Congratulations for undertaking this project. Your memoir will let the world know just who you are and what you’ve been through all these years. Whether you’re writing so that colleagues will know your professional story, or so that relatives will know the truth about your family story, your memoir is important. They may not yet realize it, but your children and their children and grandchildren may one day want to know about you—your opinions, your ideas. The general public may appreciate your story, too. An interesting story is worth telling. It is wise to leave a written or oral legacy. Learning about your life—your milestones as well as your struggles—is instructive and useful, and it can be entertaining, too. All your readers can learn from you—they can learn about hopes and about happiness, and perhaps unhappiness, too. How did you do it? How did you get this far? You can be an inspiration, or a warning, depending upon your life story.
Tell them. Teach them. What were the major conflicts of your life? How did you resolve those conflicts? Do you still resolve conflicts that way? Were the conflicts with other people? Were the conflicts within yourself? The writing assignments you do will clarify all these situations.
As you delve into your past, you will notice certain themes and patterns that continue to show up in your life. Recalling some old, formerly-forgotten memories will help you make sense out of your life and increase your understanding of yourself. You will give a voice to your desires, disappointments, and accomplishments too.
Releasing repressed emotions helps you mature emotionally; often when you write about past events, buried emotions come into your mind. Writing your memoir has some neurological value too. It stimulates your memory and thus increases your cognitive functioning. Studies have shown that when people write about personal thoughts for as few as ten minutes each day, they have an easier time falling asleep and staying asleep throughout the night. Writing about negative life events frees your mind from secretly storing those memories, and you will notice that you’ll have more available energy. When your writing allows you to re-experience positive life events, you boost your happiness level. When you let your true self be known, you invite others to appreciate you.
After you complete each daily assignment, simply save it. Later on, you’ll be instructed in techniques that will merge all your daily writings into one memoir. If you wish to include material from a blog or personal journal, that, too, will be merged.
You are in charge of figuring out how quickly you complete your memoir. I hope you will find time to write every day; that maintains your momentum and you truly will finish in one month. Some people set their alarm for one hour earlier than usual and write every morning, and then finish the assignment at the end of the day. Of course, if you are able to work on your memoir only on the weekends, or perhaps only three days a week, the program will still work for you. No matter how you choose to do this, you will have a completed memoir at the end of 30 writing sessions.
Many writers prefer a specific writing place—a desk in the bedroom, a particular table at the local coffee shop, a special chair in the living room. A designated writing area is a good idea because your brain will immediately associate your writing spot with actual writing, and extraneous thoughts will stay away. You won’t be tempted to think of other things when you sit down to write.
Please write about yourself with enthusiasm and with honor. Your memoir is a story and you are the main character—you are the hero. In a literary work, the main character is referred to as the protagonist. This is your life and you are in charge of how you present it. It’s time to tell your story.
Day 1
Think about your life and then sum it up in two or three sentences. Don’t rush; let your mind wander in all directions. You may focus on particular years or precise points of your life, or you may choose to encompass a wide range of experiences.
Here are some examples of two- and three-sentence summaries:
I was blessed with good genes. I’ve had good luck. There are no regrets.
Pathetic life. My dog is my best friend.
Please don’t be scared of me. I have schizophrenia. I would never hurt anyone.
I’m lucky because I always sleep well. But I’ve been unlucky because I never work well. I’ve had lots of job problems.
My uncle ruined my life. He molested me not once, but twice. And I let him.
I definitely married the wrong man. I have great kids. He doesn’t see them, thank God.
My son wants to kill me. This is the truth.
I sell real estate. It is a big bore. I know I should look for a new job, but I can’t get started.
My whole life I have messed up. My whole life she has gotten me out of messes. I wonder every day if I could change.
My mom was always sick. My dad bolted. My childhood was lousy.
Dance, aerobics, tennis, and yoga. That’s my life.
People don’t know that I am lonely and sad. That’s because I am rich and handsome. People are easily fooled.
I love to read. I love to work. Life is great.
My childhood was traumatic. My teen years were terrible. Finally, I am happy now.
Religion saved me and now I want to spread the word. Before my awakening, I was nasty.
I’m lonely. But maybe it’s my fault because I don’t like anybody.
I am obedient to a fault. I have always been like that.
Life was hard for my parents but easy for me. Good education, good jobs, great family. I am blessed.
Now it’s your turn. You might write and rewrite; that’s okay. Think about your life and permit all your memories to rise up in your mind. Pondering to produce your sentences stimulates your memory and makes it easier for you to recall your early years and the significant events of your life.
Day 2
A memoir is not an autobiography. An autobiography is strictly factual and chronologically covers your life from birth until today. It is accurate and full of facts and explanations. Whereas an autobiography states facts, a memoir describes your reactions to those facts. For example, an autobiography might discuss social and political ideas of the times, but your memoir would discuss your emotional responses to those ideas. Your autobiography is a photograph, a picture showing precise detail. Your memoir, on the other hand, is an impressionistic painting—a canvas conveying a general impression using free brushstrokes to create a general feeling.
Memoirs are emotional reminiscences. Your memoir is your account of how you remember certain experiences. It’s only as accurate as your memory permits and that’s just fine. It’s more important that you accurately portray your emotions than accurately list the facts. It’s okay to approximate dialogue and it’s okay to present events out of order. It is not okay to create imaginary events and imaginary characters, but enhancing what already exists is occasionally appropriate.
In your memoir, you will talk about and describe certain memories, figuring out why they are important. You’ll investigate how and why particular incidents influenced your life.
Don’t give in to the temptation to simply present your life, one year at a time, as an autobiographical report. Your memoir will cover only a few select years, or only a few select issues. Sometimes a memoir discusses only one aspect of your life, and sometimes a memoir is about a consistent theme that runs throughout your life.
There are memoirs about high school years, about years devoted to bringing up babies, about years of caring for a sick relative. There are memoirs about a lifelong relationship with a beloved teacher, with a mentally ill parent, with a family pet. You might write a memoir about your trip to France or about your search for a long-lost relative or about your years as a victim of a rare disease. None of these are autobiographical summaries of your life starting at birth; rather, they are memoirs about specific time periods or specific situations.
As you write your memoir, you may discover what really happened. Yo
u may uncover a secret or two. Readers will recognize themselves in your life. Usually, your memoir reveals a universal truth. For example, Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor’s memoir, My Beloved World, shows the reader that Sotomayor, in true immigrant fashion, began her American life in a public housing project. She recounts that upon being diagnosed with diabetes as a child, she realized she could not depend upon anyone else, but had to learn to take care of herself and her health needs. That is a defining moment for readers who will remember when they figured out that they, too, must be strong for themselves, when there was no one on whom to depend.
Today’s assignment is to look at the following list of words and write one or two sentences about each. Write whatever thoughts, memories, and ideas come into your mind. This list is meant to evoke emotional memories. Please do not reread what you have written until you are finished with the entire list.
• Disappointments
• Accomplishments
• Conflicts
• Fears
• Luck (or lack thereof)
• Enemies
• Gratitude
Now choose whichever topics seem most relevant to you and your life. There’s no need to write about a topic that has little meaning to you. The list above may have just a few topics that resonate with you. That’s fine. Simply write a few paragraphs, or more if you wish, expanding your thoughts. If you see a connection between today’s writing and yesterday’s summary of your life, please indicate what that connection is.
Sample
I was criticized a lot when I was a kid. Not only by my mother and my grandmother, but also by the very strict teachers at parochial school. Any little mistake got a punishment. Eventually, I figured out that if I did nothing and never tried I wouldn’t get in trouble for making a mistake. That’s when I shut up and did not speak in class. So today I’m a grown-up and I don’t really know how to participate in life.
This sample is from the writer who on Day 1 wrote, I’m lonely. But maybe it’s my fault because I don’t like anybody. She selected fear as a topic for today, describing how her fear of making a mistake prevents her from socializing, and her fear of being criticized prevents her from speaking when in a group.
Sample
Why is it that my children got along well with all their grandparents but not so much with me and my husband? Generational conflicts are repeating themselves and now we get along with our grandchildren better than they get along with their parents. The grandkids call us and email us and share their news with us and we are happy to listen to them and go places with them. Last summer, we took them on a fabulous trip. I think my daughter might have been jealous.
This is from a travel memoir about a European vacation with grandchildren.
Sample
I had so many fears when I was a kid, it’s a wonder I ever left the house. It’s a wonder that I wasn’t bullied. Actually, I was bullied by my siblings but I don’t think you count family bullying. I used to cry in school if an insect flew into the classroom. I used to run to the bathroom to brush my teeth after every meal, even a meal in the school cafeteria. I was afraid of tooth decay. I heard about it from a TV commercial. I was also afraid of halitosis, restless leg syndrome, and ED. The ED commercials really scared me. It wasn’t until I was brave enough to ask my parents what that meant that I could breathe a sigh of relief. Girls couldn’t get it.
This is part of an essay about the author’s phobias. She has written a series of humorous essays, each mocking a different aspect of her childhood personality. When you read personal narratives, you will notice that many writers are self-deprecating and use humor to express serious feelings about serious situations.
When you choose the topic(s) you’ll write about, please give the reader plenty of details. Think of several examples of how that topic shaped you. Allow the topic you choose to help you decide what you want the reader to know about your life.
It’s important that you write whatever is on your mind. Do not censor yourself. Do not worry about your ability as a writer. Later on, toward the end of the thirty days, you will quickly and easily learn how to polish your writing. For now, the idea is to write and write and write. Your story is original and your story is important. You are the only one who can write your memoir; many people can edit grammar and sentence structure. Do your job now and write, and then write some more. Techniques such as dialogue writing, scene setting, and character development will be taken care of as you proceed through your daily assignments.
Day 3
Search your memory and write a few paragraphs about a time in your life when you were waiting. Maybe you were waiting for something to happen; maybe you were waiting for someone to appear; maybe you were waiting for your feelings to change.
If your thoughts and feelings are positive and happy, you will enhance your memories and your optimism as you recall the pleasant and cheerful aspects of your fortunate life. But, if when you were a child you thought there was no way to escape certain negative feelings, writing now about what your life was really like then will help you understand your past. Perhaps, as you grew older, you realized that you could change your feelings by talking to others and by talking to yourself, by listening to music, by exercising, or by writing. Writing about your thoughts and feelings is a valid psychotherapeutic technique that can actually change the way you react to certain circumstances.
Sample
I can see myself leaning against the brick wall of our apartment building. Waiting. The older girls, they must be about seven or eight, are playing potsy—that’s the Bronx version of hopscotch—on the sidewalk right in front of me. They throw their skate keys into each chalk-drawn box and hop around the grid they’ve created on the concrete. The boys, who are definitely older because they have permission to play in the gutter, are playing punch ball—that’s the Bronx no-bat version of softball—with a pink Spaldeen.
You might think it’s a typical 1940s spring day, but it’s not typical at all. My mother declared today a special day. She’s been polishing the furniture and scrubbing the linoleum in our little apartment since dawn. While cleaning, she sings a ditty she’s made up: “My husband’s coming home. My husband’s coming home from the war.”
Waiting in front of our building, I’m broadcasting, “My mother’s husband is coming home, my mother’s husband is coming home from the war,” to all passersby. I wonder, what would he look like—this husband?
I see a guy emerge from the Jerome Avenue subway station on the corner. He hoists a green duffel bag over his shoulder. Oh, I guess he’s not my mother’s husband; he walks right by me and enters our apartment building.
I’m still waiting when he returns a few minutes later with my mother. Is this my mother’s husband? My father? I doubt it. I’m almost five years old and I know from the picture books that Miss Marjorie reads to us in nursery school that fathers smoke pipes and wear hats and suits and ties. This guy is wearing a T-shirt and chino pants and he looks too skinny to be a father.
He abruptly lifts me, whirls me, and then says we should go inside. He and my mother hold each other’s waists, then they hug, and then they each take one of my hands and together we walk into apartment 1E.
My mother’s husband has come home.
In our cozy two rooms, he stares at me and tells me I was a baby when he left. I doubt that. It’s been a long time since I was a baby.
Finally, I am brave enough to ask, “Are you my daddy?”
His answer still haunts me.
The above essay about waiting gives the reader much information without explicitly stating facts. The author does not say she was brought up in a city but instead takes us directly to her apartment building and a nearby subway station. At the beginning of the essay, she does not state her age, but instead mentions that she is younger than the seven- and eight-year-olds. She does not name the year but tells us about wor
ld happenings during that year. And most important, she does not tell us we will be reading a memoir about a difficult relationship between father and daughter. We surmise that and we are curious to find out what the dad said that still disturbs her. The more the reader is called upon to think, the more engaged the reader becomes with you and your memoir.
Sample
It seems like I spent my whole marriage waiting to have kids. It’s all I ever wanted. I wanted to be a dad like my dad was to me. We did so much stuff together and we were a team. I could hardly wait to have a team with my kids. Rebecca said she wanted a family when we were dating, but after we got married she kept saying “Next year, next year.” I was relieved when she finally said okay we could start trying, and I was disappointed every month when it turned out she wasn’t pregnant. And then the truth came out.
The author gets us interested and we want to read more to find out what that truth was. When you write your sentences and paragraphs to fulfill your daily assignments, use subtlety and give hints to the reader rather than presenting all the facts.
Inspired to write your own memoir? How to Write a Memoir in 30 Days gives you the perfect framework. Simple techniques, culled from writers’ workshops taught by Dr. Roberta Temes, are presented in a series of fun writing exercises. Everyone has a story to tell. Start writing yours now!
How to Write a Memoir in 30 Days
Step-by-Step Instructions for Creating and Publishing Your Personal Story
Roberta Temes, PhD
ISBN: 978-162145-145-7
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