by M. Robinson
I took a deep breath, walked over to it, and swiped over the locked screen.
S – How’s my girl?
Lovely.
Y – You marked me…
S – I have no idea what you’re talking about. ;-)
Y – Sebastian…
S – They’re not marks they’re love bites.
I didn’t say anything for several minutes I didn’t know what to say.
S – Are you upset? I got carried away. I’m sorry.
I still didn’t say anything.
S – Ysa…
I wanted to tell him to leave me alone and that this was over; I even started to type it.
S – I miss you. I need you.
I deleted it all.
Y – I miss you. Come over.
I didn’t even think before I sent that.
S – What?
Y – Come to my condo.
S – Can I do that?
No…I never did that. I had never had a man in my place other than Devon.
Y – Yes. I need you.
S – I’ll be there as soon as I can. Text me the address.
And thus the fucked up love affair continued.
<><>S<><>
I should have been nervous about going to her condo, I had never been there, and I knew she was breaking some sort of rule or code. I wasn’t, I needed to fucking see her. I couldn’t begin to describe how much I missed her, her smell, her smile, her laugh, her warmth, just her.
I had told Julia that I was meeting with a client and would be home late. My lies were just spewing more and more, so much that I was having a hard time deciphering them from the truth. It was like the more I tried to not think about her, the more obsessed I became.
I could tell as soon as she let me in that she had a lot weighing on her mind. I knew there were things she wanted to say to me. There were things that I probably should have said as well. We didn’t talk. She buried her face in my chest the moment she saw me. I knew that wasn’t what she had planned, Ysabelle wasn’t like that. She didn’t wear her emotions on her sleeve; she was an at the moment type of woman.
I could tell she was fighting demons that she’d never been up against. I knew in my heart that I was the reason, I should have let her go, I should have ended it, but I couldn’t. There was no fucking way I could give her up and survive. I had no clue how much longer we could both go on like this, I would take every opportunity that would come.
There was no being without Ysabelle…
That only left one other option…
And I didn’t know if I could do that either.
I kneaded her hair, closed my eyes, and relished her being in my arms. I was profoundly in love with this woman I couldn’t see straight had my life depended on it. I held her chin and made her look up to me.
“You okay?” I asked, softly kissing her lips.
She took a deep breath, and hugged me tighter.
“Sebastian…why am I not seeing other clients?” I froze at the question and she felt it.
“I’ve only been seeing you for…I’ve lost track of time. I haven’t been with anyone else and I have a feeling, it’s because of you. What are you doing?”
I walked us over to her couch and she scooted in my lap.
“I’ve been buying all your time, Ysa.”
She gasped, “oh my God Sebastian! That must be costing you a fortune.”
I looked deep into her eyes, “you’re worth it.”
Her eyes widened as she abruptly stood up and started pacing with her hands in her hair, “this is so fucked up!” she kept repeating.
“This is beyond fucked up. That’s why Madam is losing her shit. She knows Sebastian.”
I stood and grabbed her arms, “Baby, you’re babbling, what are you talking about?”
She moved to stand away from me “this Sebastian!” she yelled pointing to her and then me. “Whatever the fuck this is, she knows. Shit. I thought maybe you were buying some of my time or fuck I don’t know, maybe it was down season or something. I never imagined that you were paying to have me not work.”
I tried to step towards her and she put her hand up in a stopping motion “What are you thinking?”
I pushed my hands through my hair and inhaled “I don’t know, Ysa. I just…Fuck. The thought of someone else’s hands on you…the mere idea of you being with someone else drives me fucking crazy. I feel like I could kill whoever would touch you.”
She put her hand on her chest “Do you have any idea how absurd that sounds. Jesus Christ Sebastian, you’re fucking married and I am a VIP. That’s my fucking job. You pay for me…do you not get that?”
“Yes Ysabelle, I’m fully fucking aware of what I am and what you are, that doesn’t make it any less real that I don’t want anyone else fucking TOUCHING YOU!” I yelled.
“Oh my God. I need to know now, Sebastian; I need to know right fucking now…what the hell is going on? What do you think is going to happen here? That we're going to ride off into the sunset with your wife and kid in the back seat? Huh?”
“That was low, Ysabelle.”
“Really because, from over here it sounds like the fucking truth.”
“Stop.” I demanded, “just fucking stop. I can’t walk away from you, any more than you can walk away from me. We’re in this fucked up limbo, but Goddamn it we’re in it together, and I will not lose you. Do you hear me, I will not fucking let you go.”
“What if it’s not your choice?” She threatened.
I cocked my head to the side, “What are you implying, Ysa?”
“FUCK! I don’t know. I don’t fucking know anything. I’m just as screwed up as you are. But here we are…” She said walking over to me.
She grabbed the sides of my face and lightly kissed me, “you have to let me do what I do, Sebastian. No more buying my time.” She whispered as if she didn’t want to be saying it.
“That’s not going to fucking happen.” I reminded her, slapping her ass and carrying her up towards me, she immediately wrapped her legs around my waist.
“Where?”
“Back room that way,” she eagerly panted.
<><>Y<><>
We got to my room and passionately devoured each other’s bodies not taking our time. We weren’t soft, sweet, or loving. We fucked each other with raw emotion and craving, both pissed and upset with each other for the turn of events.
I couldn’t fathom what possessed him to think what he was pulling wasn’t a double standard, he was allowed to go home to his wife and I wasn’t permitted to do my job. I took out all of my aggression on his body, scratching, biting, and pulling, and it was all reciprocated from him. I didn’t give a fuck that his wife might see them.
After we were thoroughly done fucking each other, we laid there in a mass of pillows and blankets, panting, hardly breathing, and looking at the ceiling.
“I know what I’m doing is fucked up, okay,” he revealed breaking the silence.
“You don’t have to point it out Ysa, there is no way in hell that you’re going to be VIPing, when I can do something about it.”
I turned sideways and placed my head on my hand “You do know how much of a double standard you’re throwing at me, right?”
“Yes, Ysa, I’m aware of that.”
I sighed in defeat, “Fine. You win.”
His face turned to look at me, “there was never any question about it, Baby.” He affirmed in a cocky demeanor that both aggravated and turned me on.
He left shortly after saying he wouldn’t be seeing me until next week, I didn’t ask why, I just kissed him and let him go home to his family.
<>*<>Y<>*<>
I spoke to Sebastian on and off throughout the week, sometimes over the phone, mostly via text. I had a lot of time on my hands now that I wasn’t working, my commission cuts were coming in weekly just as before. Madam hadn’t said a word to me about Sebastian, since our altercation in my condo.
Madam was a business woman through and t
hrough, as long as she was getting paid she didn’t care what I did or didn’t do with my time. I spent most of the week hanging out with the other girls when I could, none of them questioned me about what I had been doing lately, we didn’t have that kind of relationship with one another. We respected each other’s privacy and shared when we wanted to. We were still there for one another at the drop of a dime if needed.
I was getting antsy not having anything to do and come Saturday I needed to get out of my place, I decided to go to the beach. I called Devon to see if he wanted to meet me, but he was picking out baby furniture.
I wore my black string bikini with a tan fedora and big bug sunglasses that took up half my face. I was reading a book when a football landed at my feet, I looked around trying to see where it came from, until a little person came running towards me.
When he stopped next to me I noticed how familiar he looked.
“Hey Little Man, is this yours?” I asked.
“Yeah! Thanks.”
“Can you go long?” I said tossing it in the air.
“Yeah!” He shouted jumping up in the air.
I got up as he ran off as fast as his little legs would let him. I tossed the ball in his direction and a familiar body intercepted it, he grabbed little man’s hand, and jogged over to me, I couldn’t help and smile.
“Nice arm,” he said.
“Hello Stranger,” I replied.
“Dad who’s this?”
“I’m sorry Bud, this is my friend Ysabelle, Ysabelle this is my son Christian.”
I got down to his level and extended my hand, “nice to meet you little man, you’re awfully cute, I’m sure you got lots of girls, huh?”
“Yeah…I’m the man.” He replied, making Sebastian and I laugh.
“I don’t know where he gets this stuff.” He said.
“I do…what do they say, like father like son.” I chuckled, while he rolled his eyes.
“Ms. Ysabelle do you want to play with us? It’s easier to play with three people and my mom isn’t here.” Christian chimed in.
“You know what, I would love to play but you’re going to have to take it easy on me, I’m a little rusty.”
We went over to the back of the beach and tossed around the football for the next hour. Sebastian had brought a picnic for them and I tried to excuse myself, though Little Man was very insistent that he wanted me to join them. He was small and already a charmer.
We were eating sandwiches while Christian told me all about his baseball team and his friends at school. Sebastian kept looking over at me with a look of satisfaction in his face; I could tell he was a proud doting father.
“Ms. Ysabelle, do you have any kids?”
“No Little Man I don’t.”
“How come?”
I laughed at his openness; learning how inquisitive kids are.
“In order to have kids you have to have a husband, and I don’t have one of those either.”
“Really? You’re so pretty.”
I laughed, “well thank you.”
“Dad can I go play in the water?”
“Yeah Bud, just stay near the shallow and not out of my sight.” He happily nodded and ran off.
“He’s adorable.”
“He’s a handful, but he’s a good kid.” He grinned, “It’s taking everything in my power not to go over there and kiss you, especially when you’re barely wearing anything.”
I raised my eyebrows “I never heard you complain before.”
“I’m not complaining now, just stating the facts.”
“You’re bad…” I reminded.
Christian came back holding all sorts of shells he had found, and handed me a extremely bright one that he said was for me. It warmed my heart a little bit. Christian grabbed my hand, because he wanted me to help build a sandcastle and we did. We were out there for most of the day until the sun started settling and Christian started falling asleep.
We packed up our belongings and Sebastian carried Christian back to their car, where he immediately fell asleep. Sebastian and I went behind the car and he pulled me into a tight embrace. I kissed his chest and he kissed the top of my head.
“I miss you so much, Baby.” He whispered.
“Me, too. When can I see you again?”
“Sometime this week, I promise.” I nodded, I hated that he was leaving me again to go home to his wife.
I didn’t say anything, I never did, that’s not how we were.
We said our goodbyes, and I walked over to my car going home alone.
<><>S<><>
It was an incredible surprise to see Ysabelle on the beach. I loved that Christian took to her as fast as I did; I guess she had a pull with all the Vanwell’s. The way she was around him was perfect, I found myself fantasizing what it would be like if it were always like that. That was by far the worst and most fucked up thing I had fantasized thus far. What the fuck was wrong with me?
Christian was enamored with her and she was with him. We never talk about the future; it was only recently that I learned about her past. I didn’t know if she wanted to get married and have a family of her own one-day. We never discussed anything past the next time we were going to see each other.
I drove home with Christian fast asleep in the back seat, contemplating my life. Everything, every last second of it was fucked up beyond belief. Every green light I passed, and every red light that I stopped at I felt ashamed of myself, the guilt was eating me alive. I’d just spent the day with my mistress and my son, Julia's son.
If ever a son of a bitch existed, it was me. What the hell was I doing? What I was doing was irrelevant because I couldn't stop it. I couldn't fucking stop.
For what seemed like months now all I wanted, all I craved for was Ysabelle, every last bit of her, it was almost suffocating how much I wanted her, when I was and wasn’t around her. After what I just did, and the afternoon I spent, I wanted to go home, I wanted my Babygirl.
I wanted to hold her and tell her that I loved her. I couldn’t believe I had just let that happen. I did not just let Christian spend the day with Ysabelle. As soon as I walked through the door with Christian in my arms I looked for Julia, I wanted my whole family together. I didn’t care that Christian was passed out, I wanted us all to lie together in bed and watch a movie.
It took me a while to realize that she wasn’t even home. I made Christian wake up long enough to take a bath and eat some leftovers that Julia had cooked the night before. He ate about half and was out like a light on the couch. I didn’t put him to bed. I laid with him in my arms while I pretended to watch college football.
It was close to 11 p.m. when Julia finally walked through the garage door. She looked exhausted, I wanted to make it better, I wanted to make everything better.
“Babygirl,” I said getting up and coming to her.
“Hey Sebby,” she said kissing my cheek and walking away.
What the hell?
I followed the sound of her heels as she made her way over to the office and turned on her computer, she sat down and started pulling files out from the cabinet. I moved the files over as she placed each one on her desk.
I tried picking her up to place her on the desk, “What are you doing?” she objected.
“Trying to make love to my wife.” I tenderly said into her ear.
“Sebastian, I don’t have time for this, I need to finish this case by Monday. I have a full night of work ahead of me before I need to go back into the office tomorrow.” She said pushing me away from her like I was bothering her.
“Julia, you’ve been working like crazy. I’ve barely seen you this last month.”
“I’m sorry Sebby, I’m a partner now there’s more responsibility for me. You knew that.”
“I thought maybe we could spend tomorrow together, as a family. Maybe go to the park or on the boat.” I suggested, trying to tempt her to spend time with me.
“Maybe in the next few weeks, have some more man time with Christian
tomorrow.” She stated dismissing me.
I put Christian to bed and went outside on our lanai and watched the stars. It was a beautiful night out; it reminded me of the night Ysabelle and I shared a week ago.
I couldn’t help myself even if I wanted to. I grabbed my phone and texted her.
S – Looking at the stars and thinking of you.
Y – Me, too.
S – Are you alone?
Y – What do you think? I’m always alone.
I hated to have the thought of her by herself. I knew she lived in a guarded condo, it still didn’t stop me from thinking she wasn’t safe.
S – I wish I were there.
Y – Me, too. Are you by yourself?
S – Yes.
My phone dinged with a sent image message and I opened it to find Ysabelle making a kissing face at me, it made me smile.
Y – Now you’re not alone. :-)
S – You’re beautiful, do you have any idea how beautiful you are?
Y – You’re not so bad yourself…
S – I’m going to see you soon, I promise.
Y – I know.
S – I miss my girl.
Y – I miss you, too.
S – I’ll call you tomorrow.
Y – Ok. Goodnight Sebastian.
S – Goodnight Ysa.
I did what I always did and deleted our conversation, although I really wanted to keep the picture.
I looked at it one last time and deleted that, too.
Chapter 23
Five more months went by and it had become ten months of us playing house. We didn’t meet at the hotel anymore; he had already been spending more than enough money on me. He would come to my condo and every time he did, he brought me something.
At first it was small things like flowers or candy, then he would leave t-shirts or boxers, that became other clothes and toiletries, soon after that he brought a pillow, sheets, and a blanket. Slowly my condo was becoming filled with more and more of his stuff, and I fucking loved it. Even when he wasn’t here with me, a piece of him was.