by Devin Madson
I crawled forward on hands and knees, deafened by the roar. The mark tightened. And from the night came the sound of Malice laughing.
‘You will not… beat me,’ I said, forcing the words out, rocks cutting into my skin as I dragged myself along the ground. The pain was like nothing I had ever experienced – like a thousand hands slowly smothering life. I rolled, wheezing, and my fingers found skin. Darius had a scar on his chest where his heart had been cut out. That was what everyone said. Twinkling stars laughed down from a patch of velvet sky, and I laughed back, digging my fingernails into my chest.
Time blurred. I owned no sense beyond the pain. With my fingernails slicing skin, I worked at my flesh, each cut a warm caress. Blood made the work slick, pooling its warmth around my fingers as they gouged between bones.
A horse snorted, its breath brushing my face.
‘Looks like he’s come as far as he can.’ It was more whisper than words through the thunder in my ears, but I knew the voice. I knew its scowling features, knew its wide nose and its square set shoulders.
Lantern light touched the shifting branches.
‘It seems the master need not have been worried.’ Another voice I knew well, mild and polite, its fine features always melancholic.
‘Not worried? That’s a fine mess he’s making.’
‘I always wondered if it would work.’
By my ear the sound of footsteps, then Hope’s face appeared above me. ‘Endymion?’
‘He won’t hear you. We’d best just pick him up and take him back.’
A hand touched mine. Cold, its grip slippery with the smell of blood. I felt the connection, my head momentarily clearing as my pain rushed into the tensing hand.
The mark is alive, the whisper said. It’s part of him.
The hand ripped away with a hiss and the pain rushed back.
‘What did you do that for, fool?’
Hope’s face disappeared. ‘I wanted to see if it’s the same for him as it is for us.’
‘Of course it is.’
‘The master told him he wouldn’t control him, that he wouldn’t be forced to obey.’
‘So? He lied. The master always lies. What? Does he insult your honour, little duke?’
‘I’m not a duke.’
‘No, and your father and brothers probably aren’t anymore either. Easy to find yourself without a head when there are two emperors running around.’
‘How loquacious you are in the presence of pain, Avarice. One might almost believe you like it.’
Stupid kasu. The last person to trust the spider was Master Darius, and look where that got him.
Come on! You’re not even trying. Kill it!
Hands gripped me under my arms, dragging me backward. Away from the tower. The pain was like a thousand silk strings tightening, cutting into my limbs.
‘What are you doing?’ Avarice growled.
‘You saw him kill all those men,’ Hope said, breathless by my ear. ‘He deserves to die.’
‘That isn’t your choice to make.’
‘It shouldn’t have been his either.’
‘The master will kill you.’
‘Let him. What is life worth if this is all that’s left?’
A scream ripped from my lips. They were shouting now, arguing, but I could hear no words. Agony was all I had; no body, no limbs, no heart, just the pain and the dreadful knowledge that I did not want to die. Not like this. Not ever. I was a Laroth. I was a god.
I gripped my chest, fingers stinking of blood. All I had to do was prise Malice’s hand free. Finger by finger. I had to kill the mark before it killed me.
‘You can’t keep me!’ I shouted, writhing out of Hope’s grip. I hit the road, head slamming onto the stones. Light flashed behind my eyes. Malice’s grip tightened, his long fingers curling like claws.
You’re mine, Takehiko.
His sharp nails cut into my beating heart.
You cannot leave.
‘I can!’ I tore at my flesh, forcing Empathy into my own skin. ‘I am a Laroth. I’m a god!’
You’re a monster.
The mark’s shadowy fingers squeezed tighter still and I tore at their grip, my heartbeat laboured. ‘You’re the monster!’ The fingers bent back, bones cracking.
No!
‘Yes!’
Don’t leave me.
‘Darius already did.’
The mark shattered like glass, its shards slicing through my body. Squeezing my eyes shut, I curled up, clasping my knees to my chest until slowly the pain began to ebb. Blood trickled down my side, kept oozing out with every heaving breath.
When I opened my eyes I found the canopy shifting amid lantern light. Avarice and Hope stared down at me, their jaws slack. But they were marked men. They would take me back. They had to obey.
I rolled, slipping on stones as I scrambled to my feet. Avarice threw out his hand, but I ducked away, slamming my foot into the lantern. It bounced across the track, lighting the edge of a sharp slope before I crushed its fragile frame beneath my sandal.
In darkness, I skidded down the slope, dry leaves and acorns cascading after me. In the light there had been trees and rocks and nests of saplings, but only the memory of them remained. Rough bark scratched my arm as I brushed past a tree, and I slowed, listening for pursuit over the pounding of my heart.
Avarice. The pulse of his anger gave him away more surely than the sound of his feet. I could outrun him, but Malice would send more Vices to scour the trees. On horseback they would catch me before ever I reached Koi.
I let my Empathy hunt hearts in the darkness. Avarice was nearby, but Hope had not followed, had remained on the track with the horses. They knew I needed one.
I doubled back, Empathy leading the way in the dark. Blood was dripping from my chest and every limb ached, but desperation pushed me on. If they took me back, Malice wouldn’t risk me escaping again.
You will need to be chained down before the end.
I broke into a jog, sandals sinking into the soft loam.
At the top of the slope, I slowed again, able to feel the call of Hope’s heart, as loud as the cry of a hawk owl robbed of its prey. He was close. A horse snorted. I crept forward, rolling heel to toe, straining my eyes as the outline of two animals emerged from the night. They watched me approach, but although I held out my hand, one snorted and the other backed.
Lunging the last step, I touched the closest horse, pushing Empathy through its thick coat.
It was not the first time I had touched an animal, but never before had I tried to connect with one. A dog was more likely bite or run than let me scratch its ear, but from the moment my fingers brushed his coat, the horse did not move. It owned a soul like no man I had ever seen. There were no flailing strings of memory or emotion, no selfishness or deceit, the horse was everything it was and nothing more; no ambition, just a neat parcel of instincts and behaviours, easily understood and beautiful to behold. I combed through it, fascinated, while the horse nuzzled my cheek, fear set aside as we learned to understand one another. He had a name for himself – The One Who Flies.
‘Kaze then,’ I whispered, running my hand through his mane. ‘For the wind.’
Sharp points dug into the small of my back and I froze.
A barbed sickle.
Hope.
‘I could kill you,’ he said, his voice low. ‘You deserve no less.’
‘I know.’ I did not turn around or take my hand from Kaze’s mane. ‘But you won’t.’
‘Stealing from my head?’
‘I don’t need to steal when you give.’
Hope lowered the sickle and I turned. In the dark I could just make out his youthful features, a mirror to his emotions: half anger, half pain. ‘Go. Get out of he
re,’ he said.
‘You’ll let me go? But you must obey.’
He gave a mirthless laugh. ‘You think Malice would let me die to the mark? Almost I wish he would, but he won’t. You said it yourself. I’m too useful. I deserve pain for what I am.’
Another soul was coming through the trees. Angry. Fierce.
‘Avarice is coming.’
Hope patted Kaze’s neck. ‘You had better go then,’ he said. ‘Take my horse. I call him Hishan, but I think he prefers the name you gave him.’
‘I can read his true name in his heart.’
‘And mine?’
I had set my foot in the stirrup, but I looked back. ‘Your name?’
‘Don’t I have one?’
‘Everyone has one.’ I held out my hand and Hope put his into it. We connected, the flare of his soul touched with such longing, such painful melancholy that it twisted my heart.
‘Your name is Lord Arata Toi, Duke of Syan,’ I said, letting go. ‘You were born this man and you will be him again.’
Hope did not answer, just stood back and let me climb into the saddle.
‘Hope!’ Avarice's voice came through the trees. ‘Hope? Where are you, you little kasu?’
‘I am here, Avarice,’ the Vice returned, raising his voice. ‘With Endymion. He’s borrowing my horse, so I’m taking yours.’ He pulled the reins over the horse’s head as he spoke, one foot already in the stirrup.
Avarice snapped harsh words to the night, their foreign syllables failing to hide their vulgarity.
‘I’ll see you again,’ Hope said, climbing into the saddle with ease. ‘Keep hope, Endymion.’
‘You Shivatsa!’ Avarice snarled, momentarily blocking a bolt of moonlight as he sprinted toward us. ‘Vatassa matas! I will break you!’
Avarice's horse reared, loathe to go with its new owner, but Hope had skilled hands and managed to turn it toward Rina. ‘Go!’ he called. ‘Get out of here.’
Kaze needed no goading. He started forward, breaking into a trot as Avarice lunged for the saddle. A strap slipped through his fingers and he tumbled onto the track.
‘Get back here, boy. If you go any further you’ll regret it!’
Wind whipped past my ears as Kaze sped to a gallop.
‘Malice will eat you!’
Chapter 9
Shin was Katashi’s man.
Huddled in the corner of a musty storeroom, I waited, telling myself over and over that he would come. An hour must have passed, every footstep eating a bit more of my sanity. He was the only one I could trust, but I couldn’t shift the niggling doubt that remained.
Shin had always been Katashi’s man.
The door opened. I pushed to my feet, heart racing. I had leant back against the wall, but as Tili entered I stepped forward, drawing myself up. With a grim smile, she ushered in the scarred Pike. He brought a lantern into my darkness, its light making the bruises on his face look like dying flesh.
‘Leave us,’ he said, jerking his shoulder toward the door.
Tili looked to me. I wanted her to stay, but I had to trust him.
‘Yes, Tili, you may go,’ I said. ‘Thank you.’
‘As you wish, my lady.’ She bowed herself out, closing the door slowly.
Shin set the lantern down on a barrel. The air in the room was dry, heated by the fires in the nearby kitchen.
‘You sent for me, my lady?’ Shin said, his growl menacing in the silence.
‘I did, yes. I need to get out of the castle and I need your help. No one can know.’
Neither eye blinked. His hands hung at his sides, hands that could kill so fast you wouldn’t see them coming. Not a twitch, not a flicker, yet every muscle was taut, his body strung with a readiness I both feared and admired.
‘Katashi is looking for you,’ he said.
‘Oh, he is, is he? Has he told you why?’
Not a muscle moved in Shin’s face. ‘The talk is you argued. You should go to him instead of hiding here.’
‘You think I am afraid of his scolds?’ I said, gripping my fists tight. ‘If I go to him you will not see me alive again. Tell me, has Katashi ordered his men to search for me?’
‘No, the orders are that you aren’t allowed to leave the castle,’ he said. ‘But your name is on every whispering tongue.’
‘And what do they whisper?’
‘They call you the Imperial Whore. Two emperors in as many weeks, they say, and much more I will not repeat.’
My cheeks burned and I looked away. ‘I am not a whore.’
Shin did not speak.
‘You see everything, I know,’ I said. ‘But–’
‘Yes. A dead man was removed from your room. It isn’t common knowledge yet, but it will be soon.’
‘And who is blamed?’
‘An assassin sent by Emperor Kin,’ he said. ‘They say he is furious you would not marry him.’
I swayed back, pressing a hand to my brow. ‘No, no.’
‘You would protect The Usurper?’ Shin’s eyes flashed. ‘Another five minutes and he would have had both our heads.’
‘Tell me you believe an assassin could get in here unnoticed by anyone,’ I said. ‘Or that I would be their target. Katashi sent that man. He was a Pike.’
‘Who?’
‘I don’t know his name.’
He stared at me. ‘Why?’
‘I don’t know that either. We fought, yes. I told him I would not marry him.’
‘A man does not kill a woman for refusing to marry him. Not even an emperor.’
‘No, because a man can take what he wants even if it has been refused him,’ I snapped. ‘I don’t want to be just a wife. I want to fight. I want an army at my beck and call, and Katashi refused. He told me I would be his wife and I said no, I would not. I would be his general and fight for my name, not lie around on scented cushions and present him heirs.’
A muscle twitched at the corner of Shin’s uncompromising lips. ‘And you told Katashi this?’
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘He would not have a woman for a general.’
Shin spat onto the floor. ‘Bah, I don’t care what’s between your legs. But I sent you into Kin’s room with a knife and he nearly took your head.’
‘I could not kill a sleeping man. There is no honour in that. If Katashi sees me as a threat, he should kill me himself, not send a thug to do his handiwork.’
‘I’ll talk to him.’
‘No! I could talk to him myself if I thought it would make any difference. Shin, he is not the same man anymore. That is not Monarch, not the captain we followed. You have to get me out of here, and he can’t know anything about it.’
The bruise beneath his right eye squeezed it half closed and he squinted through it, no less formidable. ‘I’m taking out a raiding party.’
‘Then take me with you,’ I said.
‘We’ve been here before. I took you into the palace and look where that got us. I stayed with you. I would have died for you. I thought you were a leader, a fighter–’
‘I am! I want to fight, Shin. I want to protect the innocent and rip the guts from men who try to rape women and children. I don’t want Kisia to be torn apart.’
Shin chuckled, such a rare sound I was sure it could not be coming from his lips. ‘Calm, little fish,’ he said. ‘How bloodthirsty you are. You want to fight?’
‘Yes.’
‘It isn’t pretty.’
‘I fought as a Pike, didn’t I?’ I said. ‘I’ve killed men. I’ve seen their guts spilled.’
‘War is worse.’
I didn’t reply.
Shin picked up his lantern. ‘I’ll get you out.’
‘And Tili.’
‘As yo
u command, my lady.’
He bowed, but took no step toward the door. I waited wondering what words he would not speak, as the hint of a smile slowly slipped from his face. Eventually, Shin grunted and turned on his heel. ‘Fight for Katashi and he might make you a general yet,’ he said over his shoulder, yanking open the door. ‘I’ll be back.’
Shin strode out, closing the door behind him. And in the darkness I caught a hint of Katashi’s smell. Was it in my hair? Or just my memory? A wisp of scent stuck to me like the ghost he had become.
* * *
More than a dozen raiding parties left Koi in the week following Katashi’s rise to power. We were but one; a small group of soldiers stealing away in the early hours.
I had spent the afternoon teaching Tili all she needed to know.
‘Don’t swing your hips when you walk,’ I had said. ‘I’ll ask Shin for a heavy sword belt, that will help you remember.’
Tili had found black silk to tie around my hair beneath my helmet. She could cut hers and pass unnoticed, but blonde curls would give me away.
‘When you lie down to sleep, don’t lie on your side.’
‘My lady?’
‘Haven’t you ever noticed the way your hips jut up when you lie down? Men don’t have those kind of curves.’
Shin had brought all the armour we would need; short robes, breeches and helmet, as well as short swords and knives.
‘When you can get away with it, grunt instead of talking,’ I had said. ‘Growl words if you have to. It’s fortunate neither of us has a really high-pitched voice.’
Tili fashioned tight binds and we dressed with care.
‘And make sure you piss far away from the others. Nothing gives a woman away faster than that.’
Shin came for us when it was time. The sun had long since set and we sat waiting in the dark, silence all that was left. Trying not to appear nervous, we sauntered along in Shin’s wake, out through the great doors of the Keep to where others had gathered in the yard. Grunted greetings and we were off, Shin leaving no time for us to talk. Every man mounted, and for a moment I feared the worst. I had not thought to ask Tili if she could ride, or to remind her to ride astride when the time came. She did so without my bidding, and I was able to relax again, sagging in my saddle.