by Mary Winter
He pulled his lips away, dragging in a ragged breath before lowering his mouth to her shoulder. He shifted her, his hand on her ass lifting her so his mouth grazed the upper slope of her breast.
She cried out. Her legs locked around his hips, heels digging into his buttocks. She rocked against him, her sex brushing against his cock perfectly. Her slick labia parted, and his shaft bumped her clit.
Tomak drew her nipple into his mouth. Hot pleasure coursed down to her pussy, filling her with liquid heat. She worked her hips along his shaft. Her fingers dug into his shoulders, and in her arms, she felt him tremble. He sucked on her nipple so hard his cheeks hollowed. Looking down at his short, blond hair against her skin, his eyes closed and his face a mask of masculine beauty, she wondered why she’d ever wanted to give up something so beautiful.
She reached for him, tangling her fingers in his hair and holding him to her breast. Such wonder, such beauty. The guys in the stalls never made her feel like this. Neither did the nameless, faceless men she’d picked up. Maybe she’d been wrong. Maybe --
No.
“Tomak, wait.” She ground the words out, trying to pull away from him, but found herself pinned between him and the wall. “We can’t do this. Wait.”
His lips stilled, but he didn’t move.
Aware of her fingers on his shoulders -- she had no idea when they’d moved --she thumped him. “Tomak! Stop!”
His head jerked up so fast he nearly hit her on the chin. “You okay? I thought you liked it.”
“I did, but…” Her words trailed off as movement caught her attention. She turned to watch Zaiden enter the room. He took one look at them, still locked in an embrace. A look of abject horror covered his features. Spinning on his heel, he raced down the hall.
“Shit,” Tomak muttered.
Ioanne knew exactly how he felt.
Chapter Three
Zaiden thought he had it under control, but one look at Ioanne and Tomak wound together like twin vines and he realized how utterly wrong he’d been. A red haze tinted his vision. The heady aroma of sex hung in the air. He was a stupid fucking idiot! Stupid to think that Tomak wouldn’t act exactly the way that he always had. Stupid to think that Ioanne cared anything for him. Of course, he probably should have given her some indication of his feelings long before now. That might have helped a little.
Too late now. He stormed down the hall, the chiming of the beaded curtain following him like the laughter of a thousand evil sprites. He ignored the closed door to Ioanne’s bedroom where he’d first seen her meditating naked. She and Tomak had been naked. Maybe they were meditating. And maybe he was just deluding himself.
He heard the soft patter of footsteps following him. “Zaiden, wait.” Ioanne’s soft voice cut through his gut like a surgeon’s scalpel.
“No.” He opened the door to his and Tomak’s room, slamming it behind him.
Her startled cry threatened to break his heart. He steeled himself against it. He started to sit on the bed, then stood and paced the length of his room.
The door opened. “Zaiden?” Ioanne asked.
“Go away.” If she stood there, still naked, her lips still swollen from his lover’s kisses… he didn’t know what he’d do.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for that to happen.” She stepped inside and closed the door behind her.
Zaiden didn’t know where Tomak was, and frankly he didn’t care. “It happens. Women throw themselves at Tomak all the time. You don’t have to apologize. I understand.”
“Do you?” She reached for his arm, and he flinched away. She grabbed him, halting his forward movement with the strength of her touch. “Do you really understand? I haven’t kissed anyone since -- Stars, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that my actions hurt you. For that, I’m sorry.”
The truth in her words forced him to stop and look at her, really look at her. Somehow she’d managed to pull on a robe, and though the silken fabric left little to the imagination, it covered her from neck to knee. A slight vee of exposed skin at the base of her throat made him reach out to see if it was as soft as it looked. He curled his fingers into a fist.
“Tomak does that. I know it’s not your fault. You’re not like all those other women.” He pulled away from her and sat on the bed. Damn it, bringing Tomak here had seemed like a good idea. Now, he didn’t know, but if they left because of his feelings he’d damn his lover to addiction. “I should have guessed what would happen when I saw you meditating naked.”
“This isn’t the first time he’s kissed someone else, is it?” Her understanding touched him, allowed him to think on what she had just revealed.
“How long has it been since you’ve kissed another man?”
Her gaze flicked toward the open door. She hadn’t closed it behind her. “That’s not important.”
“Yes, it is. Tomak will be Tomak. I knew what he was like before we became lovers. But you’re a beautiful woman. I would think that men would be falling all over themselves for a chance to kiss you.”
A pretty blush covered her cheeks. To think that she’d still be innocent enough to blush easily. She’d always been sheltered, following him with puppy dog-esque adoration. He paused, but no, it couldn’t be. She couldn’t have been saving herself for him. “You have kissed other men, haven’t you?”
“I’m not a virgin.” She sat beside him and rested her hand on his arm. “I would never sleep with your lover, Zaiden. I’m not that kind of person.”
“I know you’re not.” He started to flinch away, then stopped himself.
Ioanne smiled. “See, you have nothing to worry about.” She stood and wrapped her robe more tightly. “It was a fluke. It won’t happen again.”
“How can you be sure? And do you have to meditate naked?”
“Yes, I do. Being naked frees us from thinking about anything other than ourselves and our inner landscapes. Clothing restricts us, makes us think of the way it feels against our skin or what it protects us from. Without it, we’re as honest as we can be with ourselves and the universe. And I swear to you the kiss won’t happen again. I took a vow of chastity when I entered my order. Though I am no longer a completely formal member of it, I have tried to keep my vows. Believe me when I say that I won’t break them again.”
An icy chill settled around her, and he truly believed her words. “Oh. That changes things then, doesn’t it?”
“Yes, it does. I am not in the habit of kissing my customers. Tomak came here for healing. I hope to get him as far down that path as possible before the withdrawal symptoms kick in. Now, if you’ll excuse me.” With Ioanne back to her businesslike demeanor, he missed the glimpses of the passionate woman he’d seen. Her spiel about why she meditated naked didn’t quite sit with him. When they were younger she’d reveled in her body, in what it could do. She spent long hours in the gym pushing herself to her limits, and then had worked on dancing and yoga for flexibility. It had been her escape.
Maybe it still was. He could walk away, forget about what he’d seen and trust her to keep to her promise. He had no doubt that she would. The Ioanne he knew had been a woman of integrity.
“Wait!” He bolted to his feet, long strides carrying him across the room. Standing before him was the only woman he’d ever wanted -- he’d be damned if he’d let her slip away from him once more. And Zaiden knew once Ioanne secreted herself into her icy shell, she’d wall herself off from him. He might never have this chance again.
She turned, the robe slipping on her shoulder to reveal a swath of pale skin.
“You know I never stopped thinking about you,” he said.
Ioanne shook her head. “Zaiden, don’t.”
“Don’t what?” He reached for her, then balled his hands into fists at his sides. What could he do, hold her against her will? Yeah, that would go over really well. One sound from her and Tomak would be in here, demanding to know what was going on.
“Don’t make things more complicated. The past is past. You’r
e here, and I’m going to help Tomak the best I can. That’s all.”
“No!” He bit back the word, realizing he’d shouted louder than he’d intended. “That’s not all.”
“Zaiden, yes, it is. Please.”
Her soft entreaty tugged at his heartstrings. “It can’t be.” He reached around her to close the door, pinning her between it and his body. Her silk-covered breasts brushed against his chest and her soft, floral perfume wrapped around him. For good measure, he pressed his other hand against the door and looked down at her.
With her eyes wide and her lips parted in surprise, she looked completely, totally kissable. Part of him, the bastard part, wanted to lean in and do just that, if only to see if she would open to him as she had Tomak. He longed to trace her full lips with his tongue, to plunge it into her mouth and have her arch against him, yearning for the kind of relief that only he could give. He tore his gaze away.
“Let me go.” She lifted her hand, fingers resting on his biceps. Giving a half-hearted shove, she tried to get him to move. “Zaiden.”
“I’m not letting you go until you hear me out.”
“Then say what you’re going to say and get out of my face,” Ioanne snarled. She lifted her hands, and for a half-moment he thought she was going to smack him.
Zaiden smiled. Now that would be a sight to see -- the controlled, spiritual Ioanne smacking him out of frustration. Not that he wanted it -- no, he preferred his women less violent. To know that he provoked such strong emotion filled him with pride. He’d bet Tomak didn’t do that.
“I never stopped thinking about you, Ioanne, because I’ve always cared for you. I’ve always wanted you. Back then you were too young, not ready --”
“Stop it!” Ioanne yelled. “Don’t lie to me!”
“I’m not lying.” He captured her hands and pinned them above her head, the only thing he knew to do with them. “I’ve always cared for you. If you’re going to kiss anyone the way you kissed Tomak, then it’s going to be me.”
“Then why did you leave?” Her voice broke on a sob.
Instantly, he released her hands, struck that his going to college had left so deep a wound. He drew her against his chest, wrapping his arms around her. “I had to study.” He drew them both to the bed, sitting down on it and pulling her into his lap. “You know how much I wanted to be a physical therapist so I could help people.”
“Like your dad,” she whispered.
He nodded. Ioanne knew all about his youth and the accident that had left his physician father too scarred to work. If he’d been able to help his father, maybe he wouldn’t have committed suicide. That was why he’d gone to college.
Ioanne swallowed hard. “You broke my heart when you left. I loved you so much, and then you were gone, chasing your dreams, and you left me all alone.” She bit her lip, the glassy sheen of tears in her eyes.
He rubbed her back, holding her, not quite sure what to say. “I never knew. I thought… hell, it doesn’t matter what I thought now. I hurt you. I’m sorry.”
“Thank you. When you left I went crazy. My mother turned to sex and drugs to find some kind of solace, and just like her I did the same. It’s probably a good thing you were gone, Zaiden. You wouldn’t have wanted to see me that way. I’m not proud of what I’ve done. Somehow, I found the Order. They took me in, taught me how to meditate, how to keep calm and controlled. You asked me how long it had been since I had kissed a man. The last time I kissed anyone was two days before I found my Order. It’s been many years, and, goddess willing, it will be many more.”
He stared at her, trying to comprehend her words. Imagining Ioanne running wild on Adana, giving into drugs and sex to try and ease her pain had him wishing he’d been there. He could have stopped it. He could have done something. He could have told her that he loved her.
“You can’t deny yourself like that. It’s not healthy.” He brushed his thumb across her full lower lip, drawn to her mouth like a moth to flame. “Kissing can be a wonderful union of two people. Having sex can be, too. It’s natural and a part of life.”
“Not for me.” A fat tear rolled down her cheek. “I can’t be like that.”
“Hey.” He brushed the drop of moisture away with his finger, hating himself for making her cry. “I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have left, I would have told you… something… If I had known I wouldn’t have left you like that. I promise.”
“You can’t make promises like that. I know how much your work means to you, and look, it brought you to the world of TriZ, and you have Tomak. I know how much you care for him. I’m in the past -- your past. You and Tomak will go back to the sports world, and I’ll be here, still meditating. It’s what I want.”
Zaiden knew better than to challenge her, not directly at least. Right now the thought of returning to Tomak’s world twisted his stomach. All the greed, the players who ignored orders and made their injuries worse just for a few fans, the women who threw themselves at Tomak… in a single moment, he hated them all and wanted nothing more than to stay here with this woman in his arms forever.
“What if I told you that’s not what I want?” he asked. He had to know. Even if she tossed him out right now and he never saw her again, he needed to know.
“Then I’d tell you that you’re a damn fool.”
So long ago she’d spoken those same words to him, laughing and shoving him into the pool. Back then, he’d been a damn fool for wanting to save people, wanting to save the world, when in reality, all he’d ever wanted to do was save her. The realization took his breath away.
“When it comes to you, Ioanne, I’ve always been a fool.” He dipped his head, whispering the words against her lips. Her warm breath teased him, promised him things that he probably shouldn’t want from her. Not if he was going to respect her decision never to kiss another man again. Except he couldn’t. He tucked his hand around her hip, hauling her against him. Surely she felt his erection pressing into her side.
Her eyes widened.
Leaning into her, he brushed his lips across hers, a hesitant touch that had her leaning in for more. She pressed her palm flat against his chest, and he swore she felt the pounding of his heart. A soft sigh passed her lips, and he captured it with his own.
Zaiden kissed her again, a sense of homecoming so profound, so deep, his entire being ached to enfold her in his arms and never let go. When he’d thought about coming back to Ioanne, this moment, this sensation, was the image he’d held in his mind. Fantasy paled to the reality.
He moved his mouth over hers, drinking from her, coaxing with tiny caresses of his tongue until she opened beneath him. He dipped inside, tasting her, feeling her lithe body moving closer to his. Swallowing her breathy moan, he smoothed his hand down her back, re-learning her lines and curves. At one time they’d played, adolescents stealing kisses and gropes. Their kiss deepened and held none of the awkwardness that those early explorations had.
Distantly he heard the door opening and heard Tomak enter. His lover muttered a curse, then stepped back out, the door closing behind him. Zaiden doubted Ioanne had even heard.
He had, and the thought that his lover had seen him kissing her was enough to make him pull back. Drawing a breath, he studied Ioanne. With flushed cheeks and parted lips, she looked delectable. He nibbled on her lower lip, drawing it into his mouth and sucking, before pulling back to just simply gaze at her.
“Zaiden,” she breathed. Her lashes fluttered open.
Movement caught Zaiden’s attention, and he realized Tomak hadn’t left the room. Instead, he’d remained near the doorway and was staring at the two of them, eyes wide. Pain, raw and stark, shone on his features, and with a shake of his head, he turned and left.
The door closed a second time, and Ioanne turned to look at it. “He saw us.” She inched away.
He mourned the loss of contact, knowing that the moment had passed, lost forever. Sliding from his lap, Ioanne pressed her fingers to her lips, then turned to him. “See, we ca
n’t do that again. We’re not kids anymore.” She wrapped her arms around herself for a moment before hurrying out of the room. Through the open door, he watched her push past Tomak and go to her room. The door remained open.
“So you saw.” Zaiden didn’t bother to hide his arousal. Hell, he’d seen Tomak with countless other women. He’d seen Tomak with Ioanne, and the latter hurt more than all the sports groupies put together. “Don’t worry. Neither one of us is going to get her.” He spat the words out like poison. After all of that, Ioanne would turn her back on both of them. Zaiden closed his eyes. It hurt, way too much to contemplate at the moment. They still had to get Tomak sober.
Tomak shut the door and sat down on the bed beside Zaiden. “At least I got to see her naked.”
“Fuck you.” Zaiden bolted to his feet and crossed the room. Reaching the closed door, he pounded his fist against it. “Fuck you,” he repeated.
“Zaiden. What’s going on?”
Zaiden spun. Just looking at Tomak lounging on the bed as if he didn’t have a care in the world, when he was the very reason they were in this mess, made Zaiden see red. Anger tinted his vision, reminding him of all the things he’d given up while they were on the road. All the nights he’d slept alone while Tomak took out his adrenaline with some female. Always a female, never a male, and for that small kindness, Zaiden was thankful. But not right now.
“What do you mean, what’s going on? We’re here to get you sober. Your Styng addiction. You remember that, right? The reason why your agent kicked your ass off the team and sent you here? And now you decide to make a move on my childhood friend? God, you’re a piece of work, Tomak.” Zaiden raked his fingers through his hair. “I can’t believe you have to ask me what’s wrong.” He paced between the bed and the door, not quite ready to sit down next to his lover. Finally, he leaned against the door and crossed his arms over his chest. “I can’t believe you have to ask that.”
Chapter Four