“I’m selfish.”
“God, no, Lucy. Don’t.”
“All I thought when I saw that video of those bastards dragging you to the van was that you let it happen. You risked your life—your life that you promised to me!—for the greater good.”
“I did it, in part, so you wouldn’t be in danger.”
“Don’t you get it? My life would be over without you. I had no life before you. I will have no life after you.”
“That’s not true, princess. That’s just not true.”
“Don’t do it again. Not without me. Everyone plotted against me—”
“Lucy, it wasn’t that.” He hesitated.
She looked up at him through her tears. “Tell me.”
He touched her face, his eyes full of both worry and love. “Jack said that if you knew, you’d be in danger.”
“That’s crazy. You’re the one who put your life on the line.”
“If you knew before we enacted the plan, you would have gone to the house. I couldn’t risk that. I couldn’t risk you, not with these people. Not with what they’ve done.”
“They could have killed you.”
“But you knew they wouldn’t, not without their money.”
She whispered, “But what if I was wrong?”
“You weren’t. Is that what this is? That you’re doubting yourself? You were right, Lucy.”
“Psychology is not a hard science. It’s part science, part experience, part guessing.”
“But you were right,” he repeated.
“But I could have been wrong!”
“But you weren’t.”
She stepped away. “You’re impossible.”
“I love you, Lucy. I hate seeing you in pain.”
“You’re the one with a cracked rib and bruises over half your body.”
He reached out and touched her. “Set a date.”
“What?”
“Our wedding. I love you, you love me, and dammit, I want to be married. Living together is fun, but I’m yours. You’re mine. I never thought I’d want that stupid piece of paper, but I want it. I want to see you in a white dress holding colorful flowers. I want your family, and my family, to sit in the pews of Saint Catherine’s and watch me tell the world how I feel about you. About us. About the better man you have made me.”
How could he be so … happy? She’d almost lost him. She was struggling to forgive him, to forgive everyone who did this behind her back. She couldn’t lose him. Didn’t he know that she would be completely destroyed? She could lose her job, she could lose this house, but she would be nothing if she lost Sean.
“It can’t be tomorrow,” Sean continued, “unless we fly to Vegas. And you deserve a better wedding than Vegas. Not to mention, your father would probably kill me.”
She almost smiled. “I think we should wait at least until your bruises disappear.” Then she turned away from him because she just couldn’t bear to look at his swollen face anymore. It hurt.
“Lucy—please. I’m okay.”
“You almost weren’t.”
“But I am. I know you’re mad—”
“Yes, I’m mad, Sean. Do you know what it would do to me if you—you had died?”
“Yes. Because I think about it all the time, about what would happen to me if you died. Two weeks ago you were shot in the back, Lucy. If you hadn’t been wearing a vest, you would have died, or been paralyzed. I close my eyes and watch that bullet hit you over and over again.”
She faced him and squeezed his hand. “Sean—”
“I’ve almost lost you so many times. When you nearly fell down the mine shaft in the Adirondacks. When you were run off the road by that psycho in DC. When you went to Mexico to rescue Brad and the boys. You risk yourself because that’s what you do—I can’t ask you not to do it. Kane risks himself because that’s what he does. I don’t think I ever really understood why Kane does what he does, not until these last few days. Now, I do. If not us, who?” He gently hugged her. “This was something I could do. I had no intention of dying, I didn’t even consider it an option. And I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you about the plan.”
“Don’t do it again.”
“Okay.”
“I mean it. We both put ourselves at risk. It’s our job—our vocation, I guess. Just like Kane and Jack and Father Mateo, we do it because we couldn’t do anything else. But I can’t be kept in the dark. If I think you’re not telling me something because it’ll hurt me or because I’ll try and stop you, then we’ll never truly trust each other. I didn’t like the idea for a lot of different reasons, but I trust you and I trust my brother, and I knew Jack would move Heaven and earth to save you. But I can’t be coddled or protected, Sean.”
“I am sorry. And the reverse goes, too.” He kissed her.
She sighed. The anger was gone. The fear was beginning to fade away. “That’s fair.” She smiled. “So where are we going for our honeymoon?”
“Honeymoon? I don’t think we’ve had a vacation that didn’t end up with trouble.”
“Trouble finds us, Sean. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t go away. Hawaii, maybe. What’s the homicide rate in Hawaii? Probably low. It’s too pretty for people to be violent. Let’s find a place on a small island where there are no murders, no kidnappings, no gunrunning or drug cartels. We’ll go and just relax.”
He laughed. “I don’t know if you understand the meaning of the word relax.”
“But you do, and you’ll teach me.”
“I’ll enjoy every minute.”
“October.”
“Okay. Why October?”
“Because everyone says that October is beautiful here in San Antonio. And we deserve a beautiful wedding day.”
“That isn’t one hundred percent humidity.”
“That too.”
“Okay. October it is. Four months should be enough time to plan a wedding.”
“Small wedding.”
He raised his eyebrow. “The Kincaids and the Rogans are both quite large families. And we have friends.”
“Medium wedding.”
“Okay. What day?”
“I’ll call Father Mateo and ask him what he has available.” She paused. “Is that okay with you? Saint Catherine’s?”
“I told you it was.”
“But I know how you feel about churches.”
“Lucy, I have a hard time with religion, but I love you, and I love your faith. I like Mateo. He’s everything that I think a man of God should be. If they were all like him and Padre, the world would be a much better place. And it matters to you.”
“I would marry you anywhere.”
“I love you for that, Lucy, but the sacrament means something to you. And because it means so much to you, it means something to me. I want the boys all there, I want my family, your family, our friends. I want a party. I want lots of champagne and the best Scotch and great food. And then we’re going on a honeymoon. You get to plan the wedding, I’ll do anything you want. But I get to plan the honeymoon. Keeping your low-homicide-rate criterion in mind.”
She smiled slyly. “Should I be scared?”
“Never.”
There was a beep at the front door, and Sean tensed. The door opened and Jack walked in with Kane. Sean relaxed when Jack reset the alarm. Lucy wondered if he would ever truly relax again, and that made her sad. Sean had always loved fun, loved playing games and doing things that gave him pleasure. Sailing. Skiing. Racing. Sitting by the pool under a blue sky. Picnics in a meadow of wildflowers. He loved living so much … and yet, so much had happened, so much had they suffered. And she didn’t know if it would be easy to forget. If they would ever forget. If they could, at any time, relax.
She watched as Kane eased himself into the oversized chair. Kane wasn’t a man who relaxed, ever. She’d only met him three months ago, but the only time she’d seen him even marginally relax was here, in their house. Whether it was because he was with his brother, or because he felt safe, sh
e didn’t know.
“Thanks for bringing him up here,” Sean said to Jack.
Jack didn’t dignify the thanks with a comment. “Megan is flying in tomorrow morning,” he said.
Lucy realized that Jack had given his entire week for her. For Sean. The anger she felt over his part in keeping Sean’s plan from her disappeared. She walked over to him and hugged him tightly. “I love you, Jack.”
He hugged her, kissed the top of her head, and said, “I love you, too, kid.”
“I didn’t mean what I said.”
“I know.”
She took a deep breath and stepped back. “If you need to go home, I understand.”
He looked at her as if she were speaking a foreign language. “Luce, I want to be here. Megan wants to be here, too. Unless you both need some time, I could get another place. I’ll be in San Antonio for at least two more weeks. I’m the point person for Operation Cleanup.”
Sean laughed, then winced. “Is that what you’re calling it?”
“Seemed appropriate. Patrick will be here next week, as soon he’s done with that job you referred to him in New York. He’ll be going over all electronics and computers.” Jack put his hand up. “I know what you’re going to say, Sean. But you can’t be involved in this one.”
“That’s not what I was going to say.”
Jack snorted, and Lucy almost laughed. “I think Sean was going to say he told me so.”
“About?”
“The house. I told him it was too big for us, and he said we both had large families who needed a place to stay when they visited.”
Sean kissed her. “Exactly. You’re all staying here. That’s why I picked the place. For family.”
“You won’t feel crowded?” Jack said.
“No,” Lucy said. “There is nothing I would want more than having my family here, in our home.” She squeezed Sean’s hand and sat down on the couch across from Kane and Jack. “I didn’t realize how good I had it.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Jack said.
She didn’t feel comfortable talking about this, but she had to. She had to accept the past before she could live in the future. “You. Dillon. Patrick. Everyone else. Mom and Dad. Especially Mom and Dad. I shut you all out. Even you, Jack, when you were training me after what happened…” She still had a hard time talking out loud about her kidnapping and rape. “I didn’t think of you as my brother. My family. You were my instructor, my coach, my drill sergeant, but not my brother. And Kane—you saved my life two weeks ago.”
Kane shook his head.
“Yes. Because of you, I put on the Kevlar. I don’t wear it all the time, there isn’t a need, but that day, because of something you said, because you cared, I wore it. I was terrified when Sean went down to Mexico to look for you, but not for a minute did I want him to stay home. Because we—all of us—are here for each other. And I never appreciated it, truly appreciated my family, like I do now.”
Kane looked at Sean. “Blitz told me how you found me.”
“I don’t think either of us is in a fighting mood,” Sean said. “Give me a week or two for my ribs to heal.”
“Thank you.”
Sean smiled. “I knew you’d forgive me.”
“Never do it again.”
“I’m not going to lie to you.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means, I’m not making promises I can’t keep.”
Kane grunted. “We’ll talk later.”
The four of them sat back and relaxed. There was no need to talk, no need to further rehash what had happened this past week. “The pool house is all yours, Kane,” Lucy said with a yawn. “As long as you want it. Jack, both the guest rooms downstairs have their own bathroom, so you and Megan will have privacy when Patrick gets here. And if Dillon and Kate decide to visit, we have two guest rooms upstairs.”
“One is empty,” Sean said. “I’ll order some furniture. And maybe I’ll look into finding an architect to convert the space above the garage into an apartment.”
“I don’t think you two are going to want people here all the time,” Jack said. “You’ll get sick of it.”
“No,” Lucy said. “I don’t think so.”
She hugged her future brother-in-law Kane. There was something in his eyes—something had changed. She wouldn’t say it was a softening, but it was a shift. Affection? Relief? She didn’t know.
“I’m glad you’re here, Kane.”
She hugged Jack. “I can’t wait to see Megan. I never really got to talk to her at Christmas.”
“I’ll call Dillon. Order him and Kate to take a weekend and visit.”
She smiled. “I’d like that.” She took Sean’s hand and helped him up. “Time for bed,” she said. “It’s been a long week.”
October. Five months … and then the Rogans and the Kincaids would be united permanently.
And until then, it looked like they would have a full house.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I am always grateful to those who help make my books the best they can be. First and foremost, the amazing people at Minotaur/St. Martin’s Press, from art to marketing to production, but especially my editor, Kelley Ragland. She makes me a better writer. Research is also an important part of my writing process, and I couldn’t do that without the selfless group of experts at Crime Scene Writers, specifically Wally Lind, Lee Lofland, D.P. Lyle, and Robin Burcell. They’ve helped me with the details more times than I can count. Coroner Chris Herndon from Colorado was absolutely critical with some information for this book. If I got the death scene wrong, I’m solely to blame. This time around, I needed help understanding how land records were maintained in Texas, and Hadassah Schloss from the Texas General Land Office was extremely helpful.
Writers are so generous with their time to help other writers, and I owe a huge debt of gratitude to my friend Deborah Coonts who is a pilot and a flight instructor (as well as a lawyer and a writer!). She helped make my rescue scene ten times better than the original. Again—if I made a mistake translating her expertise, blame me.
And always, my family keeps me sane and caffeinated. I love you all.
Read on for an excerpt
from Allison Brennan’s next book
POISONOUS
Available in April 2016 in hardcover
from Minotaur Books
Dear Ms. Revere:
My name is Tommy Wallace and I live in Corte Madera, California. Last summer my stepsister, Ivy Lake, was killed and no one knows who did it.
I talked to the detective and she said she can’t talk to me about what happened. She was nice and everything, but told me to talk to my dad. I thought she couldn’t talk to me because I was too young, so when I turned eighteen last week, I went back to the police station and Detective Martin still wouldn’t talk to me about what happened to Ivy.
I am writing to you because you help people. I’ve been watching your show and you find out what happened to people who died. I went to your website and read the article about how you found out what happened to an architect who was killed last year. That was in Atherton, which is not far from me at all! You said you wanted to find out what happened to him because his family deserved to know the truth and have closure. I don’t really understand what closure means, but if it means knowing who hurt Ivy, that’s what I want.
No one is like they were before Ivy died. My dad says that the police don’t know who killed her or why. My stepmother gets mad all the time because the police haven’t arrested anyone. My dad thinks that Ivy’s boyfriend killed her. My sister thinks that Ivy’s best friend killed her. My stepmother thinks that I killed her.
I would never, ever hurt anyone even if they were really mean to me. But now Paula won’t let me come to the house to visit unless my dad is there, and he works so much he isn’t home hardly at all. Austin says she’s scared of me. He called her stupid. (I told him it wasn’t nice to call people stupid. I don’t like being called stupid.) I miss B
ella and Austin so much sometimes I cry. (My mom says it’s okay if boys cry sometimes, but my dad says I’m too old to cry.) I don’t know why Paula thinks I would hurt Ivy. She wouldn’t let me come to Bella’s birthday party because my dad was out of town. I don’t want Bella to think I don’t like her anymore. My mom tried to make me feel better by taking me for an ice cream cone. I love ice cream more than any other food. I thought she was mad at me, but when my dad came back from his trip he came over and my mom yelled at him the same way she yelled at him when they were getting the divorce. My dad left and didn’t say good-bye to me. I think he’s mad at me, too.
I want everything to go back to the way it was before Ivy died, but Austin says that can’t happen. He told me the only thing that will fix everything is if the police find out who really killed Ivy, and then Paula will know I didn’t do it. But the police don’t seem to be trying anymore. My dad says that we pay their salaries and they should be working harder. I don’t have a job so I don’t pay their salaries, is that why Detective Martin won’t talk to me?
I don’t want anyone to think I hurt Ivy. I don’t want Austin to get in trouble for coming to see me when he’s not supposed to. I want to go to Bella’s birthday party in April when she turns six and give her a present. If you can just tell my stepmother I didn’t do anything wrong, she’ll have to believe you.
Thank you for reading my letter.
Sincerely, Tommy
Thomas Andrew Wallace
CHAPTER ONE
Monday
Maxine Revere and her right hand everything, David Kane, flew into SFO on Labor Day. Max didn’t like traveling on holidays, but she didn’t have much of a choice with her hectic schedule. They took a shuttle to the car rental lot and David handled the paperwork while Max scanned her email for anything she needed to address immediately. A dozen messages down the inbox was an email from her lover, Detective Nick Santini.
I know you’re angry that I cancelled our plans this weekend. I’ll find time later this week to come up for a day. Let me know when you land.
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