“God dammit!”
“Naga-zak,” said Kekkin softly, “We give these people the best chance to live if we lead them. We won’t need to leave all the soldiers behind, we can still take some with us. We’ll need them to take the ships in the docking sphere.”
I lowered my radio, looking down at my feet and shaking my head. The woman next to me put her hand on my shoulder.
“It’s okay, sir. We’re ready for this.”
“What’s your name?” I asked quietly.
“Peta,” she told me, “I was a child when the Ghantri took over the station. My parents were killed during the first year. I always knew I’d die here, I’m glad now it will help save the rest of my people.”
“You people are all crazy, you know that? Ambrose Station has turned everyone here into either blood-crazed psychopaths or the best damn people who ever held a gun. What happened here? Why the two extremes?”
She smiled, a scar turning her grin into a grimace. “We’ve been here for almost thirty years. We saw the Push as the last chance we had to get off this station alive. That was nine years ago. The ways of Protectorate space are alien to us, now.”
Nine years, I thought, to me, it’s only been a few years. A strange feeling came over me, it took me a moment to realise what it was. I felt disconnected in time. All these years travelling through the Network, losing time with the rest of the galaxy each time I shifted into Jump Space. I’d been skipping reality, spending only as much time as needed before moving to the next frame of existence.
For the first time in a long time, I started to realise that I did not belong here. I never did. Saving these people wouldn’t bring my squad back, it wouldn’t bring Eric back to life. I doubted it would even improve my mental health, more likely it would fuel more nightmares than end them.
My vision blurred and I suddenly felt very light-headed.
“Whoa, there!” said someone nearby. I was having trouble making out who the shapes around me were. I felt someone lower me to the ground, I felt very cold and was shivering. With dread, I realised that I couldn’t see! I tried to call out for help, but I couldn’t form words.
I could make out a voice near my ear saying over and over, “It’s okay, just breathe, just breathe.”
Eventually, I came around. My eyes were teary and my face was very cold. Several people were crouched down around me, worry clear on their faces. Peta was holding my hand in hers, and when I looked down at my other I saw it shaking.
“I’m okay,” I said, managing a whisper.
I could hear the sounds of battle behind me and made to stand.
“Hold on, take it easy,” she said, “They’ve got it covered. Just get yourself sorted out. Take your time.”
She started to stroke my hair, making shushing noises.
“You’re a mother?” I asked.
“I was.”
“I’m sorry. About the panic attack. About everything...”
“It’s okay. We all get them sometimes. You’ve had to make a tough decision.”
“Seems it was made for me.”
“That’s a Cohen for you. They were all like that.”
I looked around and saw that Kekkin was with us, firing over the wall. I made to stand, and this time Peta helped me to my feet. I joined Kekkin at the wall, watching the firefight unfold in the near darkness. The flashes of energy weapons lit the field sporadically like strobes. The occasional red beam from Renthal’s heavy laser brightened the terrain like a flare.
When Kekkin noticed me, he nodded.
“How are we going?” I said.
“The kak die like fedang.”
“I need to talk to you about Alexander.”
“Warrior is listening.”
“We can’t let him sacrifice himself. I promised his mother.”
He paused his firing for a moment and looked at me. “He will not like that.”
“No, he won’t. You’ll probably have to knock him out and carry him.”
He nodded. “Will need him, is natural leader to his people.”
“Where is his section?”
He indicated a section on the far side of the university grounds. “Kitrak has already gotten enough volunteers to stay behind. Can tell him to reinforce my section.”
“Thanks.”
“He’ll hate you for this, you know that?”
“Yeah.”
“Better than dying. Mother will work harder to control civilians.”
“I’m counting on that.”
Without another word, he turned back to the wall and resumed firing at the enemy as they tried to swarm Renthal’s position. I saw a trio of sentry drones swoop the main body of raiders, peppering them with their light energy weapons.
I couldn’t bring myself to fire upon them. I had lost all desire to kill, after my attack. The senseless violence these converts instigated sickened me. Whoever had convinced them that this was the way of the galaxy now was the true enemy – these people were merely tools of their will. Shooting a few more of them did not seem like a valuable use of my energy.
By the time they were driven back, my hands had stopped shaking.
5.
We were certain now that the enemy had enough information about our defences to mount their main attack. They knew our numbers, the capabilities of our heavy weapons, and the mettle of our troops. They had also found the best place to climb – an improvised explosive had damaged a section of the wall, creating a sort of ramp. It was tough climbing, but better than climbing a ladder or rappelling rope while under fire. The bulk of our sacrificial forces were to defend that location, while a skeleton crew of defenders would man the remaining wall.
Renthal had found a soldier with an overlay implant and with Rego’s help had managed to activate it enough to interface with the heavy laser. Geko’s catapult squad were easily able to operate their weapon without his guidance.
It was time for me to oversee the rest of the evacuation.
Ormund had come through with a planned route through several kilometres of tunnels below the surface. I made sure that Merade found people with overlays and shared the path with them. The farmland surrounding the tower had been reduced to a soggy marsh as the water from the elevator shafts was pumped out. When it was low enough to wade through we started to load supplies and people along the tunnels below. One of Merade’s people came up with the brilliant idea of making rafts and dragging the supplies through the water. It would slow down the people walking, somewhat, but getting supplies as far along as we could was vital to our success. We may face several days of space travel before we could locate a viable candidate for a supply run.
Tac, however, was still struggling with cracking the Sectis neuro-module. If we couldn’t get those codes, there were an awful lot of Ghantri ships around the station that we would have to contend with. We had to push on, regardless.
First down the tunnels were the wounded and the elderly. We had enough rafts constructed that we could spare a few for the most immobile – I wasn’t prepared to give up on them just yet, despite Merade’s assurances that her people were strong enough to face such measures.
Next, I ordered the women and children. There was some resistance to sending many of the women down, as they had it in their heads to join the soldiers on the walls – anything to delay the enemy from reaching the tunnels. Merade managed to convince them to go, citing the need for the mothers to protect their children in the days to come. The men and women who were to go last were the ablest of the civilians – a smaller group than I’d hoped, most of these had joined the wall to reinforce the numbers of the soldiers. I made sure that Cohen’s sacrificial force did not accept any more volunteers, a task that Merade also proved instrumental in achieving.
“How is the schedule going?” I asked her after talking with another group of labourers.
“A little slow at the moment,” she said, “but only because the bulk of the refugees are squeezing through that bottleneck at the moment. S
hould speed up once they get into a rhythm.”
I’d sent Harris and Geko on to lead the first of the refugee’s with Rego and Tac in amongst the wounded. There was a large chamber, a kilometre along the tunnels, which we had identified as a good rendezvous point. From there on, we would use armed forces on point, in case we encountered the Ghantri down below.
When everything appeared to be going according to plan, I took a moment to rest. My recent panic attack had drained me of much-needed motivation, my emotional energy almost completely dry. I had to get myself sorted before I started to make mistakes, or worse – freeze up during a crisis. I realised that I had been running on adrenaline and anger for the last twelve hours. I still hadn’t slept since we had arrived at the university, almost two days ago. A lot had changed since then, and none of it for the better.
Less than a minute after I sat down, I was out like a light.
I dreamt of the usual things – warm dark seas, alien gods, and futile struggles. A new presence graced my nightmares now – the smug countenance of Osiris Blackburn, the warm blood of Artemis drowning me in guilt.
Mercifully, the dream was short. A messenger shook me awake, handing me my radio.
“Go ahead,” I said, groggily.
“The attack is starting,” said Kekkin.
“I’m on my way. Are you in position?”
“I am.”
I splashed freezing cold water on my face, washing the grime of combat and sleep from my eyes, and left at a jog. I could hear a great roar carry out over the university grounds, as thousands of the raiders voiced their intent. By the time I reached the walls, the raiders had reached the first row of mines.
Before the second line of defences had fallen, we had seeded dozens of remote mines throughout the coming battlefield. They took their share of kills but failed to halt the enemy charge. Our foe reached the heavy weapons range, and the battle began in earnest.
My breath caught and my heart thudded faster in my chest at the sight of their numbers. My god, I thought, there are so many!
Peta, the soldier who had helped me before, smiled grimly at me. “Remember this night, sir. This is the night that we lived.”
I put my gauntlet on her shoulder. “Thank you.”
She nodded at me, then shouldered her rifle and started shooting. I didn’t join the fight right away, instead turned about and inspected the evacuation. Still, too many people had not gone down into the tunnels. We had to buy them time. I steeled myself, gripping my PX-2 in two hands, and returned to the wall.
As predicted, the main brunt of the assault was focused on the heavy laser. This time we had moved it to a position that was surrounded by ruined buildings. When the enemy managed to overrun the position, the gunners initiated a reactor overload and detonated the emplacement. The explosion killed several hundred of the enemy, and dozens of our own, but the charge was finally halted, if only momentarily. With no clear objective, as the heavy laser position provided no direct avenue of ingress into the university compound, the main force peeled off their attack after several minutes of heavy fighting. They tried to push at us from several directions at once, seeking weaker sections of the walls, but each time we were able to cut down their forces before they could find an easy access point. After some time, I fell back from the wall to check on the evacuation again.
Hope swelled in my heart, most of the evacuee’s had left. It was time to pull back our forces and leave the others to die.
It was a bittersweet feeling. Equal parts heartbreaking and cherished relief. I had tears in my eyes when I ordered our forces off the wall and into the grounds. I glanced over at Kekkin’s position, reinforcing Alexander and his squad. The Garz’a gave me a nod and snuck up on the brave young man. A swift crack with the hilt of his lurzak was all it took, and he foisted the unconscious soldier on his back.
I turned back to my squad, still firing at the enemy as they probed our defences anew. My mouth was dry, and I stammered out a few words before I realised that nothing I said would make a difference. These men and women under my command were grinning cheerfully, clapping me on the back when they had a chance and wishing me well in the coming days. They were actually thanking me!
With nothing more to say, with nothing left to do, I climbed down off the wall and into the university grounds. Renthal and Triptych joined me, pride clear on their grimy faces. We waited a few minutes for Kekkin to join us and helped him carry Alexander with us. The band of soldiers we had chosen to help us protect the refugees gathered nearby and we wasted no time. When the last of the civilians climbed down into the elevator shafts, we followed. After the first fifty metres, I could no longer hear the fighting above us.
“This will do,” I said, my voice cracking.
Triptych and Renthal used the last of their explosives, setting them to collapse the tunnels behind us. With the blast, we cut ourselves off from the horde and sealed the fate of those we left behind to buy us our freedom.
It was a solemn march to join the others. One I knew we would never forget.
6.
The cold, the dark, and the damp were kindred spirits to our moods as we moved through the tunnels to join the others. We all knew the price we had just paid, what our allies had paid, for the freedom we were to fight for ahead. My breath came in short, ragged bursts and I dared not speak lest my voice give away the heartbreak I felt.
I marked that day in my mind. Burned into my memory for the rest of my days, the sacrifices made by those men and women. I try every day to honour their memory, for the gift they gave us.
It took me a while to pull myself together. Eventually, I took a deep breath and swore to carry on – it was the least I could do. Before long, we reached the waiting throng of evacuees and regrouped with the rest of Naga Team.
“Gather round,” I said, motioning for all of the soldiers to meet with us, “We have a long march through the sub-surface ahead of us. Those of you with overlay implants will have waypoints uploaded by now, so make sure you stick close to anyone that doesn’t. I want teams of three down the line of civilians, watching out on any side passages. Stay alert. Don’t think that because we’re out of the university that we’re safe. We are not. I don’t have to remind you all that this is Ghantri territory now.”
I looked everyone over, saw their dirt-caked faces and the grim looks of determination. I needed to give these people hope, not a warning. I tried again.
“You did good tonight. It was a tough fight, a tough call to make. We made it, and now we have to live with it. Remember those we left behind. Hold them close to your hearts – for what we do with their sacrifice, what meaning we give it, is up to you. We have a job to do, an important one. I know that you have it in you to see it through. These people,” I pointed behind me to the civilians, “they’re counting on us to get them to safety. We cannot falter now.
“I’m proud of you all. Prouder than any other fighting force I’ve ever served with. You’re up there with the galaxy’s bravest. Stay true to your fallen brothers and sisters, and to yourselves, and I’ll show you the stars.”
The soldiers nodded their heads and began to look at each other with pride. I clasped a few arms and gripped their wrists, then we went to work.
I took point. Naga Team joined me, our suit lights leading the way. I had not retrieved my energy rifle, having given it to a soldier on the wall many hours before, so I once more had my sidearm and lurzak at the ready. Triptych controlled a flight of recon drones, sending them ahead through the tunnels.
We had gotten maybe two kilometres through the sub-surface before we encountered our first Ghantri. As usual, it was Jaani – working on pulling apart a purification plant for salvage. They tended to wander about more than the Ghantri themselves; they probably thought it was relatively safe to do so.
With cold efficiency, we killed the five of them on sight. We could not afford to let any escape to warn their Ghantri cousins of our exodus. Not with so many unarmed civilians in our care.
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Alex awoke before we encountered any more. He stormed up to the front of the line, having been carried with the wounded. I halted the line when I saw him and sent the rest of Naga Team on to scout ahead.
He was red-faced and angry, tears cutting lines of clean skin down his sooty face.
“You had no right!” he cried, pointing a finger at me angrily.
I was about to reply when Merade broke through the throng to answer instead.
“I did,” she said, “I had the right of a mother.”
He turned to face her and I could see him struggling to find words.
“I couldn’t let you stay,” she said, “I could not bear to lose you, too.”
“I had to! I couldn’t leave the others to face the enemy alone!”
“I’ve lost too much already. Your father, Timon, and then Aman. I wasn’t ready to let go of you as well.”
“That is so selfish! Everyone has lost someone!”
“So I’m a selfish woman for wanting to see her son live? I can take that title if it means that I do.”
“Don’t be so hard on her, Alex,” I said, reaching for his arm. He pulled away and whirled on me.
“You had no right to do this! You took that death from me! What will they think of me? My own soldiers facing death without me by their sides! My friends!”
“Believe me, I know what you are going through.”
“How can you?” he said, shaking a fist at me.
I reached inside my armour and pulled my medal from out. “See this star? When the Protectorate came, during the Push, my squad was left behind when they pulled out. One by one they all died. The last one I put out his misery myself. I spent months running through these tunnels, hating myself, hating what I had become. This is what they gave me when I made it back. Some piece of worthless metal.
“I spent years afterwards feeling the guilt of surviving. Why me? I asked myself that every day. You know what the answer was?”
He shook his head.
Frontier's End: A Seth Donovan Novel Page 3