In Hope's Shadow

by Janice Kay Johnson

  He parked, bumper almost touching a snowbank, and released his seat belt, turning to look over his shoulder. “Time to bundle up, kiddo, so you don’t get cold like you did last time.”

  “You did buy her some new boots, then?” Eve asked.

  “And snow pants, too,” Rachel boasted. “Only, we couldn’t find any pink ones. These are blue.” Her tone condemned the color.

  “Sorry.” He’d gotten out and opened her door, helping her unbuckle. The quilted pants he held up were indeed navy blue, probably made for boys, although Eve wouldn’t have said that for worlds.

  “We went to Goodwill quick this morning,” he told her over Rachel’s head, as she squirmed into the snow pants. “Even assuming any of the stores at the mall still have winter clothes, I couldn’t see wasting a lot of money on boots and pants that won’t fit by the time we do this again.”

  “That’s smart. Those do look warm,” she told Rachel.

  Eventually, they were all appropriately garbed, Rachel all but waddling in her chunky boots—they had found pink boots—quilted pants and heavy parka. Her hands were encased in mittens, her head covered by a cozy hat. Eve lacked the snow pants, but figured she could endure a cold butt for as long as a six-year-old’s attention span lasted.

  Ben had donned navy blue insulated ski pants and parka and black leather gloves. The knit hat he pulled out of one pocket was—drum roll, please—navy blue. Of course, he looked incredibly sexy no matter what he wore.

  He had an actual sled, she was pleased to see, instead of one of those round plastic discs that seemed to spin people around even as they shot down the slope. Having a tendency to vertigo, Eve didn’t think that looked like much fun. Who got carsick when they were sledding? She didn’t want to be the first.

  “It was fun last time,” Rachel confided, reaching for Eve’s hand. She held her father’s on the other side. “’Til I fell off and got all wet and cold.”

  Ben grimaced over her head. He’d told Eve they had only gone down the hill three times.

  Eve laughed and squeezed Rachel’s hand. “Falling off is half the fun. Today, you’re well padded. All you’ll do is bounce.”

  It was a beautiful day, besides: the sky was crystal clear, a bottomless blue, the snow sparkled in the sunlight, and yet it was cold enough despite the lateness in the season to keep the snow crisp underfoot. Eve’s breath puffed out in small clouds.

  Once they were at the top of the slope, she waited while Ben went down with his daughter, after which Eve took a turn with her. In no time, Rachel had become fast friends with a couple of kids close to her age. She and another girl spun down the hill in a blue plastic saucer.

  “Ugh,” Eve muttered. “Makes my stomach spin.”

  The other girl’s mother laughed. “It’s even worse when you’re actually doing it. You notice I’m doing a lot of standing around and generously letting the rest of the family take my turns.”

  Eve laughed.

  Of course, then Ben wanted to take a turn with her, which involved her settling carefully on the wooden slats of the sled and scrunching up so he could sit behind her and wrap his legs around her, placing his feet on the steering bar. Then his arms came around her, too, as he lifted the rope. He put his mouth close to her ear and murmured, “Now, this I like.”

  Eve gave a small wriggle that had him laughing.

  “Need a push?” a man asked, and a moment later they were sliding.

  The hill was just steep enough to make Eve’s eyes sting in the cold wind and provide a little bit of a thrill while still being safe for children. As they glided to a stop, Eve wished they could have gone on and on.

  Ben rose a lot more gracefully than she did, even with the help of his hand on hers, tugging her up. In the cold, color had risen in his cheeks and his eyes were intensely blue. He kept tugging until she bumped up against him, then dropped a kiss on her mouth with cold lips.

  “Fun?” he asked huskily.

  “It was.” She looked around as an excuse to tear her gaze from his. “How on earth did the two of you ever fall off on this hill?”

  Pulling the sled, he started upward. “The packed part of the hill was narrower and there were banks on each side. I think there’d been a late snowfall. There’ve been a lot of people here since then. Plus,” he sounded rueful, “I thought it would be fun to tumble into the snow.”

  “Bet you were sorry.”

  “You’re not kidding.”

  They caught up to Rachel and her new friend near the top. The two were chattering away. “Look!” she told her father. “I want pants like Livvy’s.”

  Which were, of course, pink.

  “Next year,” Ben promised. “Yours may be blue, but they’re keeping you warm, aren’t they?”

  Yes, they were. She decided to go down with Livvy again, which gave Eve another chance to snuggle in front of Ben and shoot down the hill. They were almost to the bottom when she felt him leaning sideways, pulling him with her. Just as they slid to a stop, they tipped over. Her head was cushioned by his upper arm, but her hip felt the cold.

  “Very funny,” she said as they untangled themselves and righted the sled. “And ugh. I think my butt is frozen now.”

  Laughing at her, he pulled off his glove and laid his hand over her hip. “Huh,” he said in surprise. “I think it is.” Then he patted her, very gently. “You going to start whining that you want to go home?”

  Eve gave a saucy smile. “Nope. I’m a big girl.” She twirled and started up without him, adding an extra swing to her hips for a few steps.

  Rachel lasted for nearly an hour and a half before getting a little whiny. By then, even Eve was wearing down. Livvy’s family had departed, the girls mourning the fact that they didn’t go to the same school.

  “I wish I went to school in Stimson,” Rachel declared.

  Eve imagined Ben feeling a stab in his heart. But to his credit, he only grinned at his kid.

  “But then you wouldn’t know Ann. And isn’t she your best friend?”

  Well, yes, but she liked Livvy, too, and now she’d never see her again.

  He’d just stowed the sled in the back when his phone rang. When he answered, Eve guessed the call had to do with work—until she heard him say, “Nic?”

  Whatever his ex-wife said after that made his face soften. His gaze caught Eve’s, and he turned his back, walking a few steps away for a quiet conversation. Eve tried not to mind. When Ben opened the driver’s side door and got in, he said with what struck her as an elaborately casual tone, “Nicole wondered how the sledding had gone.” He turned his head to grin at his daughter. “Your mom thought you’d be an icicle by now.”

  “Did you tell her about my new boots ’n’ stuff?”

  “I did.”

  Eve didn’t comment. Rachel drooped in the backseat once they were moving and the heat was pouring out of the vents, but revived when Ben stopped at a rustic café twenty minutes down the road for a late lunch.

  Eve didn’t know if the hamburger was really that good or whether she was just starved, but she devoured it and her fries, and watched in amusement as Rachel gobbled a surprising amount, too, and insisted she still had room for pie.

  So did Eve. She decided to skip the a la mode, but enjoyed watching Rachel and Ben share a slab of huckleberry pie with a huge heap of ice cream atop it.

  Two minutes after leaving the café, Rachel tipped until her cheek was pressed to the window glass and fell sound asleep.

  Ben smiled, looking in the rearview mirror. “It’s always guaranteed,” he said softly.

  “Does she still nap?” asked Eve, just as quietly.

  “She insists she doesn’t, but Nic says she still does most days. Wear her out a little, and she conks right out.”

  “She’s a sweetheart. And thank you for invitin
g me. I had a great time.”

  “Better than dancing?”

  “Well...” She pretended to think, holding back her smile. “Maybe. Except for the cold.”

  He chuckled and reached over to take her hand. Eve dismissed her worry about that phone call.

  They mostly stayed quiet during the remainder of the drive, but she was blissfully happy. Ben never let go of her hand until they reached the city limits and traffic became heavier. When he pulled up to her complex, she shook her head as he reached for his door handle.

  “Don’t be silly. There’s no need to disturb Rachel.”

  “Okay.” His voice was low, gravelly. “I’m glad you came.” He began the kiss as if fully aware his daughter could wake up at any minute, but it deepened and grew hotter by increments, until Eve, at least, was wanting a whole lot more.

  Ben groaned when he lifted his head. “Damn. I want—”

  Me, too. “Talk to you soon.” She had to clear her throat. “Enjoy the rest of your weekend.”

  She’d almost made up the stairs before he drove away. She might have felt a tiny pang, because she would have liked to be included in whatever else he and Rachel did, but she couldn’t mind too much because he had invited her to join them for their outing. He’d wanted her and Rachel to get to know each other. Her rational side understood completely why he hadn’t at first; it wasn’t healthy for kids to spend time with a parade of temporary partners in their parents’ lives. In fact, given that they’d only been seeing each other for a couple of weeks, the fact that he’d included her today had to mean something. This happiness felt strange, unfamiliar, but good nonetheless.

  It meant he liked her. Really, really liked her.

  And, no, she wasn’t going to squeal, but she wanted to.

  * * *

  TRUST HIS BIGMOUTHED DAUGHTER. Nicole had barely opened her front door to greet them than Rachel began excitedly telling her about the sledding, and Daddy’s friend who said Rachel could call her Eve, and how mostly Daddy rode down on the sled with Eve while Rachel went with her new friend Livvy.

  And after he’d been careful during the phone call not to mention Eve.

  Nicole listened, her arms crossed, her expression pleasantly interested.

  Rachel twirled, telling Nic about how the plastic saucer spun until she and Livvy were dizzy and fell down when they got off.

  She beamed. “We had lots of fun. I didn’t get cold at all, ’cuz Daddy bought me snow boots ’n’ pants.” She demonstrated how they made her walk like a penguin before Nicole suggested she take her suitcase to her bedroom before she came back to say goodbye to Daddy.

  Ben tensed. If Nic didn’t want to talk to him, she’d have Rachel hug him goodbye right away. The “take your stuff to your room” tactic was saved for when she had something to say.

  The moment Rachel was out of earshot, Nicole raised her perfectly arched brows. “Did you have to introduce your daughter to whatever woman you’re seeing right now?”

  He made sure to keep his expression bland. “What’s the harm in her meeting my friends?”

  “Show some discretion,” she said sharply.

  His jaw tightened. “Rach tells me all the time about the men Mommy is dating. Pretty sure you’ve introduced her to them.”

  She tilted her head, looking almost flirtatious. “Does that bother you?” she murmured. “Knowing I’m dating?”

  Yeah. It had bothered him a hell of a lot, although he’d been careful not to give her the satisfaction of knowing.

  Satisfaction? What? He thought she enjoyed hurting him?

  He blocked out the disturbing thought, which was followed by yet another: that this weekend he hadn’t wondered even once what Nicole was doing with her free-as-a-bird Friday and Saturday nights. Because of Eve.

  “We’re divorced, Nic,” he said. “Why would I be bothered?”

  Her eyes narrowed and her lips thinned. She hadn’t liked that.

  Well, good, he thought, anger forming a ball in his gut, because he’d had a suspicion all along that she made sure Rachel met the men she was dating so that she would tell Daddy about them. He’d been idiot enough to convince himself it was because Nic was having second thoughts and was trying to get a reaction from him, arouse jealousy so she could be sure he still wanted her.

  And here it turned out that what he’d needed to do was threaten her certainty that he’d always be waiting in the wings.

  He wished he knew if it was all ego for her, or whether she felt any regret or yearning for what used to be.

  He smiled past her at his daughter who hurried back to fling her arms around his waist. He lifted her, kissed her forehead and said, “You be good for your mom, okay? And Mrs. Messner.”

  She giggled. “I’m always good.”

  He laughed and set her down. “Bye, honey.”

  He’d barely turned away when the door closed, damn near hitting him in the ass. Nope, Nicole was not pleased to find out he had a girlfriend.

  Bonus points, he thought with satisfaction, walking to his vehicle.

  * * *

  “SETH’S BEEN TALKING to you.” Eve pushed her laptop aside on her dining-room table and reached for her teacup. Bailey had called, apparently in an attempt to persuade Eve to tell all.

  Her adoptive sister laughed. “Of course he’s been talking to me. We talk almost every night.”

  Eve felt a pang. What would it be like, to close out every day with the same person? To know everything that happened to you during the day, large or small, was important to him because you were?

  “What’s he doing, grilling Ben on our relationship?”

  “Something like that. He says Ben is annoyingly closemouthed.”

  Since Bailey couldn’t see her, Eve didn’t have to hide her grin. “So he passed the baton to you, figuring women don’t keep secrets from each other?”

  “I gather you’ve been keeping a few from Mom.”

  Eve’s amusement went flat at Bailey’s pointed comment. “She complained?”

  “No, she just sounded a little hurt.”

  “I have called her twice this week,” she gritted out.

  “And what did you talk about?”

  Feeling mulish, Eve pressed her lips together, refusing to answer on the grounds it would incriminate her. She’d talked about everything but Ben.

  “She loves you.”

  “That’s not love,” Eve snapped. “It’s guilt, heavily applied.”

  “I don’t know, I sort of like having a mom who is nosy because she cares about me.”

  “So now you’re trying to make me feel guilty, too?” Eve shot back. “Because I had Mommy and Daddy longer than you did?”

  “Well, you did,” Bailey said reasonably, then to Eve’s surprise laughed. “Okay, I guess that wasn’t so subtle. And no, I don’t blame you for wanting to keep your dating or sex life private. She fusses every time I come up because I’m staying with Seth and not with them. ‘You know, Hope, there are some people who still disapprove of couples living together before marriage.’”

  “They’re pretty conservative, in case you haven’t figured that out by now.”

  “I have. I’ve refrained from reminding her that I haven’t been lily-pure for a long time.”

  Shocked, Eve said, “That’s not funny.”

  This time, it was Bailey who was quiet for a minute. Finally she said, “I wasn’t talking about him.”

  He—always mentioned with the same tension—was Les Hamby, the creep who had abducted six-year-old Hope Lawson, sexually molested and physically abused her for years until her body had begun to develop, becoming unappealing to him, and then abandoned her. He’d gone on to abduct other little girls, all pretty, all blonde and blue-eyed, until Seth brought Hope home, then determined to track Ha
mby down. Working with the FBI, against all odds he had succeeded. Hamby’s first of what would be several trials in different states would be here, for kidnapping Hope. It looked as if it might happen as soon as this coming fall. Bailey claimed to be looking forward to testifying, although Eve suspected her real emotions were probably more complex. Eve also suspected she talked about them only to Seth.

  “I’m sorry,” Eve said.

  “It was my teenage behavior I was talking about,” Bailey said, sounding more subdued. “I...thought the only thing I had of any worth was my body.”

  “You never told me that.”

  “I’m not exactly proud of it.” She paused. “I did tell Seth. He says he understands.”

  “Of course he does. I do, too. I’ve worked with more than a few girls who took the same road.”

  “I suppose you have.” Bailey sounded thoughtful. “Do you get a lot of kids who’ve been sexually molested?”

  “Unfortunately. No class or economic boundaries there. I have a couple girls in foster care right now whose father likely molested all four daughters before the next-to-youngest finally told. The mother insists they’re all lying and is standing staunchly by him. He’s an attorney and county council member.”

  “Really? Still?”

  “He resigned from the county council, but is still fighting charges. I can’t imagine his law practice is exactly booming.”

  “No.”

  Bailey said it so softly, Eve felt a pang of—what else?—guilt.

  “I’m sorry,” she said again.

  “No, don’t be. Having been outed to the world, I’ve discovered that most people are as uncomfortable talking to me about child sexual abuse as they would be about death if I were terminal. It’s...awkward. Plus, I’m left listening for whispers behind my back. It’s true even for Mom and Dad—” she seemed to be thinking that through “—no, not fair, mostly Mom. You and Seth are the only people who really acknowledge what happened to me.”

  “Excepting reporters,” Eve said drily.

  “Ugh. Yes.” Bailey took a deep breath or let one out, Eve wasn’t sure which. “Which brings us back to our parents.”