Luca was exhausted and annoyed by the time he dragged his ass back to his office.
Tess was sitting there waiting for him. He didn’t even bother with a greeting, just grunted at her. Charitable wasn’t exactly in his vocabulary today. “Did you need something?”
The look she gave him was about ten shades of resentful. “When Peyton got back, he told me to come here to wait. He said it has to be treated as a crime scene, I’m not the pathologist assigned to the case since I’m a witness, and I needed to be somewhere else. Like up here.”
Just as Luca had suggested, but he didn’t point that out. It wasn’t as if she didn’t already know. He shrugged out of his jacket, draped it over the back of his chair, and sank down with a groan. Rubbing the nape of his neck, he closed his eyes. “Has anyone taken your statement?”
“No.”
“Okay, let’s do that and then you can go home.” He blew out a breath.
It didn’t take long, thankfully, because he was ready to finally get that information about Asher Kondan and spend the night providing close quarters protection for Erin. He almost managed a smile at that last thought, but he was too tired to quite make it.
“What are you smirking about?” Tess leveled a cool gaze on him.
He shrugged. “Frankly, that’s none of your business.”
It felt good not to care what she thought of him anymore. Sure, he still cared about her, but no more so than he did about Jack or Delta or anyone else on his team. Tess worked with them enough that he’d come to respect her medical opinion, and he hoped she got past this ugly bitterness she kept festering inside her, but that was her problem and not his. It was a relief, really.
She glanced aside. “You saved my life today.”
“Better late than never,” he replied, referring to the night she’d been taken hostage and Changed by terrorists. Though in truth, he’d saved her that night too. If he and Merek hadn’t arrived when they had, Chloe, Alex and Tess would all be dead now. He doubted Tess’s memories of that time were clear enough to remember that.
“I still hate you.”
“No, you don’t.”
Her eyes flashed defiance. “Your hands weren’t even shaking after she almost put a hole in both of us. You really are a coldblooded bastard.”
He stared at her for a long moment, feeling…strangely unmoved. There was a time he would have sold his soul to keep this woman. She’d been human when they first met, working as a medical examiner for the Normal side of the FBI, best friend to a witch who was right smack in the middle of one of his investigations. Their affair had been hot and heavy, emotionally and physically, right from the start. He’d fallen hard for her, allowed himself to imagine the possibility of what it might be like to make a life with her, turn her into a vampire.
But then it had all gone sideways.
Her friend’s case had blown wide open, all of them—Luca, Tess, her friend Chloe, several members of Luca’s team—had come inches from death at the hands of werewolf terrorists. Tess had been Changed into a wolf that night, snatched from Luca forever. He’d been willing to try, despite the fact that she was a wolf and he was a vampire, but she’d been unable to forgive him for keeping the secret of Magickals from her, for lying and for putting her in harm’s way with his lies.
The guilt and pain had burned like acid for far longer than it should have. He’d held on to hope, letting her lash out at him, because he thought he deserved it. But somewhere along the way, things had changed for him. Maybe they’d changed for both of them. They’d become different people in the two years since that night—people who no longer suited each other. Some changes were just too fundamental to ever go back.
And he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to go back to the way things had been when they’d first met, even if it were possible.
But he watched that loathing in her expression intensify, and he realize that it was time to have this out, once and for all, and put it behind them. He wasn’t going to enjoy this, had avoided it for longer than he should have, but it had to be done.
Sitting back in his chair, he sighed. “You need to let that night go, Tess. It’s not healthy.”
“Easy for you to say.” She bared her wolf fangs at him. “You don’t know me as well as you think you do.”
He nodded easily. “You’re right. I don’t. Our relationship only lasted for a few weeks, was over before it had a chance to come to its full potential. I’ll always regret that.”
“You should regret far more than that.” She sneered.
It wasn’t as difficult as he would have thought to hold on to his temper. She wanted to provoke a fight, but that would give her one more reason to despise him, and one less reason to confront her real problems. Which had nothing to do with him. “I take responsibility for my part in what happened, in the chain of unfortunate, unnecessary events that led to you being Changed. I’ve thought about that night so many times—”
She groaned, rolled her eyes. “Do we have to rehash this again?”
“I don’t love you anymore, Tess.” He rolled his eyes back at her. “I’ve said I’m not interested in being with you, so when I talk about that night, it’s not to defend or justify my decisions or try to convince you to give us another chance. I don’t want another chance, not anymore.”
Her chin lifted. “You think I care? I stopped loving you the moment I found out you lied to me. About everything.”
“I accept that.” It had taken him far longer than it should have to come to that acceptance, but he’d had to wrap his head around his own shame, guilt, and sense of failure before he could deal with the implosion of his relationship. He leaned forward, folded his hands on his desk. “Do you know what your problem is, Tess?”
“Oh, I’m sure you can’t wait to tell me.”
He ignored the sarcasm dripping off her words. “Your problem isn’t that you blame me for what happened that night.”
She folded her arms, one eyebrow arching. “Oh, really? This should be rich.”
“Really. Your problem is that you blame you.” He’d seen it in her gaze more than once, the same self-recrimination that he’d felt on the days he’d failed to save someone, especially those he knew and cared for, especially when it was himself he hadn’t been able to save from harm. It had taken him longer than he’d like to admit to work through his own psychological crap surrounding the night Tess had been taken, and many people he’d sworn to protect had come a hairsbreadth from death. Including himself. But coming out on the other side of that shame meant he could finally see Tess without the blinders of his own problems. “You blame yourself because you think you should have done something to save yourself.”
Her mouth was already open, ready to tear into him, but what emerged was the sound of a wounded animal. He’d never seen such grief, such self-loathing, on anyone’s face before. Tears filled her eyes while her mouth worked. “You don’t…you can’t…”
“You need to let this go, Tess,” he reiterated. “It’s not healthy to hold on to that night. It’s not healthy to keep torturing yourself over what happened to you.”
“How can…” The words shattered on a sob before she wrapped one arm around her middle and curled forward in her chair.
He rose from his desk, came around it to hunker down in front of her. He took her hand in his, his heart aching for what she had been through, and what she still had to go through. Healing from traumatic experiences was a long, ugly road. One he’d been down before, and it never got any easier.
“If I had just—”
“No.” He cut off her muffled words. “You were a human against a swarm of supernatural terrorists. You fought to the best of your ability, but there was nothing you could have done to save yourself.” He hooked a finger under her chin and forced her to look at him. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Tess. Those terrorists did. It’s hard to accept that you were a victim—a helpless one at that—but that’s the truth.”
He watched her flinch,
and another tear rolled down her cheek, but she’d stopped protesting and had started listening. A good first step. So he kept talking. “It’s almost easier to pretend you had some kind of control, I know. You can second-guess yourself and try to find every tiny detail that you could have changed in order to make things turn out differently, but that’s a mind-fuck you don’t want to inflict on yourself anymore. Believe me, I’ve been there. With that night, and with a lot of others that came before it.”
She pulled her chin from his grasp, her gaze focusing on her lap. “I hate feeling like this. I hate hating myself. It was easier to tell myself that it all started with you lying to me, and so that was the real root of the problem. It was easier to just blame you.”
“I know.” His grinned wryly. “But the sad truth is I was pretty helpless in that situation too. I wasn’t allowed to tell you anything about magic, and even if I had it wouldn’t have stopped what happened. A terrorist cell of well-armed, well-trained magic-wielding operatives…there wasn’t a damn thing I could do. But I went down fighting, and so did you. We tried. That’s all we can expect of ourselves.”
“It wasn’t enough.” Her lips shook as if she was holding back more tears.
“No,” he agreed. “It wasn’t enough to keep you from being Changed, but it was enough to save your life. You’re still alive, and they’re not. So consider who really came out the winner in that fight.”
She blinked, but didn’t say anything.
“Let go of this, Tess. It’s not your fault.” He locked his gaze with hers, hoping that she heard him, that she listened, that she believed. “The people to blame are dead, and you need to move on with your life. You deserve to be happy and healthy. Don’t let them take that from you too.”
A tear quivered on the edge of her lashes before trailing down her cheek. “I just…I wish…I don’t know how to get back to me after what happened. I feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore. All these crazy powers and full moon madness and…that’s not me. That’s not who Tess Jones is. I’m like a stranger in my own fucking skin and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it because I was a pathetic, helpless little victim.”
And that was when she really lost it. She cried so hard she gagged for air, pulled her knees up to her chest, and assumed as close to a fetal position as she could in the chair. And still she sobbed, the sound heartbreaking. Years of pent up anger and hatred were in those tears, and he knew she needed to shed them. He curved his palm over the back of her head, stroking her hair.
“It’s not your fault, Tess. It’s not your fault.” He repeated the words so many times, he’d lost count.
It took a long time for the tears to subside, and his chest tightened with sympathy. She kept her forehead resting on the plateau of her knees, her breathing coming in hitching little hiccups. He squeezed her shoulder, rose and reached across his desk for a box of tissues.
She took the box with a nod, but neither of them said anything. He’d gotten her to face her inner demons, but he didn’t think he was the right person to help her fight them. Not anymore. Perhaps one day they could be friends, but she needed more than he could give her now.
After striding to the door, he opened it and poked his head out. Unsurprisingly, Peyton was nearby, pretending to be busy with work. He caught the wolf’s eye. “In my office.”
The wolf nodded, dropped the file he held and moved forward. He had Tess in his embrace in the blink of an eye, and her arms twined around his neck, holding tight.
“I’m headed home for the day.” Luca stepped out of his office, reaching back for the door handle. His computer would automatically log off, and he’d worry about getting his jacket tomorrow. They needed the privacy more than he needed a full suit. “You two stay here as long as you need to.”
“Wait.” Tess’s voice was waterlogged, but she struggled against Peyton’s hold to face Luca.
The werewolf held her tighter, refusing to let her down. “Tess.”
She ignored him, meeting Luca’s gaze. “There’s something you should know, about Cecily Hammond’s autopsy.”
He nodded to encourage her to continue. The sooner she was done, the sooner he could leave.
“She was pregnant. It was only a couple of days along, but she was pregnant.”
Meaning Robert had turned to her for sex after he’d killed their son. “As a vampire, he would have been able to sense it almost as soon as she conceived.”
“Walking pregnancy test, the new career of vampires.” Her smile was lopsided, no longer tinged with the bitterness Luca was used to seeing from her. “I wonder if he told her, as some kind of consolation prize for the death of her first kid.”
Luca shook his head. “We’ll never know what finally pushed her over the edge, but that’s a definite possibility. I know she didn’t want to go back to that house, but he insisted.”
“Who could blame her?” Peyton asked.
Tess shivered, holding on to the male wolf tighter. “Who’d want to be anywhere near the place your baby was murdered?”
Elinor Hammond would blame her, but Luca didn’t point that out. The case was as closed as it was going to get. Everyone involved was dead, either murdered or by their own hand. What a twisted family. The whole situation sickened him, made him feel like a layer of filth coated his skin. He was exhausted, but at least he was alive to feel anything at all.
As he climbed into his car, he scrubbed a hand down his face. It was late and he should just go home, but he didn’t want to.
He wanted to be with Erin. It didn’t surprise him anymore, this craving he had to be near her. She was Normal, which should have sent him running as fast as his vampiric speed would allow, but he was too damn tired to fight it. He just wanted the peace he found in her company.
Or at least the peace he found when she wasn’t aiming a knife at his chest. He snorted, turned on the car, and drove toward her condo.
“Meow.” The sound was quiet, and he glanced in his rearview mirror to see Balthasar materialize from thin air. Invisibility spell, something vampires sucked at but his familiar excelled at. The cat had even managed to make both himself and Luca disappear from sight once or twice. More impressive was the fact that Luca hadn’t been able to sense the cat in the car with him until he’d made his presence known. Familiars had abilities that most Magickals couldn’t explain, which made the animals both highly prized and highly annoying.
The cat hopped into the passenger seat, his ears flicking as he watched the scenery pass by. Luca stroked a hand down his familiar’s back, feeling the rumble of a purr under his palm. “My case wrapped up today, Balthasar. Not in a way I would have hoped for, but there’s nothing left now except paperwork.” He pulled to a stop at a red light, glancing over at the cat. “What do you say we figure out how to help our human friend? I have a feeling she’s going to need it.”
Balthasar made a chirruping noise Luca took as approval. A tiny spark of anticipation lit inside him. After the shittiness of the Hammond case, he had to admit he liked the idea of hunting down a villain he could do something about. If it meant spending more time around Erin, so be it.
The first real smile of the day crossed his lips. He had some rather creative ideas for her close, personal protection.
The first thing Luca saw when he stepped out of the elevator into Erin’s foyer was Gregor Night. His heart seized and icy terror clawed through him. Gregor was a ruthless assassin—one who’d slipped through every law enforcement agency’s fingers for decades. Was he involved in her being stalked? A million possibilities for why he might be at Erin’s door ran through Luca’s mind, and each option spelled trouble.
He had Gregor by the throat in under a second, lifting the other vampire off his feet to slam him against the brick wall. Fangs bared, he hissed. “What are you doing here? Who’s paying you?”
“I am.” The door had swung open and Erin’s hand clamped over his biceps.
“What?” Luca’s gaze went from the bulging eyes o
f Gregor to Erin. Her expression was dead serious.
“I said I’m paying him. Now put my new bodyguard down.”
Utter disbelief slammed into him like a freight train. Erin. Had hired Gregor Night. It also registered that the other vampire wasn’t fighting back. His heels were jammed into the brick mortar and he was lifting himself away from Luca’s hold, but wasn’t fighting to get free. That said a lot right there, considering Luca had seen this man kill with little more than the tips of his fingers. He’d fight like a wounded, cornered animal if he needed to. Fuck. Luca dropped him, and he hit the floor without a whisper of sound.
“Cavalli,” he intoned, stepping around Erin into the apartment. He quirked an eyebrow at her and grinned as he passed.
Erin slanted a glare at Gregor, but didn’t say anything.
And Luca didn’t like their silent communication that didn’t include him one bit. The world had gone fucking sideways. He rounded on her. After the insanity of the day, this was the thing that finally made him lose his cool. He shouted right in her face, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
“Would you keep your voice down?” she hissed. “Get in here before both my neighbors come knocking.”
She balled her fist in his shirt and pulled. He stalked inside and snarled, “What. The hell. Do you think you’re doing?”
Kicking the door shut, she propped her hands on her hips. “Protecting myself from a possible stalker. Isn’t that what I should do?”
He jabbed a finger in Gregor’s direction. “And you hired a known assassin? Erin!”
Edge of Night Page 19