Overlord Brawl
L.A. Johnson
Chemical Zombie Press
Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
About the Author
This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters and events in this book are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any similarity to real persons living or dead is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Published by Chemical Zombie Press LLC
Copyright © 2018 by L.A. Johnson
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Cover Artwork by Venkatesh Sekar
Editing by Elizabeth Lance
1
Ray was in the middle of a wonderful dream. Several Zirilian women had stopped by his new place to chat and have a drink. They were huge fans, they said. “You’re the best Oracle in the entire universe, just like it says in your infomercial ads. Tell our future,” they said. They begged him to throw the dice for them.
“Oh no,” Ray said to them, “you have no idea what those dice are capable of. They’re squirrely little rascals. Everybody thinks they’re just casino dice and I let them,” he said.
On some level Ray now knew that he was in a dream, because he would never share that information with anyone. No matter how much he had to drink or how pretty the girls were. Also, famous or no, he would never have had a shot with those particular Zirilian women.
“Because I never tell anyone the secret,” Ray continued in his dream, “that the dice were created by the oldest living magician in the universe today. In fact, he’s so old that he’s gone into full hermit mode and everybody thinks he’s dead. Only I know the secret, babes. The secret that the old man told me when he gave me the dice. Or rather when I swiped them and swapped them out with an old Regal pair. The secret that I swore never, ever to tell on my life. That when the dice were made, out of the last gasp of breath of a dying star- “
“AAAAEERRGGGH.” Ray screamed, hoping to shut up the Ray in his dream. He sat straight up in his bed and breathed heavily for a few minutes. In and out, Ray, keep it together. Okay, it was just a dream and now it’s over. Whew.
That’s when he heard the mewling and scratching sound across the room. He frowned. They were the best future telling dice in the universe, even when dormant. Why would they wake up now and what could they possibly want?
2
Thunk. Kirian threw the knife. It buried itself in the wall near the center of a crude drawing of a neon purple octopus.
“You don’t think that drawing and all the knives in it will upset her?” Fleek asked.
“I’m counting on it,” Kirian answered. Thunk.
"This is going to sound weird, but I miss Ari," Fleek said. He shook his head, causing his tall, green mohawk to flop over from side to side. He sunk into a chair in front of the main console.
Kirian sat down next to him. The screen was turned off for now, giving them a view of the stars and the void.
His wardrobe consisted of ripped jeans complete with rhinestones, and a vintage ironic Black Hole Soldier tee shirt. Kirian noticed that he was fully playing the part of the Rockstar these days. He had gone from unemployed musician to superstardom in the last few months. Other than his wardrobe, not much had changed.
"Me too," Kirian said. "The ship feels empty with her and Carpe running off to Vega to work for Regal." She twirled the knife around her fingers while thinking. "Didn't Drexyl go to Vega too?"
"Yeah, but he went to gamble, not to work. Which just leaves us poor suckers, hanging out on a ship that feels both lonely and overpopulated at the same time," he said.
Kirian scooted closer and whispered, "I know, right? You and I have been roommates for years now, and we're good, but I'm not sure adding the Neon Octopus Overlord was a good idea."
"Ex-Overlord," said Fleek. "And it wasn't an idea so much as she came onboard and wouldn't leave. I mean, have you seen the mess that her tentacles make in the shower? Who's supposed to clean that? Not me."
"And all of her gross seafood in the refrigerator reeks." Kirian added.
Fleek crossed his legs. "Plus, there's the fact that she hogs all of the wi-fi for her Overlord Vlog classes. She's like the worst roommate ever-"
A purple tentacle stretched out across the room and wrapped itself around Fleek’s throat.
Kirian lifted a finger to object. Then she changed her mind and slashed at the tentacle with her knife but she was too late. Another slimy neon appendage cut off her air supply as well.
A bulbous, neon head came into view as the rest of Soda slithered into the room. "I keep telling you idiots. I'm right here. I can hear every word you say. I was the Overlord in charge of this whole galaxy. I will get my old job back, but until then you're stuck with me. Got it? Now, are you two finished or are we going to have a problem?"
The tension around Kirian's neck eased up enough to let her nod her head, but the tentacle did not let go.
The console sprang to life behind the three of them. It showed a woman on the screen holding a microphone. She appeared to be sitting in a newsroom.
Kirian was getting woozy from lack of oxygen, but she could have sworn that the woman on the screen looked familiar.
"Hello, I'm Kaitlin Jasmine for WJAS Intergalactic News," the woman said, blinking at the three of them. "I'm here live with Soda, the previous Galactic Overlord," she said to her audience. "Soda? We'd love to get a statement on the recent political developments going on here in Arcturis. That is, if you can take a break from what appears to be the strangling of your ship-mates."
Soda turned her head to see what was happening on the console screen. Then she released Fleek and Kirian. "Oh, um, hello."
"You'd better run, Soda," Kirian rasped, but she knew nobody would be able to hear it. She took several deep breaths. Then, in a familiar routine for just this occasion, she bent over and coughed, trying to clear her throat. She knew that the technique would work, since Soda strangling them was at least a weekly occurrence on the ship. She slipped her dagger back into her shirt. "We're going to have to get her off the ship, Fleek, one way or the other."
&nb
sp; "With you there," he whispered back, but his attention was fixed on the screen. "Hey," he said, "isn't that Diamond Girl?"
Diamond Girl was the nickname they had given an entertainment reporter who had interviewed Fleek and his band Chemical Zombies just before Arcturispallooza, the concert that launched them to fame and fortune. They had nicknamed her Diamond Girl because a series of shimmering small stones on her body interconnected with see-through webbing was the only clothing she was wearing the night of the interview.
She wasn't wearing much more than that now. The dress she had on was very sheer and still see-through but was in fact fabric-based and therefore technically more. "I think you're right," Kirian said, tilting her head to the side to try to see better, "but it's hard to tell with her actually wearing clothes."
Fleek blinked at the screen. "Hey, good for her. I think. Is political reporter a step up or a step down from interviewing rock stars?"
"Hard to say," Kirian answered. Then she decided to eavesdrop. Maybe something Diamond Girl had to say would help get Soda off Fleek's spaceship. Kirian was starting to develop a legitimate fear of tentacles.
Soda straightened and faced Diamond Girl. "What did you say about recent political developments?"
Diamond Girl ignored the question and tried to look around Soda. "You appear to be in the presence of both Fleek, the lead singer of Chemical Zombies, and Kirian, Destroyer of Planets. Before we get to the political stuff, the galaxy wants to know: are you guys involved in some kind of freaky threesome?"
Soda recoiled. "With those two idiots? No."
The response irritated Kirian, who felt like she should be the one who got to be indignant.
Diamond Girl's male co-anchor appeared to kick her under the table in an apparent attempt to refocus her on politics. "The developments," he reminded her.
"Yes, okay then," Diamond Girl said, clearing her throat. "Soda. The first question is are you aware of the recent developments regarding the Intergalactic Oversight Board with which you have had multiple dealings? Or do I have to restate the obvious for all of the news junkies in our audience who have been on the edge of their seats all morning?"
Soda chuckled. "Oh yeah, those guys. A bunch of spineless, weak-minded fools. To answer your question, no. I have way better things to do than watch politics on television all the time. I must admit that I am curious now, though. What are those idiots on the I.G.O.B. board up to now?"
"Not much. They're dead," Diamond Girl answered.
Soda blinked for a moment and appeared to be at a loss for words. "Seriously? All of them? You mean dead, dead? Or are you pranking me or something?"
Diamond Girl made a throat slash gesture. "Real dead. Dissolved."
"Ew," Soda said. "Do you have any suspects?"
Diamond Girl went in for the kill. "You had a famously contentious relationship with the board, Soda. You recently lost your job and the word around town is that they were resisting your efforts to get it back."
"Lies!" Soda said. "Well, except for the contentious relationship with the board part. That's totally true. And they were actively resisting me. They hated my guts. But I had no idea they were dead, and I certainly didn't kill them."
Diamond Girl raised an eyebrow.
"Of course," Soda exclaimed. "I should have known that I'd get blamed for this. Well, I've got news for you, I haven't left this stupid ship in months."
"That's true," Kirian muttered. "Unfortunately."
Diamond Girl wasn't convinced. "There are rumors that you can teleport."
"Crap," Soda said. "Maybe, but I didn't kill the board. Not a single one. I've been right here, raising money and support for my bid to become Overlord again, and if you think your little ambush here is going to slow me down," she was pointing with a slimy tentacle now, "then you have another think coming."
"Oh, this interview isn't really about the Intergalactic Board of Directors or their untimely demise," Diamond Girl said, smiling sweetly as she waited to drop the other shoe onto Soda's head. "I only asked about them in order to put up this flash poll to see if our viewers think that you're telling the truth about the matter." She added the poll to the bottom of the screen.
Kirian watched as the numbers scrolled past, ever-changing, but not in Soda's favor.
Soda scrunched up her face at Diamond Girl and took a deep breath. Whatever she was going to say never made it out, though, as Diamond Girl continued.
"What this is about is the new political rules that have been activated since the board was dissolved. As you may or may not know, because it is in the very fine print of the Overlord Regulations: in the event that the Intergalactic Oversight Board is dissolved, the rules change." When she said the word dissolved, she held up her fingers in air quotes.
"Just spit it out," Soda said. "How does this change the rules?"
"It means that Anti-parliamentary rules go into effect," Diamond girl spat out excitedly, unable to hold it in any longer.
"That can't possibly be true," Soda spat at the screen. "What you're talking about is crazy. It's mythology. It's-"
Diamond Girl interrupted, unable to suppress her excitement. "That's right, folks. Anti-parliamentary rules mean that you can throw all the political rules that you're used to right out the window. From now on, we're taking our political process off-roading. Bonus points for you, Soda, if you know what that means for the investigation of the recently deceased Intergalactic Oversight Board members."
Soda thought about it for a moment. "It means there won't even be an investigation."
Diamond Girl was annoying, but according to the text crawl on the bottom of the screen, her ratings were through the roof. "Ding-ding-ding," She said. "And why is that?"
Soda took a deep breath and answered. "Because from now on, any political participant involved in the Overlord competition process is subject to the Anti-Parliamentary Procedure and can be killed or injured with no repercussions whatsoever. Darwin's Rules. I have done extensive research on this galaxy, though," Soda continued. "Those rules have never been utilized."
"Correct again," Diamond Girl said. "And that's exactly why viewers should stay glued to your television sets. This one is going to be fun." She glanced away for a moment, and then back to the camera. "It's the top of the hour and that makes it Official Disclaimer time. I am required to make an announcement every hour, on the hour, that the capital city of Arcturis is about to become a very dangerous place and that all residents, tourists, or visitors choosing to stay or visit will be doing so of their own free will and as such, acknowledge that they understand the danger and take full responsibility for anything that happens." She took a quick breath. "And that furthermore, said citizens, visitors and tourists hold the city blameless for all monetary, physical, and emotional damages that might occur. Oh, and for the record, Soda, you look horrible in that shade of pink."
Soda balled a tentacle into a fist. "Is there anything in these new Anti-Parliamentary melee rules about the potential danger to political reporters?" Soda asked.
Diamond Girl's fake plastic smile disappeared. "Are you threatening me, you bulbous-headed, neon hag?"
A tentacle went through the screen and reached toward Diamond Girl's throat. "How dare you talk to me that way!"
Fleek jumped up and grabbed a hold of the tentacle, pulling it back. "Whoa, there. Soda's just kidding around. Isn't that right? This one's a kook. She's just a fun-loving ex-overlord who will do anything for ratings, am I right? She’s just the sort of overlord this galaxy needs."
"Sure." Soda chuckled menacingly as she retracted her tentacle back onto the ship. "That's me."
Diamond Girl did her best to glare at them through her platinum smile before turning back to her audience. "And that concludes our exciting interview with the ex-Neon Octopus Overlord, everybody. Don't go anywhere though, we're just getting started."
The screen went blank.
The three of them just stood there looking at each other.
"Why did you do
that?" Kirian asked Fleek. "She just about single handedly proved on live television that she could have killed the entire stupid board and you stopped her."
"Oh yeah, Fleek. Thanks for that. I guess Diamond Girl just got under my skin. But I'm as curious as Kirian. Why did you help me?"
Fleek held his hands out like the answer was self-explanatory. "If she blows her overlord election before it even gets started, then we'll never get her off the ship. Duh. By the way, Soda, you're going to need an experienced publicist. You're not very good at this. How in stars name did you get to be Overlord in the first place?"
"Power and deception," she replied.
"Oof," Kirian said, shaking her head. "You're going to need a lot more than that in this election. Whoever's still alive after the appointed competition time is still going to have to get elected."
"What are you talking about?" Soda asked. "A lot more of what, exactly?"
"More politics. You know, the usual. Ass-kissing, photo ops, and lying through your teeth."
Soda's tentacles drooped onto the floor. "Ugh. That sounds awful."
"Welcome to Galactic politics," Fleek said. "Nobody said it was gonna be easy."
"Wait," Soda said. "I don't have to do any of that. Idiot Diamond Girl made sure everybody knew that all we have to do is kill each other."
Overlord Brawl: Book 1 of the Neon Octopus Ally Series Page 1