by Liz Johnson
And then it was quiet. Nate’s breathing was slow and measured as Danielle waited for him. Settled back into his side, she let her breaths match his rhythm and was almost lulled to sleep when he finally spoke.
“I’m glad that you and your dad were so close. It’s not like that with me and my dad.” He swallowed, and paused so long she wasn’t sure he would continue. “You know what I said before about fear?”
“Mmm-hmm.”
“Turning into him is my greatest fear.”
“What do you mean?”
“Man, my family is messed up. The guys just keep passing along to their sons traditions that aren’t worth passing on. It probably started before my grandpa, but he’s the first one that I know about. He was married to my grandma until my dad was about ten. Then he left them to marry a younger woman he’d been having an affair with. He left her a couple years later for an even younger woman. He died when I was really young, but my dad hated the man. Funny thing was, he was just like him.
“He treated my mom terribly. I mean, I thought everything was fine when I was a kid. I just thought she was sad. It wasn’t until I was in high school that I realized that even though he never left my mom, he’d had multiple affairs since they were first married.”
Nate shifted a little, and Danielle followed his line of sight to a picture of a girl on the beach hanging on the far wall. “It’s my greatest fear that I’ll end up like them. Sure, I want to be respected, but I want to be worthy. I want to be an honorable man. But I’ve already proven that I can’t get involved with a woman without hurting someone I care about. It’s what we Andersens do.”
His gaze dropped to meet hers as she twisted to look at his face. As though he could read in her eyes the question she couldn’t bring herself to ask, he said, “I was in college and met a girl who was really fantastic. At the time I thought I could break the cycle, but when I told her that I wanted to pursue a serious relationship, I found out that her best friend Georgia was really interested in me.” He tugged on the hair just above his temples and clenched his jaw.
“It was such a mess. Georgia and I were good friends. I really liked her a lot, but even with the best intentions I broke her heart. I asked my dad for advice, and he told me what I already knew. The men in my family break women’s hearts.” He sighed, finally turning away.
“Nate, listen to me. You are not your father. You are not your grandfather. You are an honorable man. Know how I know?” She didn’t wait for him to answer. “Because every night you walk me to my door and instead of coming in you go to the front office. The men you’ve described would never respect a woman enough to protect her from wagging tongues while keeping her safe from whatever else is out there. You’re a good man, Nate Andersen.”
His eyes darted toward the door as his forehead wrinkled. The muscles in his neck tightened, and he offered only a slight jerk of his head. “But this is different.”
“Really? How so?”
His eyes shot back to meet hers, but they stayed unreadable. “We’re not romantically involved.”
She twisted her hands in her lap, barely keeping them from lashing out at his ridiculous excuse.
“How you treat me is a testament to your character, to who you really are.” She swallowed thickly, trying to keep her emotions in check. After another swallow, she knew that if she didn’t lighten the mood, her emotions would get the better of her and she’d be no use in convincing him of his admirable qualities.
“Just look how nice you’ve been to me,” she chuckled, “even when I was being completely stubborn about the safe house.”
“But that could just be part of my job,” he parried, a glimmer of humor in his eyes. “You will recall that I was less then pleased with your proposition to stay in Crescent City.” His mock-formal tone made her giggle, so he continued. “What makes you think I’d be so gallant with a real date?”
The words hung in the air for several moments, and the planes on Nate’s face turned just a bit harder, as though he just realized what he’d said. He’s eyelids twitched, like he wanted to look away, but he didn’t.
She longed for the conversation to end, for Nate to get up and leave. At the same time, she couldn’t look away from him, as she knew she had the words to tell him the truth. Words she didn’t even like admitting to herself. Taking a quick breath, she let it out in a rush. “It’s been a long time since I could trust anyone. Once you get used to not doing it, it’s hard to let someone in again. But I trust you.”
Squeezing his hand that lay on his knee, she offered a gentle smile. “It’s the truth. You’re a trustworthy man. I know it, or I wouldn’t feel—”
Her cheeks suddenly burned, and she pressed her hands to her cheeks. Why did she let her feelings rush out without thought? She’d almost blurted out how much she cared for him.
Nate grinned impishly. He turned to face her and gently tugged on her wrists to pull her hands from her face. Then he used one finger to tilt her chin up, sinking the other hand into her hair.
“You’re turning red!” He laughed just before his lips covered hers.
Her head spun as he deepened the kiss, telling her that his feelings were definitely as strong as her own. He was gentle and considerate, but the electricity between them was undeniable. His arm slipped around her back and pulled her a little closer until their knees bumped.
It seemed the signal to pull back, but as soon as they separated, she missed the security in his contact. Leaning in again, she tried to show him how much she cared. How much she appreciated the man that he was. Just how honorable she thought he was.
This time Nate pulled back, putting his hands on her shoulders keeping her at arm’s length. His eyebrows pulled together, and he looked a lot more serious than she felt.
“I know I started this,” he admitted. “But I need to stop it, too. Being distracted can only end badly. Don’t forget there’s someone trying to find you. Someone who has no qualms about using brutal force. We have to be on our toes.”
FOURTEEN
Shooting himself in the foot would have been more productive than what he’d done the night before. Nate despised that he’d let himself do it again. He’d taken one look at the vulnerability radiating from Danielle’s face, and he’d given in and kissed her. Soundly.
Sure, he’d ended their kiss, but he also instigated it. Her sweet innocence and the embarrassed blush that covered her cheeks had sucked him in.
He was noticing a serious and disturbing trend about his time with her. His self-control was almost nil and his excuses were growing where she was concerned. His attraction was far beyond his control. One look into her chocolate-brown eyes—even if he knew they were just contacts—and he was lost.
But that was no way to accomplish his mission. He’d earned a reputation as a case-closer because he got the job done and stayed in control. Not because he found himself falling for every assignment. Of course, he’d never fallen for an assignment before.
Except maybe he was falling for this one.
But he was ruining her trust, hurting her by offering her the hope of a relationship with each kiss. He knew that their future was uncertain at best. And he respected Danielle far too much to keep leading her on, risking that her feelings might grow as strong as his.
So why was he doing it?
Nate gripped the steering wheel of his car as he drove back to the garage after catching a few hours of sleep at his apartment. He’d hardly slept at all in the shop’s office the night before. He’d tossed and turned, unable to find a comfortable position, his mind racing to remember the details of the kiss they’d shared. He’d looked and felt like a grizzly bear when Gretchen arrived at seven forty-five that morning, and instead of facing Danielle, he’d sent her a text message to tell her everything was fine, and he’d be back in a couple of hours.
Like a coward.
Which he knew he was.
His knuckles turned white on the wheel, and he clenched his jaw. “God, why is it that
I have no control over this attraction to Danielle? I’m pretty good at being in control here, and the last thing I want to do is hurt her. But You and I both know that I’m bound to mess up any relationship I’m in.
“I’ve never had feelings like this before. Feelings that I can’t ignore or push to the side. I’m feeling so far out of control on this one.”
He knew that God already knew the things in his heart, but sometimes he just wanted to say them aloud and admit the truth that ate at his gut.
All too soon, he was pulling into the parking lot at the garage. As he stepped out of the car, he heard the steady clanking of metal on metal behind the closed bay door. Gretchen sat behind the front desk and waved at him through the large windows on the front of the building. He waved and even managed to offer a modicum of a smile.
As he entered the office, he heard Danielle calling through the open door to Gretchen. “I just don’t understand him. One minute, we’re having a toe-curling kiss, and the next thing I know, he’s out the door. He didn’t even come to say ‘good morning’ today. He sent me a text message. Can you believe that?”
Nate caught Gretchen’s eye and held one finger up to his lips. She looked uncertain for a moment then offered a quick nod of her head.
Danielle dropped something on the ground and it clattered before she continued. “I just don’t know how to read him. I mean…it’s not like we’re dating. I don’t think.” Then as an afterthought, she added, “Not that I’d really know, seeing as how I’ve never really dated. But still. What on earth is he doing?”
“I don’t know, sweetie,” Gretchen called back. To Nate she sent a glare that demanded to know what exactly he was doing.
He’d be happy to tell her—to tell them both—if he had any idea himself. He hung his head, as ashamed of his actions as he could be.
“So you don’t know how he feels. How do you feel?”
Gretchen’s words made his head snap up just in time to catch her mischievous grin on the other side of the office. He responded with a halfhearted grin as they waited for Danielle to respond.
It was silent a long time before her soft voice carried from the large bay. “I used to think it didn’t really matter. I… I wasn’t in a good place for a relationship. In fact I’ve never really been in a serious relationship. I couldn’t because of…well…because I couldn’t. But for the first time since I moved here, I’m starting to wish things were different just so that part of my life would be, too.”
Gretchen looked confused, but Nate understood completely. As long as Goodwill’s threat loomed out there, Danielle couldn’t afford to settle down to have a normal life and a normal relationship. But it was all coming to a head. He was sure they both felt the tension rising. Soon she would either be free to live a normal life or…
Well, he wasn’t going to dwell on the alternative.
“As for Nate, he’s a good man, a very good man. Even if he is confusing.” She tried to sound firm, but he could hear in her voice a lilt of affection. He knew it well. He’d heard it in his own voice plenty of times.
And there it was, that flicker of hope in his chest was back again. Hope for what, he didn’t know. He had nothing to offer her. But what if his legacy didn’t have to be passed on? What if he could just be a husband and a father without following in his father’s footsteps?
It was silent for several seconds, so he decided it was as good of a time as any to make his entrance known. He opened and closed the front door loudly then announced his arrival. “Good morning, Gretchen.”
“Morning, Mr. Andersen.” She offered him a conspiratorial smile before looking back at the paperwork sprawled across her desk.
“Is Danielle in the garage?”
“I’m in here!” Danielle called before he could even get his question all the way out.
As he entered the large bay, he saw only two blue-clad legs sticking out from under the hood of a large truck. Her toes didn’t quite reach the floor as she rested on the engine, stretching to reach something on the far side of the engine block.
Her feet kicked slightly until she slid to the floor.
Standing in her blue coveralls, a socket wrench in her hand, a grease stain on her left cheek, she looked so much like she had that first morning they met. But now they were friends, closer than friends actually. And Nate had to physically fight himself not to reach out and wipe the oil slick from her face.
But he’d heard what she said, and he let his guard down just a bit.
“What time do you want to go to the class tonight?” he asked.
She broke their eye contact and looked down at the tool in her hands. “I promised Ivey that I’d meet her there an hour early for some extra practice. Do you want to get something to eat on our way over there?”
“Sure. That’s a good idea.” He glanced at his watch. They still had at least three hours before they had to go leave. “Do you need some help until then?”
She looked doubtful. “You’re doing fine in class and everything, but I’m not sure you’re ready to start fixing cars.”
He laughed. “I meant something more along the lines of washing them.”
“Okay.” Her head tilted to the two sedans parked on the far side of the bay. “Both of those are done, but they could use a wash and you can vacuum out the insides. The vacuum is in the corner over there.”
Nate nodded and set to work cleaning the interior of the first car. Every time he turned off the industrial Shop-Vac, he could hear Danielle singing softly under the hood of the pickup. Her voice was gentle and sweet as she sang several praise choruses from church the previous Sunday. He’d thought she seemed distracted during the service, but apparently the music had stuck with her.
They’d been working for nearly an hour without talking, when Nate decided it was time to broach the subject of Ridley.
“Danielle, do me a favor tonight?”
“Sure.”
“Don’t get too close to Ridley.”
“You think he’s the one?” Her mind moved quickly, syncing with his own.
Nate shrugged, then realized that she couldn’t see him across the large room. “I don’t know. But I don’t think he’s harmless, and he is our only suspect at this point. With Kirk out of the picture, I just don’t know who else it could be.”
“So what do you want me to do?”
“Just don’t wind up alone with him. Keep your eye on him and if he makes you feel uncomfortable, let me know.”
“He always makes me uncomfortable,” she sighed. “Ever since that night in the parking lot last week when you showed up. He gives me the jitters. But whether or not it’s Ridley, I do feel like something bad is about to happen. Do you think Goodwill’s man is closing in?”
How could he respond without scaring her? “Maybe. No matter what, we have to stay on our toes, especially when we’re out in the open. So follow your gut instincts and stick close to me tonight.”
She mumbled something that sounded like “as close as last night?” before diving back under the truck’s hood.
When Danielle finally finished with the last car and looked at the clock, she let out a loud sigh. “We still have a little while before we have to leave for class,” she said, turning toward Nate whose large frame rested against the last car that he had vacuumed.
“You have something in mind to fill the time?” he murmured, crossing his arms over his chest.
She twisted back toward the office, to make sure that Gretchen wasn’t within hearing distance. “I was wondering if I could talk to my dad again.”
“Something you need to talk to him about?”
“Yes,” she said, blowing a wayward strand of hair out of her eye.
“Like…”
How could she tell him that she needed to talk to her dad about him? Whatever was happening between her and Nate was twisting her insides out, and the only person she could tell about it was her dad. No one in Crescent City knew her background, except Nate. And she sure wasn’t
ready to talk to him about this.
“Like I miss him. A lot. Like I just want to tell him that I love him. Like in case anything happens to me, I want him to know why I had to stay.”
Nate squinted for a long second before offering a slow nod. Reaching into his back pocket, he pulled out his cell phone and quickly dialed the number. “It’s Andersen. Will you connect me to the old man?” He paused for several seconds, and his eyes didn’t leave hers. Danielle wanted to look away, but she couldn’t seem to make her eyes listen to her brain. “Mr. James, it’s Nate Andersen again. Yes, she’s fine. Yes, sir. I’m taking care of her. She’s right here. She’d like to speak with you.”
Nate crossed the space between them in three quick steps, holding the phone out to her, but covering the mouth piece with his hand. “Why don’t you head over to your apartment? I’ll wait for you in the office.”
“Thank you, Nate.”
He nodded as she nearly sprinted through the office and around the building, the phone pressed firmly to her ear. “Daddy?”
“Nora James, what on earth were you thinking not coming straight back to Portland with Agent Andersen?”
She froze at the tone in his voice, falling back against the door to her apartment that she had just closed behind her. “Dad, I’m sorry. I just had to stay.”
“Why would you think you’d be safer there than here? You’re breaking my heart, kid.”
Tears streamed down her cheeks and fell from her chin. “It’s not about my safety.”
“What? What’s more important than your safety?”
She swallowed a hiccup as she sank to the floor. “Yours.” The silence was nearly tangible, squeezing her heart. After several more seconds, she had to continue. “Please don’t tell me I was stupid or impulsive. You’ve been dead for a year and a half—at least to me. What if I could have done something to protect you and didn’t? How could I live with myself if I was too scared to—to—save your life this time? Please, don’t be mad at me.” The last words came in a deluge as she waited for him to respond.