“You worry about me?” I asked as my heart melted a little.
“Of course I do, baby. Even before we were talking again, I worried about them digging up something about my childhood and somehow giving you a hard time. I would never want to do anything to make you unhappy or put you in danger.”
He kissed my nose sweetly and pulled me up, my skates wobbling a little under me. It had been a long time since I had done this. I wondered how sore my ass was going to be after this little adventure. And not in the fun way.
“You ready to do this?” He raised his eyebrows.
“Absolutely.” And giving my blades a test glide onto the rink, I accepted his challenge.
Carter
WE reluctantly gave up on the ice when we lost feeling in our toes from the cold. How was it still so cold by the middle of March in this city? We swapped our skates back for our shoes, and I kept my promise to the fan behind the counter. Chase glared at him the entire time. I wrapped my arm around Chase’s waist when we were done with the photo.
“What’s wrong, grumpy?” I teased, pulling an exaggerated pouty face to make him laugh.
“Nothing.” He sounded a bit snappish but with no real force behind his words. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what the problem was.
“Chase case, you know you’re the only guy I’ve ever noticed and ever will, right?” I kissed his nose.
To me, it was so obvious it didn’t need to be stated. I couldn’t have cared less that Skater-twink Ken was obnoxiously flirting with me. There was no other man in the world worth flirting back with. Chase was the only one I wanted.
“How about I grab us some hot chocolate to warm up with, and we can talk?” I suggested gently.
“I don’t need you to always buy me things. I can support myself,” he said with a frown.
I was quick to reassure him. “I never said you couldn’t. I asked you to come out with me, so I thought I should pay. But I’m new at this, and if that’s not the way this works, that’s fine too.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m just…. He was all over you, and—”
I cut him off with a kiss before his brain led him down a completely unnecessary road. “Hey. You, Chase Lucas Collins. Are. The. Only. Guy. I. Want,” I said, and I kissed him in a different spot between each word.
He visibly fought the smile that crept up. “You probably shouldn’t kiss me in public. Someone might see and take a photo or something.”
“Let them.” I shrugged. “There’s nothing I would be prouder of than being seen with you.” I cupped his face, kissing him properly.
“Fine,” he said, the annoyance gone from his voice. “But I’ll get the hot chocolate.”
He came back a minute later with two steaming mugs. I found us a café table where we could sit and watch the other skaters while we sipped our treat. We sat in a contemplative silence for a moment, knowing there was more we needed to talk about, but both apparently reluctant to be the one to bring it up.
“C, I don’t know….”
“Chase, I….” We both started at the same time and then laughed, some of the tension of the moment dissipating. I motioned for him to go ahead.
“I don’t know what this is. I don’t know what you want from me. I’m still wrapping my head around the fact that you’re here, and you’re gay, and you’re, like, this well-known musician. But this thing between us—you look at me like you do and suddenly everything goes away. It feels too good to be true. I guess I’m just confused. You’ll be gone so much, people know you, your life is far from private. I feel like there’s something here, or there could be if you want it to be too, but every time I stop to think about it, there’s another reason why this is a bad idea.”
I took a long sip of my hot chocolate, buying myself a second to gather my words and pray I could articulate to him exactly how I felt.
“I get it, Chase. Completely. You have your own life, and I came in out of nowhere. My world isn’t easy right now. In some ways, I’ve gotten a lot of what I’ve been trying to achieve for so long. But the touring, the lifestyle… it takes its toll on everyone. I’m not looking to make things more difficult for you. As much as I want to be with you, I want you to be happy even more.
“But I do want to be with you, Chase. For me, this isn’t a new development. I’ve felt the same way about you since I was fourteen. I just finally have the balls to do something about it now. I want to be with you, Chase. I want to be your boyfriend. I want the late-night skyping and the morning pancakes, the skating dates. But I know you’re the one that this will be a harder decision for. I want to prove to you that I can be worth the sacrifices. I want to do what I can to take on as much of the burden as possible. I will never consciously hurt you. I know it’s worth it for me. I just need you to be sure it’s worth it for you too.”
He nodded slowly, absorbing every word I said.
“I want to be with you too,” he finally said, his words slow and measured.
“But?” I asked, because it sounded like there was going to be a “but” there. I didn’t want to give him the opportunity to retract what he had said, but I also wanted him to be 100 percent confident in his decision and not regret anything in a few weeks or months.
“No buts,” he confirmed. “Well, I still want to work out what happens when you leave. But no buts. I want to be with you.” He sounded more convinced this time.
The feeling in that moment was worth every self-conscious debate in my head, every hour of lost sleep before reaching out to him at the Grammys, every moment of panic when I didn’t think he would respond to my desperate plea from the stage. A smile broke out on my carefully veiled face. I couldn’t stop myself; I got out of my chair and moved around to his seat to kneel in front of him so we were on the same level. His eyes twinkled with mirth at my gesture. I caressed his handsome face and kissed his perfect lips thoroughly.
“Promise?” I asked against his lips.
“Promise,” he whispered, kissing me again through our twin smiles.
Carter
MY original plan had been to take him to a fancy steak house at the top of one of the nearby skyscrapers, but we changed things up again and opted for a simpler meal of delivery pizza in my condo while watching a movie on the couch. I’m not going to lie, getting Chase alone was a much smarter idea, and I probably should have planned that from the beginning.
The credits were rolling, and I had a perfect, snuggly Chase lying with his head in my lap. I had been stroking his hair soothingly for the past hour at least, zoning out on the movie and focusing on how wonderful he was and how right this felt.
I would have thought he had drifted off if it wasn’t for the occasional shift in his weight or happy sigh he gave.
He reached for the remote on the coffee table and clicked off the film, took my hand, and helped me up from the couch. I thought I had a good idea of where this was going, but he surprised me and led me into my adjoining music room instead of my bedroom.
“Will you play it for me again? My song?” he asked, kissing my hand when we were standing next to the baby grand piano.
“Always.” I kissed the top of his head.
We sat down together on the bench like we had a million times when we were kids.
When we were about eleven, Chase and I had been obsessed with sharing an apartment in Manhattan when we grew up. We talked nonstop about having a studio to write and record music in our living room, with a glossy black Steinway in the corner for him and a wall of colorful Fender guitars for me. His piano—I always thought of it as his—was the first major purchase I made for myself when we signed with our record label. I remember having it picked out for months before all the paperwork with the label was done and I could finally afford it. I was still working on slowly acquiring the wall of guitars, but his piano made this place my home.
I ran my fingers over the underused keys, then started to play the song almost like I was in a trance, singing the melody softly into t
he quiet room. At one point, his arm snaked around my waist and his head found my shoulder while he listened to me play. I had performed for other people hundreds of times in my life. From piano recitals in elementary school to massive auditions for major record producers to busking on street corners to pay rent to concert venues throughout the US. No audience had ever meant as much to me as this one.
My voice thick with emotion, my fingers shaking, and the tears in my eyes making the keys blurry, I finished the last chords of “Next to Me” from muscle memory.
“I love you, Chase,” I said softly when the last note had faded.
“I love you too,” he whispered back, making every wish I’d ever had come true.
I leaned over and kissed him. Not being able to get enough of him fast enough, I had my hands in his hair, on his waist, anywhere I could touch him. The kiss went from zero to one hundred in seconds, growing from sweet to filthy in a heartbeat.
I played with his full bottom lip, nipping and then soothing it with my tongue. He parted his lips for me on a moan, letting me take full control of his mouth. Holding the back of his neck, I changed my angle and went deeper. I skirted my other hand slowly up his thigh, feeling the tight fabric stretched to capacity over his hardening length, and cupped his package through his jeans, pressing just hard enough to make him groan. He pushed up into my hand, asking for more.
When I released his cock, he made a desperate sound into my mouth. I slipped my hands under his shirt, needing to feel his skin, and ran my hands over his abs. Prying my lips from his, I moved to the pulse point in his neck, kissing and sucking on it while I quickly stripped off his shirt, then mine, in rapid succession. I couldn’t get over the sight of him without all of his clothes on. I didn’t know if I would ever get used to how much his skin turned me on.
I dropped to my knees in front of him on the piano bench. I’d wanted to try this since he had blown my dick and my mind simultaneously that morning. I surely wouldn’t be as good as he was at it, but I was making it my mission to make my guy feel amazing and sexy. If the small taste I’d had of him earlier was any indication, it would certainly be something I would enjoy too.
I rubbed my face against his still-clothed thighs, savoring the moment before it got really intense. I ran my open mouth over his heavy balls with just enough force to ensure he’d want more.
“Oh fuck!” he exclaimed as he realized what I wanted to do to him.
I licked over his bulge, savoring how aroused he was through his jeans. He threw his head back and clawed at his legs as if to stop himself from grabbing my head and forcing my mouth on him even harder.
“Carter. Baby. Please. Oh God, please,” he babbled.
I took mercy on him and popped open the button on his jeans. As I lowered his zipper, I dragged my fingers along his waiting length. I slid his pants and boxer briefs over his hips in one smooth motion, only having the patience to pull them down to just below his knees. He wiggled them the rest of the way off and spread his legs eagerly.
“Probably won’t be any good at this, but God, I need to taste you.” I looked up at him, needy and impatient.
“If you suck cock like you kiss… gonna be great.” He was panting so hard he could barely get the words out.
I chuckled and ran my tongue up the inside of his thigh as payback for his lack of help.
“Seriously, though…. Gonna be great. Focus on the head. Don’t try to take it all,” he advised.
His ability to string together words told me I wasn’t doing my job properly. I hummed a response against his skin, moving toward my prize. I’d seen enough porn to have at least a basic understanding of how this worked, but I wanted to catch him off guard.
I started by licking one of his balls, then sucking it into my mouth, which earned me a startled cry of approval. I played with both of his balls for a minute or two, enjoying the weight of them on my tongue. Next I moved up to his cock. I licked a line with the flat of my tongue all the way up the underside to the leaking tip. I swirled my tongue over the head, matching what he had done to me this morning.
I’d had no idea the taste of him would turn me on so much. My own dick was like an iron rod in the confines of my tight jeans. I reached one hand down to adjust myself and moaned around Chase’s shaft from that light pressure on my own, the vibrations from my lips pulling a reaction from him as well.
I picked up the pace, having no idea what I was doing but gauging his reactions and building on what he seemed to like. I used my hand on the base where I couldn’t reach with my mouth. His pleas and whines grew louder and more urgent, the sounds going straight to my own cock. I unbuttoned the fly of my jeans one-handed, needing to relieve some of the tension, and worked us both at the same time, him with my mouth and one hand, me with the other hand. When he saw I was touching myself as well, how much I was getting off on sucking him, his eyes went dark and his erection got impossibly harder. His skin was fever hot and tight over his velvet length; tension rolled off his body as his balls drew up. He fought to keep his hips still, the need to thrust clearly overwhelming him.
“Carter… gonna make me come!”
I redoubled my efforts, sucking him forcefully. His hands slammed down on the keys behind him, making a thunderous noise at the same time as he cried out and his come pooled in my mouth. I swallowed as fast as possible, the excess dripping down my chin. The feeling of his cock tensing between my lips and the taste of his come set off my own orgasm. His cock still in my mouth, I fought the urge to bite down on him as my powerful release rocked through me.
His body went slack almost immediately after he came. I wiped the last drops of his come from my face and rested my head against his still-spread thighs, trying to catch my breath.
“Not bad for your first try. A solid six and a half,” he said with a wink, patting my stubbled jaw and running his finger over my shiny bottom lip.
I caught the invading digit between my lips and gave him a teasing bite that made him squeak and pull his hand away.
“Six and a half!” I protested, pouting. “That was at least an eight. Eight and a half if you factor in my inexperience.”
“Hmm.” He pretended to think very carefully about it. “Maybe a six and three-quarters. A valiant effort, indeed. Bonus points for getting off on it.”
I retaliated against his mocking assessment of my sexual prowess by picking him clean up off the bench, catching him off guard and causing lots of disgruntled whining. I held him carefully, wrapping his legs around me as I walked him out of the music room toward my bedroom. He was still giggling at his own wit by the time we got into the hall but sobered quickly once he saw me smiling adoringly at him. Chase had me wrapped around his little finger. There was nothing I wouldn’t give him.
“I love you, C,” he said, staring into my eyes.
“I love you too.”
Chase
THE days and weeks flew by. We enjoyed as much time together as we could, more often spending the nights together than alone. I was busy with school as we approached the end of the year, with exams and assignments taking up the majority of my non-Carter hours.
I was happy. In a way I had never been before with any other guy or even in my life in general. Carter and I had always gotten along so well, and it seemed like we joked and laughed now as much as we had in the old days.
Plus there was the sex. My God, we were insatiable. It was like he was trying to make up for the past five years all in a few weeks. I certainly wasn’t complaining. I had never been with a partner like him before; we simply could not keep our hands off each other. It was so good between us. Every time, I swore I couldn’t come harder than I had the last time, and then he proved me wrong. It was like he made it his mission to find every single sensitive spot on my body and mercilessly exploit it to bring me the maximum amount of pleasure possible. We hadn’t brought up anal yet. He was still so new at all this, and while I had enjoyed anal sex in the past, it wasn’t a deal breaker for me if it wasn’t some
thing he was interested in. But I had to admit, with how good he was at everything else, I was curious about how amazing he would be at that too.
But there was still the looming elephant in the room we hadn’t addressed—what would happen next. Inevitable Thorns were set to start recording their new album in a couple of weeks. Fortunately they had chosen a studio in Brooklyn to record at, so while Carter would be working crazy hours, we would at least get to come home to each other at the end of the day.
Carter was writing in fits and starts, whenever the inspiration struck. Thorns shared the songwriting, so the onus wasn’t entirely on him, but he tended to be more of a lyricist than the other guys. He had already played around with a number of tracks over the course of their last tour, but he had yet to come up with a new song that he loved. More partially written lyrics on napkins made their way into the overflowing recycling bin each day.
I tried to stay out of his process. I didn’t want to be the Yoko to the Thorns or stick my nose into their success. Their music, for the most part, was a different genre from my own, but composing was still my area of expertise. Every so often, Carter would ask for my help on a chord progression or my opinion of a tricky lyric.
Our collaboration wasn’t only one-sided. I bounced ideas off him for school projects and for the few pieces I was composing on my own. I was surprised to find we were much better colleagues than we had been when we were young. We had had screaming matches growing up about writing music, and I think that’s where a lot of my hesitation to get too involved came from.
More often than not, we would end up in his music room at the end of the day. We would play around together on his beautiful piano, at least until the closeness of sitting pressed together on the small bench led to our getting distracted with other things.
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