That’s really all she wanted in the world right now. She wanted to make Shea’s life as happy as it had been before their mother died, and give her all the opportunities that she’d had before. She pushed back a swell of emotion and nodded her head, agreeing with the sweet woman in front of her.
“There you go. It’s that simple, and I have complete confidence in you,” Dee said.
“Why? You don’t even know me.” She hoped that didn’t sound as rude out loud as it sounded in her head. Fiona wondered if Dee was saying these things only to be polite. She couldn’t actually understand why anyone would look at her life, and the mess she’d made of it, and still have confidence in her.
She didn’t even have confidence in herself.
“I see the way you look at Shea, and there’s not just love in your eyes. There’s sacrifice. That tells me all I’d ever need to know, but to top it off, mo mhac likes you. Kieran’s never let me meet someone he’s dating before,” Dee told her, not seeming bothered at all by Fiona’s tactless question.
“Really? Never?” Fiona was surprised.
Kieran was one of the most attractive men she’d ever met, and he commanded every room he walked into. She couldn’t imagine he had a hard time catching women’s eyes. Which only made her wonder again why someone like him would pay her any attention, especially after she’d spent days trying to push him away and insisting that they weren’t dating. “I’m sure he’s had plenty of girlfriends, though. I mean, I can’t be all that special—we’re not really even dating. We went on a frozen-yogurt date with Shea, but really we just met.”
“He’s a man. I’m sure Kieran’s had other girlfriends, but I never met them. None of my sons would bring home a woman he wasn’t serious about—they know better than that. So I know he’s serious about you, and I couldn’t be happier. Kieran’s a lot different since he got back, different than who he was a few years ago.”
Fiona smiled warmly at the sweet words, and the thought that maybe she was different. Maybe he really did think she was special and he really did want to be with her. His abrupt end on their kiss last night had thrown her into a serious web of doubt, sure that the moment he’d seen how hard her life was and how much was on her plate, he hadn’t wanted any part of it. Listening to his mother now, and remembering his words as he’d had her pressed against the building earlier this morning, she was thinking she’d read last night completely wrong.
As she thought about it, though, she realized there was a part of Dee’s statement she hadn’t understood. “Got back from where?” Fiona asked.
Her question was interrupted by a banging sound from the front of the house as someone shut the front door. A deep voice could be heard rumbling through the hall, and Shea pulled her earmuffs on at the intrusion. Fiona frowned, wishing Shea wasn’t so sensitive to loud noises.
“Yeah, got it. I’m on my way. I’ll meet you there.” Kieran walked into the kitchen as Dee scooped more eggs onto Shea’s plate.
Fiona felt a shaky breath shudder through her as she watched him before he noticed her. He looked so serious, no fun and games, but the hard way his jaw set and the tense bulge of his muscles beneath his shirt were unbelievably appealing. She blushed slightly at the memory of running her hands over his chiseled chest.
“Fi, can I talk to you?” His eyes finally fell on her, causing her skin to heat under his dark blue gaze.
“Shea, honey, I’m just going to be right outside.” Fiona noted that Shea was already happily eating her eggs and not paying attention, but Dee waved her off, saying she’d watch her.
Walking out onto the back porch together, Kieran slid the glass door closed behind them and stepped to the side so they were not in view of the kitchen. “How are you doing?” he asked.
“I’m fine.” She shrugged, looking away from him. She was definitely not fine. She wasn’t sure why she’d even said that.
“Fi.” He took her hand and pulled her closer to him. She looked up into his worried, scruffy face as she tried to focus on what he was saying and not the delicious citrus smell of his aftershave. “You’re not fine. You just woke up to your house caving in on you. Shea’s still sick. You can’t possibly be fine.”
“I know, but I have to be fine, don’t I?” Fiona boldly placed her hand on Kieran’s chest, as she was already so close to him.
She could feel his heart pounding under her hand, and he tensed at the contact. He considered her for a few moments but didn’t pull her closer. She found herself mentally willing him to grab her, to scoop her up and take her away from it all. To make love to her for days, in a world where no responsibilities or crises existed.
Kieran’s deep voice vibrated in his chest beneath her hand as he began to talk again. “I spoke to my brother Jimmy. He’s a police officer and was able to pull a few strings to access more information, but he said your building is definitely going to be condemned. We’re going to go over to get all your stuff now.”
“What?” Fiona’s hand fell to her side as she was catapulted back into her dismal reality. “Crap. Where are we going to live?”
“You and Shea will stay here. Ma’s got three open bedrooms, and she loves having people stay. The only people living here now are her and my dad, plus my cousin Casey. And Casey’s usually working at the gym or going to school, so she’s not here often,” Kieran explained, as if it was no big deal at all.
Fiona gasped. “I can’t stay here! Your parents don’t even know me. Why would they let me stay here? I can’t ask them to do that.”
“You didn’t ask. They offered.”
“They did?” Her shock subsided and she shook her head adamantly. “Kieran, I can’t. No way, they’ve already done so much for me just today. A place to stay? That’s absolutely too much. I cannot ask that of them.”
“You can, and you will. You need a place to stay, and Shea needs someone when you’re at work. My mom would be all over that. She loves kids; plus, she believes it’s her religious duty to help everyone, or something like that.”
“Live in their house and ask them to babysit? Are you kidding me right now?” Fiona was flabbergasted. “Kieran, this is not okay. You cannot ask them to do this for me.”
“To do what? Put a roof over your sister’s head?” Kieran tilted his head to the side and looked at her pointedly; the harsh truth gradually settled into her stomach. “If it was just you, Fi, you could be stubborn. But you’ve got Shea to think about, and homelessness is not an option with an eight-year-old.”
Fiona nibbled on the edge of her thumb. She knew he was right, of course. Damn it. It simply seemed like so much to ask of people she’d just met, to ask of someone Shea had just met. Actually, she hadn’t even met his father yet, only Dee.
However, Shea did need a bed tonight, and at the moment, Fiona had no way of providing one. Kieran was right; there wasn’t another option, at least not for tonight.
“You’re right. I know you’re right, but it’s so hard for me to let someone do this for me. I mean, I know I should be grateful and thanking you and your parents for the offer. In fact, I probably sound like a real bitch for even hesitating.”
“You have to stop calling yourself a bitch, Fi. You’re the farthest possible thing from it.” Kieran shook his head. “It’s hard to accept help from people, especially when you’re so used to doing it all on your own. I get that.”
“I know—it feels strange. I want to be able to do everything on my own.” She felt a lump forming in her throat as she stopped pacing and wrapped her arms around her waist, an attempt to hold herself together now that everything seemed to be falling apart. Kieran grabbed her, pulled her against his chest, and wrapped his arms around her.
“Everyone needs help now and again, flower girl. There’s nothing wrong with that.” She could feel him plant a gentle kiss on the top of her head, and it cracked the floodgates in her eyes. Tears began streaming down her face. “Let me help you,” he said quietly.
“I just…” She blinked in an at
tempt to clear her eyes. “I don’t understand why.”
“Why what?” he asked as he leaned down and kissed her cheeks lightly, feathering kisses down her jawline to her neck.
“Kieran, stop,” she whimpered, but her head tilted to the side to give him further access to her neck. “You’re distracting me.”
“Good, because you’re not making any sense. I thought we cleared this up earlier when I told you I want you, every part of you.” He moved to take her lips with his. She found herself moaning, and he took the opportunity to slide his tongue into her open mouth. Moving her hands up from his chest, she wrapped them around his neck and tangled her fingers through his hair.
“Kieran, please,” she whispered after a few hot, tangled moments. “I just don’t understand why you’d do this for me—we just met.”
“Flower girl, I couldn’t care less that we just met. You’re all I’ve thought about since Sunday when I walked into your store. I adore Shea, and I think you’re amazing.” He cupped her face in his hands, looking deeply into her eyes. Fiona sniffed as he wiped her tears away with his thumbs.
“But you could have literally any woman in the world—look at yourself.” She motioned to his hardened body. “Why would you want to help a homeless woman with a child and a failing business with a bank loan she can’t pay back? You’re so damn perfect and can do so much better than me and my complete mess. “
“I am not perfect, not even a little bit. I’ve fucked up my life more than most people ever could, and now I’m trying to find my way back. We’re all just trying to find our way back, Fi. That’s what life is, trying to figure out what you messed up yesterday, then fixing it so you can get to tomorrow. I want my tomorrow to include you.” His hand moved from cupping her face to run his thumb gently over her lips. “I think I may want all my tomorrows to include you.”
“But why?” she pleaded, wanting to understand. She’d never felt this way before, so cherished and attended to. She felt protected and cared for in a way she hadn’t known was possible, a way she hadn’t even known to wish for.
“Because you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, inside and out, flower girl. Everything you do is for other people, and you love so deeply, it’s intoxicating. I see it when you’re looking at Shea. The moment my eyes fell on you, I knew you were special, and everything I’ve seen since that first day has only confirmed it. I can’t explain it more than that, Fi. There’s just something that draws me to you, and I don’t want to fight it.”
She looked at him intently, trying to detect a hint of sarcasm or insincerity, but she could find none. He meant what he was saying: he really did think she was beautiful. He really was drawn to her. This perfectly sweet and giving man truly wanted her; it was so pure and real that it shook her to her core.
“There’s still so much we don’t know about each other. What if there’s more to me that you won’t like?” she whispered, thinking of her past and wondering how anyone could find out about it and still want to be with her.
“There’s nothing you could’ve done that’s worse than some things I’ve done, I’m sure. And even so, it doesn’t matter to me, Fi. I don’t need to know your entire past to know your heart. The woman I’ve gotten to know so far is beautiful. She’s who I want, and nothing is going to change that,” he promised her while tucking a few stray tendrils of hair behind her ear.
As she stared into his deep blue eyes and considered the sincerity of his words, she made a decision. She was going to let herself feel this. For the first time in possibly forever, she trusted that this man before her was telling the truth. He wanted to care for her and help her. He wanted the best for her, and his motivations were true. Even more so, she wanted to let him.
She made up her mind right then and there: she wanted him, too.
“You’re kind of okay yourself,” she said, a faint smile spreading across her face as she leaned into him and swallowed the lump in her throat.
“Glad to hear it, flower girl.” Kieran’s arms hugged around her and his lips devoured hers. She was ready to give in to it all, to accept his affections with a full heart. At least she thought she was. This kiss, this man, it was everything she’d ever wished for. But one final doubt crept into her mind.
Would he still be here if he knew what I’ve done?
Chapter 11
“Is that all you need up here? Everything else I’ll store in the basement,” Kieran told Fiona, placing a small box on the bed.
“Yeah, that’s everything. Just our clothes and personal stuff—that’s about all we had anyway. The furniture in the apartment belongs to the landlord.” She frowned, looking at the three small boxes on the bed that held almost everything she owned. Luckily, the bedroom upstairs in the Kavanagh house was also fully furnished and decorated. It even had a Jack-and-Jill bathroom that connected her bedroom to Shea’s, letting her still be close to Shea in case her little sister needed her.
“Perfect. I’ll go grab the last one of Shea’s,” Kieran told her as he left.
After a quick check-in by phone with his parole officer, he’d spent the last few hours boxing up Fiona’s place with some of his brothers. He’d refused to let her go in, for fear of the building falling down or something ridiculous like that. The Kavanaghs were all big and muscled and probably each weighed twice as much as she did—and she’d told Kieran as much. If anyone, she should’ve been the one inside the unstable structure, but Kieran wasn’t having any of that.
Sighing, she sat on the bed and looked around the room. Just this morning, she’d woken up in her own bed in her own apartment. Sure, it hadn’t been much to look at, and she and Shea had barely fit in the small bed together, but it had been hers. Now she was staying at the house belonging to the parents of the man she was dating. Or was flirting with. Or had just met last week. She frowned as she realized she had no idea what to call her relationship with Kieran.
All she knew was that she liked him a lot. She couldn’t help wondering if that was real, though, or if she was just infatuated because he’d been so kind to her. She couldn’t possibly care so deeply for someone she’d known for only a week.
Could I? The thought both warmed her heart and terrified her at the same time.
“Hey, are you Fiona?” A smiling redhead stuck her head through the door and gave her a little wave.
“That’s me.” Fiona stood up, reaching her hand out to shake the pretty young woman’s hand.
“I’m Casey, Kieran’s cousin. I have the bedroom across the hall. Aunt Dee said you were moving in, so I just wanted to say hi.”
“Oh, I don’t know if we’re moving in. Just temporarily, until we find another place, you know? I don’t want to be a burden.” Fiona blushed.
“Don’t worry about it. Since Jimmy moved out of this bedroom years ago, Dee made it a guest room, and she’s always inviting people to stay. I’ve gotten used to it; plus, I like meeting new people.” Casey grinned. “Especially women, since there is way too much testosterone around here. You’ll see when all the boys come over for dinner on Sunday.”
“I’ve noticed.” Fiona found herself curious about what a big family dinner would be like. It had always just been her, Shea, and her mom. When her stepfather came into the picture, they’d stopped eating dinners together entirely. “It’s good to meet you, Casey.”
“I can’t wait to meet your daughter. Kieran was telling me a few days ago how sweet she is,” Casey said.
“Shea’s actually my little sister, but she’s only eight, so I’m her legal her guardian,” Fiona explained, leading her back out into the hallway and down to Shea’s bedroom. They found Shea sitting in the corner with her knees to her chest, tears streaking her face, rocking gently. Dee was in the same position next to her, talking softly.
“Shea? What’s wrong?” Fiona dropped onto her knees in front of her sister and studied her face with concern.
“Dee?” Casey asked at the same time.
“I think this is just a l
ot of change in one day, and she still feels a bit sick. Do you feel hot, Shea?” Dee asked her. Shea nodded slowly, not looking at any of them directly. “Do you want to take a nap in that big, comfy bed over there while I read to you?”
Shea nodded again, and they both stood up and walked over to the bed. Shea clambered in and pulled the covers up to her chin as Dee sat on the edge and opened a book. Casey waved Fiona over toward the bedroom door, indicating that it might be best to leave things to Dee. Hesitating, Fiona looked over at her little sister.
The idea of anyone else comforting Shea made her antsy; that had always been Fiona’s job. They’d never had anyone else to depend on, and no one else knew Shea the way Fiona did. But the girl was already calming down and listening to Dee read, and Dee seemed totally at ease with her. Surprised and slightly relieved, Fiona reluctantly followed Casey out of the room.
“Dee is really great with children, I promise,” Casey told her as they headed downstairs to the kitchen, where Casey opened a bottle of wine for them. “She’s been teaching Sunday-school classes our whole lives.”
“That’s sweet. Kieran mentioned that religion is important to her, but he didn’t really sound like he was on the same page,” Fiona said.
“He isn’t…well, he just hasn’t given it much of a chance. Actually, none of the brothers have. Clare goes, so Rory’s started going now and then, but the rest of them don’t. A real sore point with Dee, that’s for sure.” Casey handed Fiona a chilled glass of white wine and then poured herself one as well.
“It’s been a while since I went to church,” Fiona said. “But I always loved it when I was a kid. I don’t know why I stopped, honestly. Just got busy with life, I guess.”
“I think it’s the same with most of them as well. I wish the brothers would go more often than Christmas and Easter. I still go most Sundays with Dee, but sometimes I have to work.”
“What do you do?” Fiona asked.
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