“But you wanted to be there for her?” I asked.
“Yes, I just wasn’t sure I had the right to force myself on them. And at the time, I thought Ashley was the perfect mom. I didn’t realize she was having troubles with her drinking again, and I really didn’t suspect she was taking pain pills. When that all started to come out a few weeks ago, I knew I had to do something.”
“So you said you were married.” I laughed and tried to bring a little levity to the situation.
“I was so desperate for them to see me as responsible that I said the first thing that came to my mind. Her parents had always gotten onto us about not being married and said how irresponsible I was. I thought if I said I was married, they would have to think of me as responsible. It was a mistake, but I can’t fix it right now.”
“Despite me teasing you about it, I do understand why you said it. But my concern for you is what your end plan is going to be? I can’t exactly move in with you and Izzy when this is all said and done.”
“What? I thought you were going to really marry me,” he teased.
“Just start thinking about how you want this all to end. You’ll have to tell them sooner or later. Or perhaps we could have an epic breakup, but that might not make you look all that responsible either.”
“I get what you’re saying. I’ll start thinking about how to handle the end of our relationship.”
His words sat in my ears and made my stomach turn with dislike. I had just had an amazing night with this man, so I certainly wasn’t ready to be talking about the end of our relationship. But I also didn’t want to be fake married to him either; it wasn’t sitting well with me. I didn’t like even the appearance of the lie when it came to Izzy.
When we landed in Jacksonville, we drove straight to the rehab facility instead of the hotel. My nerves were growing with each mile as we got closer to the facility. I’d never had to actually interact with anyone’s ex-girlfriend and certainly not in a situation where I was pretending to be the new wife.
“What should I say to her?” I asked as we got closer.
“Hopefully, you won’t have to say much. I’ll go in and talk to her first and then I can bring you in. Basically, I think she just wants to see you and make sure you’re normal. But we will just play it by ear.”
“Maybe I can just wave to her from the window and be done with it?” I playfully suggested.
“Thank you again for coming. I know this whole thing is crazy, and I really appreciate your efforts here.”
“Are we going to see Izzy today too?”
“Hopefully. I asked Mrs. Edwards if we could take her for the evening, and I haven’t heard back. I think she might be waiting to hear what Ashley has to say about it all.”
“So is Ashley going to jail?” I asked.
I was genuinely trying to understand how a DUI and possession charge could land her in jail for so many years. I’d had friends get both of those charges, and most of them ended up with some sort of treatment requirement and probation. It was a complex legal system, though, and I felt bad for Ashley because of everything she was going through. Even if she wasn’t the greatest mother in the world, she loved her daughter, and it would be so hard on Izzy to have her mother away.
“Yeah, she’s going to jail, but she still hasn’t had her court hearing. The one this week was just some motions her attorney filed, and she might even get to go home after treatment. But at her hearing, it’s my understanding that she’ll have a minimum of five years.”
“Wow, poor Izzy. That’s a lot of big life events that her mom is going to miss.”
“I know. Hopefully, what I’ve heard is wrong, and she’ll get to have a lighter sentence. Maybe with this long treatment, she will be able to show them she’s committed to staying clean and sober?”
“Hopefully.”
As we pulled into the treatment facility, it looked more like a jail, and I looked over at Devin to see what was going on. I’d expected some sort of plush establishment that had green grounds with walking trails and hang out spots. Instead, we pulled up to a stark building that had a tall chain link fence around it with barbed wire on the top. Nothing like the treatment facilities I’d heard of.
“She’s in a locked secure facility. It’s where the criminals go for mental health and substance abuse. It’s a co-occurring facility,” Devin said as we parked and got out.
I couldn’t stop looking at the pointed barbed wire on top of the fence. Ashley was locked inside that building, just like she was in jail. She clearly couldn’t leave anytime she wanted to.
“Why is she here?”
“Her lawyer told her it would be better if she went to this place and dealt with her depression and other issues at the same time. Plus, their reports are taken and weighed more heavily by a judge because the program is so strict.”
“Oh, I can see that it’s strict. This is more like a prison.”
“Well, some of the women here are from jail. If they can’t bond out, and they have some major issues, they are sent here while they wait for a treatment.”
“Wow, okay. So she’s in there with criminals?”
“Technically, she is also a criminal,” Devin added as we walked into the lobby.
There was a glass window, and behind it sat a woman in a security officer’s uniform. Devin checked us in, and we went to sit down in some chairs in the corner of the lobby. My hands were shaking as I was so nervous. I’d never been to a prison or a treatment facility that looked like a prison; it was scary.
The lobby was filled with dozens of chairs and even a small play area for children. It was sad to think that kids had to come to a place like this to visit with their mothers. I couldn’t even imagine it, yet I knew Izzy had probably been here to visit with Ashley at some point over the last few weeks.
“Devin Graham,” the security guard said as a door opened on the other end of the room.
“I’ll come get you in a little bit,” Devin said to me as he gently squeezed my hand and then let it go.
“Sir, I’ll need you to empty all your pockets and put your things in this container,” the guard said.
Devin did as he was asked, and the guard gave the container to the woman behind the front desk. I assumed they had to empty their pockets to ensure people weren’t bringing in some sort of contraband to the women, but the guard didn’t pat Devin down or anything.
I sat alone in the lobby for what seemed like forever, wondering what Devin was telling Ashley about me, and what she was asking him. I could only imagine she’d have a lot of questions for me, and I tried to run some possible ideas through my head as I waited.
Chapter 14
Devin
After emptying my pockets, I walked with the guard down a hallway where he gave me a quick pat down before bringing me into the main area of the unit Ashley was in. The unit was bare from decorations with off white walls. There were about a dozen chairs sitting in front of a television, which was protected by a similar glass compartment as the woman who had been sitting at the front desk. The glass seemed to be extremely thick like shatterproof glass or something.
I scanned the room in search of Ashley but couldn’t find her. The guard had me sit at a table, and he went down the hall to get her from her room. He stood in the doorway talking to her for a while, but I couldn’t hear what was being said.
When a woman finally emerged from the room, I wasn’t sure who she was. She certainly wasn’t the Ashley I knew. I hadn’t seen her in nearly a year, but I still couldn’t contemplate that the woman walking toward me was once the woman I’d loved and had a child with.
“Stop staring at me,” Ashley demanded as she sat across the table from me.
“I’m not,” I lied. “It’s good to see you, Ashley.”
“Don’t lie to me,” she said rudely as a few people turned from the television to see what was going on with us.
Ashley’s normally blonde hair had grown out several inches, and her dark roots were very v
isible. Her hair didn’t look lush and smooth like it always had before; instead, it was straggly and unkempt. She snarled at me as I sat there, and I felt her anger nearly exploding.
She was upset with me, and almost every time I’d seen her over the last few years, Izzy had been there. But this time, it was just the two of us, and Ashley wasn’t pretending to be nice at all. Plus, I suspected her body was going through some withdraws and agitation from the substances that she’d become accustomed to using lately.
“So you want Izzy? That seems weird since you haven’t cared about her for the last ten years.”
“I cared Ashley; I just didn’t think you needed my help.”
“Right, because being a single parent is notoriously easy,” she said as she fidgeted in her seat.
Her hands clasped together and then released. She looked at me and then away. She just couldn’t seem to get comfortable as she moved in her seat and tried to find a place that she could sit still in.
I noticed a woman in scrubs watching us from the nursing station, and she smiled at me as I looked at her, but then she went back to work. There were a few other people behind the desk with her, all of which seemed very busy and unable to pull themselves away from whatever it was that they were doing.
“I’m sorry. I should have tried harder,” I said, unwilling to argue with her.
I could have tried to prove my point by bringing up all the things she had said to push me away, but it didn’t seem useful at the moment. Ashley was clearly not in a good spot, and I couldn’t bring myself to argue with her. In fact, I wanted to hug her and offer some sort of support for what she was going through. I decided against that, though.
“Sure you’re sorry. You don’t care about me. You send your check each month and forget about the both of us.”
“Ashley, I’m sorry you’re going through this. But despite what you think, I do care about you and Izzy. I only want you to be happy. It’s just not going to be with me.”
“Yeah, that’s right because you’re married? Is that true? My parents told me. Isn’t it weird that you didn’t tell me?”
I swallowed hard as she stared me down. She was pissed, and I noticed her fists clenching as she pulled them down from the table.
“I’m sorry,” I added. “She’s a nice woman, though. I think you’ll like her.”
“Oh, yeah. You think I’ll like the little tramp that you randomly married? I doubt it. I haven’t heard a single thing about this woman, and all of a sudden, you two want to come steal my daughter from me.”
“She is our daughter, Ashley, and I’d never steal her from you. You are always going to be her mother. I just want to help take care of Izzy while you are unable to.”
“What? Have you talked to my lawyers? You think I’m actually going to prison too? This is all so stupid. I’m not going to prison. They will slap my wrist like every other time, and I’ll be home after my treatment is finished.”
I wanted her truth to be the real truth. No matter how much we disagreed, I didn’t want Izzy to have to go years without her mother. Even if she came to live with me, it wasn’t going to be the same as if her mother had been raising her.
“I’m sorry you’re going through this,” I said as I reached my hand out for hers.
When we used to fight, I never said I was sorry to Ashley. Most of the time, I’d continue the fight for hours trying to get her to believe I was right. But I was even surprised by how different I felt sitting across from her. I didn’t care if I was right; I genuinely wanted her to feel comforted even if she hated me.
“Put your hand away. I don’t want to touch you,” she scathed at me.
“Would you like to meet Lilli? She’s in the lobby and would love to talk with you.”
Ashley started to laugh so loud that everyone turned toward us. I knew that laugh, though, it wasn’t a good one. Her eyes narrowed in on me, and she clenched her jaw as she looked deep into my eyes.
“The only way I’ll meet that tramp of a wife is in the middle of a courtroom when a judge forces me to give you custody. Until then, you stay away from me, and keep your whore away as well.”
“Ashley,” I said softly. “I’m really just trying to help. Don’t you think Izzy would have more fun with me while you are in prison?”
“Prison! See I knew you thought I was going away. No! I’m not going to prison, and you can go screw yourself. I’ll see you in court if you try to take Izzy away, and I’ll have you charged with kidnapping!” she screamed and stood up quickly, making her chair fall over and causing a commotion as the security guard rushed over.
I held my hand out to motion to him that I was fine, but he still came over. He stood near Ashley and waited for her to sit back down. She looked afraid of him and quickly grabbed her chair and sat down. The nurse was on her way over too, and she had a small cup in one hand and a larger water cup in the other.
“Take this Ashley; it’s your PRN,” she said calmly.
“Oh, God, I’m not going to freak out. Geeze,” Ashley said as she rolled her eyes.
But she took the medication and then sipped the water to wash it down. The nurse and security guard took a few steps back and started talking to each other as they both continued to look at Ashley.
“They think I’m going to freak out and punch you like I did to my lawyer.” She laughed. “But that would make you happy. You’d think you could steal my daughter from me, and I’m not going to make that easy for you.”
The Ashley that was sitting across from me wasn’t the one I knew. This woman was angry and mean, and nothing like the Ashley I had once cared for. But I was also a different man, and I didn’t feel it was necessary to continue to agitate her.
“I’m going to leave. Please call me if you’d like to visit again. Or have your parents call me. I’ll give you some time to think about things, but I’d be happy to have some papers drawn up saying that Izzy will come back to live with you when you are home, no matter what that time frame is. I really do not intend to keep you from her, Ashley.”
My voice was calm and sincere, and maybe she could tell. Ashley didn’t respond, but she nodded her head at me, and I noticed a tear started streaming down her cheek. I could only imagine how much turmoil her body and mind were going through. It had to be a very horrible spot to be in.
Ashley walked away from the table without saying anything else to me. She didn’t even look back toward me as she went into her room with the nurse following closely behind. I stood up slowly, and the guard came over to escort me back out of the unit.
“The medicine is making her sleepy now,” he said as if it was an excuse for her not saying good-bye.
“It’s okay; I know things are tough on her.”
“This is the best I’ve seen her since she got here, though,” the guard added.
If that was her doing well, I could only imagine how the last few weeks had been. I never went through any sort of treatment, but I remembered the draw to drink more and more when things were out of control. I remembered the urges, and it hadn’t been pretty. Luckily, I hadn’t suffered too much, though and was able to get my life back under control; I was sad that Ashley had to work so hard to get hers under control.
As I walked into the lobby, Lilli stood up and nervously walked over toward me.
“She’s not ready to meet you yet,” I said as I gathered my things from the container that the guard held.
“So can Izzy come stay with you?”
“Not yet. But we can go visit her today.”
Lilli looked confused but didn’t say anything else. She followed me out to the car, and we sat quietly on the ride over to Mrs. and Mr. Edwards’ house. I didn’t wait to hear if it was alright to come over there. Instead, I decided we should just visit for a short bit.
It was emotional to see Ashley like I had seen her. It was terrifying to think I might have to bring her to court in order to see my own daughter more, especially because I knew I’d win, and it would forever ruin t
he little bit of cooperation that the two of us had.
I had the recourses necessary to bring a case against Ashley right away. And considering she was in a rehab facility and not able to care for our daughter, I thought I would win. Even with my past, I could prove that I was currently a good choice, or so I thought. But there was still a little worry that the court would decide to leave Izzy with her grandparents, and it was enough to keep me from calling a lawyer that very minute.
“Devin,” Mr. Edwards said as he opened the door. “We were just getting ready to go eat.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t call first. Things were a little rough at my visit with Ashley.”
Mr. Edwards had always been kind to me, even when he didn’t like me. He opened the door and let us come in and sit down. Izzy instantly ran to me and wrapped her arms around me.
“Daddy, you’re back!” she yelled as she stayed latched onto me.
“I missed you,” I said as I hugged her. “I couldn’t stay away.”
“Are you coming to pizza with us?”
I looked at Mr. Edwards to see if he was alright with us joining them for dinner. He nodded his head and then looked over at Mrs. Edwards who also nodded.
“I think that’s a great idea,” Mr. Edwards said. “I bet your daddy and Lilli are really tired. They can come to pizza with us and then go rest.”
It was his way of saying we were invited to pizza but that he wasn’t going to let me take Lilli to the hotel with us that night. I was okay with that plan. Anything was better than just turning around and heading home.
“I’m so hungry for pizza,” I said as I held Izzy’s hand and we went out to the cars.
“Can I ride with Dad?” she asked her grandfather.
“Not today,” he said.
I wondered if he was worried I might just take off with Izzy. I would not have done that, but I could see how he might think I wanted her so badly that I’d do something drastic. But what he wasn’t seeing was that I loved Izzy, and I would never cause her that kind of trauma.
The Baby Package Page 54