by Katie Cross
“What can I do to help?” he asked.
“You?”
“It just so happens I’ve driven a car before. Want me to take her?”
“Ah … seriously?”
“C’mon, little one,” he said, motioning with his head toward his driveway. “Let’s go.”
She hesitated only a moment, then nodded. “Okay, but I have to take my diorama.”
“That’s fine.”
“Are you sure?” I asked as Lizzy darted to the table.
He waved it off.
“Thank you,” I said. “I just don’t want to—”
“Need medicine or something?”
“Ah…”
My mind blanked for a moment. There were a few things that would be great. Necessary, in fact. I hadn’t done my grocery shopping the way I had planned over the weekend. I hesitated only a beat. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Then, yeah. That would be great.”
He pulled out his cell phone and handed it to me. “Shoot yourself a text from my phone, then reply back with your list. I’ll grab it on my way back.”
“Let me just grab some money—”
“Nope.”
“I—”
“Nope.”
He walked away just as Lizzy made it to the front door, diorama in hand. I gave her a hasty kiss, wished her good luck, and watched her go with a strange feeling in my chest.
Although I couldn’t explain why, I felt like I’d just been handed something I’d never known before.
Jim returned an hour later with a light knock on the door. Before I could answer, he pushed it open and peered inside in silent question. I waved him into the house.
“I’m asking you to listen to me!” I hissed into the phone, peering around the corner to see if Lana was listening. She stared blankly at the television from where she lay on the couch, snuggled into one of my pillows, watching a superhero cartoon. Her pale, peaked face burrowed into my heart. Despite a cup of green tea for me and a few sips of tepid broth for her, she looked no better. I’d quietly canceled my work for the day—and lost a new client in the process.
“Bitsy, I did listen to you,” Daniel said. “I even finished her stupid science project after she fell asleep on Saturday night.”
I groaned. The science project! I scribbled out a quick note to call the school and explain.
“I’ve told you not to feed them constant junk food.”
“I didn’t.”
“She has a sensitive stomach. She’s been puking her guts out all morning.”
“Listen, Bitsy, I don’t have time for this right now. We can discuss it later, but right now my boss—”
“Lizzy is fine, by the way. Thanks for asking.”
“I made sure they ate healthy stuff, too, all right! I knew you’d freak out if I didn’t.”
I scoffed. “Right, like what?”
“Like those instant oatmeal packets with the dinosaur eggs in them. They melt into baby dinosaurs when you pour the hot water on.”
I closed my eyes and silently fumed. Was he kidding? That was pure sugar.
“Can you yell at me in your self-righteous indignation later?” he asked. “This weekend without Jade was totally insane, and I can’t handle—”
The phone clattered when I slammed it down. Jim stood in the doorway to the kitchen, several plastic bags in hand. My nostrils flared as I drew in a deep breath.
“Sorry.”
He shrugged. “Exes. And I got Sprite.” He pulled a bottle free. “I got a lot of it.”
He clunked several bags of Sprite onto the table.
“Did you buy all the Sprite?” I asked.
“No. But I got regular and diet. Sugar issues, you know? Did you know they have popsicles for this kind of thing now? Where were those when Cora was a kid?”
I fought off a smile as he waved a box of popsicles in front of me, advertised to help sore tummies.
“So I’ve heard.”
He untangled the bags and started removing items, cataloging them one at a time. “Sprite. Popsicles. Gatorade.”
My eyes widened. He’d unloaded at least six different flavors of Gatorade onto the table—enough to stock us for a year.
“Wow.”
“Should do it.” He nodded once, then turned to me. “Anything else?”
“No. This is … great.”
“I already told Lizzy I’d pick her up after school.”
“Are you sure?”
He headed for the door. “Yep.”
“Can I make you dinner or something to pay you back?”
“Nope.”
The screen door shut behind him as he stepped outside, waving a hand in farewell as he strode across the lawn. I watched him go. After I made a notation in the “Daniel calendar”—and frowning as I did so—Lana peered up from the couch and said with a croak, “Jim doesn’t say much.”
I laughed.
“He really doesn’t.”
She settled back into the blankets. Twenty minutes later, I sat next to her on the couch with a cup of tepid tea and a slice of dry toast. Leaning down, I pressed a quick kiss to her forehead.
“Feeling any better?”
“A little.”
“Here, sweetheart. Just try a small bite.”
She leaned against me. Her voice was croaky and weak even after she had a sip. “I think I ate too much at Dad’s,” she said, cradling her stomach. “I don’t ever want funnel cake again.”
“Yeah.” I brushed hair out of her eyes. “Maybe. Let’s just take it easy today, okay?”
She nodded and leaned against me.
All the things I had to do lined up in my head. Bills to pay. A budget to tighten. Flyers to print for the PTA. Not to mention planning my self-care for the day and the week. And emailing Janine about yesterday’s self-care.
I pushed the thoughts away, wrapped my arm around Lana, and enjoyed her warm body melting against mine. We fell asleep on the couch with the sound of explosions and evil cackles ringing in the background.
To: Janine Morgan
From: Bitsy Walker
Subject: Self-Care Day 31
Janine,
Today, my self-care was being with Lana. We cuddled on the couch when she wasn’t feeling good. I let my neighbor take Lizzy to and from school. Those were all big actions, but I think the biggest self-care was not listening to my own thoughts.
I didn’t make a mental list.
That felt really good.
—BW
To: Bitsy Walker
From: Janine Morgan
Subject: Re: Self-Care Day 31
Bitsy,
Isn’t it amazing how little we actually need the list? Good for you. By the way, would you be up for a lunch date once Lana is feeling better?
J
To: Janine Morgan
From: Bitsy Walker
Subject: Re: re: Self-Care Day 31
Janine,
Maybe next Friday, if that works for you. Thanks. Let’s meet at the new brick oven pizza place off Broadway. It’s been on my self-care list for a few weeks. I have an open slot from 12-1.
—BW
Monday afternoon, I sat in front of a lavish brick house with a sprawling yard, a wraparound front porch, and so many potted plants it would take an army to care for them. My entire house could fit—with room to spare—on the bottom level.
My stomach clenched.
If Daniel hadn’t cheated, I could have lived here. I shook that thought away. No. If we had stayed married, things would have been different. Harder.
Maybe more desperate.
Lizzy’s teary voice still rang through my head from her call over an hour ago. “Mom! I forgot my homework at Dad’s! Please go get it? I can’t get a bad grade!”
After finishing up my client’s house and texting Jade to get the address, I’d navigated over brimming with curiosity and uncertainty. Did I want to see their place?
Not really.
&nb
sp; Regardless, I had to remind Jade about the upcoming school play on Saturday. Only three days away. If she wasn’t going to be here again, then I’d have to remind Daniel.
He absolutely couldn’t miss this one.
After rallying my courage one last time, I stepped out of my old, chipped Honda that had more miles than spirit. Halfway up the extensive lawn, the front door opened. Jade stood there, waving, in a pair of white pants and a breezy tank top.
“Come on in, Bitsy,” she called. “Would you like something to drink?”
The scent of honeysuckle drifted by when I stepped onto the porch, which felt cool from the sprawling patio roof overhead.
“Oh, no thanks. I just need to grab her homework—”
“Right. Daniel ran to get it. Come, wait inside in the air conditioning.”
A marbled entryway with a grand, sweeping staircase unfurled inside. Sculptures, oil paintings, and other artistic touches filled the nooks and crannies on the wall. An elegant burgundy rug stretched over a perfect hardwood floor and into the next room.
“You have a beautiful home,” I said.
Jade smiled but appeared a bit wan. “Thanks. It’s nice to have something to challenge me and focus on since my father was an avid art collector, and I’m afraid I inherited his love for it.”
She motioned toward the walls while avoiding my gaze.
“I’m sure there are worse hobbies.” I admired a sculpture of a woman with an infant at her breast. White marble with hints of gray. It sparkled in the light from the chandelier overhead.
“While you’re here, would you like to see the girls’ rooms?” she asked. Before I could refuse, she started up the stairs. I followed, feeling more awkward than ever.
We bypassed the second floor. “Just our offices and bedroom and a few guest rooms. Nothing too fun,” she said with a wrinkled nose. Even the brief glimpse had been stunning. Cherry-wood furniture. Gleaming hardwood floors without a single scuff. Crown molding. More artistic touches.
When we reached the third floor, she led me to the first door on the right.
“This is Lizzy’s room.”
My jaw almost dropped as we advanced into a bedroom of pure pink. A four-poster bed with sheer, rose-colored curtains dominated the middle of the room—which was twice the size of their shared room at home. Double French doors opened onto a balcony overlooking the backyard. Porcelain dolls lined a shelf on the wall, accompanied by an equally beautiful tea seat. Had it been hand painted? On the other side of the room, glittery fairy stickers overtook the wall.
“Wow. This is … this is heaven for Lizzy.”
Jade leaned one shoulder against the wall. “I certainly hope so. She picked out most of it, you know. She really has an eye for color and placement. I think she should be an interior decorator. She even helped me piece together the downstairs bathroom. I’ll show it to you. I think you’ll be impressed.”
The pride in her tone was evident. Jade felt genuine affection for the girls. Although I still didn’t understand the warm relationship she was fostering between us, I couldn’t help but feel some mild appreciation for it.
I felt small in the wider-than-usual hallway as we crossed to Lana’s room. Jade paused outside with a hesitant smile.
“Lana’s is … a bit different.”
“I have no doubt.”
We stepped into a room that could have been a war zone, or a jungle, or both. Knowing her, she probably patterned it after Vietnam. Sprawling stickers of jungle animals filled the walls—a proud gorilla, a roaring lion, and a lithe cheetah that licked its lips. Basketballs, Nerf guns, and sneakers lined the floor near a walk-in closet.
“Definitely Lana’s space,” I said.
“We let them decorate. I figured it was their safe spot here. Their room. The place they could go to take a break or just relax or whatever. Might as well be what they want. It was really fun, too, to take them to the store and see what they gravitated toward.”
I motioned to a cupboard in the wall. “Is that for laundry?”
Her eyes lit up. “A laundry chute! Isn’t it great? The girls each have one. They even funnel to different laundry baskets. They’ve been far more willing to do their laundry since we had them put in.”
I blinked. “Laundry?”
Jade paled slightly. “Oh, uh … I’ve been having the girls do their own laundry since they started coming over. I hope that’s okay. I just thought that they’re old enough and can take the respons—”
“Oh, it’s fine.”
Her shoulders relaxed a bit. “Okay. Good. They’re both such good girls. You’ve done amazing with them, Bitsy.”
Are we talking about the same children? I wanted to ask, remembering the way Lana shot underwear at Lizzy’s head this morning and Lizzy wailed while I attempted to brush her already tangle-free hair. The idea of them doing their own laundry was more than puzzling.
Was I doing something wrong?
“Thanks,” I said instead. “That’s great you give them responsibility.”
“They need it at this age.”
We wound back through the house. Separate sets of back staircases carried us past more and more elegant decorations. Grecian urns. Gleaming ebony tables. A grand piano with sparkling ivory keys. Sheet music draped across the bench as if someone had been interrupted mid-song. The entire house was elegant perfection—not to mention immaculate. No shabby quilts, old couches, or fuzzy carpet here.
Just as we stepped into a kitchen the size of my house, Daniel appeared from a hallway with papers in hand.
“Hey! Getting a tour?”
“Yes. Yes, it’s beautiful.”
He grinned and hooked an arm around Jade, pulling her into his side. Her cheeks flared with a little blush. “Glad you think so. Jade’s done amazing with it. Actually, Lizzy has helped a lot, too. She’s really got an eye for it.”
“So I hear.”
Even though Lizzy never mentioned it, I thought with a shot of pain. And why not? The girls had talked about having fun at Dad’s house, sure. The pool—which I could see glimmering through the floor-to-ceiling windows—and the sheer amount of grass in the backyard. Two whole acres. But they never mentioned their own rooms. Never the decorating, the new toys, the massive size.
I hadn’t realized that Daniel—and Jade—could give them so much. A world with vastly more resources than I could ever contribute. Not to mention a complete family. Both a dad and a mom figure.
Daniel shook the papers in his hands.
“Here’s the homework she left. It was in my car. Sorry, I forgot to send it home with her last time.”
“Oh, that’s fine.”
I accepted the papers. He leaned back against a counter, all casual grace in a pair of basketball shorts and a loose white shirt. For a moment, I could almost remember why I had fallen so hard for him.
Jade stayed at his side. They cuddled like kittens.
I motioned toward the front of the house—or what I thought was probably the front. “I should probably go—”
“Of course,” he said. “Oh, I forgot to tell you when I dropped the girls off. The PTA meeting was awesome.”
My mouth dried into a desert.
“Awesome?”
He folded his arms across his chest. “Yeah, way cool. Thanks for letting us go and meet the other parents. Loved every minute of it. Jade returned from California just in time to whip up her legendary brownies, of course.”
Jade lit up like a new light bulb. “It was … very informative. I never thought I’d get to go to a PTA meeting, but I had a blast!”
“Some of those parents are crazy,” Daniel sang. I almost laughed but bit it back at the last minute. Daniel and I weren’t friends. It wouldn’t be … appropriate to act like there was hope for that.
“The school though,” he said, shaking a head. “That place is rough. I had flashbacks from my days in elementary school, and that place was a real dump.”
A creeping defensiveness crawled up my
spine. “They don’t get much funding. But there are really good teach—”
“Right, yeah. Someone explained that to me.” Daniel nodded. “I’m working something out with my company to see if we can help. In the meantime, I wanted to show you something.”
He spun around, pulled open a drawer—that didn’t squeak like all of mine did—and grabbed a folder that he passed to me. I stared at it with a pit in my stomach.
LaMonte Private School.
I glanced up. “Private school?”
“Yeah, it’s something Jade and I have been talking about.” He held up a hand. “I would pay for it entirely, of course. My idea. My expense. But really, for those girls, nothing is too great. The stories Lizzy tells me about the kids at her school are … a little concerning. Also, LaMonte has a great art program. I think it would be good to start channeling Lizzy’s talent early.”
Something cold crept through my body. Their own rooms. A sprawling, safe backyard with a high fence. Plenty of room to run and play and be silly. Jade imposing structure and order. This house felt like … like a home I’d want my girls to stay in. They even did their own laundry.
Our 1200 square foot, sixty-year-old rental that sometimes lost all heat in the winter couldn’t compare to this.
The fingers in my left hand curled into my palm. I squeezed them until the bones ached. Still, I forced myself to look at the cover of the folder. This wasn’t about me. It was about the girls.
A brick schoolhouse set on a lush, green backdrop stared back at me. I’d driven by it once—had even daydreamed of sending the girls there—but the five-digit annual tuition had brought that to a screeching halt.
“It’s … phenomenal, I’m sure,” I said.
“This is meant as no insult to you, Bitsy.” Jade reached out and put a hand on my shoulder. “You’ve done a wonderful job and have beautiful, intelligent daughters. It’s just that we’re here, and we love them, too, and we want to help any way that we can. We feel this is one way that we could.”
Her touch burned. I looked up with what I hoped was a smile, wondering if it looked as strained as I felt.