“That human happens to be my friend,” I interrupted. “We have a nice easy truce going on here, Farley. Would be a shame to break it and force things to get all messy.” I stared him down, not unlike this one time my D&D character was in a standoff against a pissed off frost giant who didn’t like us trespassing on his mountain. I’d rolled an eighteen on my bluff check and Dave had been forced to act it out rather than drop an avalanche on our heads like he wanted to.
“The First didn’t tell them,” Sally said at last. I couldn’t help but notice her usage of their proper title. No doubt she realized what thin ice we stood on. If forced to choose who they were more afraid of - our ruling council or a bunch of schmucks chained to the floor of a truck - I had little doubt we’d wind up with the short end of that stick.
“Okay,” I said. “Fair enough. But can you at least tell us where we’re going? I mean, I’d like to know if we’re almost there or if I should be asking what the schedule is for piss breaks.”
“It is not for any of us to question the First,” Farley replied, towing the party line like a good sycophant.
“Of course not,” Sally replied. “All glory to their wisdom.” Amazingly enough, she managed to keep from rolling her eyes as she said that, but I could tell what she was doing - reassuring them we were all on the same side, that this was one big misunderstanding...whatever the fuck it was about.
That was one giant steaming load of bullshit, of course. I’d done a shitload to piss off vampires much higher ranked than me. Hell, barely a day went by when I wasn’t forced to consider that had I been anything other than the Freewill, I’d have had my ass staked to dust long ago - probably deservedly so.
That my sins were finally catching up to me wasn’t a surprise. I just had no idea which one I was destined to fry for.
The Men under the Mountain
I wasn’t sure how long I’d been unconscious after those goons had kicked my ass back at Pandora’s Box. It probably wasn’t too long - vampire physiology being what it is. Regardless, we seemed to be in for the long haul in our own personal cargo truck of doom. The vehicle kept going for what felt like hours. The seating arrangements were uncomfortable enough as it was, but after a while, the continual bouncing and swaying of the trailer made it near torturous - and that was just me. I could only imagine how numb Ed’s mostly human ass felt.
Proving they weren’t complete monsters, or perhaps they just weren’t keen on riding in an unventilated box that reeked of piss, we at least were granted one quick bathroom break. Sadly, nothing could be gleaned from it. They tossed hoods over our heads once the truck had stopped and we were dragged out to do our business - or try to. Hell, I have piss anxiety as it is whenever a guy is standing at the urinal next to mine in a public bathroom. Trying to drain the mega-shark while blindfolded and surrounded by armed guards was a nerve-racking experience at best. At least they cuffed my hands in front, saving me the trouble of having to rely on someone else to shake it off.
Oh well, based on the protests she’d voiced on the trip back to our temporary metal prison, it was probably worse for Sally. All things considered, I decided to spare her any assholish remarks once we were underway again. Our situation was bad enough as it was. Also, I didn’t relish her kicking me in the nuts the second she had a chance.
Finally, after more hours on the road, I got the impression we were nearing our destination. The truck stopped several times before moving on again for a short distance. Each time, my sensitive vampire ears could make out voices beyond the walls.
“Security checkpoints?” I offered.
“That or a lot of red lights,” Ed replied.
A few minutes later, the sound of heavy machinery accompanied our next stop. A dull booming seemed to echo in the trailer.
When next we began to move, our mobile prison had a decisively forward slant to it. The implication was obvious; we were heading down. Judging from the slow speed, I guessed us to be in a parking garage or similar such structure - someplace where they could unload their cargo without being seen.
As to what would happen to us next, that was anyone’s guess. I managed to keep my demeanor calm and collected for the benefit of our guards, but inwardly, I was close to crying like a pussy.
According to our captors, their orders had come down from on high, from the Draculas themselves. To me, this meant only one thing. We faced a possible confrontation with one of the few vampires I had no problem admitting scared me shitless: Alexander.
* * *
As the truck shifted into reverse and began slowly backing up - probably toward whatever final destination awaited us - I had a few moments to consider the implications.
I’d inadvertently unleashed Vehron the Destroyer back upon the world after fourteen hundred years. At the time, it had seemed like a good idea. I had figured maybe he had some intelligence he could share with us - stuff that could be useful in stopping our war with the Feet. I also had no idea at the time of his liberation that his surname was “The Destroyer.” Had I known that, I might’ve stuffed his decapitated cranium into Alex’s toilet instead and taken my chances.
That was the kicker right there. I’d found Vehron’s remains not in a vampire prison, but in a locked display case in Alex’s private quarters. He hadn’t been alone, either. Rows upon rows of preserved vampire heads had stared back at me from that space. That in of itself wasn’t so much the problem, other than speaking to some fucking weird fetishes on his part.
No, the real problem had been the odd feeling I’d gotten in my gut upon viewing them...as if there was something different, almost familiar, about all the faces looking back at me. I learned too late Vehron was another Freewill just like me, except infinitely more powerful, twisted, and muscular. I mean, seriously, once that dude’s body had grown back, I sure as shit didn’t want to compete against him at a nightclub.
Ignoring him for the moment, the implications of it all had eventually become clear to me. The Freewills were the legendary warriors of the vampire race: generals, conquerors, and overall badasses. They were the guys the Draculas turned loose on their enemies when shit got real. The thing is, they all disappeared hundreds of years ago. Some thought they were killed. Others thought they’d just up and vanished into thin air. In truth, they’d all retired and taken up jobs as bookends in Alex’s boudoir.
Now, at least as far as Alex was probably concerned, I was the only other vampire to know this secret. I had a disturbing feeling he had a vested interest in making sure I kept my mouth shut permanently.
* * *
At last, we stopped and someone unlocked the truck’s back gate from the outside. Our captors unchained us from the floor but didn’t bother blindfolding us this time. I was still debating whether or not that was a good thing when the back doors swung open and a greasily familiar voice wafted in.
“Well done, trainees.”
Trainees?
“I will be sure to note your success on this mission in my report. The First will be pleased to learn you have proven your loyalty. Perhaps next time they will assign your squad to a mission in which the quarry is actually somewhat dangerous.”
Farley and his men all stood at attention before the pale thin man in the overly crisp suit. Had my hands not been shackled behind my back, I’d have given him a nice one-fingered salute instead. “Hi, Colin.”
We marched out of the trailer to an industrial-sized loading dock. I took a quick look around, squinting in the overly bright artificial light filtering down from far above. If this was a parking garage, it was like no other I’d ever seen. The place was fucking huge and every surface appeared to be made of concrete reinforced with heavy steel.
Unfortunately, the décor wasn’t my main concern right then. Colin stood before us. A column of vampires that looked a lot more seasoned than the grunts we’d been forced to drive with flanked him on either side. I noticed our friend, the Asian commando who’d backhanded Sally, among them. He nodded to the men who’d been tasked wit
h guarding us and they fell in line behind him.
We stood together, facing Colin. I spared a glance at my friends on either side of me. Ed’s face was impassive, probably waiting to see what the fuck was up. Raw annoyance showed on Sally’s mug. I could understand that. Colin was ten gallons of cheap prick stuffed into five gallons of expensive Armani suit.
He strolled over, his gait slow - obviously enjoying himself.
Finally, he stopped in front of us, albeit, I noted, right outside of the range where one of us could’ve punted his balls through the roof.
“I would correct you on my proper title, Freewill,” he replied, the smarm so thick I could’ve planted daisies in it, “but that would be holding you to a standard that you are incapable of achieving. This, on the other hand,” he gestured toward our shackles, “is far more in line with what I expect of you and your compatriots.”
He turned his head ever so slightly. “As for you, dear Sally...” He backed up a step, eyeing the ripped up combat shirt she still wore. A sly smirk crossed his face. “Well, there is that saying about lying down with pigs.”
“Oh, one day, I am so gonna enjoy...”
He put his hand to his ear and leaned in. “What was that, my dear? Speak louder, please. If you’re going to throw out idle threats, you might as well make sure you have ample witnesses that can testify against you.”
Sally gritted her teeth, but kept quiet. Considering the circumstances, I was pretty certain anything she said would be held against her with extreme prejudice.
“So what happened?” I asked. “Did you get demoted again? Let me guess. You’re now the esteemed prison warden of the First Coven?”
“Hardly, Freewill. I maintain my current position serving the Wanderer and the collective will of the First.”
I raised an eyebrow at his mention of James, but said nothing. I had to wonder whether this was yet another ploy of Alexander’s that he’d neglected to tell his younger coven brother.
“I just came down here to welcome you and your friends,” Colin continued. “And enjoy the view of you in chains, of course. Speaking of which...”
He backed up a step, producing a high-end cell phone in a jewel-studded case - prissy douchebag. “They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and I tend to agree.” He touched the screen and it made the digitized noise of a camera shutter clicking.
With that, he turned, obvious glee on his face, and walked away toward a thick steel door leading further into the complex.
Without further ado, the guards converged and began marching us forward. I had no idea what awaited us inside, but I had a feeling that Colin posting an embarrassing pic to Facebook would be the least of our worries.
The Gathering
I had no idea where the hell we were, but it was as heavily fortified on the inside as it had been out at the loading dock - maybe more so. Reinforced concrete made up every arching hallway. Every door we passed looked to be, at minimum, several inches thick, with some making my old cell back at Chillon Castle look like a country club prison in comparison.
We walked in silence. General Cockslapper was every bit the asshole here as he’d been back at Pandora’s Box. The first time I’d opened my mouth, a fist filled it. I hated to admit it, but I was missing Farley and his snot-nosed commandos already. What the fuck had that been about, anyway? Something about proving their loyalty. As if the Draculas really needed to worry about that. Fuck, they could have just compelled the assholes to dance Swan Lake and that bunch would have been powerless to do anything other than pirouette.
I had no idea where Colin had gone. He’d turned a corner and disappeared soon after we’d been escorted in. After that, we’d seen nary a soul outside of our gracious hosts, and they didn’t seem up to the task of explaining the history of every room we passed.
In fact, the place felt almost desolate. I was just starting to note the hollow echo of our footsteps in the wide hallways when I heard a snuffling sound by my side. I turned to see Sally, her nostrils working overtime. I haven’t been a vampire all that long, but I’d been around the block long enough to know she probably wasn’t just trying to clear out any nose nuggets.
Mirroring her, I took a long sniff of the air. Vampires...yeah that much was obvious, but then once you got past all of that, there was more - a lot more. Multiple scents, dozens of them, registered in my overly sensitive nostrils. Hell, I got the impression I was just scratching the surface too. Had I been hopped up on Sally’s jungle juice again, I’m sure my brain would have enjoyed a veritable smorgasbord of smells.
Even so, a memory stirred within me. Some of these scents were vaguely familiar, but it was the wide variety that really triggered my neurons. The last time I’d sensed such a diverse array of beings had been up in Canada, during the failed peace conference in the Sasquatch-infested forest known as the Woods of Mourning.
“Holy shit,” I muttered, stopping in my tracks.
So caught up was I in the thought that I barely felt the guard’s fist connect with my midsection - barely.
* * *
I couldn’t understand where all these smells had originated from. They seemed recent, but as far as I could tell, this place was barren as a tomb. As if to accentuate the silence, I once more made note of how loud all of our footsteps sounded as we walked.
Eventually, the hallway ended in front of us at another armored door. After a few moments, it was opened from the other side and we marched in to...whoa.
This room was massive, reminiscent of the caverns down in Jahabich central - except a fuckload more high tech. Inside were many more vampire soldiers dressed in combat armor of a seemingly better grade than even Sally had been able to procure. However, the sight of them wasn’t what caused my breath to catch.
I gaped at what stood opposite us on the far end, a massive portal sealed with what looked like the mother of all bank vaults. Jesus Christ, what did they keep on the other side, solid gold dinosaurs?
Ed, apparently forgetting for a moment we were in the middle of a group of slap-happy vamps, asked, “Is it too much to hope we’re in Fort Knox and that this whole thing is a ruse so they can scream, 'Congratulations, take whatever you can carry?'“
I waited for a moment, but no beat-down came, although from the look on the commander’s face, he definitely wanted to. Must have been the presence of others in the room. Maybe his penchant for smacking us around had only been at Colin’s urging.
Apparently sensing this too, Sally said, “It’s not a vault.”
“No?”
“It’s a blast door. If I’m not mistaken, this is some sort of bunker - a big one, by the looks of it.”
So much for dreams of running off with an armload of gold bars. If she was right, this place was built for one purpose - to withstand an attack.
The only question now was...against what?
* * *
The massive portal was opened in front of us, giving a true sense of how thick it was. Damn, I could have probably sucked down every single member of the Draculas and still not been able to put a dent in that fucking thing.
It wasn’t the only surprise this place held, either.
An antechamber of sorts - maybe a security checkpoint - awaited us, capped off by yet another massive blast door on the far end. We’re talking uber-paranoia here. I’m pretty sure one could have ridden out Judgment Day, a zombie apocalypse, and the rise of an army of talking apes without batting an eye in there.
I was beginning to wonder whether this was gonna be one big joke...each door leading to another until we were back outside, but then they opened the second door for us and I realized we weren’t destined to get that lucky.
I’d been wondering about the myriad scents that had filled the halls, considering maybe I’d missed one hell of a party. I saw now, though, that wasn’t the case. Scents, sounds, and other emanations poured forth from within - nearly overwhelming in their breadth.
“Smells like a zoo,” Ed commented, “if it was located
in the fucking Twilight Zone.”
“Tell me about it.”
I remembered back to the Woods of Mourning. There had been a similar reveal back then, stepping through a magical force field of sorts that kept all the crazy contained within. The vampire nation apparently had similar thoughts, but dealt with them in a more pragmatic way - more than making up for the lack of magic with enough concrete to avoid detection from anything unwise enough to try spying on them.
That image was further reinforced as we were marched in. Almost immediately, the talking, cackling, hissing, and other vocalizations stopped as Sally, Ed, and I breached the inner chamber. Talk about déjà vu. Though the accoutrements couldn’t have been more different - high end chairs, massive monitors lining the walls, a dome ceiling rising far above, and guards armed with some nasty looking firepower - the rest of the layout remained eerily similar. All of that and more rose above and around us in a stadium - or arena - layout.
The area before us looked as if it might have once been intended for a speaker to address the crowd, but now it was cleared - minus the multitude of armed guards.
As I walked forward, a small wave of air pressed against my back. I glanced over my shoulder and saw the blast door being shut behind us. It moved nearly silently, apparently kept in very good care - making only a hollow thunk sound as the locks were engaged. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that was one escape route that would take a damn miracle to traverse.
I scanned the quieted crowd, all eyes - and other things - staring at us as we marched forward. I still had no names for many of them, but I could see several familiar creatures - if not the same, then related - I’d seen up in Canada. There were also several new monstrosities present including...
“Oh fuck!”
The oath sounded far too loud in the near silence. Always a wonderful thing to draw the crowd’s attention when I least wanted to. I couldn’t help it, though. Off to the far right, surrounded by far meaner and less human-looking versions of the zombies I was familiar with, stood a massive reptilian horror. It was like someone cloned a dinosaur and then decided to keep fucking with the DNA, throwing random parts into a blender just to see what came out the other end. It was Druaga, god of the dead.
The Tome of Bill (Book 6): Half A Prayer Page 21