by Annie Brewer
“So do you love my uncle?” She asks, catching me off guard.
“Is this part of the game?” I inquire, hiding my smile.
“No, I mean do you,” She’s pointing to me, “love my-” she points to herself, “uncle?” Then she points to the door. I distract myself with a Ken doll, feeling her gaze on me but I ignore it.
“Well, if you must know smart little seven year old…I do. Now can we play please?” She smiles, satisfied by my answer.
“He loves you too you know.” Wow, is she always this inquisitive? Better yet, are all seven year olds this nosy? I nod to myself and inspect the clothes they dress the dolls in these days.
“Oh they you are.” I look up and see Carter standing in the doorway with a stupefied expression. I smile at him.
“You caught me Uncle Carter.” Maddie says in mock surrender. Carter moves into the room and swoops her up in his arms, much like he did earlier. She squirms in his hold, squealing in delight. I watch in awe of their sweet relationship.
“You know, I love you rugrat. But I was talking about Gracie.” He kisses her cheek and sets her down, she chuckles. She hugs his waist. “I love you Uncle Carter.” He muddles her curly hair, leaving it in disarray.
“Hey, are you ready to go?”
“Oh yeah, sure.” I clean up my mess and stand up. I turn toward her and say, “Maddie, next time we’ll actually play okay?”
“Okay, thanks for hanging out with me.” She gives me a hug and I lightly run my fingers through her thick curly cue, suddenly feeling emotional.
“Thank you for lunch Sylvia. It was great.” I hug her as we’re standing by the front door.
“Oh my pleasure. It was great to meet you, on a personal level that is.” She winks at me and then adds, “If you ever need anything don’t hesitate to call.” She lets go of me and steps back as Cassie greets us.
“It was great to finally meet you Gracie. Carter talks about you often. It’s nice to see my brother smiling again.” She pats his shoulder sisterly.
“Thanks Cassie. I’m glad I can make him smile. Though I must say, he’s the one making me smile most days. I’m such an emotional wreck sometimes. I hate crying.”
“I know what you’re going through. It’s not easy and sometimes it seems like it will only get worse, but you just gotta keep pushing through. Tell your emotions to screw off when it is getting you down. You will survive.” She lets out a short laugh and says, “I know it’s easier said than done. But if you ever need anything, let me know.” I smile and nod walking out the door.
“Thank you. And if you ever need a babysitter, I’d be happy to help. I owe Maddie a day of Barbie playing anyway.”
She raises her brow in contemplation. “Okay, I may take you up on that. David and I need a night out.” I turn to Sylvia and say, “Tell Candice I said bye.”
“I will.”
“Well, your family certainly made me feel welcome. They were great Carter.” After buckling up and getting situated, we start down the driveway. I fit my petite hand in his warm one. He squeezes gently, steering with the other hand.
“I told you they would. My mom loves everyone.” I look out the window at the neighborhood, thinking how nice it must have been growing up in a place like this. The houses are a good distance from one another yet not too far to feel secluded. The yards are all pretty clean. I smile to myself.
“Thank you for coming.” He kisses the back of my hand and I shiver slightly.
“Thank you for taking me. I had a wonderful time. Maddie is adorable.”
“You want a girl now don’t you?” He glances at me and I look away briefly, unable to hide my smiling face.
“Maybe.” I whisper. He laughs as I glare at him. “What is so funny?”
“Nothing.” He watches the road ahead but I can still see a grin playing on his lips. It makes me want to kiss the grin right off his pretty face but I don’t. A nagging voice in the back of my head won’t shut up. “I have to talk to Nick.” I say. “I need to ask you something.” He gives me a weary look but nods for me to go on. “Would it be okay if Nick came with me to my appointment?” I’m not sure why I’m asking permission. It’s not like we are married, yet I still feel obligated to ask. I can’t tell what’s right or wrong anymore.
“Is this his first appointment since you found out you were pregnant?”
“Yes. And I’m not sure why he wants to go all of a sudden but I can’t really say no. I mean I can, but he is the father technically.” Carter sits quietly for a minute as if he’s contemplating something. Part of me regrets I opened my mouth. I didn’t have to ask him, like he’s my parent. If I want Nick to go, not that I really want him to go, then I have that right.
“Well, if you want him to go, I’ll support you. In fact, I’ll just stay home to avoid confrontation.”
A slight irritation fills my belly. I bite my bottom lip, a little harder than intended. “Why the hesitation?” I ask, trying not to come off as bitchy. He flinches in surprise, then cocks his head to the side.
“What do you mean?”
“Well you just sat there quietly, but it was as if you were thinking about something.” I mentally slap myself for the attack. He didn’t deserve that. It has to be hard on him too, the whole situation. It’s such a mess. I can see why single parents stay single until their kids are grown. Second families make things hard-especially on the children. I soften my expression and grab his hand, running my fingers along the back of it. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what possessed me to explode like that. It wasn’t fair.”
He glances at me, taking a breath and squeezes my hand. “Give yourself a break. Your hormones and emotions are so fucked up. Sorry, so out of whack, outbursts are to be expected. Now, as for your question; you’re right I was thinking about how my cousin is such a douche bag. He’s never been to an appointment with you or even cared. Now it’s like he comes back and decides he wants to be a part of it and all is forgiven. Everything you went through early on didn’t matter because Nick is back and the world can go on again. That’s such bull shit.” He glances at me and shrugs. “I’m sorry. I am just angry with him. It’s not your fault. Maybe I’m angrier with myself, I can’t tell.” I squeeze his hand and look away.
“I understand and you have every right to be angry. I think this whole situation is just really difficult for us all and add to the mix a baby. God, how the hell can life get so damn confusing?” I blink back tears, wishing I could transport time and change things. My feet start to ache inside my shoes. I lean my head back against the headrest and close my eyes.
“I want you to come with me.” I say, my eyes still closed.
“It’s okay, really. You and Nick go and you can call me when you find out.” I look at him and see him smiling. A part of me wishes Nick never asked to go but maybe it’s better this way. And it makes sense for him to go, even though it took all this time for him to want to be part of this baby’s life. It makes me feel grateful that Carter’s not making me choose and after everything, he still wants to be in my life. A smile spreads on my lips.
“Thank you for being so understanding. I really do appreciate it and I’m sorry this is so complicated.” I kiss the back of his hand.
“I’ll do anything for you Gracie. Even if I don’t like it, I’ll deal with it. I just don’t want this to be so hard on you.” I bring our joined hands up to my chest and let out a sigh, staring out the window.
“I need to talk to Nick. I have to tell him I’m not going to USC with him.” That’s not a conversation I look forward to having.
“Do you want me to go with you?”
“No, really Carter it’s okay. I will be okay. This is something I need to do on my own. But I’ll tell you all about how it goes.” I smile as we pull up to my house and I get out of the car.
Chapter 33
“Can you believe you’re halfway through this pregnancy already? That’s freakin’ amazing!” It feels longer to me. It feels like I’ve been pregna
nt for years, although I can probably thank the side effects for that.
“Nick asked me to move to California with him.” Meg’s mouth drops open in shock then quickly changes to anger.
“You said no right?”
“I told him I had to think about it.”
“Think about what? Gracie, you’re not considering getting back together with him are you?” I’m sitting on the edge of her bed, leaning over with my hands on my knees. Her closeness makes me feel uncomfortable and I almost slip off the bed but scoot back a little.
“No, of course not. But when he came over on Thanksgiving, he dropped this big bomb on my head about being Carter’s cousin. I was in shock already so when he told me he wanted me and the baby to move with him, I guess I told him I would think about it because I had no idea what else to say.”
“Oh Gracie. I get that, I guess. That was a surprise and a bit disturbing in my opinion. They are such opposites. But what about Carter? You guys are so great for each other. Don’t hurt him.” She closes my pregnancy book she was reading and sits up, crossing her legs.
“Relax Meg. I’m not going anywhere. I mean, what if being with Carter is a mistake?”
“And being with Nick wouldn’t be?” I know it would, or a part of me thinks it would. I am so confused. I know I love Carter. He’s been great to me. Ugh, guys always complicate everything.
“Well, I’m going to tell Nick today that it’s too late. It was a dream once, to go with him to California. But things have changed.”
“Oh thank God. Thank you Gracie. You’re making the right choice. I couldn’t bear to lose you to that jerk.” I hold my hand up to silence her.
“Just wait. He’s coming with me to my appointment.” She makes a disgruntled noise.
“Are you kidding me? Ugh, well I guess I can deal with that. He just better watch it. I am not up to dealing with his shit. Or I’ll bitch-slap him into next week.”
I couldn’t hold back the smile that surfaced on my lips. “I love you Meg. You and your foul mouth.” She rolls her eyes at me and begins to read more from the book.
“Did you know at the end of this month the baby will be seven to nine inches long? It’s no longer a peanut.” Meg frowns at me then continues reading about the fifth month.
“Well I feel better knowing that the ears have only fully developed. I haven’t been reading to the baby yet.”
“You’ve got time, but you should start now.”
“So, how’s it going with Mason?” As soon as I mention his name, her face turns red.
“Well, I wasn’t going to tell you yet because of all the crap you’ve been going through. But Mason and I…um kinda…did it.” I give her a puzzled look. “We did it.” I am still not following her, not because I’m slow but because all of a sudden my baby starts doing karate chops in my belly and I no longer hear her.
“Oh sorry, let me have your hand.” She tilts her head, questioningly. I grab her hand and place it where the baby is going to town on my bladder. What the fuck is wrong with this fetus? I have never felt it this intense.
“Oh my God, your baby likes sex.” I push her hand away in disgust.
“Shh, don’t you talk like that in front of ...” Dammit, I want to know already what this baby is. Boy or girl, I don’t care. I just want to be able to say their name instead of “baby”. Meg laughs at me and I glare at her. “Okay, so you did that. And was it everything you thought it would be?”
“Absolutely. It was pretty amazing. I mean, I always considered what it would be like with him and quit looking at me like that bitch.” I can’t help but laugh at her. I always knew she had a thing for Mason, it was quite obvious. At least to me it was. But to hear her talk about her Mason fantasies is just too much. She lightly punches my arm and I feign hurt.
“Sorry, I can’t help it. But really, that’s great Meg. You deserve to be happy. And I can’t think of a better guy for you than Mason.” I hug her.
“How is it going with Carter?” I can’t help the huge smile that spreads across my face. Or the swarm of butterflies taking flight in my belly.
“We’re good, really good. He took me to meet his family. I had a great time. They were all so welcoming. A big difference from Nick’s family who never gave two shits about me. His niece Maddie though, she was my favorite of the bunch. She warmed my heart.”
“That’s awesome. I’m glad they accepted you and you all got along. Nick’s mom is a bitch. She was never nice to you.” I remember the conversation with Sylvia in the kitchen.
“Yeah, she’s Carter’s aunt but they are so different. Sylvia told me she hates everyone, especially anyone trying to steal her son. No girl would ever be good enough for him. It’s too bad he doesn’t have balls big enough to stand up to her though. He’s definitely a mama’s boy.” And he always has been. I should have known that wouldn’t change. I get up off the bed and start pacing the room, nervous, trying to get my bearings. I just need to talk to Nick and get it over with. I stop and look at her Jason Statham poster filled walls. “You should probably take those down. Mason is going to get jealous one of these days.” She scoffs, as if I just said the most absurd thing.
“He will have to deal with it. Jason deserves a spot on my wall.” I shake my head at her but leave it alone. It’s not worth arguing. She’s a huge fan and collects all of his movies. Personally, I don’t think he’s that hot but whatever. I won’t tell her that. He is a good actor though.
“Hey, I gotta go. I’ll call you later.”
“Oh, okay. Be good.”
When I pull up to Nick’s house, I mentally prepare myself before getting out. I’m more apprehensive about running into his mom than anything else. I have a suspicion that she’s not even aware I’m pregnant-with her grandchild. I stare at the front door ready to exit my car when a tap on the window makes me jump and my hand goes right to my heart.
I roll the window down and see Nick looking back at me.
“Hey. What are you doing here?”
“We need to talk.” I glare at him for a minute. “You should refrain from scaring a pregnant girl. You could really give them a heart attack.” He rolls his eyes as I roll my window up and get out of the car. He leads me into his kitchen through the hallway, which is smaller than mine. The house is smaller too. The cabinets look old and rusty and the paint needs a fresh coat. But even so, I came here many times and always felt comfortable. Well, not in his family’s presence. I can only recall a few times I was here when Nick was gone but it was for short times.
“Do you want something to drink?” Nick asks politely.
“No thanks.” He grabs a cup and fills it with red Gatorade, then sits down at the small wooden table across from me. He clears his throat before speaking.
“I’m really glad you came here.”
“I’m sorry for storming out the way I did. I hope Granny wasn’t too harsh.” I’m not sure what possesses me to be nice to him. But I smile a little, tapping my foot quietly. He lets out a short laugh, looking shameful.
“She was okay. She had a right to be angry.” He looks at me, serious. “I’m sorry for all the crap I put you through. I was a coward. You were so brave and put together.”
“What about punching your cousin in the face?” A dark look crosses his face when I mention Carter.
“Oh, no he deserved that.” Even though I am curious why he thinks that, I drop it.
“Just so you know, I was not brave or put together. I may be brave now, but in the beginning I was a basket case. You left me at the worst time. I was terrified. I was sick for the first few months and wasn’t gaining any weight. I was also weepy, which still comes out even now but not as much. Not to mention, I was in the hospital because I became anemic. But you wouldn’t know any of that, would you?”
“I’m sorry Gracie. I never meant to hurt you.” He tries to take my hand that is resting on the table, but I pull it away from his grasp.
“It’s a little late for that now. But I didn’t co
me here to fight. I just wanted to tell you it’s okay for you to come to my next appointment, if you want.” He looks surprised and then smiles which irritates me but I bite my tongue to keep from making a comment.
“Really? Thank you.” He looks hesitant, like he wants to say something but is afraid of my reaction. “So does this mean we’re starting over?”
I flinch at his words. “What?”
“Are you giving me another chance?” I should have known he’d think that. I slowly shake my head and he looks disappointed. Is he serious?
“I’m sorry Nick. I meant to say you can come to my appointment but I’m not going to USC with you. I can’t.” A flash of hurt crosses his face and guilt settles in my chest. But what about all the hurt he caused me? Can I just forget it like it never happened? No, no I can’t. He just has to deal with it-the way I had to deal with him leaving me.
“Can I ask why?”
“Because my family and friends are here.” I sit up straight, the back of the chair causing my back to ache.
“You mean because Carter is here.” He snaps. I recoil but snap back.
“Don’t bring him into this Nick. I just can’t leave.” Maybe I was the one who brought him into this in the first place, but that’s beside the point.
“You never had a problem before. We had plans to leave, remember?” I stand up, no longer able to sit still. I’m fuming with rage.
“You left me, remember? We made plans to start a life together-after graduation; before I found out I was pregnant. Plans changed.” He kicks his chair back hastily, making a loud scratching sound.
“Is it because of Carter? Is that why?” He’s inches from my face, but I don’t back down.
“I…I love him Nick.”
“You don’t know him Gracie.” His gaze is intense. He keeps his hands to his sides and I step back.
“I don’t know the guy he used to be. I know the guy he is now though.” I can feel his hot breath on my face, since he decided to crowd my space again. Jerk.