It was difficult to imagine sharing the same place with girls, I heard that it was pretty common in the west, but this was east, this was India, have we reached a transition point? Is it a sign of our society maturing? Finally shedding its conservative believes, was it a signal of change, of time to come? I couldn’t come to an answer. I decided to give it a chance and see where it goes.
So, finally in the evening I put my shaky thoughts to rest and picked up the phone and called her and told her that I was ready to move in. She was delighted. Exactly a month later I left the place, (sh)it happened what I had feared all along.
Meet the queen
"But I really don't wanna work in this project" "I want some development project" I said in littering anguish.
"You see, I am not giving you a choice here" "First you took a transfer from Vizag to here, now you want a project of your own liking which really can’t happen" I was astonished by the tone of his voice and by lack of empathy in his attitude. What a prick!
If you are from non technical background you must be wondering what the hell this is about? The thing is in software industry you can broadly categorize project into four-five categories – First is Development – the crown jewel, the place where everyone wants to be, second is Support – You may or may not get a chance to write actual code but it is sure that you’ll get lot of tension and frustration, third is Testing – it’s, I don’t really wanna be sexist, but for girls or who are not fit enough for the development, or people who just want to go through the life unchallenged. The fourth kind is call center kind where you have to just sit on your ass all days and answer calls, yes it’s part of IT and not ITes. And then the last one, probably the worst kind - Documentation i.e. the software is there the software team is there and all it lacks is good documentation, so basically you are reduced to a technical writer, browsing the application , taking screenshots and writing things like go to file menu, click new, click blah blah is all you do. So the guy was offering me a maintenance project in which I had no interest in, I did not want to take any kind of extra headache which comes bundled with such projects.
I still didn’t have a place to sit, so I just moved around the campus, and tried to steal a nap at the sofa of one. In the afternoon after the lunch we gathered for the meeting, a big conference room, and about forty odd people. From the uneasiness at their faces it looked like either they were new or they were forced to work on the project. So, much so for the flexibility they talk about. I remember the day in the training when the Head HR told us about the so called company 'values' - flexibility he emphasized where the flexibility now? Why can’t people are allowed to work on what they want to work. Evidently the flexibility was like one way thing, people had to be flexible while the company never bent an inch.
“Nischay” he said taking the seat next to me, boy was he excited, but about what? I didn’t have any clue. He took my hand and gave me real firm manly handshake, the guy told me he was from Kanpur. But I was not really interested; I had a very loose grip. On my other side sat a girl from Delhi, her name was Swati, I came to know her name during the round of introduction. I felt bit nervous as I introduced myself, people talked about who they were which was mostly in terms what they have achieved in life, but I really had no achievements nor any identity to talk about – it was just a person sitting in between people – what can I say myself without pretending or without offending myself? Lot of thoughts crossed my mind - I was just a bloody ant in an ant field, taking load, working my ass off, not knowing what I stand for or what I am doing. Swati was a girl little fat, very fact actually so I had no interest in talking to her, though she looked like a sweet person, very polite she had this habit of adding ‘g’ in the end of her every sentence. My mind was tussling why was I judging people just on the basis of their appearance? It’s not somebody’s fault how they look, blame it on god or the parents for that matter, but then a small voice somewhere back in the hidden corner of my mind said – she’s fat because she’s lazy, it’s her fault, and not anyone else’s (not even that fast food burger place can be blamed) and so I moved on. Nischay and I chatted for sometime (in hushed voice as a manager was addressing), actually he did most of the talking, I just heard him out. Then a big guy entered in and everyone fell silent, I guess he was a senior manager or something. He said,
"I am Mr. so and so (sorry I am bad in remembering names), Group Project Manager, of your account" Everyone listened to him, with undivided attention, I on the other hand had no personal interest in what he was talking about, for me he was talking shit. But I became attentive when he announced - I'll not repeat this again, so pay attention, this is very important for your assignment with Dofa. He then started a ppt, that's what managers do they play slideshow (apart from playing people), lights were dimmed, welcome, the first slide appeared and the show began, thank god it was dark it helped me relax and I stole few naps here and there whenever I could find an opportunity. Big guy then lectured on the client engagement, which was basically a ten year old relationship, meaning the project was going on for past ten years and would probably go till time infinity or till the client realizes he was being ripped off. He told about the hierarchies, both at client side and company side. So, the presentation went on and on, I switched off my mind somewhere in between, though things got registered in my subconscious.
#
Sharma was coming to Pune, he had told me a day earlier. He pinged me on the company messenger while I was having a nap at my desk, there are so many ways to take naps but I prefer to lie back on the chair and close my eyes. It gives the on lookers an impression that you are up-to something, thinking maybe. So, anyway Sharma pinged, which he like rarely rare does, he never comes online in fact, he thinks it leads to wastage of time, when he works he wants the whole focus on the work and nothing else, not even email, he even keeps his outlooks mailbox closed. Narendra, who sits next to him once told me that Sharma has like hundreds of unread messages, I bet my all those forwarded messages are just stacking up in his mailbox, I felt bad. Specially, for the messages he was supposed to forward to ten people, to get some good luck or to find a missing child. And I think he is really selfish, not interested in wellness of the society. Yeah, as we are talking about emails, I remember a few days the Pune HR sent a mail saying you shouldn't forward messages, you know because it takes a load of company resources servers mainly, but now imagine the HR forwarding the warning message to like tens of thousands of people, how much server load that would have caused? ha, ha. HRs can't think, really, stupid morons! All they amount to is to conspire with your managers and boss around the poor engineer clan.
Look, what managers and HRs do, they’ll just talk and talk and talk shit, that’s all. But the engineer guy… an engineer will get on a stool and change the light bulb while a manager will only see (process of reviewing) while engineers do it and the great HRs will only talk about changing it, the pros and cons, and they devise policy around it, like the right ways to use the stool or like switch should be on or off while you change the bulb - and stuff like that. Guess who is running the company? And now guess who's making all the money?
So, anyway, Sharma pinged me and told me he is coming to Pune for the Layman project. "Layman project!" I exclaimed, that's my client. "What for?" I enquired. Layman, mind you was the same company that got busted in the big crash. He told me he had to create a POC (Proof of concept) for some mortgage product. "Big deal!" I said. "Not really" "Bank is planning to increase their investment in subprime lending, so I have to give a poc for testing of their upcoming website" The project Sharma works on is a product of our company, the only product infact, it's some testing product he told, java testing product used in development phase. It was all jargon shit for me, I didn't pay any heed. For me what mattered was that a friend was coming to Pune, that'd be fun. I still remember those days, not so long ago.
So, he arrived on Thursday, I met him in the office, he looked kinda same, "you didn't change a bit" "thanks" he sai
d, he took it as a compliment, I meant quite the opposite actually. So, in the evening I went to his hotel, which was located towards the end of the JM Road, just where it meets the FC Road.
"You can order anything you want" He told me, handing over the menu. I decided on few items (mostly the most expensive ones) and I asked "And you? What’d you have?"
"I don't feel like eating so only order for yourself" He replied. I picked up the receiver and gave the order, "Make it two" I said for all the items, so what he doesn't wanna eat? I can eat little extra myself. Anyway he was not paying the bill the corporation would.
After dark we went out for a walk, it was around 09:30 PM in the night, we took a paan each from a roadside paan shop, the evening was pleasant, cool breeze caressed our faces, we went toward FC road, there are great many pubs there. We went to one called apache, we were not really drinker type but just went in, I ordered a vanilla punch thinking a little exercise for the kidney wouldn’t be a bad thing.
I was not in mood for spending money, it already last week of the month and I have nothing left in my account. I look around the bar, quickly scanning it. Do you want a free drink? I asked Sharma. "Never say no to free" he said animatedly, "Free is always welcome" I starting eyeballing a girl who was sitting with her friend (probably?), both were just sitting and talking. After few attempts, I made a successful eye contact, instantly she shied away looking down, now that was a sure sign. So, I went, mustering up some courage to these two chicks who were clearly acting beyond their potential, I sensed there was a definitely an opportunity. "Can I buy you a drink?" I asked. One of them, a long haired brunette, nodded. So, I went to the bar and uttered "Seems that I forgot my card" I was a good actor, I must say. She looked sideways little uncomfortable and then nods her head softly speaking, “It’s on me”. Sharma and I enjoyed couple of glasses of whiskey on the rocks, it was a heavenly experience.
We got rid of girls later, they would have dumped us anyway I believe they suspected we were just a bunch of freeloaders. While returning it was bit late, 1 o’clock or so, we bumped into a man, or rather to say he bumped into us. He stared at me for few moments and then he approached and asked - "Are you Mehta?" "No" I replied.
"Why do I get the feeling I have seen you somewhere?" he added. I looked at him, he didn't look like a kind of person that I had met or kind of person I would really hangout with, there was something weird about him. He was thin, black shirt black trouser, all black basically, unusually sharp eyebrows, and with glistering lips.
"Are you from the corporation?" I asked. "Oh yeah, he said, "I must have seen you in the office then" He made a small talk, he did seem like a nice fellow, all sweet and gentle. We parted ways by exchanging numbers, I gave him my company visiting card, which I was itching to give away, I had like a couple of hundred of them lying around in my almirah at home. So, I felt nice not because I met a decent fellow, but I could slip away one card. While I asleep I had a dream, more of an idea actually, I was giving away like 40-50 cards to a person and asking him to further give it to his buddies. And then I saw those buddies further distributed these cards to their friend, and they to theirs and so on and so forth till all those were gone. What a plan! Evil!
A few days later when I had returned to my normal routine and Sharma had gotten back to Vizag I got a strange call at the middle of the night. Whose call is it at one am? I swore a little like bastard, bitch, etc etc. before picking up. "I am the guy from apache bar, remember we met outside" He said.
"What?"
"I was wondering" he said, "if you want to get together" "What?" I asked him irritatingly, who calls at one am without an emergency? What was is this guy talking about?
"Do you wanna have little fun with me?" He asked cutting through the BS. I was stunned, shocked and I disconnected immediately. The phone rang and rang and I was so afraid that I switched it off. And in the morning as mobile was off, I had no alarm to wake me upto and I missed the office bus.
I told the incident to Arnav and he laughed incessantly. He said, "I always thought there was something wrong about you" "-And now I know" When I protested, he said further teasing me that I shouldn't suppress such feeling. "Let them come out, loosen yourself"
I searched for the queen’s name in the directory, there was no guy by his name. He was not from the corporation, I concluded, I remember it was me who suggested if we had met at the office, he just played along. I could now see his whole game, how he operated, he would stand outside the bar late night and would stare people in strange way and would make small talk till he gets their no. Very clever, and then he would call them, for you know, carnal pleasures. I was disgusted totally, more and more I thought of the incident more and more an image beginning to float in my mind, bloody queen! I ranted. I was not homophobic or anything but I did acknowledge it’s an unnatural thing, it's like forcing the same charged poles of a magnet - N-N and S-S together. Can they ever stick together?
Bored to death
The scene at the office was heating up, everyone was called in senior manager's (and guess who was this manager guy? surprise, surprise!) cabin, for a one on one. I knocked on the door, but the guy was on a call, he was talking to someone on his VOIP phone. Someone sometime back told me that to be a good manager in an IT company you don’t need to learn management principles or go to IIM thing, but all you need is to know few basics like how to dial a VOIP number, how to handle a projector and make PPTs, make nifty looking Excel sheets, and to know when to throw in a few IT jargons like milestones, showstopper, happy path, function point etc.
I waited for few minutes before he disconnected. We jumped off our seats simultaneously, he was the last guy on earth I wanted to see, and expected to see. He my damn corny manager - Vishwas. Was he stalking me or something? What did he want from me now?
Keeping all my emotions aside, I told him that I wanted a development project. He replied as if he didn’t seem to remember me - Don't worry you'll definitely be given an opportunity, your performance will be measured for a year and if you perform satisfactorily (translates to infinity on a managerial scale) you will be transferred to the development bay (the account was divided into two - dev bay and support bay). I nodded, what could I have said, I was disappointed. But then suddenly like possessed by some daemon or something, I jumped out of my seat, a thought crossed my mind, a year! I remembered, my subconscious presented it to my conscious (remember I was half sleep during the early presentation), I told him, "Sir there's a little problem, I can't give a commitment of one year"
"Why?" this time it was his chance to get disappointed and surprised.
"Sir" I paused to think the excuse, I didn't know what to say, I had to improvise, so I blabbered the first thing that came to my mind, "Sir, my fiancé is working in Delhi and I have to relocate to Chd center soon"
I was worried if he would ask why did I take the transfer to Pune then? why not directly to Chd? Or very basic like what’s your fiancé’s name? or what does she do? ‘Ishika’ I murmured. But I guess he was just dumb to ask, or maybe he didn’t bother, after all I was just a number to him in a stupid spreadsheet, a name he’ll just color with yellow or something, he could easily replace me with someone else. I felt sorry for the other guy who would come take my place, but that's that, this is a jungle, and you have to play by the rules of jungle - survival of the fittest.
“You are playing game with me?” “I wouldn’t let you go this time, you eyewashed everyone to take a transfer. Guess what who else got transfer?”
I didn’t speak anything, but just walked out slamming the door behind me. He was still mumbling something – something about not letting me off the hook so easily this time. I couldn’t care less but in my heart I knew something was coming. It was perhaps a very bad start to what I was thinking a transforming, new journey.
The next thing I knew I was released from the support bay, I was free, I felt extremely relieved, but sad, little did I know that this was just beginning, my woes were far from ov
er.
#
I hung around for few days on the floor till lunch and then I slept (okay tried to sleep) on the sofas in building one and I went to play more of counter strike, I had become experts of sort at it. wow! I enjoyed to play terrorist and I could really beat the crap out of the swat, no sweat. I was in demand everyone wanted me to be on his team, I was bribed like with free breakfast, evening tea, company coffee mug (the old ones specially as they were more durables), but I didn’t bow to material heed I felt, I was beyond them, my conscience bore a much higher price - maybe like lunch at lemon tree. Unfortunately people around were too broke to afford that shit.
So, after couple of days of loitering around someone called, someone who claimed to be my new manager, he was she, I mean the manager was lady. How often do you find a lady manager, boy I was excited, I fantasized if I had to sell myself to get a promotion, I only wished she were a beautiful dame.
Back in reality - the lady manager told me that, no wait, one thing I totally forgot to mention about ladies in management, we often get to see in newspapers questions like if there is a glass ceiling at managerial level, but I disagree with that, I think mostly by the time ladies get to a managerial position (like 10-12 years maybe) they quit the job owing to family responsibility, yeah that’s what happen, no shit, there is no glass ceiling, nobody stops them but their own selves.
"Where are you" she questioned,
Zero Defect: An autobiography of a software engineer Page 10