“It looks great on your hand,” Carter said, seeming to consider his answer for a moment before shrugging. “Keep it. It wasn’t a big purchase. Wear it if you need to get away from anybody.” His look told me that he didn’t want me to belong to anybody else.
“Okay,” I agreed as we slipped into the car. I was surprised at his confession that the ring wasn’t a big purchase. It was stunning, with a generous center diamond and several small ones flanking it. It was breathtaking but not gaudy. I stole a glance at it as we got settled into the car, knowing that I was going to miss wearing it all day. I slipped it off and tucked it into my purse carefully before looking at him, seeing the stricken expression on his face. “Are you okay?” I asked him. He nodded quickly and gave me a small smile.
“Fine. Sure. We’ll drop you off first,” he said, sounding all business. We drove in silence as I played back the past few days in my head. When we slept together, it was like making love and I wanted to believe that it felt like that for him as much as it did for me. I had loved Carter in high school and I loved him now. It had never quite faded away and my heart broke with every year that passed that he didn’t know that Mason was his son. I wasn’t ready to tell him, though. I didn’t know whether he wanted a son in his life.
He dropped me off and scooted over to me before I opened the door. Carter kissed me softly, sweetly sucking on my lip as I smiled at him. “I had a great weekend, Vivian. I’d like to keep seeing you.”
“No fake intentions?” I asked. He chuckled and shook his head before brushing his lips against mine again.
“None. I just want you in my life again. I didn’t realize how much I missed you.” Carter pulled away and looked into my eyes as I felt my willpower draining from my body.
“I’d like that,” I agreed, getting out of the car and smiling at him. I walked to my building and unlocked my door, rolling in my suitcase as I thought of my son. My love for him overwhelmed me and I hurried over to Lainie’s to get him. Mason was watching a movie when Lainie opened the door for me. He looked happy and I felt a sense of peace fill me as he ran over to me for a big hug.
I longed to tell him about his dad. I wanted him to meet Carter and see that he had a good role model but now wasn’t the time. I just needed to be a mother now and sort through this mess. I asked Mason to tell me all about the past days. Lainie cooked us up some chicken and salad and we ate as we talked and laughed together. After dinner, Mason and I went home. I was looking forward to a normal day with him tomorrow, but I was also nervous about going to work, to meet Carter again in the office.
I read to Mason before he fell asleep. I made my way over to the kitchen and pulled the ring out of my purse, bringing it to the couch to look at it. I wondered what it might have been like if Carter was a part of my life, married to me and being a father to Mason.
I let myself drift into the fantasy world for a bit before I took the ring into my room and tucked it safely away into a small jewelry box. I undressed for bed and realized how lonely it was not sleeping in Carter’s arms tonight. I cried a little as I thought back to our trip, so unsure of what was to come now that we were back in New York.
I slept poorly, getting up late to get ready for work and Mason off to school. I chose some simple gray slacks and a silk purple shirt that my mom had gotten me last time we went shopping. It was a bit casual, but I didn’t have any official meetings today.
I got to work and walked into my office to see a vase of pink lilies and a cup of coffee waiting for me on my desk. I paused as I stared at it, lost in thought until Carter cleared his throat behind me. “Oh my God. Did you do this?” I asked as I turned to him and looked into his handsome face.
“I did. I wanted to brighten up your morning and prove to you that I want more with you,” he replied before kissing me softly. My body burned for him all over again. I returned the kiss, closing my eyes as we extended it for a few moments. He pulled away and looked at me regretfully. “We need to compile a report about the weekend today,” he sighed.
“I figured as much,” I replied with a smile, feeling energized as I saw the warmth in his eyes.
“We’ll go to lunch after that if you’d like,” he said.
Exhilaration filled me and I felt like a teenager but I managed to nod calmly. I turned on my computer and started typing the report, him by my side. We got through it easily, but there were a lot of looks shared in the process and I knew that I had a stupid smile on my face. I hoped that all this wasn’t in vain and I’d end up with my heart in pieces…again.
We went to a pizzeria for lunch and enjoyed the buffet of salad and pizza while I tried to adjust to this life of eating out and fancy cars. I didn’t know how to handle any of this. When we went back to the office, I finished some pending tasks before it was time to go home. Carter kissed me and asked me to dinner the following night. I agreed.
Every day got better with his sweet gestures. There were more flowers, text messages, coffee, and meals. I could see the curiosity in Carter’s eyes whenever I mentioned Mason, which I did as little as possible, but he never asked me anything. I left it at that.
The dinners were romantic and long. We’d talk about high school and I asked him if he missed hockey. He said he did, but that he had season passes for the Rangers every season. He told me I should go with him this year since he had a block of four seats for every game and maybe Mason could come along too.
Mason. My son and his son.
He told me that he was falling for me again in the next couple of weeks and I knew that I was completely in love with him again. There had been nobody in my life since Carter. I knew that he’d been a player, I had read the stories online, but I pushed that out of my mind. I was here now and he wanted me. Eventually, he’d know the truth about Mason and hopefully want him as well. I just needed a little more time to get used to all of this.
It was the third week of our dating and working together. We were going through another report when Carter said he needed more coffee and got up to get us some. He was just stepping out of the office when his phone chimed. “Can you see if that’s work for me?” He looked back at me as I nodded and reached for the sleek device with a silly smile.
I was so in love with him.
I glanced at the screen and my face fell.
What’s going on with your PA? You haven’t told me much about her, Carter. Do you owe me money for a change? Did you lose a bet over a woman? Who’s in the lead for our fuck list competition now, buddy?
A bet? What bet? I sat back as I read the message again. Slowly, the realization hit me. I was Carter’s PA. Carter was using me. He was still a player. My heart exploded as I sucked in a sob, dropping the phone to the carpet.
I heard footsteps and looked up to see a confused Carter standing in the doorway. “What’s wrong?” he asked me. I stood up and took a ragged breath.
“I was a bet?” I demanded, pointing at his phone. His face paled. “Screw you, Carter. We had the past and I thought that I could trust you but all of this was for money? Well, I hope it was worth it. I am asking for a transfer as soon as possible.”
I walked into my office and gathered my things before walking out. I needed to go home and cry this out of my system before I dealt with it here in the building. I lowered my face as I walked, feeling people’s eyes on me. I knew that there was talk about Carter and me, and I couldn’t calm down enough to stop crying. I thought the rumors were based on some truth and refused to let them bother me. The women were just jealous was all.
Now I knew that I was nothing more than a game to him.
Chapter 14 - Carter
I watched Vivian leave with shock on my face. I picked up my phone and read the message she had seen. I should have told Shane that this wasn’t a bet anymore. I should have told him that it was real to me and to back the fuck off.
But I hadn’t and now Vivian was rushing away from me in tears. I walked to my desk and sat down, taking a few slow breaths. I messaged Shane back, te
lling him that the bet was off. That it didn’t matter any longer.
I dropped the phone and rested my head in my hands as I felt the stress rush into my stomach. Fuck. I did this to her and it was all on me.
I left for lunch and told some of my managers that I was going home early. I knew that I wasn’t going to get any work done today. I went to my apartment and called my parents to ask for advice, though I didn’t go into detail about the woman that I was referring to or the reason she had left. I just asked them how to fix a big screw up, causing Mom to squeal with joy at the idea of me settling down. Dad had to take over the advice part of the situation.
“Do you care for her, Carter?” he asked me and I knew that I did. I was falling back in love with her at a surprising rate.
“Yes, I do,” I said.
“Then you need to prove it to her. I don’t know what happened but think about what matters the most for her. Buy some flowers and be ready to admit your wrongs. Be honest. There’s no point in trying to fix things if you’re not open with her.”
“I know, Dad. I just…hurt her,” I said, regret filling my voice. I felt like shit. “I’ve never cared about hurting a woman before.”
“We all have to learn sometime. I messed up pretty badly with your mother in the beginning and she’s still with me, even though I had a few repeats,” he assured me. I hoped to hell that he was right. “If it’s right for her, she’ll forgive you.”
I sat back on my couch. I couldn’t get her out of my fucking mind. Fucking Shane with his fucking timing. I thought for a moment before sending Vivian a text. I didn’t expect her to get back to me. She was hurt and angry when she walked out on me and I didn’t doubt that she’d ask for a transfer. Vivian wouldn’t be the type to give up her job over this, not with a son to raise.
I got myself a beer from the fridge and dropped back on the couch, losing myself in thoughts of Vivian, of our trip to LA, of our high school memories. I stood and walked to my bookshelf, searching for a photo album that I’d brought with me to New York. I found it on the top shelf and pulled it down. I sat back down and opened the thick cover that dated back to baby pictures of me. I thought that there might be some of Vivian as well since my mother was through with this kind of thing.
I glanced at the early memories of holidays and childhood as I smiled softly. I had a great life growing up and I was so eager to rush through it and live my dream. Where the hell did that get me right here in this moment?
I kept flipping through, looking at pages and pages of family photos. I lost both sets of grandparents fairly early and while I had memories of them, it was good to see their photos as well. I gazed at my paternal grandparents and smiled before focusing on my mom’s parents. I had always adored them and I looked at them for a long moment before frowning and staring at Grandma. Her eyes popped out at me.
They were green, like Vivian’s son’s eyes.
I froze for a moment. Holy fuck. I went back to pictures of me as a kid and noted the similarities before continuing to the photos of my high school period.
There were several with Vivian and I realized that her son bore a strong resemblance to both of us. I kept looking for the proof that was already in my mind. I started calculating.
I leaned back and closed my eyes. Why had she never told me? My parents didn’t know that they had a grandchild. If all this was true, I had lost five years of my son. I missed first words and steps. I hated her for not telling me but then I remembered how I’d just left. All I was interested in back then was making it big in the city. As much as I had cared for Vivian, she was easy to leave at the time. Maybe I made it easy for her to hide that I had a son. Still, I had missed out on his life.
I ordered takeout, not feeling like going to a restaurant to eat. All I could think about was Vivian and her son. I tried to watch a game when my phone lit up beside me. I glanced at it to see Shane calling. I just let it ring. I didn’t want to deal with him right now, if ever. He was the one who ruined what we were becoming, even if he didn’t know. I should have been honest with her from the start. Just like Dad said.
I needed to win her back. I needed to change my ways. I needed to prove to her that I was a good man. If he was my son, I wanted to give him everything that I could and be a part of his life. Even if Vivian didn’t want me back, he needed a father in his life. She needed help. It had to be difficult to raise a child on her own.
It all clicked into place now, why she was so worried about us getting involved. She was scared that she might lose her job and that I would find out about her secret. All of it made sense now.
I fell asleep on the couch after finishing my third beer. I dreamed that I was with Vivian through the pregnancy and living in Vermont. Our families were close and all involved in our lives. Vivian was happy and beautiful as she grew bigger with my son.
We got married just after he was born. I saw the birth in my dream and the tears that ran down her cheeks as the strongest love that I’d ever felt hit me like a freight train. I saw everything that I missed and woke up with a start as I looked out of the window to see the sky lightening.
I knew that I couldn’t sleep anymore and dressed for a run. I ran a few miles more than usual and hit the gym for an hour once I was done, all the while thinking about today. I didn’t know if Vivian was planning to come to her office today at all with her abrupt exit yesterday but she had to come into the building to see HR about the transfer. She wouldn’t just quit when she had a son to raise.
I dressed in one of my best suits before going in a little earlier than normal. I sent an email to Pam in HR to alert me immediately if Vivian showed up there and warmed up my computer as I walked to make some coffee. I wanted to make Vivian coffee and just see her today. I wanted to turn back time and make everything all right again. She deserved my honesty the same way that I did hers.
Chapter 15 - Vivian
I went home and cried it all out before Mason got home. I didn’t want him to see me like this and had always made an effort to be strong for him. I decided that we’d go out for pizza at the little place nearby that he loved and just have a good time. I had no intentions of quitting my job, I simply couldn’t afford it. I only wanted a transfer to an office where I would never see Carter again. I might have hidden something from him which I shouldn’t have, but he’d done the same to me. He used me for fun with his friend and given our past, that hurt even more than if I would have been just a random new PA. It wasn’t acceptable.
Mason and I had a great night at dinner and walked back home to have a bath and do some reading before he went to sleep. It was then that I let myself feel the pain all over again as I curled up in my bed and cried my eyes out.
A part of me wanted to just leave the job and find something else, but my life was not all about me anymore. I needed to do the best thing for Mason and I could work there and not see Carter. There had to be thousands of employees and most of them probably didn’t even know Carter. I wanted to be one of those people.
I thought about the trip to LA and how badly I wanted him that first night we made love. It felt so perfect to me, just like the nights that followed. He romanced me so well the weeks following that trip and I felt my eyes well with tears as I remembered how I had believed that he was sincere.
I wondered if he told his friend that we slept together and if it was in time for him to win the bet. How much money was I worth? It made my stomach turn to think that he had done this before with other women. The text message had mentioned a fuck list and I pinched my eyes closed.
Carter had a list. He slept with women and he and his friend bet money over it. It was sick, but I shouldn’t be surprised. He’d been a player in high school, and now he was the big man in New York City. He probably had women throwing themselves at him and I cringed as I thought about the unprotected sex that we had so many times. I would go and get tested as soon as possible. I would never be so stupid again.
Ever.
I slept poorly that night
. In the morning, I took a shower before waking Mason up. I dressed in black slacks and a white shirt. I looked in the mirror and saw my red eyes. I did what I could so Mason wouldn’t notice, pulling my hair into an easy ponytail.
He got off to school fine and I took the train in, sipping coffee as I thought about talking to Pam from HR. She was a nice woman and I’d just tell her that I wasn’t comfortable working with Carter. There didn’t have to be any accusations or knowledge of us sleeping together. She’d work with me if I wasn’t comfortable. It was a big company.
I heard the announcement of my stop and glanced up with wide eyes. I was mentally drained and forced myself to get off with the crowd. I walked the few blocks to the beautiful building that used to hold so much hope to me.
I was later than usual. I had no intention of going to Carter’s office so I went to Pam’s office and asked her PA if I could have a word with Pam. The girl’s face took on a fearful expression when I told her my name. She said that she’d notify Pam that I was here. I dropped down into a seat and sighed heavily as I grasped the little strength that I had left.
Not much later, Pam came up to me and told me to come in, scanning the hallway behind us. I followed her to her office and looked out at the buildings as I mustered up the courage to tell her what I wanted. She settled into her seat and sipped her coffee. “What can I do for you, Vivian?” I took a deep breath.
“I was hoping for a transfer, to be honest.”
“Why?” she asked, frowning at me. Concern laced her voice.
“I’m just not comfortable working for him,” I said, hoping she wouldn’t ask further.
“Is he harassing you?” she pressed on. I heard the door open behind me and her eyes stared past me. I turned to see Carter standing in the doorway. I pushed back against the seat as he strode in and stared at Pam.
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