen to your heart. Don’t worry about the world. I am ready to face the entire world if you are by my side. Don’t think about what people say. Think and answer… I will wait.

  ‘I tried calling you again. But I got the same response. You must have been busy sleeping with someone. I thought about Amit’s proposal. And we came close and today we are together.’

  I was speechless. I could not speak a word. I had lost myself. I had lost everything. Still after hearing this why did my heart still love her. I wanted her back. I was ready to forgive her for whatever she had done in the last 5 days. All I could think of was what she had done for me in the last one year and not in the last 5 days. I wanted her badly. Jaan I love you. Please come back jaan. Please come back. I love you a lot.

  I wanted my Riya back.

  Mistakes

  So it was true. Riya was out of my life. Why did it have to end like this? I don’t understand how you could do this to me. I really didn’t deserve this. Just one more chance was all I asked for. Suddenly there were tears running down my face. And nothing could stop them from falling, you had left without saying a single word.

  I wondered why I had taken that
decision of leaving her for a few days. Those days changed my life forever.

  I told Neha about what had happened. She was in a state of utter shock. She told me Amit was ignoring her completely. Seeing her so upset brought tears to my eyes too.

  ‘How can Amit do something like this?’ I cried. ‘That man is a bastard. Tell him to fuck off.’ I was angry.

  ‘Please Aadi. Stop saying this. I will make him understand.’

  ‘There is no use making him understand now. They have gone too far in their relationship. But still I want my Riya back. He has just made a fool out of her.’

  ‘What do you mean by saying they have gone too far in their relationship? Are you insane? What are you saying!’ she cried.

  ‘They were together the entire day and then went back to his place together.’ She didn’t want to hear any further and kept the phone down.

  I knew how it felt hearing something like this about your love.

  She called me back again after a few hours.

  ‘Can you come to Aerol? I will talk to Amit. We will meet him. Please come. I can’t live like this anymore.’ She sounded depressed.

  I agreed to come. Even I wanted to talk to Amit. I had so many unanswered questions ready for him in my mind. I told Neha to call him while I was on the way. I told her to keep the call on conference. I wanted to hear what they were saying. I wanted to hear what was on his mind. She agreed to do as I said.

  I took my Activa and left for Aerol. I tuned on my radio. Neha called me. ‘Have you left?’

  I told her to call him up and not to tell him about the conference call. I told her to say that she was travelling and if any kind of disturbance was coming then that was because she was on the streets. She called Amit and put me on conference without telling him.

  Amit: ‘Why have you called? I am busy. Call me later.’

  Neha: ‘Please Amit. I want to talk to you. Aditya told me everything that is going on between you and Riya. Why did you do this?’