Just Physical

by Jae

  Jill slung her arms around Crash’s hips and returned the hug—as well as the feelings it conveyed.

  As long as neither of them said it out loud, she didn’t have to worry.

  Finally, Crash let go and moved her hands to the buttons of Jill’s blouse, where she paused and tilted her head. “May I?”

  Her throat too tight to speak, Jill nodded. For once, she had chosen to wear a blouse despite the buttons, wanting to look good at the wrap party. She watched as Crash’s fingers slowly opened button after button without hurry, as if it were a sacred ritual that needed to be savored. Was Crash taking her time because she, too, assumed that this might be the very last night they spent together?

  When the last button slid through its hole, Crash pushed the blouse back. She kissed first one bare shoulder, then the other, before kneeling. Her lips caressed Jill’s collarbone, nuzzled the vulnerable spot at the base of her throat, and moved down.

  Her breath warmed Jill’s chest and sent shivers through her body.

  When the material of the bra stopped her access to Jill’s skin, Crash looked up. She slid her hands around her, a silent question in her eyes.

  Again, Jill nodded.

  Crash fumbled with the hooks of the bra for a moment, not at all the bold stuntwoman and seductress others thought her to be.

  Jill loved her all the more for it.

  Finally, Crash slid the straps down and the cups fell away. With just her fingertips, she traced the curve of one breast.

  The touch was barely perceptible, but Jill felt it everywhere.

  Crash kissed the slope of the other breast. Instead of continuing on to her nipple, she moved her head away and slid her hands down Jill’s belly, which started to quiver in expectation. Another quick glance up, into Jill’s face, then Crash opened the button and zipper of Jill’s pants.

  Wriggling from side to side, Jill allowed her to pull the pants down. As they slid down her thighs, a thought shot through her mind. The foot brace! Hastily, she covered Crash’s hands with her own. “Let me…”

  “It’s okay,” Crash said as if she knew exactly why Jill wanted to take over.

  Jill gripped the pants.

  For a moment, both paused and held on to them. “Please,” Crash whispered.

  Something inside of Jill melted. She let go.

  The pants slid down, revealing the L-shaped piece of plastic that rested against the sole of her foot and the back of her calf, keeping her foot from dropping when she got exhausted.

  Crash opened the Velcro straps around Jill’s lower leg as if she had done it a thousand times before, her movements sure and confident. She pulled the foot brace free and set it aside. Her hands gently massaged Jill’s calf muscles, making her groan in relief, then they moved upward.

  Another groan tore from Jill’s throat when Crash’s fingertips brushed the inside of her thigh, now not a sound of relief but of arousal. She lifted up when Crash stood and pulled down Jill’s panties.

  Before she could lose complete control, she grabbed on to Crash’s tight ass and pulled her flush against her own body. The material of Crash’s slacks provided delicious pressure, distracting her from her mission to undress Crash. She moved away a fraction of an inch. Her hands went to the buttons on Crash’s short-sleeved blouse, but, as usual, the damn things wouldn’t cooperate and open as fast as she wanted.

  “Rip them,” Crash whispered.

  “Oh, no. This is my favorite blouse. It shows off your arms so nicely.” Did it even matter? There was a chance she wouldn’t see Crash in it ever again after tonight or, if she did, would never get to undress her again. Anger and sadness clutched her at the thought. She gripped both sides of the blouse and wrenched them apart.

  Buttons ricocheted everywhere.

  Eyes wide, Crash stared down at her own chest, then at Jill. “I thought—”

  “Changed my mind.” She stopped speaking and explored Crash’s flat belly with her lips and tongue and then pulled her down a little so she could reach one breast.

  Crash’s nipple instantly hardened as she sucked it in.

  A long moan rumbled through Crash’s chest. “More.”

  When Jill sucked a little harder, Crash gripped her shoulders with both hands as if she were the one with the balance problem. Gently, Crash urged her to crawl back onto the bed.

  The satin sheets felt cool against Jill’s overheated skin. Immediately, she held her arms out to Crash, missing the contact between them.

  After shucking her slacks and underwear, Crash sank down and covered Jill with her own body.

  Oh. So good. Jill’s eyes fluttered closed at the skin-on-skin contact. She loved feeling Crash against her like this. Her world narrowed until nothing but Crash’s touch existed.

  Crash pressed one muscular thigh against Jill’s already soaked center and, leaning up on her elbows, moved against her in a slow rhythm. Her mouth found Jill’s breast and closed over one erect nipple.

  The dual sensation was almost too much. She already felt herself spiraling out of control. One of her hands came up and pressed against Crash’s shoulder to roll her around and take over, but Crash wouldn’t budge from her spot at Jill’s breast.

  Crash added a gentle nibbling that made Jill let out a sharp hiss. Her hips arched up, seeking more contact. She wanted Crash to touch her—right now—but she knew it would be over too fast, so she let her continue the slow torture.

  Weakly, she lifted her head to watch Crash make love to her.

  The little sounds of pleasure escaping Crash as she licked and suckled were as arousing as the sensations coursing through her. The scent of their desire hung in the air.

  As if sensing her gaze, Crash looked up.

  For one eternal moment, neither of them moved or spoke, but an entire conversation took place.

  That wasn’t just passion in Crash’s heated gaze. That was love.

  Jill clutched her shoulders, urged her up, and kissed her deeply.

  At first, their lips and tongues moved against each other achingly slow; then their bare breasts touched, making both arch into the kiss. Passion took over.

  “I want you so much.” Crash’s warm breath caressed her lips.

  Jill shuddered and pulled her hard into her parted thighs. “Then take me.”

  With a wild groan, Crash slid her hand down, between them.

  The first touch of Crash’s fingertips against her wetness made Jill gasp. She wanted to tell her to go slow so this wouldn’t be over so fast, but she couldn’t.

  Crash circled her clit in just the right way to drive her even higher without sending her over the edge.

  Jill spread her legs wider, urging her on. She wanted to make it last, but when Crash’s fingers filled her, holding back was not an option. Her head spun. She arched against Crash, taking her deeper. Her clit throbbed in time with the wild beat of her heart.

  Her eyes were heavy with pleasure and had nearly closed, but she forced them open. She needed to see Crash.

  Their gazes connected.

  The desire in Crash’s irises, just thin rings of blue, made Jill’s own arousal soar even higher.

  “So beautiful.” Crash brought her free hand up and raked her thumb across Jill’s nipple, sending her senses reeling.

  She rocked her hips faster against Crash and clutched her back with both hands, feeling the defined muscles contract beneath her fingers. “Yes, yes!”

  Crash was panting too, her desire slick against Jill’s leg.

  Oh God. She was so close. So close. Jill slid her hands down and gripped Crash’s behind. She felt her drive deeper into her in response. A half moan, half shout escaped her. “Crash!”

  Her legs started to shake. A nonstop stream of gasps, moans, and whispers of Crash’s name fell from her lips. She clenched around Crash’s fingers. She pressed her mouth ag
ainst Crash’s shoulder as her hips bucked up once more. Orgasm hit her, making light explode behind her eyelids.

  When her eyesight started working again, she became aware of Crash sliding up her body to cradle her face in her hands and kiss her tenderly.

  Jill couldn’t speak. Instead, she kissed her back, first languidly, then, when she regained some strength, with hunger. She drifted one hand down, between Crash’s legs, moaning at the wetness she found. She rubbed her fingers over Crash’s clit, gently at first, then with more insistence.

  Crash thrust against her with an expression of helpless surrender. “Jill…”

  “I…” I love you. “I’ll make you come.”

  “Oh yeah.” Crash jerked. She shivered and thrust herself against Jill’s fingers. Then her body went taut, and Jill knew she was right at the edge.

  That knowledge made her burn with desire, almost as if she could come again, along with Crash. Staring up into Crash’s flushed face, not wanting to miss a second, she pressed a little harder.

  “Oh! Jill!” Crash collapsed onto her with a choked cry.

  Jill caught her and held her close, marveling at how she could feel so protective of her and at the same time so wild, as if she wanted to do this all over again. She skimmed her hands over Crash’s back from her shoulders to her butt as Crash’s breathing calmed.

  “Jill?” Crash asked a few minutes later, quietly speaking into the darkness of the studio apartment.

  Jill squeezed her eyes shut and didn’t lift her head from its comfortable spot on Crash’s shoulder. She knew what was coming; she had felt it in their lovemaking. Crash wanted to talk about them.

  Crash turned on the light. She ran her fingers up Jill’s neck and gently guided her head up to make eye contact. “Look at me, please.”

  Blinking against the sudden brightness, Jill looked at her.

  Crash kept both arms wrapped around her, as if afraid that she’d leave if she didn’t hold on. “Do you remember what you said the last time we made love here in my apartment?”

  Made love, not had sex… Crash had said it. Jill’s heart leapt with a mix of dread and joy, but she ignored it and nodded to the rest of her words. “That we would walk away after filming ended.”

  “Well, I won’t. I can’t.”

  “You have to,” Jill whispered.

  Crash lifted her dimpled chin in a gesture of defiance. “Says who?”

  “Says the damn MS, that’s who!”

  “You’d just let the MS take away something else from you?” Crash shook her head. “You’re a fighter, Jill. Why don’t you fight for us?”

  “Don’t you get it?” Jill tried to pull back, but Crash held on. “I am fighting. I’m fighting for you. I don’t want you to have to live with MS.”

  “You never asked me about why I visited the caregiver support group,” Crash said after a moment of silence. “Why not?”

  Because I was afraid of the answer. Jill dug her teeth into her bottom lip. “I…I guess…I just…”

  “I needed to be sure,” Crash said.

  “Sure of what?” Jill whispered before she could stop herself.

  “Sure of myself and my feelings. Sure that they are stronger than whatever the MS could throw at us. Sure that I would be able to do what Sally is doing for George, if necessary.”

  Something inside of Jill vibrated like one of the stunt wires holding a huge weight. “Are you?” she breathed. “Are you sure, I mean.”

  Crash looked her in the eyes, her blue irises glowing with determination. “Yes. I want you. A life with you. I can deal with everything else if only I have you.”

  A groan wrenched from Jill’s chest. No one had ever said those words to her, and only now did she realize that she’d waited to hear them all her life. She wanted to rain kisses all over Crash’s face and assure her she wanted the same, but as much as she longed for happiness with Crash, she wanted to protect Crash even more. “How can you be sure? We’ve barely known each other for three months. How can you know after such a short time?”

  Crash shrugged. “My father proposed to my mother after knowing her for just two weeks. Sometimes, you just know.”

  Jill couldn’t argue against it. Her feelings for Crash were already stronger than anything she’d ever felt for another woman. “But are you sure you’ll still feel the same ten years down the road?”

  “Sally still feels the same for George, so why would my feelings change?” Crash said.

  “Yeah, they obviously love each other, but are you sure it’s the way one spouse loves the other?” Jill voiced what she’d wondered since meeting the couple. “With Sally being the caregiver and George being the helpless one in the relationship all the time, that changes their dynamic. I’m not sure they are really partners—and that’s the only way a relationship would work for me.”

  “You want our relationship to be a partnership, not a dependency. I get that, Jill. But being partners isn’t about being able to do the same things. It’s about supporting each other as much as you can in any given situation.”

  “That’s just it.” The words burst out of Jill with desperation. “How much support could I possibly give you if I ended up in a wheelchair?”

  “You were the one who helped me through the fire stunt. I know you didn’t want to see me being set on fire, but you stayed to show your support. Are you saying you couldn’t have done that if you were in a wheelchair?”

  Jill blinked, and this time, it wasn’t because of the bright light. “I…I could, couldn’t I?”

  Crash nodded firmly. “Without you, I doubt I would have found the courage to audition for Engine 27. That’s the kind of support I’d want from a partner.”

  A warm kernel of hope nestled in the center of Jill’s chest. “Do you really think it could be that easy?”

  “I don’t know about easy,” Crash said. “Sometimes it probably won’t be. But I’m prepared for that.”

  “I’m not,” Jill said, knowing she could be honest with Crash. “But…” She sucked in a breath, held it for a moment, and then slowly let it escape. “Neither am I prepared to walk away.”

  Crash pulled her closer, holding her so tight as if she wanted to fuse their bodies. “Then don’t. Please, Jill. Give us a chance.”

  An enthusiastic yes trembled at the tip of Jill’s tongue, but she hesitated, a thousand buts and ifs tumbling through her mind. Finally, a glance into Crash’s eyes, reading the hope and the fear, was her undoing. “I’ll think about it, okay?”

  “Okay.” Crash didn’t loosen her grip on Jill. She waited a few heartbeats before tilting her head and giving her a questioning look. “So?”

  Despite her tension, laughter bubbled up from Jill’s chest. “Five seconds? That’s all the time you’re giving me to think about it?”

  An impish smile spread over Crash’s face. “It feels as if I already waited forever.”

  Jill hesitated. She still wasn’t sure what was the right thing to do. But would she see things more clearly in a month or a year? She doubted it, and it wasn’t fair to make Crash live her life in a holding pattern. She either had to send Crash away for good or take a leap of faith. Her last relapse had been a long time ago, and apparently, the first years were often a good indication of how the disease would progress. If that was true for her too, her chances of not ending up like George were probably pretty good. It was even possible she wouldn’t have another relapse. She didn’t want to look back at her life a few decades in the future and realize she’d refused herself—and worse, Crash—happiness for nothing.

  “All right,” Jill said on an exhale.

  “All right?” Crash’s voice came out in an excited squeak. “You mean…?”

  Jill nodded shakily. She felt as if she were walking on a tightrope, barely keeping her balance. “Let’s do this the way you suggested some time ago—go out o
n a date and then see where things are heading.” It still felt like a risky thing to do, but she could handle it—especially with the happiness radiating from Crash. “We’ll take it slow.”

  “Oh yeah. Slow. I can do slow.”

  “Yeah?” Grinning from ear to ear, Jill slid her hand down Crash’s body and teased at the apex of her thighs. “Are you sure?”

  Crash groaned. “Tomorrow. We’ll start taking it slow tomorrow.”

  CHAPTER 22

  When Jill woke again, the sun was shining into Crash’s studio apartment and the spot on the sofa bed next to her was empty. A disappointed sigh escaped her. Now that she’d worked up the courage to allow herself to give a future with Crash a chance, she had wanted to start the day by kissing her awake.

  Then she heard Crash whistle in the bathroom, and her smile returned. Even better. She would join Crash in the shower. When she slid her legs out of bed, she felt a bit shaky but told herself it was caused by thoughts of pressing herself against Crash’s athletic body, trailing her soapy hands over her abs. Or maybe it was just jitters. After denying herself any kind of relationship for two years, this tentative commitment to Crash was scary—and exciting.

  Calm down. You agreed to take it slow. Start with a date and then take it from—

  She took one step out of bed. Her left leg gave away without warning, and she collapsed to the floor, barely avoiding hitting her head on the coffee table. She lay there, dazed, for a moment not feeling anything except for shock. Then pain shot through her elbow and her hip. She gazed down her body, trying to understand what had happened.

  “Jill?” Crash called through the closed bathroom door. “Everything okay out there?”

  A rush of panic hit her. “I’m fine,” Jill called back. She didn’t want Crash to hurry out of the bathroom and find her on the floor. Gritting her teeth, she tried to get up but quickly found that she couldn’t. Her entire left side felt numb up to her waist, and her leg was completely useless.