What the Heart Desires

by Jaime Derelle

  “Sure, whatever you feel is best,” she said as she made a beeline to a plush sofa near the center of the room. While she waited, Joanna watched the city bustle beneath her.

  “You were right, this view is to die for,” she said when he returned with two glasses in hand. Benjamin handed her one and settled down next to her. He laid his arm on the back of the sofa, his hand barely grazing her shoulder, and joined Joanna in admiring the city. She took a sip of what she was sure was a very expensive Chardonnay, and set her glass on the table in front of her. Benjamin followed her lead, then turned to face her.

  “Now,” he said, “Other than your name and what you do, I don’t know much about you, Joanna.”

  “What do you want to know?” She asked coyly.

  “Everything,” he said as he grasped her hand.

  They ended up sitting in the bar for hours, sipping wine and talking. It turned out Benjamin had originally planned to follow in his father’s footsteps. He had a degree from Princeton and a good position in the family firm but quit after one year in the business.

  “It’s not that I hated the work. I just realized I didn’t need to spend my life making money like my father had,” he said. “I decided to focus on giving back instead.”

  “But why San Francisco?” Joanna asked.

  “My parents and I would come here every so often for vacation when I was younger,” he said, “I always loved it here, and it was a fresh start away from my mother and the rest of my family.”

  The way he turned his eyes away from her told Joanna that he might not be telling the entire truth in that moment. She didn’t press him, however, and he returned the favor later in the conversation when she decided to be not entirely truthful about her childhood. Other than those minor blips, Joanna was very much enjoying herself. The more they talked, the more she felt like she had known this man her whole life. She had never put much stock in the concept of soul mates, but, by the end of the night, she was starting to change her mind.

  Joanna could have sat on that couch with Benjamin forever, but the bar eventually closed. After he helped up from the couch, he wrapped his arm around her waist. He continued to hold her as they left the hotel and he hailed a taxi. She wasn’t sure if it was the wine or his embrace, but Joanna felt as if nothing in the world could harm her.

  “I hope this is alright,” he said as the car pulled up. “I could call my driver if it’s not.”

  “No need. A cab is fine,” she said as he helped her into the back seat. He looked slightly surprised when she told the driver her address.

  “A journalist who lives on Postcard Row,” he said. “You get more interesting by the minute, Joanna”

  “My father was pretty well off and left it to me after he died. I’m actually trying to sell it, though,” she said staring out the window. “He didn’t leave me anything else, and I really can’t afford both the property taxes and all the renovations it needs.”

  “That’s a shame, but you should be able to get a good amount of money of it.”

  “Hopefully. It’s been on the market for a while, but no one’s biting. I really do wish I could keep it, though.”

  “Why, if you don’t mind my asking?” He said. Joanna was appreciative of his tact, but she still answered quickly in hopes that they wouldn’t linger on the topic.

  “It’s the only thing I have from my father. He and mom divorced when I was a baby, and he cut us out of his life.” She looked quickly away from him as tears threatened to well up in her eyes. “I never got so much as a card on my birthday. I wish I could have known him a little better.”

  She fell silent after that and was glad that Benjamin didn’t push the subject. Joanna had tried to reach out to her father multiple times in her life without success. His rejection had hurt her deeply, and she had always been reluctant to talk about her father. She watched the city fly by the cab window, and Benjamin grasped her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. A few minutes later, they arrived at Joanna’s house.

  “I can see why you’re reluctant to leave this place, it’s almost as beautiful as you are,” Benjamin said as he opened the cab door for Joanna. “Hold on a moment, and I’ll walk you up.”

  Benjamin leaned into the cab and spoke to the driver. She couldn’t tell what they said, but it wasn’t long before he closed the door. He offered his arm to Joanna and they walked up the steps to her front door.

  “I’ll say good night, for now, Joanna,” he said as he grasped her hands in his “But I do want to see you again very soon.”

  “Here,” she said, fishing a business card out of her purse. “This has my cell number on it.”

  “Perfect.” He leaned in and tilted her chin up slightly with fingers. His hand felt warm and he studied her eyes for a moment before he gently brought her face to his. He kissed her gently, his smooth lips parting ever so slightly against hers. He pulled away, but Joanna kept her eyes closed, savoring the smell of him. She knew she didn’t want him to leave her just yet.

  “I don’t usually say this sort of thing to men I’ve just met,” she said as she opened her eye, “But would you like to come inside for some coffee?”

  Benjamin wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her in close. He put his lips to her ear, and his slight breath on her face sent shivers down her spine.

  “I’d love to come in,” he said, “but not for coffee.”

  He turned toward the street and gave the cab driver a small wave. The car drove off, leaving the pair alone on the quiet street.

  “I was hoping you’d ask me inside, but I didn’t want to impose,” he said in response to Joanna’s puzzled look. “So I paid our fare, but also asked him to wait a moment, just in case.”

  Joanna said nothing, choosing instead to consider his face looking down at hers. Throwing caution to the wind, she pulled Benjamin in for another kiss. It started out as delicate as the first, but this time, Joanna parted her lips and allowed Benjamin to slowly explore her mouth. It was heavenly, and they both pulled deeper into the kiss. He pulled away slightly, and his rough stubble brushed against her chin as he grazed his teeth softly over her lower lip. Joanna let out a low moan and pulled away from him fully. She drew her keys from her purse, unlocked the door, and pulled Benjamin inside. As she kicked off her shoes, he embraced her from behind, kissing her neck and letting his hands wander slowly down her waist.

  “Which way to the bedroom?” He growled. She could already feel him stiffening against her.

  “Upstairs,” came her equally breathless reply. “First room on the left.”

  He effortlessly swept her up into his arms and carried her up the staircase and into the bedroom. Instead laying her on the bed, as Joanna expected, he set her on her feet just inside the threshold. He slowly unzipped her dress, pausing every so often to trail his fingers across her back. Finally, it slipped from her body and fell to the floor, and Benjamin wasted no time making sure the rest of her clothing followed suit. She stood before him, the soft moonlight glowing on her naked skin, and Benjamin let out a small moan of approval.

  “You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen,” he said as she slipped his jacket off of his shoulders. He practically ripped the buttons off his shirt in his haste to undress and threw his clothes into a crumpled pile beside Joanna’s. He pressed his perfectly muscled body against hers as she worked to free her hair. Greedy hands slid over every inch of her before grasping and laying her gently down on the bed. They admired each other for a moment before his mouth began exploring her already trembling body. Expertly using both his tongue and his teeth, he started with her collar bone. He briefly paused, sucking lightly on her nipples and breasts, before resuming his journey downwards. He kept her locked in a smoldering gaze the entire time, breaking it only as he spread her knees wide. She opened herself fully to him and closed her eyes as she felt his tongue slide into her. Absolute bliss flooded through her as he worked, and she writhed her body against him. Her pleasure climbed, and, just as she was a
bout to be carried way, he pulled away from her. He kissed her roughly, leaving the taste of her in her mouth as he gently slid into her. A loud moan escaped Joanna’s lips as he began thrusting, and soon her hips followed his sensuous rhythm. His motions grew faster as her body tightened around him, and each thrust brought her closer to that glorious edge. One final roll of his hips pushed her over, and she cried out as her whole body shook. He followed soon after though he remained inside of her while small aftershocks rippled through her body.

  “That was incredible,” she said after she had caught her breath again. His only response was a small grunt as he pulled out of her and gathered her into his arms. She snuggled into him, the hair on his chest lightly brushing against her back. They laid there together, murmuring sweet nothings to each other before they both fell into a contented sleep.

  Benjamin left early the next morning, not long after the sunrise.

  “I hate to rush out, but I have an appointment to keep,” he said as he dressed. “I’ll definitely call you later today, sweetheart.”

  As he was about to leave, he leaned over and kissed Joanna deeply. They said their goodbyes, and he was quickly out the door.

  She watched through her bedroom window with longing as he waited on the sidewalk. Eventually, a black car drove up and he got in. Once he was out of sight, she dozed off, and sweet dreams of the previous night filled her mind.

  Chapter 4

  True to his word, Benjamin called her that afternoon to set up a dinner date for Wednesday. Joanna spent the rest of Sunday and the first half of Monday in a happy blur until she returned to her desk after lunch. Sitting there, next to her keyboard, was a small white box with the name that Joanna recognized as a local jewelry store. Inside was a stunning diamond tennis bracelet a small note that read, “a beautiful gift for a beautiful woman. Ben”. Joanna quickly closed the box, but not before her office neighbor Sharon caught a glimpse of its contents.

  “One of the guys from the front desk brought that up,” she said, eyeing up both the box and Joanna. “Looks like someone has an admirer with deep pockets.”

  “I guess so,” was all that Joanna could come up with in reply. Sharon had a reputation for being a gossip, and Joanna knew that she would soon be the talk of the office.

  “Stop over thinking and enjoy it! I know I would.” Sharon said with a wink. Thankfully, she returned to her work without another word. Through the rest of the day, however, Joanna couldn’t help but notice everyone whispering discreetly, stopping only when she passed by. She did her best to ignore it, but she left work that day feeling slightly unnerved.

  The tide of gossip had almost died out by the following afternoon but was reignited by the two dozen roses that appeared on Joanna’s desk. The flowers were certainly beautiful, but the real scandal was the accompanying note. Along with Benjamin, once again, complimenting her beauty, it informed her that he had secured reservations for the following evening at one of the most expensive restaurants in the city. Joanna had taken care to open the note in private, but it seemed that Sharon had been snooping again. The whispering escalated through the work day and several of Joanna’s colleagues gave her knowing looks.

  The final straw happened on Wednesday morning. Another jewelry box sat on Joanna’s desk, but this time, Benjamin had boldly delivered it to her desk himself. He was by no means a famous person, but enough people knew him from events and auctions that the entire office was soon captivated by the identity Joanna’s secret admirer. No one said anything to her directly, but she did manage to catch a snippet of conversation as she passed by the break room. Sharon and two of her other coworkers, a man and a woman whose backs were turned to Joanna, sat huddled over their coffee and occasionally shot glances toward the door.

  “I always wondered how she managed to afford to buy that house. Must be worth at least a couple million,” said a male voice.

  “Well, you know how private she is,” Sharon replied. This was her element, and she was basking in it. “I did some poking yesterday. Turns out her father was loaded and left it her in his will.”

  “Why’s she working at the Chronicle then,” said the man, “and not on some yacht somewhere.”

  “That’s the juicy part,” Sharon said. “Her mom was a huge gold digger and only in it for the money. He kicked them to the curb when he found out.”

  “Damn,” the woman said, “looks like she learned a trick or two from old mom.”

  “Maybe she’ll quit,” Sharon replied. “You always wanted her job.”

  “I think I’ll ask her if she can give me a few tips instead, as nice as the raise would be,” the woman said cattily. “Having a man to take care of me and buy me diamond bracelets sounds like a much better idea.”

  Joanna decided not to stick around for the rest of the conversation and quickly walked back to her desk. She spent the rest of the day moping and debating if she should continue seeing Benjamin. She liked him a great deal, that was for certain, and they had extraordinary chemistry, but she also knew that she would have to constantly deal with people doubting her motives. Her mother had possessed the strength to deflect the opinions of others, and Joanna wished that she had inherited even just a drop of that resolve. In the end, she resolved to call him and cancel the date, but couldn’t bring herself to pick up the phone.

  “Stop fussing,” Kate said through a mouth full of bobby pins. “The dress looks great.”

  Joanna had tried to call Ben several times that day, and each time she only got as far as typing in his number. No matter what, she couldn’t bring herself to push the call button. It wasn’t until he sister showed up to fix Joanna’s hair that she finally began getting ready for the date.

  “There,” Kate said, “What do you think?”

  Joanna admired her sister’s handiwork. Her curly brown hair was pulled back into a low bun at the top of her neck. Combined with her knee-length blue dress, it painted a simple yet elegant picture.

  “It’s wonderful,” Joanna said. She stood up from her vanity to admire her look in the full length mirror. She thought briefly about putting the jewelry Benjamin had given her as well, but then she would have to explain to Kate why she suddenly had diamond jewelry.

  “You look beautiful Jo. Did he say what restaurant he’s taking you to?”

  “He didn’t, he only told me to wear a nice dress,” Joanna said as she ran her hands down the skirt of her dress. She hadn’t told her sister about the events of the previous days. Somehow, keeping the presents and ensuing storm of gossip from Kate made everything seem less real.

  “Probably somewhere ritzy then,” Kate said. “He’s picking you up soon, right?”

  “He said eight o’clock, so any minute now,” Joanna replied. A low rumble outside signaled the arrival of a car. Kate bolted to the window and peeked outside.

  “That’s him, Jo,” she said “You go on downstairs. I’ll hang out here until you leave.”

  “Thanks, Kate,” Joanna said, leaving a kiss on her sister’s cheek. “I’ll let you know how it goes.” She began to head downstairs, but stopped when she reached the bedroom doorway.

  “Kate,” Joanna said. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

  “What do you mean,” Kate responded though the look on her face told Joanna that her sister knew this was coming. Joanna may have kept her mouth shut, but her poker face was awful. The doorbell rang, but Joanna stayed frozen in her spot.

  “I can’t start this,” she said as she tried to keep the tears from her eyes. “I didn’t tell you before, but he’s been leaving me expensive jewelry and flowers all week.” She pulled out the bracelet and necklace from her purse along with the notes and thrust them into Kate’s hands.

  “Damn, Jo,” she said. Her eyes were already wide, but they somehow grew even bigger when she saw the name of the restaurant. “I mean, he probably could have spent a little less money, but this doesn’t explain why you’ve been so worked up the past few days.”

  “My coworkers saw eve
rything,” Joanna said. “Ben even came up to my desk himself earlier today. They know about mom, Kate, and they’re already comparing me to her.”

  “Oh, honey, come here,” Kate said as she hugged her sister. “We both know that’s not who you are.” Joanna nodded into her sister’s shoulder, unable to say anything through her tears. The doorbell rang again.

  “Look,” Kate said. “I’ll get rid of him for you if that’s what you want, but I still think it’s a mistake. I’ll tell him you’re sorry. That You appreciated his kindness, but the gifts were just too much. Is that ok?”

  Joanna nodded and Kate went down the stairs to the door. Joanna closed the bedroom door as soon as she heard her sister greet Benjamin. She did not want to hear the conversation that was about to occur. After what seemed like an eternity, Kate returned to the bedroom and poked her head into the door.

  “He said he’s sorry you feel that way, and that he knew it was probably a bit too much,” she said. “I told him you probably didn’t want to see him again. He looked so heartbroken, Jo, but he understood. He also said to call him if you change your mind.”

  “Thank you for doing that,” Joanna said. She couldn’t keep back the tears any longer, and mascara began streaming down her face.

  “Please, think about it,” Kate said, close to tears herself. “I think he really cares about you. I know”

  “I’ll try,” Joanna said as her sister closed the door. The tears kept flowing as she undid her hair. She tried her hardest to ignore the bed that they had so recently shared. Later, after she had changed into pajamas, she sat on her couch with a glass of wine. The TV was blaring some fluff reality show, but Joanna wasn’t really paying attention. All she could think about now was how good she had felt sleeping in his arms and the delicious heat that flowed between them that evening. She looked out over the dark and empty living room and knew she had made a big mistake. She did not, however, know if she had the strength to fix it.

  The next few days were difficult for Joanna. She went through the motions of her day to day life, but it felt as if she were looking at her life from behind a screen. Her coworkers picked up on her glum demeanor and everyone was buzzing about her apparently short-lived fling. Joanna found it easy to ignore their whispering this time, despite Sharon’s best attempts to extract information from her. After a day or two, the rumor mill turned itself to other topics, and she was able to enjoy some peace at work. However, thoughts of Ben still hung heavy in her mind. Her distraction grew so bad that Kate had to send her home early from an event one evening.