“If you stay, I’m not going to let you leave again.” His hand was on the back of my neck, his forehead pressed to mine.
“That’s fine by me,” I croaked, tears rolling down my cheeks again. I’d do whatever it took to have the love and companionship Sam offered. A world away from the violence of the past.
Sam would never hurt me.
SAM HELD me for the longest time on that couch.
Time didn’t matter. We had forever now. It had been an exhausting day, but the chances of either of us getting any sleep were remote. Not when we were as wired as we were.
The day had started out so normal. Thank God Dean had shown up before it was time to take Paige to school. If we’d come home to him, it would have been a much longer ordeal. As it was, I’d carry the guilt over what he’d done to Matt for a very long time. And if Sam and I were going to be together, I’d be reminded of that guilt every time I saw Matt. I’d never have forgiven myself if Dean had taken Ella’s husband away. I owed her and Matt so much.
“You’re safe now,” Sam murmured, always so sensitive to my needs.
“I know, it’s just …” Floods of tears escaped me, that final tension build-up releasing onto Sam’s shoulder.
In response, he held me tighter, wrapping his arms around my body. “It’s okay, Natasha. We’re all good, and Dean will never hurt either of you again.”
“I just feel so bad about Matt.”
He sighed. “Me too. But I guess we just have to be thankful that he’ll be okay, and we’ll all be one big, dysfunctional family.”
“I like the thought of us being a family.”
Sam let go, moving until he looked me in the eyes. “That’s what we’ll be. You, me, Paige, and Finn. One day he’ll be old enough and ready to spend time with us, and in the meantime, the three of us will be right here. Together.”
“I love you.”
Sam raised his hands to my face and wiped the tears away. “I love you too. I never thought I’d feel this way again, never thought I’d care for someone so much. But you just had to prove me wrong, didn’t you?” He grinned, and the sunshine came back into my heart.
“Someone had to.”
He hugged me tight. “Let’s go to bed. I think we both need to get some sleep, and I know I’ll sleep better with you beside me.”
Rolling my eyes, I shook my head. “As if we’re going to get any sleep.”
“Is that a challenge?”
A smile swept my face. “Maybe.”
“Bring it on.”
Chapter 23
SAM
We reconnected.
Not just physically, but in every other way. She called my name over and over as we started slow before picking up the pace. Natasha was mine.
“I thought I’d lost you,” I whispered. For the third time, I was inside her, and we sat on the bed facing each other, her legs wrapped around me. Overwhelming need for each other overtook any physical exhaustion.
She shook her head. “I’m sorry.”
“We went over this. There’s nothing to be sorry about.” I rocked, pulling her back and forward with me.
“I missed you so much. I never should have walked away the way I did.”
I didn’t know what to say. I’d have given anything to change the way things had gone between us, but now we were together it didn’t matter anymore. Instead, I cupped her face and kissed her, savouring the familiar taste of her tongue against mine, knowing I’d never let her go again.
She’d never have to be afraid of me, or worry about me hurting her. All Natasha would ever get from me was the love and devotion she deserved.
I was ready to give her everything.
Afterward, she curled around me, and we didn’t talk anymore. She fell asleep in minutes. I stroked her hair and kissed her temple, not wanting to stop in case I closed my eyes and she disappeared. I’d forever carry the guilt that led to the day she’d had. If things hadn’t gone bad between us, she might have already moved in with me, and Dean wouldn’t have got near her.
The longer I held out, the more tired I got, but when it came time for me to give up and join her in sleep, I stared at the ceiling, unable to.
I untangled myself from her limbs and sat up. Pulling on some pyjama pants, I made my way out to the kitchen. Maybe a hot chocolate would help.
Flicking on the kettle, I stood at the bench and waited for the water to boil. The fall of little footsteps behind me made me smile.
I turned as Paige poked her head around the door. “Can’t you sleep, sweetie?”
She shook her head. “I did, but now I can’t.”
I smiled. “You did have a big sleep at the hospital, and you’re in a different bed. I’m really glad you’re here.”
“Me too.” She wrapped her arms around my waist, burying her face in my stomach while I stroked her hair.
“I’ve missed you, Paige. You and your mum. I love you guys.”
She raised her face to smile at me.
“Do you want a hot chocolate? I can’t sleep either. Maybe we can turn the television on and watch some cartoons.”
Paige nodded.
I reached into the cupboard and picked up another cup. “You know you’re safe here, right? Nothing’s going to hurt you ever again.”
She tightened her grip. “He hurt Mummy.”
Nodding, I spooned the hot chocolate powder into the mug. “He did, but he’ll never be able to do that again. I’m going to keep you safe.”
“I like my princess bed.”
“I know you do.”
“I missed it.”
Chuckling, I turned and opened the fridge door to get the milk. “What did you miss more? Your bed, or me?”
“I think … my princess bed.” She giggled as I gaped at her.
“Here I was thinking it would be me.” I poured the hot water, taking a sip of Paige’s to make sure it wasn’t too hot. “Come on, let’s go watch some cartoons.”
I slipped the milk back into the fridge, and holding both drinks, I walked through to the living room and placed them on the coffee table.
Picking up the remote, I turned the television on and switched to the cartoon channels, settling on SpongeBob.
“Is that okay?”
Paige shrugged. “It’s fine.” She snuggled against me as I sat back with my drink. “I missed you the most.”
I leaned forward and picked up her cup. “I know you did. Here you go.”
There was nothing I could do to erase the day from her memory, but I’d do my best to make new good memories for her. If Natasha needed to go back to court to cut out Paige’s father completely, I’d back her the whole way and gladly take his place in Paige’s life.
He deserved everything he got.
And he didn’t deserve her.
MY EYES FLICKERED OPEN. The last thing I remembered was my eyes growing heavy as Paige and I watched television. I was on my side on the couch, Paige lying next to me, fast asleep.
Natasha sat in a nearby chair, watching us with a smile on her face. “I didn’t want to disturb you two.”
I licked my lips. “I had trouble sleeping. Paige woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep. We drank hot chocolate and watched TV.”
She sighed. “You two looked so peaceful. I feel bad for keeping you apart. I’m sorry, Sam.”
“We went through this last night. There’s nothing to forgive. I should have handled things better, and I’ll always regret that. But I’ve got the two of you back, and that’s all that matters.” I pushed myself into a seated position, taking care not to disturb Paige.
“Paige asked after you. A lot.” There were tears in her eyes again. I’d guessed it’d take a while for us to get over the emotions of the day before.
“I missed both of you. That’s why I want us to be a family so badly.”
Her lips twitched before curling into a smile. “She’s out like a light. Want to go back to bed with me?”
I grinned, standing and holding m
y hand out to her. She took it, rising and running her other hand up my bare chest. “You didn’t get enough of me last night?”
“After everything, Sam, I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of you.”
Taking her in my arms, I pressed my lips to hers. “Feeling’s mutual, sweetheart. We’ll leave the TV on in case she wakes up.”
“I love you.”
I’d loved hearing those three words—now they meant more now. I had her back, and I was never going to lose her again.
“Come and show me,” I whispered.
Chapter 24
NATASHA
I didn’t know why Sam did what he did to Ella. But I did know that since the day we met, he had been dedicated to both me and my daughter. Maybe Paige helped fill the gap that he had in his life when he wasn’t with Finn. Maybe he needed to hit the low that he did to turn his life around and become the man I needed.
Everything came together and turned us into a family. We had more love than we knew what to do with, and just as importantly, laughter. Paige would never have to fear Sam, nor would she have to worry that he was hurting me. The only thing missing was Finn.
Sam, Ella, and Matt had all decided to let Finn set the pace. When he was ready to spend a weekend with us, he would. But there was an extra twinkle in Sam’s eye when we travelled to see him. It left me aching to see the difference in him when we weren’t there. Paige and I were enough for Sam, but Finn gave him that little bit more.
We moved out of the flat three months ago and in with Sam. We left behind all the bad memories, the yelling, the beating. All the violence and hate was behind us. Now all we had was love.
As much as I adored seeing Sam with his son, I also loved those weekends when it was just the three of us. Especially when after a long week at work, I could sleep in while Sam made Paige and me breakfast. The last few days had been especially tiring.
“Tash.”
I raised my head at the sound of Sam’s voice, blowing my hair out of my face. He chuckled as he set the breakfast tray down on the bedside cabinet.
“Look at all that dark fluff.” He threw himself onto the bed and cupped my face, pushing the remainder of the hair back and giving me one of those kisses I loved so much. The ones that told me he loved me even with morning breath.
“What’s for breakfast?”
“Well, I brought us both that instant porridge you like. The honey-flavoured one. But I’m thinking I made a mistake …” He trailed a finger down to the neckline of my nightgown, pushing it down a little. “Maybe I should have you for breakfast.”
“Where’s Paige?”
“Completely entranced by her cartoons.” He dropped his mouth to my neck, and I sighed as one of his hands explored under my night shirt. Tracing the elastic of my panties with his index finger, he laughed against my skin. “Is there any of that dark fluff down there?”
“Sam.” I laughed. He was so loving and gentle. I’d never feel forced or manipulated into doing something I didn’t want to ever again. Sam only cared about our mutual pleasure. I had news to tell him, but this didn’t feel like a particularly serious moment now that he had his hand inside my panties.
I closed my eyes, only for them to spring open again at the sound of the phone. Its way too loud ringtone chirped and I gave up, flopping back onto my pillow as Sam reached over me to get it.
“This had better be good,” he muttered. “The only excusable interruption from me fingering my girlfriend is a seven-year-old one.”
Laughing, I shook my head as he pressed the button. “Hello? Oh, hi, Detective Mackleroy.”
He slid two fingers into me, and I held my breath, not wanting to make a sound while Sam was on the phone. I lost track of the call as I ground myself against him.
Abruptly, he pulled his fingers out, and I looked up to see his expression had gone serious.
“Sam? What’s wrong?”
“I can tell her. Thanks for calling.”
Without a word, he pushed the digits back in, a sly smile spreading across his face as he put the phone down.
“Tell me what? What is it?”
Sam licked his lips. “Once I’ve made you come, I’ll tell you.”
My curiosity was dampened only by his thumb joining in the fun and rubbing over my clit. All thoughts of anything else went out the window as Sam dropped his lips to my neck and brushed them against my skin.
“Sam,” I whispered.
“Forget about everything else but this.”
I didn’t need his instruction. The only thing that mattered was the building pressure inside me. I rocked my hips against his hand, harder and harder, opening my eyes to see him scrutinising my expression.
When our eyes met, I was gone, reaching to grip his shoulder as I bore down one last time and let out a loud moan. This was everything I wanted—Sam, every single night and morning for the rest of my life.
We were bonded in a way that would never be broken. I’d never forget the relief of seeing him that day, knowing that he saved my life.
Heat exploded from my core, and Sam’s mouth covered mine as I cried his name. Being with him was perfection, and I was so thankful every single day for that time he stopped to help me with my groceries.
“Better eat your breakfast before it gets cold,” he murmured against my cheek.
“What about you?”
“I can wait a little longer.”
I laughed, pushing him on his back and grasping his underwear. Pulling it down his thighs, I slipped my panties off and mounted him, sliding over his erect cock and leaving him gasping as I did so.
“Fuck you feel good.”
Grinning at his response, I rocked my hips, pushing him in deeper. Breakfast could wait. Nothing else mattered when we were together like this.
It was Sam’s turn to call my name, and I leaned back, closing my eyes as he cupped my breasts.
When his hands moved down my back and gripped my thighs, I knew he was close. I knew him so intimately now that I could read his body as it told the story of what was happening to him, what he was feeling.
“I love watching you like this.”
My eyes flickered open at his words, and I looked down at his strained face, his fingers digging into my flesh. “I love you.”
His lips twitched before spreading into a wide smile. Sam loved me back, and all was right with the world. He didn’t even have to say it for me to know.
With a moan, he thrust up, pulling me tight against him. There was that moment of vulnerability, that glimpse of what was inside his heart as he gave me a look that pierced me straight in the chest. Everything was in that look.
He was mine.
When we stilled, I rolled to his side and snuggled against him. He turned toward me, cupping my cheek and stroking my face with his thumb.
“I love you.” He swallowed. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
I nodded. “That phone call?”
“It’s Dean.”
I stiffened, fear gripping me. Had he managed to get out somehow? Escaped? Were we in danger? A million thoughts swirled in my head.
Sam took a deep breath. “There was a fight in the prison. Apparently, there’s quite a large group in there that don’t like people who bash women and children. Dean was in the wrong place at the wrong time.” Sam raised his eyes to meet my gaze. “He’s gone, Tash.”
All the blood rushed from my head as it swam with the flood of information. “He … he …”
“He’s dead.”
A mix of relief and shame streamed through my system. Relief that I was free, that I wouldn’t have to go through the hell of a divorce from that man. Shame at my relief. Killing someone was wrong even if it was for the right reasons.
“You’re shaking. Come here.” The man who had come to my rescue pulled me into his arms and held me tight. “It’s okay to feel,” he whispered.
“I know. I just can’t believe it. Just like that.” Burying my face in Sam’s chest, I closed
my eyes and let myself be surrounded by him. He was safety. I had to tell my daughter. She was still Dean’s, even if he’d made it impossible for her to love him. “Paige.” My voice was muffled by Sam.
“We’ll tell her. I can’t imagine there was ever a time she didn’t know him to be violent. She’ll never, ever have to be afraid, never have to worry about her mother.”
I already knew that, but the words were reassuring.
“That’s better.” He kissed my hair. “It’s all over.”
Just like that, the biggest shadow over my life was gone by the actions of someone who didn’t know me, would never know me.
There was something I had to tell Sam now, something that was going to change our lives.
Tears streamed down my face, and Sam pulled back to look into my eyes. “Hey, it’s okay.”
“It’s not the news about Dean that’s making me cry.” I hiccupped through the tears, made worse by his confused expression.
“What is it?”
“I’m pregnant.” I wasn’t miserable—I was over the moon at that news. How Sam would take it, I didn’t know, but I’d been waiting for the right time to tell him, and finding out there were no barriers to our life together anymore seemed to make everything slot into place.
Disbelief crossed his face, and I shrunk back from him. “You’re pregnant?”
“About six weeks. I know it’s not planned, but I didn’t think you’d be quite so pissed off.”
His mouth fell open. “Pissed off? I’m about as far away from pissed off as anyone could be. It’s … amazing.”
My eyebrows crept up. “Amazing?”
“Do you remember what I told you about the time when I was married to Ella? We tried to have a baby for months—well over a year, probably closer to two in the end.” He shot me a smug smile. “I just had to look at you, and bam.”
I giggled. “Bam?”
“It just shows how perfect we are together. My sperm, your eggs.” His lips spread into that cheeky grin I adored.
My earlier tears evaporated in the radiance that was Sam’s smile. It was as if I’d told him he’d won the lottery. I guessed after everything he’d gone through in the past, he had. That was something that hadn’t crossed my mind. “Bam,” I said softly.
In the End (Lifetime #3) Page 20