by Todd Gregory
I kick the door closed behind me and Ricky is still lying on his back on my bed staring at the ceiling and he picks his head up and smiles at me and I put his beer on the nightstand for him and wonder how direct I can be. I decide to play it cool and get my pipe out of my drawer and sit down on the bed beside him, and he rolls up to sit next to me. He’s right on top of me, our legs touching, and he’s leaning on me and he asks me if that’s pot.
“You want some?” I ask. “You’ve smoked pot before?”
He nods animatedly and says, “I had some earlier for the first time ever and I really like it and I want to have some more.”
And I almost feel sorry for him, he’s so wasted and he is pretty. He has such pretty skin and those deep dimples in both cheeks and long curling lashes on his eyes and thick lips and he has no idea where this is going to go.
Or does he?
He’s been pushing down his sexuality his whole life and using the Virgin Mary and the Lord Jesus to do it.
He’s probably going to blow a huge load and he’s going to like it.
And I remember the hag and her brother and yeah, I’m going to go through with it. I take a hit and pass the pipe to him. “You know how to smoke from a pipe?”
“You put it in your mouth and you suck on it,” he says and starts laughing, pleased with himself.
Oh, yeah, he’s ready for it, all right.
“Inhale, not suck. If you suck it you’ll choke. Like this.” I demonstrate again. I am pretty wasted myself, the beer and the coke and the pot are all combining to make my head hazy, but I still know what I’m doing but give me another hour and I’ll be too wasted to do anything. I hold the pipe to his mouth and flick the lighter. “Inhale,” I say and he does, closing his eyes and inhaling, a huge hit that is going to knock him on his ass and sure enough he starts coughing and smoke is coming out of his mouth and his nose and I put the pipe down on the nightstand and hand him his beer and he takes it and drinks about half of it down and burps and then looks sheepish and guilty and says “Sorry” and he starts laughing and he falls back on the bed and I lie down next to him and ask him if he’s having a good time and he says yes and I lean over and look into his eyes and he looks back and he actually tilts his head up and kisses me.
Yeah, he’s fucking ready.
And I lean down and kiss him back, and he tastes like smoke and sour beer and toothpaste and I push my tongue into his mouth and he grips it with his mouth and sucks on my tongue and it feels good if surprising and I think where did he learn to do that and then he is pushing me back down onto my back and rolls his sweaty muscled body on top of mine and is pushing his tongue into my mouth and grinding his crotch against mine so I put my arms around him and let my hands cup his big round hard ass and he moans a little bit as he keeps grinding and I roll him over and now I am on top of him and I can feel his hard-on through his shorts and I move my mouth to his ear and nibble on the lobe and he is moaning and grinding and thrusting his hips and his eyes are closed and I run my tongue down the side of his wet throat and taste his salt and he is liking this a lot and I reach the hollow at the base of his throat and work my way down to his left nipple, swirling my tongue around it as it gets harder.
I hear him say “what are you doing” in his drunken stoned stupor and I stop and look up at him and say “I’ll stop if you want me to” and he says “no no no don’t ever stop” and his head drops back on the pillow and I keep teasing the nipple, nipping it a bit with my teeth which makes his body convulse so he clearly has sensitive nipples and so I put my hand on his right one and start pinching it gently and he’s moaning and he’s liking this a lot and my guess is once he gives into it he’s going to love it and be pretty damned insatiable like they always are and he probably would never admit it, it being a sin and all, but he probably beats off several times a day and every once in a while he looks down at me and he’s having a great time but I can see he’s nervous so I stop working his nipple with my teeth and whisper “it’s okay to like this, Ricky, you know” and his eyes well up with tears and he nods and the tears start slipping out of his eyes and I kiss him again, softly and gently, and slip my arms around him and hold on to him, not applying any pressure with either my arms or my mouth and I kiss his tears away and he is sniffling and he whispers “I’ve wanted this for so long” and I kiss his mouth and whisper into his ear “then enjoy it, Ricky, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying it” and I can see the dam in his mind holding him back break and his hands run down my back and now he’s grabbing my ass and then they are exploring my back, like he’s always wanted to know what a male body feels like and then he is holding my biceps and asks me to flex for him and I smile down at him and sit up and flex my arms, tightening my abs and my shoulders, and he runs his wondering hands down my body, feeling the muscles, and his touch on my damp skin, so light and graceful, is making my dick harder and my balls ache, but as much as I want to rush this, tear off his shorts and tilt his hips up and just fuck him as hard as I can, I can’t do that to him.
The innocent wonder on his face.
Stupid fucking Catholics have done a number on him.
I wonder how many priests have—
Don’t go there, Brandon.
“You like how that feels?” I whisper and he nods. I run my fingertips down his torso from the base of his neck to his navel, brushing the skin lightly and he shivers, goose bumps rising on his arms, and he clamps his lips together and another tear runs out of his left eye and I lean down and kiss the tear away. I slide back down the bed and stick my tongue into his navel, which tastes like sweat and soap, and pinch both of his nipples lightly then harder and he groans and his lower back arches up and now the crotch of his shorts is rubbing against my chest and I slide my fingers down and unfasten his shorts and pull the zipper down and he’s whimpering now but he lifts his ass up as I slide the shorts down and off.
His white briefs are soaked through with sweat, clinging to his uncut erection, which is straining against the wet cotton and he looks up at me, pleading with his eyes.
“We can stop now if you want to,” I say, knowing he won’t want to stop.
He gets up on his knees and walks on them down to the foot of the bed. He fumbles with the snap of my shorts with a knowing smile on his face. I put my arms around him and pull him into my body, our chests crushing together, and I slide my right hand inside the back of his underwear, my index finger slipping down between the hard cheeks, past the hairs inside them, and both cheeks clench together as my finger reaches the promised land.
“Relax,” I whisper.
“I—I’ve never—”
“I know,” I say, nuzzling on his neck again, “I’ll be gentle.”
With my other hand I unzip my shorts and they fall to the floor. I kick them off and press my bare cock against his, and he is shivering again. I pull his underwear down to his knees as he unclenches his cheeks and I tap my finger against his hole. He shivers again and I kiss him again, and this time he moves his lips down from mine to my neck, kissing and licking the tender skin there and now it’s my turn to moan, and he shifts on the bed and his underwear is off and on the floor and I push him backward, lowering him down to his back with me on top of him and then I’m startled as he starts licking my cock, running his tongue up and down the shaft, takes the head into his mouth and swirls his tongue around it like a pro and I wonder how he knew to do that but porn is everywhere, he must have watched some on the internet, and I take his cock in my hand and run my thumb over the head and some precum leaks out and I smear it over the head and keep running my thumb over it while he licks mine and I still am tapping his hole with my other index finger and I look over his body and he is magnificent, Phil was right, the body is without flaw and he knows enough to mimic what I am doing with his cock and we smile at each other and we lie back down on the bed together and kiss gently while we masturbate each other slowly, even though I have to be careful since he’s never done this before, he might blow his lo
ad too soon but he’s a willing pupil and there’s no doubt in my mind that this is just the first time we’re going to do this together and even though I hate teaching people he is going to be a wonderful pupil…
RICKY oh my God this feels so amazing it’s even better than I could have ever imagined it to be I’ve beaten off before but having someone else do it to me is a whole other thing I feel like I’m going to explode and his is so big I want to suck him I want him inside me but I don’t know if I can handle him he’s so big and I’ve never done this before oh my God this is so amazing—
BRANDON …and then I take him in my mouth, and I start sucking him, cupping his heavy balls with my other hand and I start moving up and down and I know he’s close, he’s going to come really soon but that’s fine we have all night and I bet he’ll be able to get it back up again without a problem and he’s grabbing my head with both hands, I was right, and sure enough I pull my head back and he’s shooting gobs into my face and he’s moaning so loud if it weren’t for the stereo system at the party everyone in the house would hear him and I just smile until he stops shuddering and shaking and the last bits dribble out of him and I reach for a towel and wipe my face down and I touch the head of his dick with my finger and he flinches but the erection is still there, maybe a bit softer and not quite as driven as before and he’s telling me he’s sorry and I smile at him and lie down next to him, put my arm around him and curl his head down onto my shoulder and kiss his sweaty curls and say “no worries, we have all night and there’s plenty of time” and he looks up at me with his pretty eyes and says “I want to make you come” and I smile back at him and say “I want you to” and so I teach him the basics of cocksucking and he’s not great but he’s not bad for his first time and I know he’s not going to make me come but we have all night…
DYLAN I haven’t seen Brandon in a long time. The party’s winding down now and there aren’t as many people dancing as there was earlier and I am drunk, more drunk than I want to be but the dancing made me hot and thirsty, so I kept drinking. Madison’s missing, too, she went off with Joey what’s-his-name a while ago and I guess she’s getting fucked, good for her I guess, but I kind of wish Joni would have found someone, too.
Why have I never noticed before that her attachment to me doesn’t seem normal?
She always calls us Will and Grace, but I don’t want to have a straight wife, which was always the problem for me with that show, you know, it was great that they were friends but that they were more important to each other than any potential partners and always chose the other over Grace’s husband or Will’s boyfriends just wasn’t normal and now I am wondering if that’s what Joni wants from me? I mean, now that I think back over it, Marc was the only person she never had a problem with me dating, and we always knew Marc was going to be going away to serve, so was that why she was okay with it, because she knew he was going to be leaving and I don’t know I shouldn’t have had so much to drink but why is she so obsessed with who I sleep with instead of finding her own boyfriend?
I shouldn’t be thinking this way Joni has always been there for me, hasn’t she?
Or has she been hindering me?
Why am I even wondering about this?
I don’t want to dance anymore.
“I’m going to my room,” I shout to her over some Justin Bieber remix that should be banned from ever being played.
She nods and obediently walks with me out of the big room and down the hall and I am annoyed because it’s like she’s a fucking puppy who can’t let me out of her sight and she says “I got to pee wait for me” and disappears inside the girls’ bathroom and for a minute I think I should keep walking and go to my room and lock the door and then pretend like I don’t hear her pounding on the door she can sleep in her brother’s room why does she always have to be around me and she kind of invited herself and Madison to this party in the first place it’s not like I had any say in this and Madison is supposed to be one of her best friends but she doesn’t even care that we haven’t seen Madison in like forever and she’s getting her brains fucked out by some guy SHE JUST MET and Joni is somehow fine with that but she has to police every guy I’ve ever been interested in and it’s none of her fucking business in the first place and I think maybe I should just walk down the hall and knock on Brandon’s door and spend the night with him and then I can’t believe I am even thinking this way what the hell is wrong with me I am not going to sleep with someone just to teach Joni a lesson and this is why I probably shouldn’t drink and maybe living in the house where Brandon is might be a mistake and maybe I should think about getting an apartment near campus and just avoid parties here and here she comes stumbling out of the bathroom and she is giggling and I know she’s pretty wasted too and I am just sick to death of her and wish she hadn’t come if she hadn’t come I’d be with Brandon maybe right now and—
I have to stop thinking about that. I am in love with Marc and I am going to marry Marc and he’s off risking his life serving our country and I am a terrible person and—
But is it so wrong to want to be with Brandon? Is it?
I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me.
And I walk up the stairs to my room and she’s babbling about nonsense and not even making sense and I can smell her and she smells like sour beer and sweat and perfume cheap and cloying and her makeup is smeared all over her face and she’s just, I don’t know, I don’t understand, I don’t know what the hell I’m thinking, she’s my best friend and I love her and she’s always been there for me but I can remember in high school when I was crazy about Danny Winters and he was interested in me and she told me all kinds of bad things about him under the guise of protecting me and I had a right to know what kind of person Danny Winters was and I shouldn’t be wasting my time with someone like that and who the hell is she to make those decisions for me she’s been doing that my whole life and what kind of friend does that she just wants me to herself and isn’t that why you transferred from UCLA in the first place?
Isn’t that the deep dark secret truth you’d never admit to anyone before?
It had nothing to do with staying in LA reminding me too much of Marc and being sad, you wanted to get away from Joni so she could get her own life and stop suffocating you.
She is blabbing now as I unlock my room about how much she loves this house and it’s such a better chapter than the one at UCLA and San Felice is so much better than Westwood and maybe she should transfer her too and—
“No, you shouldn’t,” I say, tossing my keys into the mug on my desk where I always keep them so I don’t ever lose them. “San Felice is my place and your place is there.”
She’s staring at me and I can the tears forming in her eyes, this is what she always does, how she always manipulates me into giving in to her demands and her needs, she always starts crying because it bothers me I hate to see anyone cry but the beer has given me resolve and I’m going to stand up to her for once. “Don’t you want me here so we can, you know, hang out like we always have?” and her voice is quivering and her lower lip is trembling and the manipulation is coming and I am not going to have it.
“No,” I reply, sitting down on my bed and feeling very brave and proud of myself. “I think you need to stay at UCLA and get a life of your own.”
“Don’t you miss me?”
“You aren’t listening to me,” I say and it’s all bubbling up inside me now, and I know I can’t say what I’m feeling it’s too mean and cruel but if I don’t stand up for myself now I’ll be trapped forever. “I don’t want to be Will anymore. I have Marc.” I gesture around the room. “I have a new house full of new brothers to meet, a whole new life, and you need to do the same.”
“Why are you being so mean?”
“Where’s Madison?”
That stuns her, catches her off guard. “Madison? What does she have to do with this?”
“You don’t even know where she is. You don’t even care. She could be getting gang-r
aped in the chapter room and it’s never even occurred to you to wonder where she is.”
Her mouth opens and closes.
“You’re always lecturing me on what a bad friend I am when I don’t do what you want me to”—the words are all tumbling out of me now, and I should maybe stop but I don’t, I need to say these things to her, they’ve been building up inside me for so long that I feel like if I don’t clear the air and make it clear to her what exactly she’s been doing I never will and then I’ll be trapped forever—“but look at the kind of friend you are. Where’s Madison? Do you even care? No, you don’t, you just dragged her up with you uninvited, you never even thought to ask me if it was okay for you to come and bring her, no you just assumed like you always do that you’re welcome and it never even crosses your mind that maybe just for once you aren’t and maybe I’d like to hang out here and meet the brothers and party with them and get to know some of them since I literally just got here yesterday but no you have to come barging in like it’s your goddamned fraternity house and then you cling to me all goddamned night and all you ever do is try to control me and who I can be friends with and like Brandon Benson you couldn’t wait to tell me all kinds of bad things about him and maybe I’d like to make up my own mind about someone for once but you just can’t let me because what, you think because I’m gay I’m too stupid?” I stop for breath and her face is shocked, like I’ve slapped her and I guess it’s kind of like I have because no one has ever stood up to her before.