Tragically Flawed

by A. M. Hargrove

  Riviera was expecting him to yell at her, or at least be angry with her. What she wasn’t expecting was the look of utter pain etched on his face.

  “What … what’s happened, Shan?”

  “I … I have to get out of here. Now.” He tried to shake off her arm. “Riviera, either let my arm go and walk away, or get in the fucking truck. Either way, I can’t stay here another minute.”

  He opened the door and without hesitating, she scrambled inside and took a seat beside him. He slammed the truck into gear and spun the tires as he drove off. The truck careened down the road as Shan jammed his foot on the accelerator.

  “Shan, you’re scaring me.”

  He hit the brakes and she braced herself with her arms. He pulled the truck off the road and looked at her, his breathing ragged, as he commanded, “You drive.” He got out, walked around the truck, and got in the passenger’s side.

  She slid behind the wheel. “Where should I go?”

  “I don’t give a fuck. Anywhere away from that goddamn house.”

  She cringed at the vehemence in his voice. The only place she knew to go was to his house, so that’s where she went. When she pulled into the garage, they sat there for a minute or two and she finally asked, “Are you going to tell me what happened back there?”

  He looked at her, grabbed her by the shoulders, and said, “When you tell me what your deal is, Riviera. You’re not the only one with fucking issues.” He released her and got out of the truck. Her only choice was to follow him, but she felt so lost as to what to do. She numbly walked into his house.

  Riviera heard glasses clanking and Shan’s voice as he cursed everything he could. Suddenly she heard a roar, followed by a glass shattering.

  She ran into the room and saw shards of glass on the rock hearth and Shan standing there, hands fisted.

  “You have to talk to me. I don’t understand what’s happening here. I want to help, Shan, but I don’t know how. Let me help you. Please.”

  “Like the way I get to help you?” he sneered.

  He started stalking toward her and she cowered as she backed away from him. “Shan, you’re scaring me.” She put her hands in front of her face as she felt her back hit the wall. At that point she was stuck, so she reverted to her old habits and slid down the wall until her butt hit the floor. Then she assumed the most protective position she could, as she pulled her knees to her chest and tucked her head down. Why was he acting like this? Out of everyone she’d met, she’d grown to feel the safest with him. And now, here she was, frightened of him.

  He grabbed her shoulders, hauled her off the floor, and backed her into the wall. Her eyes widened with fear at the mixed emotions playing across his face. She’d never seen him wear any of them before. Slowly, his eyes darkened with passion and he lowered his mouth to hers. His kiss was rough and hard, not sweet and slow like she remembered. He pressed his body into hers and an electrical storm jolted through her. Shan ground his lips against hers as his tongue fiercely invaded her mouth, as if he were seeking every closely guarded secret she held.

  He kissed her with the desperation of a man who had lost the most important thing in the world to him. Though she didn’t want it to, Riviera’s body betrayed her as his kiss ignited a deep burn within that built into a raging fever. She whimpered with desire as he wedged his knee between her legs and rubbed the sensitive area at the apex of her thighs. Fisting his shirt to steady her as her head swam, Riviera jerked herself away from his mouth, feeling the relief of the air as it rushed into her lungs.

  She couldn’t speak, stunned at what had just taken place.

  Shan looked at Riviera and his heart crashed to the floor. He wanted every part of her as he watched her chest rise and fall. Her swollen lips made his heart ache with a furious need. But of all the things he wanted in the world, this rough urgency was not one of them. He wanted things to be gentle between them, but he was so damned angry, he’d lashed out at the one person he’d sworn to protect and to keep safe.

  “Shit, Riviera, I’m sorry. You don’t have to be afraid of me. I swear to you I won’t ever hurt you,” he said, his voice gruff with emotion. He turned and walked away from her, leaving her feeling empty and bereft. She heard his footsteps take him across the room and only when the sliding glass doors opened and closed did she allow herself to puzzle out what he had just done.

  She was strung as tight as a bow and was certain she couldn’t stay there. On shaky legs, she pulled herself away from the wall and went into his kitchen to hunt the keys to his Mercedes. It didn’t take her long to find them and when she did, she quietly slipped out the side door.

  Heart pounding, she backed out of his driveway and drove home. She didn’t have her purse, car keys, or anything. It was pitch-dark now but she had to go back to the auction house to pick up her things. She’d even left her brushes and paints out, which was something she never did.

  When she pulled up in front of the house, there sat her car, the pitiful bucket of rust that it was. All the lights in the house were off, which she thought was odd, especially considering all the damage that had been done to the interior. She didn’t even have her cell phone, which was in the house, along with the rest of her belongings.

  Now what? She didn’t want to go home and face Amie’s interrogation. Going back to Shan’s wasn’t much of an option, either.

  “Damn!” she screamed. Her aggravation had taken her full attention and she wasn’t even aware that a car had pulled into the driveway until its headlights illuminated the interior of her car.

  “Double damn it!” she bellowed, thinking it was Shan.

  Her surprise got the best of her when a uniformed man with a bright flashlight approached her window and knocked on it, asking her to roll it down.

  “Ma’am, may I see your driver’s license and registration, please?”

  Riviera rolled her eyes in ever-mounting frustration.

  “I’m sorry, officer, I don’t have any. My purse is locked in that house, along with my identification and my car keys. That’s my car over there,” she pointed.

  “Then whose car is this?”

  “My employer’s, Benjamin Shandon.“

  “Can you verify that?”

  “No, sir. My phone is in my purse as well.”

  “Ma’am, how did you get this car?”

  By this time, Riviera wanted to chew nails or beat the crap out of this guy. “I took the car from Mr. Shandon’s home.”

  “And he can verify this?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “Did you have his permission to take the car?”

  “Not exactly.”

  “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to come with me.”

  “Ugh. Please, officer, can you just call him? He doesn’t mind that I have it.”

  “Yes, we can call him from the station.”

  “Seriously? You’re going to take me to the police station?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Fine!” She got out of his car and marched to the police car. “Come on, then, let’s get this over with,” she huffed.

  The officer gave her an odd look but put her in the back seat and off they went.

  When they got to the station, he called Shan and then handed to phone to Riviera.

  “Riviera, are you okay?” Shan asked urgently.

  “Yes, I’m fine. Can you come and get me?” she groaned.

  “No, damn it, I’ve had too much to drink.”

  “Shit, Shan and don’t even say fucking shine-ola or I’m gonna scream.”

  “Wouldn’t even think of it. I’m gonna call Phil and have him come get you.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Don’t thank me. This is all my fault to begin with.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Everything But The Kitchen Sink

  Phil collected Riviera about thirty minutes after she ended her call with Shan. He not only took her to the house, he went inside with her to get her purse and stayed while s
he put her dried brushes in water. Luckily, they were the brushes she used for the base coat and not her expensive ones she used for her murals.

  “I still can’t believe someone would do this to a home being sold for a charity. It really pisses me off.”

  “Seriously. The entire alarm system was sabotaged. They somehow messed with the wiring so the electrical guys are gonna have to figure it out,” Phil explained.

  “I’ve never seen Shan so mad.”

  “Yeah, well, it goes back a ways.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You don’t know, do you?” he asked.

  “Know what?”

  Phil was walking in front of her and stopped so fast, she nearly ran into his back. “I can’t tell you everything, but it stems from the wildfires. Shan’s a good man, Riviera. He’s the youngest guy I’ve ever worked for. I’m old enough to be his father, but I have more respect for him than anyone else in this business. He’s more conscientious about his work than anyone I’ve ever known. Something went wrong in one of his homes during the fires and that’s all I’m gonna tell you. I’m talking out of turn here. But I’ll say this much—he won’t let this house be auctioned off until everything with that alarm system is absolutely perfect.”

  Riviera thought about his actions after they’d left here earlier. Something tragic had happened to set him off like that. As terrible as it sounded, it made her feel a little better about the way he’d acted toward her.

  “Thanks for telling me that much, Phil. I promise not to speak a word of this.”

  With Phil following, Riviera drove her car to her house. Then Phil took her back to the Mercedes. On the way, he said something very odd. “You know, Shan never lets himself get close and personal with women. And believe me, it’s not because he’s lacking for opportunity. They crawl out of the walls whenever he’s around. I’ve never known him to lend a girl his car before.”

  “Yeah, well, he didn’t really lend it. I just sort of took it.”

  “No matter. He was fine with it. And something else that’s funny about it. He told me not to let you leave it here. He wants you to drive this thing. I wish he wanted me to drive it,” he laughed. “Well, have a good night.”

  “Thanks, Phil. You too.”

  What in the world am I supposed to do now, she wondered? Slumping behind the wheel of Shan’s fancy-schmancy car, she played things out in her head for the umpteenth time. No doubt something seriously dreadful had impacted him in the past. Riviera empathized with that. In many ways they were similar in that they couldn’t discuss the horrors they’d faced. Did she have the guts to tough it out and tell him what had turned her into such a freak? Or would she shrivel up and chicken out? Maybe if she could just have the damn backbone to tell him, they could work things out. She’d better do it soon, or she was gonna risk losing him.

  Shifting the car into drive, she turned down the road and headed to Shan’s. He was standing in the garage when the door opened.

  “Are you all right?” His face was imprinted with worry. It surprised Riviera for she wasn’t used to having someone feel that way about her.

  “Now I am. Let’s go inside. We need to talk. There’s something I need to tell you.”

  He linked his hand with hers. “Not before I say something first.” They walked inside and he took her into the living area and had her sit down on the sofa. “I need to apologize. I acted like a …” He groaned and crouched in front of her. “I’m so sorry for frightening you. I acted like a fucking ass and I regret that. Riviera, I told you I would never lay a hand on you and hurt you and I meant that. I know you were afraid of me, and it seemed I was threatening you, but please believe me that I would never, ever strike you, hit you, or do anything like that … ever. I swear to you. I may yell and stomp around like a brute, but I would never harm you. Tell me you understand this.”

  “I do.”

  “You swear you do?”

  “Yes. I swear.”

  “Good, because I’ve never hit a woman in my life. My God, my mother would kick the ever-loving shit out of me if she thought I were capable of something like that. And if you think I’m kidding, just wait until you meet her.”

  “I’m good, Shan. I promise. You really scared me, though, I won’t lie.”

  “I know I did, babe, and I’m so fucking sorry. I went a little crazy. No, I take that back. I went a lot crazy. I lost it.” He dragged his hands through his hair.

  Riviera grabbed his hand and said, “Shan, I need to tell you some things.” She raked her teeth across her upper lip. “You know that Jasper beat the hell out of me. I told you some of the stuff he did, but it went a lot deeper than that. At times I thought he was going to kill me.” Shan took his hands and spread her legs apart so he could scoot between them. He leaned back on his heels and took her hands in his. He simply sat there, letting her speak. Riviera was glad he didn’t try to make her stop or tell her it was okay. What she needed from Shan was for him to listen.

  An image of an angry Jasper materialized in her mind, making her frown. “It was a rotten place to be. I was chained to him, and even though you couldn’t see or touch them, the chains were there nonetheless. There were certain things that would trigger his rage, but other times it could be anything. I could breathe wrong or accidentally forget to put salt on our meal and …” She stopped for a second and inhaled. “Once I went to the store to pick up some groceries and peaches had just come in season. I loved peaches, so I bought a few. When I got home and unpacked the bags, I put everything away and washed the fruit. I sat at the little table in the kitchen to eat one and he walked in the door right as I bit into the damn thing. One look at his face and I knew I was in for it. I tried to run, but it was a stupid idea. There was nowhere to go. He was so strong. He grabbed me around the waist and broke my arm and afterwards he raped me. He kicked me and broke some ribs. I haven’t eaten a peach since. Just the smell of them turns my stomach.”

  Shan dropped his forehead to her knees, his heart thumping in his chest. He swore he would find a way to make that fucker pay for what he did to her.

  Riviera put her hands in Shan’s hair. It was so soft and thick and she loved to run her fingers through it. She didn’t stop to think why something so small had such a deep-seated effect on her. “It’s taken me a while to come to grips with the fact that I’m free now. There are so many things that I’m just now letting myself do. For instance, I would never wear earrings because I knew if I did, there was a chance he would rip them out of my ears just for the hell of it. I’m not afraid to buy what I want at the grocery store for fear of getting a beating. It’s taken me all this time to break out of those invisible shackles he kept me in. I’m finally getting it … learning that it’s not about doing what I’m supposed to do. It’s about doing what I need and what’s right for me.”

  “Shit, Riviera. I wish I could kill the fucker.”

  “Shan, that’s not why I’m telling you. You need to hear this to understand me. There’s something else. Something that I’ve hinted at with you and I’m not going to go into any detail here, but I was sexually molested starting at the age of twelve. That’s why I ran away from home. I had to in order to preserve my sanity.”

  Shan stared at her and knew someone was shredding up his guts and yanking all the pieces out of his body. He wanted to say something, anything at all, to console her, but what exactly did one say at a time like this? “Gee, I’m sorry you were molested when you were twelve” was so inadequate.

  When he didn’t say anything, his expression shifting from sorrow to horror, Riviera understood it had been a grave error to tell him. She rose and that’s when he made his move.

  “You can’t possibly walk away from me now after you’ve just bared your heart and soul.” He wrapped his arms around her from his crouched position and rested his head against her stomach. “I don’t have words to express how deeply sorry I am for what you’ve been through, Riviera, because none exist. At the risk of pushing you aw
ay, I can only tell you that I am now more captivated by you than ever. Your courage and strength astound me and I can only aspire to be more like you.” Then he stood before her and asked, “You may think this is inappropriate, but I have this urgent need to kiss you.”

  She didn’t answer him, but instead wrapped her arms around him, stood on her toes, and put her mouth on his. Then she whispered into it, “I think it would be inappropriate if you didn’t.”

  Shan’s fingers slid into the hair at her temples and his lips teased hers while his tongue slowly played with hers. He tasted her and then teased and coaxed her to do the same to him. Riviera dissolved into a pool of liquid heat. A pulsing wave of desire raced along every nerve in her body, fueling her hunger for him.

  “I need to look at you, Riviera. I love to see you when your eyes are half closed and you’re all sexed up.”

  Words wouldn’t come to her. There were so many things she wanted to say, but she couldn’t bring herself to utter a single one. Actions, she decided, spoke much louder anyway.

  Something burst into life within her then. Reaching down, she unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. She heard his sharp intake of breath. Smiling, her hands moved to his shirt and with a slight tug, it broke free of his pants. She hooked her fingers in the hem and lifted it over his head, kissing his abs and chest. Oh, how she loved to have him bared to her. Her fingers splayed across his chest, resting briefly, and then she brushed them through the soft hairs as they wandered up to his shoulders. She leaned in to kiss him again, but only for a second and then she dropped to her knees.

  “Riviera, what are you doing?”

  “Shut up, Shan.” She pulled his pants down and was happy to find he was boxer-free. This was something she’d thought about, dreamed about, for weeks now. She grinned and took him into her mouth.

  “Wait!” he stopped her. “The last time we were together it ended so awkwardly. That can’t happen again. There can’t be any walls between us. Promise me now, Riviera.”