“A smoke please” I said to the man sitting tight in the small box shaped shop. He stared at me for a good half a minute, before handing me one. He didn’t ask me which one I preferred, neither did I instruct him. To tell you the truth I never had a favorite - I had never been a regular smoker. Any brand was okay with me as long it tasted like burnt ash in my mouth and filled my lungs with balloons of smoke. I smoked only to calm my nerves. The feeling of something worse inside me always took away my fears and put me at ease. With each drag of the cigarette I knew I was dying, what could be worse then, huh?
To say that I was feeling nervous would be an understatement – I felt terrible, perhaps worse. It was a big day for me. I had an interview in few hours with one of the most prestigious IT firms in the whole country. An organization where I only dreamt to work, it was an opportunity I had been waiting all along. But it was an anticipation of the unknown and a fear of success that worried me.
The drizzle had now turned into rain, the sweet smell of earth had disappeared. I ran to my left to take shelter under the tree near me. I was taking long drag and watching the world go by. The traffic didn’t seem to stop, everybody was going somewhere. It didn’t matter if that somewhere was or wasn’t worth going to.
“One Gold Flake” A voice appeared, breaking the chain of my thoughts. It was soft, and it was carefree. I got curious; it was a woman’s voice. “Sorry” the shopkeeper said, “I gave the last one to sir” He said shaking his head toward me.
“Oh! shit” She said, irritated. I wondered, what bothered her? Was it just a smoke or was it something else?
With short strides she paced toward me, she wore a heel – not too high though. I was standing with my back against the tree. I jerked my torso slightly. Was she really coming for me or was she just looking for a shelter.
She felt no discomfort as the rain drenched her. The short walk felt like a long track. She appeared to me in slow motions, she leapt in the air, her hand rose to cover her head with the book she was carrying. One end of her yellow chunni fluttered in the monsoon wind, and her bare skin flashed looking out of the wet, plain white kameez.
I was so lost in my study that I failed to recognize that she was not standing just opposite to me. She had her straight black hair tied back neatly, with a few strands which revolted and decided to flow across her cheeks. Her eyes gazed sharply at me. She appeared very simple and yet there was an air about her; something that you could only feel, only if you were there.
“Do you mind sharing?” She asked. I looked up at her spellbound, and she asked again, “Hey, could I bum your cigarette?”
I couldn’t say no. I looked at her and smiled with all the sincerity in the world. I figured she had an emergency of some sort and this was her fix. We all have a quick fix that we need time to time to get over that moment of personal challenge.
I took a long puff and handed the cigarette over to her, my gaze followed her as she took the cigarette and pursed it between her lips. She took a quick first one and then when she went deep, she coughed slightly. She stole a glance at me, and a smirk floated on my face, perhaps she was just as accustomed as I was with the vice.
“So, what are you upto?” She asked me forcing down her cough.
“I have an interview, here” I said pointing to the building.
“Don’t stare at the big mole on the lady’s face”
“I am sorry” I said.
“The interview? The lady doesn’t like it” She replied.
“Oh, I am sorry you don’t look like a candidate” I asked.
“Then what do I look like?” She smiled cunningly.
“Hm, ah” I scrambled for a reply, she completed caught me off-guard.
“Don’t worry about it, I am messing with you” She said.
“And btw do you know where do the ducks go when the lake freezes up?” She left me wondering.
Before we could talk further, a light humming sound of a Toyota engine stole the show. She quickly distanced herself from me, ditched the cigarette and started to walk. The car was so big that it completely filled the entire scene that my eyes could picture. It sported a silver-grey color, surely looked an imported breed. She jumped in with haste. I waited till see disappeared in her chariot. I stood there as if there was mysterious invisible force acting between us, acting against us, it was a love doomed, it was an end from the beginning.
I got a glimpse of her looking back through the window it was hard to forget that deserted look, her eyes blank, and her lips quivered as if she was saying something – trapped.
I was shown the waiting room as soon I reached the reception, all that waiting was not doing any good to me. Clock ticked and I was the next one in the series to be thrown to the frontier to gauge my abilities. I took a trip to the nearest washroom in-order to soothe my nerves. I heard my name summoned couple of times and got a where-were-you and I-am-the-boss look from the guy (the HR). After exchanging pleasantries with the interviewers, both ladies, I took my seat at the line of fire. I bluffed through my way during the initial questioning and remained calmed during even the most craziest of the questions.
Everything was going like a dream-run but then came the dreaded question - “Where do the ducks go...” Only if I knew, and how could I? I was no Holden Caulfield.
#
About a week passed and I was back in Haldwani. A call from my father came -
“What are you doing at home? Naresh uncle’s son Ravi has got an appointment letter, go and check your email “
“How can the results come so early it’s just a week” I replied. I raced the old Chetak to the nearest cyber café. I was looking at the blurry screen of a CRT monitor. The keyboard was hardly typable and keys squeaked at every stroke. I clicked on the infamous ie which expectantly took several minutes to open and by default loaded the MSN website. I reached to the email provider somehow and after thwarting off the password-invalid problem I managed to get into the mailbox. Somewhere between the millions of the spam mails - I saw one mail standing out, the subject read - Result: The Corporation interview
I opened the mail with a heavy, uneven breath. It said “We are sorry to inform you...” Everything else after that was a blur, I couldn’t read a single word further. I was hugely disappointed, there went my best chance.
#
Days went by and I slowly started to recover from the shock, digesting the hard truth. Then a phone call came, the person didn't bother to introduce himself but questioned me directly.
“Where the hell are you? Today is your joining date, what are you doing? ”
His questions didn't seem to stop and neither did the thoughts in my mind which sprung suddenly like mushrooms after a rain I was in little shock who in the name of Christ was calling me, and talking rubbish. I was to say something bad him, but my better judgment told me to hold and listen.
“I am sending you a mail send me a reply on it in 15 min. Is that clear?“
“Yes, yes sir” I replied.
I prepared to go straight to the cyber cafe without saying anything to anyone. My aunt shouted, “Where are you going at 1 O’clock in the afternoon, I’ve served your lunch.” “No time for it, aunt” I said as I hurriedly took out our family vehicle – Bajaj Chetak 1982 model.
Tilted it and kicked it half a dozen time before it finally gave up and started. I raced it as it reached its top speed of thirty-five knots - it was the maximum speed at which all its parts remained coherent and functioned as a unit to serve its ultimate purpose of transporting human-beings. I put my faith on the scooter for one last time as I had to cross a railway crossing in next five minutes. The cafe was on the other side and I could hardly hold my nerves. It was race against time and I saw the Phatak coming down as I approached closer, I couldn’t stop now, if only I could speed-up a bit more I would get past. I did a bunch of integration and differential calculations in my head and accelerated with the speed that was required. I reached just before the barrier got down completely, but
the problem was I reached the no-man-land and not the other-side. I was stuck between the two barriers, luckily there was enough space there for two of us - a train to get past, and for a scooter to stand at a safe distance.
I argued in vain with the guard, who didn't blink raise the barrier. So, you see at such a critical time, one has to improvise and so did I. I took my scooter ahead to the barrier and tried to get past lowering down the scooter, it was difficult for one guy to achieve such a feat but then few good men helped me along by holding the scooter from the other-side while pushed it from here. Well, after much drama I got past and zipped my way through the stopped traffic. I returned home in the next fifteen minutes, and my aunt bombarded me with questions. I ignored all of them - just like an ideal son - and broke her the news. She seemed overjoyed, but bit worried as well. I had to leave soon, there was not much time as I had already missed my joining date.
The last day arrived, I felt heavy partly with the emotions and mostly with the food aunt made me eat. It was still not full fledged winter in Haldwani and we already had two rounds of carrot halwa. Packing was really the difficult part, I had no clue what to keep and what to leave behind. First went in the new pair of pant-shirts that father just brought for me. My father always did shopping for me without even asking me and frankly speaking I never minded that.
My train was an early morning Shatabadi at 05:30 and so I guess it was fair enough to try any means to wake me up. A spat of nostalgia swept me of the beautiful times etched in my heart. I never touched anybody’s feet in my life as a rule. But I did it for the first time for I needed the blessing of my aunt. Father took out the old scooter for one more ride, I was amazed at how this thing just went on and on without giving up, marvelous piece of engineering.
The streets were empty, candescent lamps burnt here and there, the wind was chilly and bore a mist of sadness. The train started moving slowly I waved goodbye to my father. I looked out of the window hoping to catch the last glimpse of the city I grew in. The train slowly gathered speed, everything looked blurry. Leaving Haldwani felt unrealistic.
To Bangalore and back
I got down at Yashwantpur, a station close to Bangalore, it was around 11 in the night, with a suitcase in hand I looked for an auto. I thought about standing in the prepaid queue but it was too long, and it was getting late for me. So, I hailed a regular auto from outside and asked for the drop, three hundred rupees he told me flatly, I knew I was being taken for a ride, but I had no choice. I wondered if it’s something with the city or if he could read off my face that I am a supposedly rich software engineer. And even if I belonged to the unfortunate category I couldn’t possibly afford such an expensive transportation.
So late in the night I had no choice but to get into one. Just when I was about to get into the rickshaw I saw one more guy approaching another rickshaw, there was my opportunity without wasting a minute I went straight to him and fielded my proposal. Luckily he too was going in the same direction, so we agreed for a split up 60:40 as my place was little further. On the way I came to know he was a software engineer as well working with Lehman Brothers, I thought it was quite impressive. I mean I heard about it that it was one of the top investment banking firms. I had always been puzzled with what they do in the office, sitting in front of computers in their tiny cubicles, so I asked him what he did at the office, to which he replied in one word – stuff!
Stuff? Now what was that? He must do something in the office beyond stuff-ing, why didn’t he just tell what it was. I guessed he was either a very arrogant person or a very frustrated man. On top of that I sensed he felt pity for me when I told him excitedly I too was going to be a software engineer, I didn't understand at the time why did he do so, if there was something wrong with me or anything wrong with the profession that he himself was into.
I would’ve probably asked him few more questions but I got distracted, my mobile sprang to life. Its screen was bit hazy (as I dropped it in a pool once) so I could not tell who it was on the other side. I picked up the phone it was my college senior who was calling me, he asked me where was I, I told him that the train was bit late and I would reach soon. Veer was the only guy I knew in the city, it was a different story though that I had never met him once.
Meanwhile the software guy told me he was from Ajmer and was coming from a marriage, his own marriage, he had taken three weeks leave but had to come back in one week only.
“To do stuff?” I asked rhetorically.
“Bloody, a-ole” He let out in desperation, I assumed that the fondness was directed toward his superiors.
“Where is your wife now?” I asked.
“At her parent’s place”
I could read the sadness on his face. I guess she couldn’t take it, in a week she realized what exactly it was going to be like a software engineer’s wife. I imagined him writing letters and sending postcards to his wife, his wife running after the postman’s bicycle every day, his kids questioning his wife, “When will papa come? ” or maybe even worse, “Mumma, who is my papa?”
He got out at some dark corner and paid his share; he wished me luck and walked off. I turned around and looked back but he had already disappeared in the darkness.
Auto dropped me at one of the main roads but I didn't find it difficult to find Veer's place from there, BTM layout apparently was very flatly laid out. When I gave the auto guy the money he honestly refused it, I couldn’t understand why. Then he told me that the other guy had already paid the full amount, he was not that self-absorbed after all.
Out on the street a dog barked at me, I looked back at it eye to eye, usually it works, but it didn’t work so I hurried up, it followed me to a certain distance but luckily I got rid of it soon, probably I had moved out of its territory. I asked a watchman the address and without opening his eyes he raised his hand and pointed me in the direction - it was just few blocks away.
I rang the bell and a tall dark well built guy welcomed me though he was a college senior but I swear I hadn't seen that guy before, really if I had I wouldn't have forgotten his face. He had some personality, boy, the smile looked really gentle on his big face, and it made him look humane. He showed me inside, really nice interiors, neat and well organized place; nobody could guess it was a bachelor’s pad. There was couple of more people in there, probably the roommates.
When I got up in the morning I found Veer missing, he left early for the office. Nitesh was there, an IMT Ghaziabad MBA after graduating from our college. I was glad to know that he was working with my company as well, he took me for the breakfast to a nearby joint, we ordered two sandwiches and a glass of juice each.
I was supposed to report at 10 AM so I left around 9 AM; Nitesh had told me I could come with him if I wanted but he was leaving at 8 which I thought was too early for me, little did I know about Bangalore and the traffic of great Hosur road.
Turned out it took me about two hours to reach office, to travel hardly a distance of forty five minutes. Later someone told me I was quite lucky to reach office in two hours. I felt bad that I was late on my very first day but I somewhat felt relieved when I found out that there were few others like me too. At the main gate there was a long long queue, it was then I realized that in Corporation you have to queue up for every small thing.
From the guy ahead of me I learned that this indeed was a queue of new joiners, I signed some paper, posed for the camera with a wide smile and a temporary pass was handed out to me - Visitor it said. I felt really awful about being called a visitor, for God sake I was an employee.
We made our way through a series of corridors and gallerias and buildings - in the end we reached what was termed as ED, apparently a shortened name of education building. We then entered in a big hall, there were already people in there, an assembly of 300-400 people or maybe more. A guy, probably an HR was standing at the podium working something out on his laptop, honestly it was the time first time I saw a laptop. Before that I had only heard about this amazing device a
nd its potential, a computer you can carry anywhere - imagine that!
The guy lectured us how lucky we were to be part of this amazing burgeoning software industry and a part of the great Corporation, in his words we were the cream of the pie. I felt he was evoking a feeling of patriotism for the Corporation he then played a song composed by some lame ass musician. I felt that I had heard it somewhere. Where? I was not quite sure but maybe from an old English band or some Korean music.
Afterwards the guy gave us a bunch of documents to sign, they were all contracts and different legal obligations we were bound to while working with the company. It was kinda like signing a pre-nup to thwart-off a possibility of a bitter divorce. For one of the documents he told us we had to get it notarized, I felt like this journey was going to consists of a lots of firsts, I had no idea what getting notarized meant but I knew I just had to find someone in the crowd who did.
And so went the first eventful day at the Corporation, in the evening when I returned to the senior's place I picked up my things and stuffed it in the bag and waved a goodbye to the boys. I told them how truly thankful I was for giving me a place to crash and all the hospitality and warmth they provided. Veer was cleaning his bike, a Thunderbird, which didn't look like it needed cleaning, it was bright and shining already. He said I can stay for as long as I wanted, I told him that I have already got a place to stay. The company has provided me with a initial stay at some hotel (I couldn’t pronounce the name as it was in Kannada) so I would be going there. Nitesh arranged for an auto on meter which was well not a really easy thing to get. I kept on looking at the meter for the rest of the journey, the speedy increment of the numbers was pacing up my heartbeat, I was on tight budget - I had to survive the whole month till the salary came.
In the hotel there were already people there in the lobby, it was a kind of suite with 3 rooms, I was the last one to enter, so naturally I had no choice in selecting the room, but then they all seemed so similar. The roommate was named Sushil he was from Bhopal as far as I remember he looked like a total prick, a guy small in height but big in talking. I didn't like him and decided not to involve myself much with the guy, I just gave crisp one word answers for everything he asked me. Just my luck he didn’t take much interest in me neither.
Zero Defect: An autobiography of a software engineer Page 4