by Marian Tee
“So, umm, let me get this straight. You were seventeen when you decided you didn’t care about incest---”
“We didn’t know we were related until it was too late.”
Hyacinth’s jaw dropped. “Come again?”
“I was enrolled in a prep school in London for the summer, and she happened to enroll for the same class.” Rayyan only allowed himself to look at her again when he was certain he had regained sufficient control of his emotions. “We hit it off, mostly because I was the only one amused at the way she tended to snap at anyone who tried to befriend her.”
“You’re saying you’re a masochist.” She made herself sound as bitchy as she could, anything to hide the fact that it was getting harder and harder not to cry.
“I’m saying,” the sheikh corrected, “all the other boys in class were scared stiff of her.”
Because the truth was, she was the masochist here, with how she was practically begging for details on how another woman had managed to do what she couldn’t -
“They all tried to ask her out---”
And that was to steal the sheikh’s heart, when Hyacinth couldn’t manage to turn his head around even once.
“But because she had a certain way of speaking---”
“Is that your way of saying she could make a man’s dick limp as a rotten, soggy banana with just one word?” She was grinning so hard it felt like her face was about to crack any second.
“I would’ve phrased it differently, but yes, it was essentially that characteristic of hers the reason why the two of us ended up spending most of our free time---”
Fearing that he would start singing her praises, and her face would end up cracking like broken china, she hastily cut him off, saying shortly, “Can you just get to the part where you find out you two make the perfect couple for a V.C. Andrews novel?”
“I would’ve gotten to that part,” he pointed out, “if not for your constant interruptions.”
“Just get on with it.”
“To be honest, there’s not much left.”
If that was true, Hyacinth thought, then why has all the light gone out of your eyes?
“We promised to keep in touch when summer ended. When I came back to Ramil, I was surprised to find Cecile at the palace. I asked her why she was there, and she said she had no idea either, only that her mother said there was someone she wanted Cecile to meet.” Rayyan’s lips twisted. “At that time, we both thought our parents might have been on to us, and that they approved of our relationship.”
“Were they?” Hyacinth couldn’t help asking. “On to you, I mean?”
“I stayed in the drawing room to wait with her, and when her mother came back, she was with my uncle---”
“Prince Arthur?”
“Nem.” Yes. The sheikh’s tone became icy. “I remember how pleased he was at finding us together, and seeing it, I remember how that had made me even more hopeful as well. It was the most blissful five seconds of my life, followed by the five worst seconds---”
I should have known a smart young man like you would have figured it out for yourself. While I can’t publicly acknowledge Cecile as my daughter, I hope I can count on you to take your cousin under your wing.
Hyacinth waited for the sheikh to say more, but when he gazed at her, she could only shake her head, incredulous at what the emptiness of his silence was suggesting. “That can’t be it,” she protested.
“Actually,” the sheikh drawled, “that can be it, and that was it.”
“But you loved each other---”
“We were cousins.”
“Didn’t you even try to talk---”
“We were cousins.”
“Will you stop that?”
Hyacinth couldn’t blame the sheikh for stiffening at her sudden scream. The truth was, she had shocked herself, too –
But it was his fault, really, she thought numbly. How in the fucking world could he expect her to remain calm when all the time he was speaking, she could see in his eyes how much he was hurting, how much he had been hurting all these years –
“I know you,” she said tightly. “I wish I didn’t, but I know the man you are, and I know…you wouldn’t…you wouldn’t have given up just like that.”
A ravaged expression shattered the cold mask on the sheikh’s handsome face at her words, yielding a split-second glimpse into his soul –
Oh God.
“You’re right.”
How he had loved her.
“I told her I’d give up everything for her.”
How he still loved her.
“And she gave me her answer by betrothing herself to another man---” Rayyan’s voice died when he saw the tears rushing down Hyacinth’s face, and he stared at her in disbelief. “Are you actually crying for me?”
“You don’t need to say I’m stupid. I already know I fucking am.”
A hoarse laugh escaped him. “You really are one, aren’t you?”
“W-What?” She made an angry swipe at her eyes, but the damn tears still kept pouring down like an unstoppable storm.
“Majamira.” She was exactly that – a tiny insanity, because here she was, crying her heart out – for him. “I wish I had met you---” He stopped speaking, but it was too late, the smile she gave him telling her she already knew the rest.
Because the thing was, he had met her first. Hyacinth was four years old when she had first come to the palace, and Rayyan had been sixteen – one full year before Cecile had even entered the picture.
Hyacinth dug her nails into her palms. He was right, she thought numbly. She was insane. She had to be, to wish that he wasn’t hurting right now – even if it meant having another woman love him back.
“You wasted your wish,” she muttered. “You know that, don’t you?”
There was a tense moment of silence, and then the sheikh said, “Nem.” Yes. Because he owed it to her. Because it was the least he could do. Because it was always fucking like that between them, Hyacinth loving him, and Rayyan hurting her –
“So that’s it then?” Are you sure? Her eyes were still shining. Can’t you really love me?
“Anti-climactic, isn’t it?” I wish I could. He slowly reached over to ruffle her hair. But I can’t.
She grabbed his hand before he could touch a single strand of her hair. He waited, half-expecting her to fling his hand back at him, but after another moment, she slowly pressed his hand over her heart.
From the very start, you only let me in your life because of her.
Her head lowered, and she pressed his hand closer as her tears fell on his skin.
Didn’t you?
Her eyes squeezed shut as she waited for an answer she already knew.
So many things that once confused her –
The way the sheikh had so readily allowed her to rope him into her crazy plans…
They were all so painfully clear now –
The look on the other woman’s face when she heard the sheikh say every word Hyacinth had spoken was true…
She felt the sheikh slowly try to pull his hand away, and even knowing that she was better off letting him go, she just…couldn’t.
“Hyacinth---”
Her fingers tightened over him. “Not just yet.”
But he was too strong for her, and the loss of his warmth over her heart was unbearable. Her head snapped up, and she whispered, “Why?” It was the question she always ended up asking him. “Why?”
“Because you mean too much for me to use you.”
“Bullshit.”
“Hyacinth---”
“Bullshit.”
She found herself slapping his face as she screamed the word over and over.
Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit.
And he didn’t do a thing to stop her because they both heard what she was really saying.
Love me. Love me. Love me.
She crumpled into him, and his arms closed around her. I’m sorry. His arms tightened, and her heart broke all o
ver again.
I’m sorry. So fucking sorry. So goddamn sorry.
Because it wasn’t just remorse she heard in his unspoken words.
More than anyone else in the world…I’d want it to be you.
And even now, he still meant it.
She pushed herself up to look into his eyes, throwing caution to the wind as she let him see what she had always been wearing on her sleeve. “Prove it,” Hyacinth heard herself whisper tremulously.
The way the sheikh’s jaw clenched told her he knew exactly what she was asking for. “If it doesn’t work out---”
“I’ll probably have to move to Siberia, yes,” she interrupted him, “but what if it works? What if it w-works---” Her voice broke. “Can you just imagine how wonderful it would be?”
He could, easily. A life without pain, but more than that, a life with her, knowing that all of him was hers – it was the easiest thing to imagine, and it was the precise reason why he could also imagine, just as easily, how much it would hurt if it didn’t come true.
And that was what he couldn’t bear.
“I don’t want to hurt you more than I’ve already had.”
“It’s not your choice to make.”
“Goddammit, Hyacinth---”
“Please.”
“This could still pass.”
“It won’t.”
“You’re too young---”
“So were the two of you,” she whispered, “and it didn’t make a difference, did it?”
Ah, fuck. “This is crazy.” But they both knew what the words really meant, and she threw her arms around him with a teary laugh.
“I’ll s-steal your heart from her,” she said between tears and hiccups, “I p-promise.”
“I’m counting on it.”
“I m-mean it,” she stammered, albeit fiercely.
“I know,” he said gently. “And like I said---” He slowly raised her just enough for him to place a kiss over her heart. “I’m counting on it.”
Chapter Fifteen
Gadi came to the sheikh’s office the next morning with a fretful but determined look, and seeing it, Rayyan knew right away that only one person could be the culprit behind his assistant’s anxiety. “Go on,” he said dryly. “What she’s done now?”
“Your private calendar…”
“What about it?”
“The young lady still has access to it---”
“Just spill it, Gadi.”
“She’s added things to your calendar,” the younger man blurted out.
Things?
After dismissing Gadi, he took his tablet out to take a look at his appointment calendar. Nothing about the rest of the week jumped out at him, and the sheikh frowned. What the hell was Gadi talking about –
And that was when he saw it.
On the day Hyacinth was slated to return to university, she had listed down several tasks for the day.
Text Hyacinth. Ask her how she is and say you can’t stop thinking about her.
As for the following weekend, she had listed down a dinner appointment for the two of them.
Find a way to get her alone and have your way with her.
And on the day he was supposed to fly out to Miami for a couple of business meetings –
Call her when you get to the hotel. Pretend you’ve forgiven her for forcing you to cut ties with the woman you love (for now).
Hyacinth was having breakfast with her sister when her phone started to ring, and her heart jumped to her throat.
Anisah raised a brow. “A Boy?” She couldn’t even understand what that code name was supposed to be. Subtle? Rebellious? Kids these days were just too complicated.
“Can I take this outside?”
“Not so fast.” The older girl’s violet eyes narrowed. “Why are you hiding his identity? Is he the kind of guy I’d disapprove of?”
“No, he’s not, but until I’m sure of him, I’d rather keep his identity a secret.” And then she quickly slipped out of the apartment, not wanting to risk having Anisah give her the third degree, which her sister was exceptionally good at.
“Hello?”
“Marhava, anisdi.” Hello, milady. “You sound breathless.”
“You’re imagining things.”
The sheikh’s low laugh had her toes curling hard. “Am I?”
Shit. “Just tell me why you’ve called,” she muttered. This guy was just too sexy for his own good – and the cocky bastard knew it.
“I just had a look at my calendar…”
“Oh?”
His lips twitched at her deceptively casual tone. “Is that supposed to fool me, little one?” He expected her to laugh or say something snarky, but instead the silence deepened, and his smile faded. “Hyacinth?”
“Don’t call me that,” she said sharply.
“Maehdina.”
She heard the faint coolness of the sheikh’s tone and knew she only had herself to blame for it. She also knew she was acting like an idiot, but even so – she just couldn’t help it. “Anisah’s calling me,” she heard herself lie. “I should go.”
She ended the call before the sheikh could say another word, and she glared and glared at her phone, knowing that the moment she stopped, she would begin crying.
I’m trying so hard here, God.
I really am.
So can’t there just be one day I’m allowed to pretend You don’t want someone else for him?
Hyacinth was about to return to the apartment when her phone suddenly vibrated against her palm, startling her into a stop. It was a text message from the sheikh.
Rayyan: If that wasn’t PMS talking, this might be my most short-lived relationship yet.
She bit her lip hard, torn between smiling like a fool and bursting into tears – like an even bigger fool. She knew, oh, of course she knew that the sheikh was speaking the truth, and if it had been most other women, the sheikh wouldn’t have bothered with a text. Her number would have been blocked, and her face and name relisted in his memory under Bitches He Didn’t Give a Fuck About.
Hyacinth: My bad. Totally my bad. No argument here.
Hyacinth: It just took me by surprise.
Hyacinth: She used to call me that, too.
Upon reading her messages, Rayyan had to let go of his phone before he accidentally ended up crushing it in his hand. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He should have known the inexplicable change in her attitude would have something to do with Cecile.
While Hyacinth wasn’t exactly surprised when her phone rang again, she still couldn’t keep her voice from turning into a panicky croak when she answered his call. “M-Marhava.” Hello. And just because she would rather be naughty than teary, she added huskily, “I’m sorry, alsyd.”
Rayyan leaned back in his chair, his eyes closing as the teasing sweetness of her words laced his senses with honey and wine. “Whenever you call me that,” he murmured under his breath, “the word never sounds the way it’s supposed to be.”
“Is t-that so?” She choked back a nervous giggle, her senses reeling and her body growing heavy and pliant in a whirlpool of heat at the hint of innuendo in the sheikh’s voice.
“Nem.” Yes. “I’ve done my best to ignore it in the past, but now that you truly are my woman…”
She swallowed hard at the sheikh’s meaningful pause. How the fuck was it possible that just hearing him breathe from the other end of the line was making her insides twist in acute sexual awareness?
“You make the word sound dirty---”
Her lips parted in silent shock.
“And it’s making me want to do equally dirty things to you.”
A full minute passed before Hyacinth could finally make her vocal cords work again. “Who the fuck are you, and what did you do to the prudish Sheikh Rayyan?”
The sheikh smiled. “I have always been like this, majamira.”
She pouted. “But just not with me. Is that it?”
“Nem.” Yes.
“Until now.”
“Until now,” he agreed.
“Because---” Don’t say it, don’t say it. But the words came out anyway. “You’ve given up on Mrs. B.?”
The sheikh didn’t answer right away, but the silence didn’t hurt. It was silly, but she really did feel like she could hear his thoughts, could sense exactly what he was thinking of –
Because more than anyone else in the world –
I want it to be with you.
“Rayyan?” It was all so suddenly clear, and even though the thought of it frightened her to death, she also knew it was what she truly wanted.
“What is it?” he asked right away, protective instincts kicking in at hearing the sound of uncertainty in her voice.
She took a deep breath.
Right or wrong, she wanted this.
And so she simply blurted it out.
“No more excuses, no more delays, no more arguments---”
“Are you asking me to marry you?”
“I’m asking you to fuck me.”
Rayyan choked.
“Now.”
He fought for control – and failed, her words devouring his sanity until all that was left were her words.
I’m asking you to fuck me.
“Goddammit, H.”
But she had already hung up on him.
FUCK.
FUCK.
FUCK.
He shot to his feet with a muttered expletive as his throbbing cock instantly sprang into full arousal.
The way his body hungered for her now, it almost seemed as if he had always found her irresistible – but could that really be it?
Had he only been unconsciously waiting for the right time to make her his – or was this guilt taking yet another form, a subconscious attempt to make it up to Hyacinth by giving her his body since he couldn’t give her his heart?
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Nothing made sense anymore.
Nothing.
But one thing he was certain of -
The doors to his office slowly opened, and a trembling, flushed Hyacinth came walking in.
He would never do anything to hurt her again.
Big, dark eyes sought his as her back fell against the doors, forcing them shut behind her weight.
A smile wavered over her lips. “Well?” Her voice said it all. Shy but impish, proud but uncertain, and most of all – it was the sound of a girl who was in love…with him.