by Gerri Hill
Chapter Sixteen
As Cassie drove down the long drive to Luke’s house, she wished she had worn something a little more casual. She looked like … well, like she was going on a date. Her usual jeans had been replaced with soft, khaki pants and the comfortable T-shirt she had started with lay crumpled on her bed. Instead, a crisply ironed blouse was neatly tucked inside and she chided herself for being so foolish. It wasn’t a date. It was just dinner with a new friend. Right? She met her reflection in the mirror, her eyes refusing to lie to her. She wanted it to be a date, she realized.
“Great,” she murmured. “Wanna start dating? Sure. Let’s not start with someone safe. Let’s start with Luke Winston!”
She stood at the door for a minute, rubbing her damp palms on her slacks before knocking. She felt as nervous as a schoolgirl, and she almost wished she hadn’t brought the fawn. But Luke wasn’t like most people. You couldn’t just grab a bottle of wine. And flowŹers would be just… too much. Flowers? What are you thinking?
She raised her hand to knock just as the door opened. She stood face to face with Luke for the first time in a week, and she wasn’t prepared for the slow roll of her stomach when Luke gave her that lazy smile of hers.
“I thought I heard you.” Luke stepped back, her eyes traveling slowly over Cassie. “You look great.”
Cassie blushed, and glanced down at her slacks, again wishing she’d left her jeans on. Luke’s own faded jeans were baggy and hung low on her hips.
Luke motioned with her head. “Come in. It’s good to see you again.”
Cassie stepped inside, the fawn still clutched in her hand, offerŹing her a bit of comfort. She finally lifted her hand and offered it to Luke.
“I wanted you to have this,” she said, her voice thick.
“It’s the fawn,” Luke said quietly. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know. But I knew you liked it.”
“I love it. It’s so … delicate, fragile almost. It’s beautiful.” Luke placed it on the mantle over the stone fireplace then turned to face Cassie. “Thank you. I’ll treasure it.”
Cassie nodded, then shoved nervous hands into her pockets. “Well, I didn’t want to come empty-handed, and I couldn’t very well hand you a bottle of wine.”
“Cassie,” Luke smiled, and walked up and grasped her arms with both hands. “Relax, will you.”
Cassie tried to laugh, but her skin burned where Luke’s hands still rested. “Is it that obvious?”
“Yeah,” Luke nodded. “It is.” She finally released her, and Cassie was able to breathe again. “Are you embarrassed about the other night?”
“Yes. I’m terribly embarrassed,” Cassie admitted. “That was just so … not me,” she said. “And I feel terrible, with you having to… take me home.”
“I’ve been there many times.” Then she smiled, and Cassie relaxed a little. “Just don’t make a habit of it.”
“No. Not ever again.” Cassie followed Luke into the kitchen, her eyes following the sway of Luke’s hips as she walked.
“Good. Now, maybe you could help me with the egg rolls.”
Luke stopped, turned and caught Cassie staring. Cassie rolled her eyes to the heavens, secretly hoping to be swallowed up, but thankfully, Luke made no comment.
Cassie finally cleared her throat and attempted to speak. “You make your own egg rolls?”
“Yeah. You like Chinese, don’t you?”
“Love it.”
Cassie pushed her sleeves to her elbows, watching as Luke brought out a platter of egg rolls ready to fry. Cassie was in charge of them, but she watched in amazement as Luke fried rice in one pan and stir-fried vegetables in another and had some sort of sweet and sour tofu concoction going in a third without so much as one mishap.
“Wow!” Cassie exclaimed. “You’re good.”
Luke raised her eyebrows and grinned. “Yep. I know my way around a kitchen,” she said good-naturedly, and went back to her pans.
Soon, the smells of Chinese food filled the entire house, and Cassie’s earlier discomfort had vanished, replaced by the warm, pleasant feeling you got simply by cooking a meal with a friend. Cassie found herself singing along with the Indigo Girls as she and Luke shared the kitchen, side-stepping each other with ease. They each made heaping plates and carried them to the new table Luke had brought in.
“I like it,” Cassie said of the table. “Not too big. It won’t get in the way.”
Luke shrugged, then nodded in agreement. “Well, I thought it would be uncivilized if I didn’t have one.” She sat down, then stood just as quickly. “Wait, I forgot the candles.” She hurried back to the kitchen and brought out two brass candleholders, then rushed back into the kitchen for matches.
Cassie watched her with a small smile, thinking how pleasant
the evening had been so far. When Cassie cooked, she didn’t want anyone else in her kitchen, but Luke had made her feel welcome, and they had shared the space with quiet companionship, Luke occasionally shoving a spoon in her mouth for a taste test.
“There,” Luke said as she stood back to survey the table. “Perfect.”
Cassie took her first bite of the egg roll and groaned. “God, this is good,” she said around a mouthful.
“Mmmm,” Luke agreed. “My mother’s … well, really Aunt Susan’s recipe. We used to all get together and chop veggies for what seemed like hours, then we had an assembly line to roll them.” She laughed. “I bet we used to make hundreds of them at a time.”
“In the commune?” Cassie asked.
“Yeah. And Susan could really cook. Back in those days, you couldn’t just go to a bookstore and find vegetarian cookbooks. Lots of trial and error,” she said. “But, I got my love of cooking there. She taught all of us, really.”
“So you’ve always been a vegetarian? I mean, even when you were a kid?”
“Pretty much,” Luke said. “I wasn’t even a year old when my mother moved us there.”
“And your Aunt Susan? Do you ever see her?”
“Not that often,” Luke said. “She and Darlene still live in Berkeley though.”
“I can’t believe they’re still together,” Cassie said.
Luke nodded. “They had a breakup about fifteen years ago or so. Middle-age crisis for both of them, Susan likes to say. They’re both almost sixty, I guess.”
“Do you see your mother?”
“I see her some, yes. We talk on the phone more, though,” Luke said.
Cassie could feel Luke watching her, and she looked up. “What?”
“Is this time of year hard for you?” Luke asked quietly.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, it’s almost November,” she said. “Thanksgiving, then Christmas. Do you miss that family thing?”
Cassie smiled. “No. Not at all. It’s hard to miss what you’ve never had,” she said. “I was too young to remember a Christmas with my mother. Just vague memories, really. And my father, well, he was more interested in his Christmas sermon than Santa and presents and all that,” she said.
“Christmas was a great time when I was growing up,” Luke said. “Just one big extended family. But the last few years, I’ve just enjoyed being alone or with good friends. My mother and Neal still get together with some of the old gang, but I’m just so far removed from that now,” she said.
“I usually have dinner with Kim and Lisa,” Cassie said. “They still put up a tree, but I haven’t had one in years.”
“I always put up a tree, no matter what,” Luke told her. “I have to have something to remind me of the time of year. And it makes me feel good,” she continued. “I like to turn off all the lights, put a few candles out and just have the Christmas tree lights on and music. I could sit for hours,” she said softly. “Just sitting. And thinking.”
“I get … I get depressed around Christmas,” Cassie finally admitted. “I always put on this brave front, especially in front of Kim, but when I get home, it just hits,”
she said quietly. “I think about my mother and wonder who she is, where she is. I think about my life, and I feel so terribly alone.” She leaned her elbows on the table and tried to smile. “I’m sorry. I’m not usually so sentiŹmental.”
Luke reached across the table and took her hand, and Cassie let her fingers entwine with Luke’s. She had a brief flash of dream hands, and she knew that they were Luke’s.
“I’m sorry I brought it up,” Luke said gently. “You’ve got good friends, Cassie. That can be better than family sometimes.”
“I know.” Cassie allowed herself to squeeze Luke’s hand before pulling away. “But how did we get off on this conversation?”
“My fault,” Luke said. She waved her fork at Cassie. “How’s the meal?”
“You’re a fabulous cook, but I’m sure you’ve been told that before.”
Luke laughed and Cassie looked up and caught her eyes, thinkŹing again what a great laugh she had.
“A couple of times, but they were just flirting with me,” she said. “What’s your excuse?”
Cassie felt herself blush, and she pulled her eyes away. “I was starving, not flirting,” she managed. “And I like to eat.”
“And I like to tease,” Luke said. “So relax, will you?”
Cassie helped with the dishes, then went out on the patio while Luke made coffee. She ran her hands slowly over the eagle, so glad that he was here and not at some stranger’s house. But Luke had been a stranger once. Now, they were … friends. Yes, they were friends. Cassie felt comfortable around her. Well, she would feel a lot more comfortable if her pulse didn’t race so when Luke looked at her with those dark eyes, but still, she was comfortable around her. And it had been awhile since she had made a new friend.
“Do you miss him?”
Cassie turned in the darkness, startled to find Luke standing just behind her.
“I think about him some, always wondering where he was. I’m really glad you have him,” she said sincerely.
Luke stood with her hands in her pockets, looking past Cassie to the eagle. “Me, too.”
Cassie allowed Luke to catch her eyes, but just for a moment. She was having trouble breathing, and she pulled them away, wishŹing they weren’t standing alone out here in the dark.
As if sensing her discomfort, Luke motioned back inside. “Coffee’s ready.”
Cassie settled on the floor in front of the fireplace. It was too pleasant a night for a fire, so Luke brought candles and placed them in front of the screen instead. Luke sat on the floor, too, her back leaning against the stone of the fireplace, and Cassie watched
her as she poured their coffee, wondering again why she felt so drawn to this woman.
“Cream only, right?”
“Please.”
The coffee had a light vanilla flavor to it, and Cassie nodded her approval. Then she watched, again horrified as Luke added not one but two spoonfuls of sugar to the perfectly good coffee. She grimaced as Luke took a sip.
“What?” Luke asked and Cassie realized she had been staring.
“Nothing. I just… nothing.” She sipped her own cup quietly, painfully aware of the silence surrounding them. Then Luke picked up a remote and soft piano music replaced the silence.
“I’ve got other CDs if this isn’t to your liking,” Luke offered.
“No, this is fine.” Cassie was suddenly very aware of the intiŹmate settingcandles and musicand wondered why panic had not yet set in. But she felt completely at ease. It was almost as if in a dream, she realized.
“Do you remember the day we met?” Luke asked quietly.
Cassie smiled. “Yes. At the festival.”
“You looked so familiar to me. I was certain that we had met before,” she said. “Then I remembered. The night of the party, I looked up, and you were watching me.”
Her voice was quiet, soft, and Cassie was entranced, wondering where this was leading.
“Just like that day on the sidewalk. I thought then that you had the most beautiful blue eyes I had ever seen.”
Cassie trembled and struggled to bring her coffee cup to her lips without spilling any. She had hoped, really hoped, that Luke would not remember that day. Cassie had been staring, yes. And when their eyes met that day, it was as if Luke were looking into her very soul.
“I’ve embarrassed you yet again,” Luke said. “I’m sorry.”
“No.” Cassie made herself look at Luke, and she ignored the flame that ignited in her body. “I was with Kim and Lisa. They
were commenting on how attractive you were.” She smiled at Luke. “And I was … looking, too,” she admitted.
“And when I caught you looking …”
“I was embarrassed,” Cassie finished for her. After all, she was supposedly straight. What business did she have staring at another woman the way she had been? What business did she have to be sitting here right now with that very same woman?
“Why were you looking at me like that?” Luke asked and she held Cassie’s eyes captive until she answered.
“I thought… I thought you were … beautiful.”” Cassie’s voice was barely a whisper. There. She had admitted it. And she apparŹently surprised Luke with her admission. Luke cocked her head to the side and raised one eyebrow, the candlelight now reflecting golden in her dark eyes. And as those eyes stared into hers, Cassie felt the fire spread quickly through her body, yet she shivered from the heat of it.
“Your eyes … turn golden … sometimes,” Cassie whispered before she could stop herself, and she was unable to pull her eyes from the golden flames.
“You told me that before.”
It was Cassie’s turn to stare, her eyebrows furrowed, questionŹing.
“When I took you home that night,” Luke explained.
“I don’t remember,” Cassie said. Then she leaned forward and rested her arms on her knees. “I woke up … naked,” she said quiŹetly, and she turned again to meet Luke’s eyes. “I don’t remember getting undressed.”
“You don’t?”
“No. Did you … undress me?” she finally dared to ask.
A slow smile appeared on Luke’s face and she nodded. “But I kept my eyes closed the whole time. Promise.”
Cassie remembered the dream, hands unbuttoning her jeans, her own hands helping to push them down. Hands unbuttoning her blouse, hands that she reached for, hands that she wanted to
touch her. She stared at Luke now, her mouth opening slightly as she realized that it had not really been a dream at all.
“It wasn’t a dream,” Cassie murmured.
Luke stared at her for so long, Cassie thought she would melt from the fire inside of her. When Luke reached out a hand to cup her face, Cassie didn’t pull away. She closed her eyes and, against her will, turned her lips into the soft palm, ignoring the warning bells sounding in her mind.
When Cassie opened her eyes again, Luke was there, mere inches away.
“I want… to kiss you,” Luke whispered.
“Yes,” Cassie breathed. “I want you to.”
Cassie could not have said no, and she watched in fascination as Luke’s mouth came toward her. But still, she was not prepared for the feel of Luke’s lips against her own. She shuddered. She didn’t know what she had expected, but she felt totally out of control as strange sensations traveled through her body. She could feel herŹself trembling, and she could not breathe. Her body felt hot, so hot, and when Luke cupped her face with both hands and brought soft lips to Cassie’s, Cassie felt her skin melting away. She heard a low moan and realized that it had come from her own lips.
Luke pulled back, but Cassie’s mouth still burned from her gentle kiss. When Cassie looked into Luke’s eyes, she saw that Luke wanted much more than just the brief kiss they had shared. With those soft lips so close to her own, Cassie realized that she, too, wanted more. Before she could stop herself, she pulled Luke to her, her lips seeking, meeting Luke’s hungry mouth.
And then she was falling, falling a
way, and she grabbed Luke and held on. Her fingers dug into strong arms, and she felt the soft cushŹion of carpet beneath her back, then Luke’s lips were on hers again. At the gentle push of tongue, her mouth opened fully, the groan starting low in her throat, and she cried out softly when she felt Luke’s tongue brush against her own. For one insane moment, she knew what she wanted, what she needed, and she let herself slip a litde farther into the whirlwind of passion that Luke had created. Her
mouth opened to Luke, and she kissed her back, her own tongue slipŹping shyly into Luke’s warm mouth, her groan mingling with Luke’s as they let their passion carry them, if only for a moment.
But the warning bells clamored to be heard and with great difŹficulty Cassie pulled away from Luke, knowing she was extremely close to losing complete control. Her chest heaved as if she’d been running, and Luke, too, was having a difficult time catching her breath.
The tears came without warning, and Cassie covered her mouth, her insides feeling like they would burst at any moment.
“Shhh, no … I’m so sorry,” Luke whispered urgently. She pulled Cassie into a sitting position and wrapped both arms around her. Cassie’s tears turned to sobs and she buried her face against Luke’s neck, letting her tears fall as they may.
“Please don’t cry,” Luke urged. “I’m so sorry, Cass.”
Cassie tried to stop. She squeezed her eyes shut and took deep breaths, but the explosion of emotion was too much. It was as if a dam had broken and she again buried her head, feeling Luke’s hands in her hair as she tried to calm her.
“Shhh, it’s okay,” Luke murmured. “It won’t happen again. I promise.”
Cassie shook her head. Luke thought it was her fault, thought Cassie was crying because she’d kissed her. How could she explain her tears to Luke when she could barely understand them herself?