by Amelia Stone
Plus, I still had the overwhelming urge to cry. And if I were going to do something I never, ever did if I could possibly help it, then I’d rather be burrowed in a blanket nest in the attic, safe from prying eyes while it happened.
I quickly took stock of the table, hoping I could just sneak out without anyone noticing. Jenny and Sage looked like they wanted to go after Melody and give her a piece of their minds; Hunter was leaning back in his seat to talk to someone at the next table; Ty and Kelly were whispering to each other; and Ward was shooting me furtive glances, like he wanted to say something, but didn’t want to draw attention to himself.
Seth was still staring at his shoes.
It was as good a time as any to sneak out. But before I could pull an Irish goodbye, Kit dropped into the now-empty seat next to me. He leaned over to bump his shoulder against mine, giving me a sad smile. “Perfect time to take a break, huh?”
I squeezed his elbow, trying to silently give him my support, as well as my thanks for his. “You’re now at least my second-favorite cousin, you know.”
“Who’s the first?” he asked. “You’ve never said.”
“Willow,” I answered immediately.
“My little sister? Damn.” Kit put a hand over his breast pocket, squishing his brightly-colored pocket square. “You didn’t even have to think about that. I’m wounded.”
I patted his arm. “She did an amazing job on Athena,” I reminded him.
Kit’s sister was a writer, and she’d helped me polish the story on my first-ever game. Her assistance had been instrumental in the game’s success, and I was eternally grateful to her.
“She gets the edge for that,” I added.
“I guess I can settle for second.” Kit gave me a rueful grin.
“Hey!” Sage scowled at me. “What about me?”
“You’re not bad.” I made a show of considering it for a second before shrugging. “But he has that sweet hatchback,” I concluded, pointing my thumb at Kit.
“I don’t think we can really overstate the appeal of good old Akari,” Kit said.
Sage raised a dark eyebrow. “You named your car Akari?”
“It means ‘red plum’ in Japanese.” Kit smiled. “Or at least, that’s what the internet tells me.”
“So it probably means ‘toilet paper,’ then,” Sage grunted.
“Someone out there is almost certainly laughing at my expense,” Kit agreed cheerfully.
“Dumbass,” Sage muttered, and Kit laughed, his irrepressible good nature shining through once again.
Ty cuffed his partner on the shoulder. “Man, like you haven’t called our squad car Shamu a million times before.”
“Because that boat is too freaking huge, not to mention ancient,” Sage argued. “I look like my grandpa driving around in that fucking thing.”
“And you’re just about as pleasant as an eighty-year-old man with hemorrhoids, too,” Ty replied.
The two of them continued to talk smack, but I was too busy trying to figure out how to make a clean getaway to really pay them any attention.
Kit poked me in the side, bringing my attention back to him. “You okay?” he asked in a quiet voice.
I nodded, because I’d sooner take a pleasure cruise down the river Styx than talk about my feelings in front of a group of people – most of whom were still looking at me with either sympathy or undisguised curiosity.
Except Seth, of course. He was still not looking at anyone, which only added to my guilt. I’d obviously ruined his whole evening just by showing up here tonight. My plan to patch things up with him had backfired spectacularly. This whole night had backfired spectacularly, really.
Forget the clean getaway. I just needed to bite the bullet and hope it wouldn’t take too long to escape.
“Actually, I think I’m going to go, too.” I stood, gathering my clutch.
“Oh, no,” Kelly cried. “Don’t go! We were having a good time.” She laid a hand on my arm. “I’m sorry. Don’t let her ruin your evening.”
I shook my head. “No, it’s okay. I just shouldn’t stay out too late, you know? I have a lot of stuff to do this week for Jess’s wedding.”
“Oh, that’s right!” Kelly smiled. “It’s coming up so soon.”
I nodded, trying not to feel too guilty. It was sort of true, in that my baby sister was getting married in just eight short days. But everything was more or less done, other than a couple of last-minute things like putting together the centerpieces, the bachelorette party, and our final dress fittings.
But it was the kind of excuse that no one really questioned, which I’d been shamelessly using to my advantage. I’d told everyone at work that I was taking this week off to prep for the wedding, too, but really I just needed to get out of the office. I’d been practically living there for the last five years. I needed a break.
Not much of one, though, considering my work laptop was at my parents’ house right now, ready to remotely connect to Golden Goddess’s servers.
“And you know, I’m still working this week, from home. We have E-” I cut myself off with a huff.
Here, at least, was a legitimate excuse to leave the reunion. E3 was coming up in a couple of weeks, and I had a lot of work to do to get ready. But I didn’t want to talk about my job with my old classmates. It would lead to a lot of questions that I didn’t want to answer. If they knew I was the brains behind Golden Goddess, one of the biggest game makers on the market, they’d look at me differently. I would no longer be ‘Krista Summers, the girl I went to high school with.’ I’d be ‘Krista Summers, multi-millionaire!’
No thank you.
I didn’t want more attention. I just wanted to go home and forget this night had ever happened.
“Um. We have this big thing coming up,” I finished lamely. “I don’t want to fall behind.”
“Oh, well, we should get together again soon!” Kelly struggled to her feet, getting a helping hand from her husband. “We’re all going to Town Beach on Sunday, you should come.”
I considered it for a moment. Sun, sand, and other people? Definitely sounded like the work of Hades.
“Um, I’ll have to see what my schedule looks like.” I winced at how pompous that sounded, but I couldn’t take it back now.
But Kelly nodded, still smiling at me in a friendly kind of way. “Okay, just text me.” She pointed at my mouth. “And don’t forget about that lipstick! I’d love to get one for myself.”
I nodded, but secretly I promised to do her one better. She’d gone above and beyond to try to prove herself my friend tonight, and that had earned her significantly more than a coffee date.
Even if – oh gods – she was coming in for another awkward hug.
“You are a glutton for punishment,” I muttered, and she laughed. Then, with a goodbye and a wave to everyone, I headed out.
But I hadn’t made it more than ten feet before something made me glance back at the table – at Seth, really. And to my surprise, he was watching me, an unreadable look on his handsome face. I had to blink against my inconveniently active tear ducts once again as I stared at him.
Suddenly it all hit me – everything I’d felt tonight, every feeling I’d had for the last twenty-plus years, since the day I’d met him. It all washed over me at once, like a wave crashing over my head and dragging me down into the depths of the sea, and I was so close to tears I could feel them clogging my throat.
I couldn’t say anything for fear they would escape, which would humiliate me in front of two-hundred odd people. Again.
So instead, I tried to apologize with my eyes. I put all my guilt, my grief, and especially my regret into that brief, precious meeting of his beautiful brown eyes with mine.
But it didn’t seem to work. His stony expression gave no quarter, and my heart broke all over again as I waited for recognition, or forgiveness, or something. I needed some acknowledgment of everything that lay between us.
But it never came. Finally, I nodded in resign
ation. With nothing more to be done, I turned to go.
I managed to make it to the lobby before the first tears hit my cheeks.
Little fucking victories, I’m telling you.
I let out a noisy breath, feeling dizzy with relief as the air left my lungs, like I’d been holding it in for the last twenty minutes or so – since the moment I first saw Krista again.
My eyes tracked her as she walked away, unable to focus on anything else. I was too deep in thought to even listen to the conversation around me. But after that whole ugly scene a few minutes ago, it was probably nothing but variations of ‘holy shit, did that really just happen?’ anyway.
I had enough of that going on in my own head at the moment, because Krista had been here. She’d really been here, live and in the flesh, not even ten feet from me. The reunion I’d been dreading for years had finally happened, and now that it was over I was left feeling… unsettled.
I knew it would be tough, seeing her again. But I hadn’t expected all these incoherent thoughts and muddled feelings to flood my mind, body, and if I was being honest, my heart. Shit, it felt like even my veins were overrun with things I couldn’t name, if my heavy limbs and sluggish pulse were any indication. I was confused by everything, by the shock of seeing her, the sound of her voice, and especially my reaction to her. I had literally been struck dumb by her presence.
It didn’t help that she’d shown up looking like she’d stepped out of a damn fashion magazine. I was still reeling at the fact that the gorgeous stranger I’d been ogling not even half an hour ago had turned out to be my former best friend. She had to be more than half a foot taller than she used to be, and her body… Jesus. She definitely had not had that body ten years ago.
‘Holy shit’ summed it up perfectly.
She looked so different, yet somehow she was still as familiar as my own reflection. She was the same, but not. She might be taller now, and curvier, and wearing a sexy outfit. But she still had those same freckles; the wild hair I used to have to restrain myself from tugging; the dry sense of humor; and especially those sapphire-blue eyes. Her mannerisms, the way she carried herself, the wry tilt of her lips when she thought something was funny – all the things that made her Krista were unchanged.
And she was as awkward as ever in dealing with other people. Especially Melody Reyes.
It didn’t surprise me that Melody was still a mean girl. The few times I’d seen her over the years, it was obvious she hadn’t changed much, other than her determined interest in me. But what had surprised me tonight was my silence in the face of her torment. Not once did I step in to shut it down, as I would have when we were kids.
A few minutes ago, I had easily justified it by reminding myself that Krista and I were not friends anymore. After the way she’d treated me, I didn’t owe her a goddamn thing.
But that was before I took in the defeated slump of her shoulders as she made her way through the crowd. When she was a dozen or so feet away, she stopped, almost like she felt the weight of my stare. That long neck turned, and she locked eyes with me. Her throat started working like she was swallowing down her emotions, and her eyelids fluttered rapidly to dispel the tears I knew she’d never release, not if she could possibly help it. Her eyes were huge, and sad, and it felt like she was trying to communicate something with me – regret, maybe. Her eyes felt like an apology.
But for some reason, I didn’t take it. I held myself as still as a stone, giving her nothing, until finally she nodded, turning once more to go.
And I thought I’d feel relieved. She was gone, and I could finally kick back with my friends without her unwelcome presence holding me back.
But the only thing rolling around my head in that moment was something my dad had told me once, way back in kindergarten. I’d come home from school spitting mad over something that had happened at recess. Melody had been awful to Krista, making fun of her for something or other; she never seemed to need a reason. Krista had been so upset, and though she didn’t cry, I knew she’d wanted to.
I’d complained to my dad, telling him how awful it was that someone was mean to my new best friend. She was such an awesome girl, with her fun hair and her blue eyes and her ability to count to a thousand. She could even read all by herself, I remembered telling him. Obviously, she didn’t deserve to be made fun of, because she was amazing.
My dad had given me a serious look, which always made me pay extra attention to whatever he would say next.
“If she’s your best friend, son, then you have to take care of her,” he’d told me. “Whatever she needs, you have to be ready to provide it for her.”
As an impressionable five-year-old, his words had hit me hard, and over time, they’d become almost a mantra. I’d held on to the idea that taking care of her was my job for so long, through too many years of Krista getting picked on and belittled just for being herself. Kids can be cruel, and none more so than the ones we went to school with. I’d done my best to combat it. I’d been the closest thing to a hero I could be – for her.
Until tonight. Here we were, St. Erasmus High School, Class of 2008, all gathered together for the first time in a decade. And predictably, everyone had fallen into old patterns. Same enemies, same lovers, same cliques. Everyone was the same.
Everyone but me.
I was suddenly filled with shame as I watched Krista’s bare back retreat through the crowd. I could have made this night so much better for her, with nothing more than a few well-placed words. Instead, I had the horrible, sinking feeling that I’d made it worse.
“Dude, what the fuck?” Ward shoved my shoulder, trying to get my attention in his usual subtle manner.
“Sorry.” I shook my head to clear it. “What did you say?”
“I said, what is your deal? You turned mute the second we got here.” He narrowed his eyes. “Or maybe it was the second you saw Krista again.”
Krista. Who, if I still knew her – and I thought I did – was probably hurrying off to somewhere private so she could let out all those tears. So she could deal with this latest in a long line of heartaches without a bunch of nosy, judgmental assholes watching her.
Assholes she’d willingly faced tonight, knowing how unpleasant it would be. So she could see me.
Fuck.
“Hold that thought.” I got to my feet as smoothly as I could, though my knee was pretty bad today. I pushed through the pain as I started to walk away.
“Dude, come on!” Ward called after me. “You can get your dick wet some other night!”
I waved him off, not even bothering to point out he’d wanted to get his dick wet with Krista before he realized who she was.
Probably because it made me uncomfortable to admit I’d had the same thought.
I made my way through the crowd as quickly as I could, trying my best to graciously dodge handshakes and selfie requests from people who’d never really given me the time of day in school. I had manners, because my dad had raised me right. But I reminded myself that if it weren’t for my too-brief stint in the major leagues, I’d still be just another dude they used to know. Why should they get a piece of me now?
Bottom line, it took too long to make it to the lobby, and by the time I got there, it was deserted. So I headed out to the courtyard to continue the search, my limp getting steadily worse as the minutes wore on without any success. I’d done a lot of walking today, plus another ill-advised run that morning. I really should think about cutting those out, maybe find some low impact routines instead.
I shook my head, trying to focus on the moment. I couldn’t worry about my knee right now. I was a man on a mission.
By the time I reached the fountain in front of the hotel’s main entrance, a huge old eyesore with cherubs and satyrs and some other gaudy, classical shit spewing water from orifices that should not spew water, I still hadn’t found her. I headed toward the parking lot, but that, too, was devoid of any signs of life. For a moment there, I seriously considered roaming up and down th
e rows, but even if I knew what car she was driving, there was a good chance she was already long gone.
Frustrated, I circled in place for a second, trying to decide what to do now. My first instinct was to chase her back to her parents’ house. But that smacked of desperation, and I wasn’t there yet. I could also go back inside, maybe have a fucking conversation with my friends like I’d come here to do. But my feet felt heavy at the thought of walking back into that ballroom. I’d had enough nostalgia to last me a lifetime tonight.
A frustrated groan escaped me as I considered my options. Staying was out of the question. But I didn’t want to go home yet, either. I closed my eyes, breathing deeply as I thought. In the air, I could smell the brackish scent of the Great South Bay, and hear the waves crashing against the cliffs that protruded from the north shore of the island. A path to my right led up to the cliffside, and as I looked up to its apex, it seemed to be leading straight to the stars. My feet started moving, and before I knew it I was making my way up there.
As I climbed the flagstone path, my unease grew. Everything with my career was still up in the air, since I wasn’t even sure what I wanted to do now that baseball had been taken from me. My house was a mess, because my dumb ass had decided paying too much for a waterfront fixer upper was a good idea. My knee reminded me with every labored step that I was not in fighting-fit condition anymore, and a dark, anxious corner of my brain whispered that I might never be.
And an ache bloomed in my chest when I thought about the way I’d ignored Krista tonight. I wasn’t sure we could be friends again; there was too much bullshit between us. But I didn’t have to be like the assholes who’d made her childhood a living nightmare, either. I could be civil. Despite what I’d said earlier, I owed her at least that much.
I stopped for a moment, trying to slow down and let the setting work its magic on my mood, and by extension my body. I reminded myself that this was why I’d come home – the sea, the sand, the stars in the sky. This island was in my blood.