by Rue Volley
He sat back down and then he laughed so hard it startled me a bit and I jerked in the chair. He stopped and pointed at me with his large finger and placed the cigar back into his mouth and shook his head.
“What?”
“You fell in love, did you not?” he asked me and I leaned forward and placed my hands on the large armrests to each side of me.
“Don’t be ridiculous. I will be living in poverty if you do not help me.”
He slammed his fist on the desk and I actually jumped back into the leather behind me. He rose up as he had done so many times before when I was a child and he looked like a beast to me. I swallowed hard and told myself he would never hurt me. Even after all I had done while growing up to test his will he never once struck me and on occasion I wished that he had. Sometimes discipline is the only salvation and perhaps that is why I like it so rough in the bedroom.
“Do you not think that I worry about you, Beth?” he said and I almost laughed, as it sounded ridiculous to me that he would ever worry about me. I was his disappointment, his mistake and reminder of what my mother refused to give to him. It would not shock me at all if he believed she willed to have me be a girl and not a boy. Not one bit. I am certain that the fact that she aborted children after me to spite him ate him up inside too but whose fault is that exactly? It would be his and his inability to keep his dick in his pants.
“I would be shocked,” I said as I gritted my teeth a bit and he sat back down looking a bit upset about my answer.
“Well, I do as any Father would. I know you hate me, Beth. I know you have hated me for a long time but hear me now. I am your Father and you are my daughter as hard as you have fought against it and me. Now, you have two brothers who will inherit our legacy but I would hope that you will know them as family and not as strangers as you do me.”
I sighed as I looked down at my hands. My palms were sweating a bit and this was the first time I could ever remember him talking to me with the slightest bit of civility and true compassion in his voice. I then stood up as I swayed a bit on my feet. I guess this is how we react to loving gestures and I was almost ready to laugh about it until he looked at me and he was crying.
“I will restore your money, just leave him where he should be, Beth. That is all you have to do for me. Just tell Ryan you will no longer see him.”
“I don’t think I can, Father.”
He closed his eyes and then opened them back up, his expression changed back to the man that I knew him to be.
“Money or him, it is a simple choice. You know what to do, we are very good at telling people they mean nothing, Beth.”
I walked out as I felt a knot in my stomach from the reality of it. It seemed my Father did love me but with his love and money came his rules and I was not certain I could allow it take Ryan from me.
Chapter Eleven
Some Things Never Heal
I sat in my bed and watched Ryan at our large bay windows. He stood naked and despite the claw marks to his back and bruising to his shoulder, of which I had caused him, he was perfect. It annoyed me to a certain degree just knowing that he could have anyone he desired. He was built for it. To seduce anyone at any time and I often wondered if I was just the biggest prize he had ever gone after. You have to worry about those things when money comes into play. Not just any money, my Father’s fortune, which was the largest in the world. He turned, and I smiled at his raging hard on. It is ridiculous that he is literally ready to fuck anytime, anywhere. It cannot be natural but having him every day is not something to complain about. There are plenty of women who would die to have him, and I am sure they would love to see me dead and out of the way as his “business” had ceased. I lied. I told Father Ryan was gone and I lied to Ryan and told him Father was okay with him being with me. It took some serious convincing on my end and of course and trips to the house have to be worked around Ryan wanting to play his games, hunting, golfing, boating…
The game seemed to be on, the one that consisted of time and how long I could play this game. I was desperate too to do it. I needed Ryan, maybe more than he needed me and I had practiced my speech a million times as to what I would say when the time came to tell the truth. You have to be ready to do what it takes for what you want. I could not let him go. He crawled into the bed and under the sheets he went as I arched my back and he slid his hand under my ass to elevate it. His tongue lapped at my clit and I pulled the pillow over my eyes as I pushed all thoughts of any bullshit out of my mind. I need him. Not want, but need, and that places me in a dangerous position. In the end I am my Father’s daughter and Ryan was now a trophy I was not willing to hand over to anyone else. How long I could play the game became the obsession and my hiding him a true art. I cannot lie and say that for the next month I did not get excited each time I hid the truth away but as lying goes, once you start you get addicted to it and then it becomes a weird truth about yourself that you continue on with. Eating away at you and making you less human. My phone went off and I pulled it to my ear as Ryan continued to finger me under the blankets.
“What?” I said as I slowly pulled the phone from my ear dropping it onto the bed. I reached down and pushed Ryan’s face from my pussy and slipped out of the bed. I walked to the large glass window and stared out at the city. Ryan stepped up behind me and placed his arms around me.
“What Beth?” he asked me and I whispered, “Holland.”
****
We stood in the hospital room as I stared at her in the bed; all the machines were hissing and buzzing as they controlled her breathing and monitored her heart beat. I stepped aside as a nurse came in and adjusted her drip on one of the IV’s; she seemed to have the deluxe cocktail going on as tubes ran from everywhere. The nurse passed me by and I looked at the Teddy Bear in my hands and laughed, as I have no fucking clue why I got her one. Without a diamond collar on it, it seemed completely inadequate as far as gifts go for her. I sighed and tossed it aside as Ryan looked out the window and then back to me.
“I can’t believe she did this shit,” I said as I walked up and looked into her face. She looked pale and her mouth was held open with a round tube making her breath. I closed my eyes and squeezed her hand as I heard the door open and the doctor entered the room, stopping as he saw me and then spotting Ryan too.
“Oh, I apologize. I did not know she had visitors. I can leave.”
I turned and shook my head.
“Are you taking care of her then?” I asked and he stopped walking and smiled at me.
“Yes. I am Doctor Bail, I will be monitoring Holland.”
“Monitoring?” I asked him as he stepped up to me and looked soft in his expression. I am not used to being around people who truly care about others and he really looks like he does. How refreshing.
“Yes. Holland is in a coma,” he said and I covered my mouth and looked back at her.
“So when will she wake up?” I asked him and he stepped up to the bed with me.
“In my professional opinion I think maybe down the road…”
“Stop fucking around with me…when?” I asked him and he looked at me and then back to her.
“There is no brain activity, I have to be honest and tell you she will never wake up.”
“Oh my God,” I said as I felt a bit dizzy and Ryan stepped up to me and placed his hands on my waist.
“Come on baby,” he said as he pulled me along with him and I glanced back at the last vision I would have of her.
We sat in the coffee shop and I fingered at my drink and kept opening up my mouth and then closing it as nothing I could say would have any meaning at all. I find myself at a loss for words and Holland was the last person on earth I thought I would be seeing in a bed like that from an overdose of some stupid shit she bought at a party. I looked up when Ryan placed his hand on mine and I smiled at him.
“Death is a part of life Beth.”
I laughed. “I know Ryan. My mother died.”
“I know, but Holland w
as your friend.”
I stared at him and then sat back, pulling my coffee with me and taking a drink of it.
“Heroin,” I said as I sat there and shook my head.
“Dragon,” he said and I looked up at him.
“Holland never did narcotics like that, not with me.”
“People are not always what they appear to be, Beth. She was probably embarrassed and not able to tell you about it. I mean that is a serious drug habit.”
“Exactly, I mean it was serious and Holland told me everything.”
Ryan smiled and looked around the room and I leaned up towards him.
“What?”
“You, Beth. You always think you know it all when sometimes you just know what you want to see and shit.”
I shook my head at him as he leaned up too.
“Your friend was a fucking junky. I have known people like her. I have lived in an ivory tower my whole life.”
I placed my hand on his as he looked down.
“Ryan. I am just shocked I didn’t know. I mean I have known Holland my whole life. I just thought I knew everything about her.”
He stood up and held his hand out to me and I stared at him for a moment. He moved his fingers and I took his hand as he pulled me up and we walked out of the coffee shop onto the sidewalk. He waved at the driver and the car pulled up as Ryan pulled me along with him. I got in wondering what he was up to but too curious to protest it. We drove a few blocks and the driver stopped as Ryan opened his door up and stepped out, once again reaching in to me and I took his hand and he pulled me out. I stood there and covered my mouth a bit as the smell hit me first. He started to walk with me, pulling me along more than me walking on my own, and then he stopped as he looked up at a building that looked as if it needed to be torn down. I pulled on him as he started to walk up the steps with me and turned and stared at me.
“Beth, come with me,” he said and I took my hand from my mouth as we entered the building and it smelled like bags of trash sitting in the sun. I wrinkled my nose as he walked us to the elevator that looked rusted with a large gate you had to pull down. We stepped in and I stayed clear of the walls which looked dirty and it disgusted me. We rose a few floors until finally the elevator jerked to a stop and he pushed the gate up and stepped out, once again reaching back for me and I had no choice but to go with him as I would not be here alone in this filth.
He walked with me down the hallway as I heard a baby crying and then gunfire somewhere off in the distance but close enough to disturb me. We walked by a cracked door as I looked to my right and saw a girl giving a man head and he held her messy hair with one dirty hand. She looked like a teenager and then I hurried along as Ryan continued on until he stopped at a door with old police tape on it. He ducked and pushed the half open door and I followed him in as the smell was terrible, even worse than it had been in the hallway. He walked to the wall and stopped, placing a hand on it and then stepping aside so I could see it and there it was a dark stain, about the size of a dog on the wall towards the bottom of it. I leaned down and he touched my back and spoke to me.
“When I was little we lived here. This was the only home I ever knew. My father was a drug addict, my mother…well, you know she cleaned toilets or so you said. She actually did that and much more. We would come to houses like yours during the day and then she worked at an all night diner and I would go there too. My dad was always high or fucking someone here for drugs. He sucked a lot of dick I am sure. I never saw him doing that, I mean I caught him fucking women many times and my mother just allowed it to go on. I always hated her for that. I mean as I got older because he wasn’t kind at all. In fact he was a fucking dick with a belt and he loved to beat you with the buckle, not the leather. The buckle itself so it would bruise and you would bleed. Well, when I was nine my mother was in a hurry and I was in bed. I refused to get up and she begged me to but the minutes dragged on and she had to get to work…to your house. Your father was an asshole about punctuality but anyway she was in a hurry and she left me here with him.” He paused and I stared at him as I had never seen him look this way in his life. Something was so raw about him it pulled at my heart and I could feel him. He took a breath and looked at me.
“I felt him pull my hair, and I felt the buckle against my skin. It wasn’t until I was choking that I realized he was making me suck his dick,” he added and I sucked in my breath and tried to touch him. He moved away from me.
“I don’t remember pulling the trigger, but I do remember lying and telling the police that it was someone who he owed money to.”
“Ryan,” I said in a whisper as he stared at the stain on the wall.
“So you see Beth, you don’t know everything about people. You never do unless they want you to know.”
With that he walked out of the apartment and I stood there as tears streamed down my face. I stared at the stain on the wall and realized for the first time in my life that I did not know shit and I didn’t know if I ever would.
Chapter Twelve
Forever Young
I tried to sleep but of course I could not. Ryan haunted me, the way he spoke, the way he looked. I could remember him as a child, all skinny and stealing food from our kitchen. He was a mess and now that I know he was treated that way just tells me more than I ever wanted to know. He was right. You do not know people unless they want to fucking tell you everything and trust me, my family has plenty of fun skeletons in the closet too, but not holding a gun to someone’s face and pulling the trigger. That took true hatred, and for Ryan to say he did not remember bothered me. I mean he remembered everything but murdering his father and he lives with that daily. I thought I was fucked up…right.
I rolled over and sighed as the thought of lying here was killing me. It was only 10 pm, I mean it is early and here I am trying to sleep on a Friday night. I sat up and hit my bed, then again and a few more times until I found myself screaming. Carson flipped on and started asking me if I need to have security help me. I had him off most days, especially when Ryan was here because makes me say all kinds of shit that would warrant a 911 call and resuscitation to be performed. I mean I passed out on occasion from belts on my neck and shit, anyway. I stood up and stared at the ceiling.
“Carson, I am fine.”
“Okay Miss Beth,” he said all proper and shit.
“You know what Carson? I am going to have you reprogrammed to cuss and shit, it is liberating. Say fuck,” I said and he said nothing back to me.
“Carson, I am ordering you to say Fuck.”
“I am not programmed for slang.”
“Just have some fun already…say fuck. I mean shit, you won’t ever be able to fuck so just say it.”
Again nothing and I dropped down on my bed and bounced a couple of times.
“Fuck this shit all to hell, I am going out.”
I scrolled through my phone and kept rubbing my neck until I landed on a name I had not seen in fucking forever. I smiled and leaned back, closing my eyes for a second and a flash of Ryan’s face went through my mind and I shook it off. Trust me I love Ryan, what I and the rest of family is not good at is accepting that we love or need anything hence the reason Ryan is not here. I told him to go home, that I needed to rest, I needed time to be alone after Holland and it was partially true. I needed time to let it soak in and for Ryan to dissipate a bit. It was all too serious, all too fast and it was overloading my senses just when my Father had given me my money back. Fucking Ryan was the one thing he had asked me to NOT do and I had gone against it and lied to Ryan. I need a fucking drink.
I looked back at my phone and started to type into it and then waited until I heard a small chime and smiled and I looked down and he had responded to me…Ryker Veilo. I laughed too when he told me his name, I thought he was kidding but he is not. His dad is some big Fashion Designer from Greece and his mother is a high socialite or should I say psychopath here in New York. Ryker is my go to fuck buddy, I mean I don’t want to fuck bu
t going out and acting like shit is normal would be fabulous, so I am going.
“Seriously bitch?”
I smiled and looked at his text then responded only as I could.
“Yes bitch, I want to go out.”
“Where the fuck have you been?”
“None of your fucking business.” I typed.
I waited for a few seconds and wondered if how we used to be was still true then my phone chimed.
“Fair enough.”
I sighed and smiled at the phone knowing I was going to go out and have what I considered a normal fucking night in my life after things had gotten way too serious.
****
I smiled, as the music was too loud to even yell and be heard. Ryker had met me here and on cue he went to the bar to get our favorite drinks, that of a concoction of black cherry rum, sprite and mint leaves. We called it the Jack Sparrow, after my favorite hottie pirate. He returned, dancing a bit as he moved past people and made his way back to the half-moon open booth we had claimed. He sat down and handed me my fifth drink as I grinned at him and swayed to the music. I placed the glass to my lips and sipped it, wincing a bit as this club always made the drinks strong as hell and I used to love it when drinking was the game. Not so sure I am still up to speed to race Ryker to see who gets fucked up more. He leaned over and yelled into my ear.
“Dance now.”
I nodded and set my drink down as he took a huge gulp and set his down on the black table with lights sparkling inside of it, spilling a little but pulling me along with him. We reached the dance floor and the song thumped in my ears and throughout my body as if it was made to hypnotize me and I needed that. I need to sweat and dance and be 21 again, be young…forever. I placed my hands above my head and swayed my hips until I felt Ryker close in behind me and before I knew it he was swaying too and rubbing his shit against my ass. I don’t so much mind, I mean we had been here before, many times actually when club prey did not work out and we found ourselves horny as shit and needing to get laid. We had been doing the club scene since we were 18 with fake IDs and even though I knew that people recognized me, I got away with it anyway as everyone knew who my Father is and gave me a pass to play. It was always me, Ryker, and Holland back then and then this weird shit happened and Ryker got a girlfriend and disappeared. I remember being shitty about it for a few days and then Holland and I just went on without him. But here he is now, behind me and looking older, bigger, and hotter than he even did before. Not so good when you can feel rum start to inch its way towards your pussy and making you hum.