by Amelia Stone
Ward smirked, but it looked halfhearted. “Is Bruiser the huge dude in a security uniform downstairs?” He turned out the pockets of his slick gray suit, showing that they were empty. “Because he already frisked me.” He looked around the room, his eyes lingering on the eight-bit mural of a scene from our first game, Legend of Athena, which took up an entire wall of my office. “I thought you guys made video games here, not gold bars.”
Teno straightened himself to his full height, which at six feet, was nothing to sneeze at. The man looked like a beanpole to the casual observer, but his brightly colored wardrobe and bevy of bow ties actually hid a toned gym body and a brown belt in karate.
“Bruiser is a woman, thank you very much, and my homegirl will snap you in half if I say the word.” He turned hard eyes to Ward. “So you had better tell me why my boss looks terrified of you. And if it doesn’t involve an invasion of bunnies, I will have security up here so fast your head will spin around on that skinny neck.”
“I’m not terrified,” I clarified.
“Good to know.” Ward smirked. “Also, bunnies?”
“I’m allergic.” I shrugged. “Plus, those teeth.” A shudder ran up my spine.
“O-kay.” Ward gave me a look like he thought I was crazy.
“Never mind that, Blondie.” Teno took a step forward, crowding Ward. “Explain yourself.”
“She just said she’s not scared of me,” Ward pointed out.
“No, she said she wasn’t terrified. That leaves a lot of synonyms on the table. She could be apprehensive, frightened, concerned, er cetera.” Teno managed to look intimidating even as he gave a mini language lesson. “So you still need to explain why you’re in this office.”
“Isn’t it your job to find this out before you show me into the office, Mister Assistant?”
“Yes.” Teno huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “And this is the last time I let a pair of pretty blue eyes and a tight ass distract me from my job duties, let me tell you.”
“Glad to hear it,” I replied.
Teno gave me a sanctimonious nod before turning back to Ward. “Now spill, Blondie.”
Ward let out a long, tired-sounding sigh. “Um. I maybe got a little too drunk last night,” he began.
“You think?” I glared at him.
“And I wanted to talk to you about what happened.” He gave me a pointed look. “Just talk.”
“Spare me, pretty boy,” Teno scoffed. “I know this is just an excuse to, uh-” he turned to me. “What exactly did he do last night?”
I frowned. “He kiss-mugged me.”
“Oh hell no,” Teno cried, his eyes widening in outrage. “If you think you are gonna kiss-mug my boss again, you have another thing coming.”
Ward made a little growling noise. “Can you please leash your attack dog?” He glared at me. “I just want to talk to you.”
Teno opened his mouth to object, and I sighed.
“Tee, it’s fine.”
My assistant gave me a look that plainly asked if I was out of my mind.
“Boss,” he gritted out. “This is a bad idea.”
“Yeah, it is.” I glanced at Ward. Gods, I hated that stupid smug face. “But he’s right. We need to talk.”
Teno huffed. “Fine. But I am keeping Bruiser’s number at the ready,” he said, flashing us both his opened call screen to prove it.
When he’d left, Ward turned to me with a smirk. “You’ve got some colorful characters here.”
I shrugged. “That’s the city for you.”
He nodded. “Yeah, I know. I actually work right down the street.”
I raised an eyebrow. “You work?”
“Ha ha.” He settled into the chair across the desk, and I reluctantly dropped into my own. “I will have you know I go into the office every single day.”
“Wow,” I drawled. “Daddy must be so proud.”
Thanks to the South Bay grapevine, I knew Ward worked for his father’s venture capital firm, which had been in a blind trust while we were growing up, since the elder Hopkins was a Senator first in Albany, and now Washington. Ward had taken over the firm once he’d graduated from Wharton.
Ward scowled at the mention of his father. “I don’t give a fuck what he thinks.”
I frowned at the harshness of his tone. “Okay. Sorry.”
He closed his eyes, shaking his head. “No, it’s my bad.” His blue eyes were apologetic when he looked at me again. “I didn’t come here to talk about my problems,” he clarified. “At least, not those problems.”
“Then what did you come here to talk about?”
He was quiet for a beat, then two. My foot jiggled impatiently as I waited for him to just spit it out already.
Finally, he gave me a sad smile. “You know, I had no idea she was going to kiss me.”
“Who?” My body stilled as I tried to wrap my head around his unexpected opening. “Do you mean Melody?”
He nodded. “When she walked up to me at the dance, I had no idea what to expect. Imagine my surprise when she told me you stood me up.”
“But I didn’t,” I hurried to clarify.
“Well, I know that now,” he replied. “But at the time, I easily believed it. I looked around for you, but I couldn’t find you.”
I huffed. “I wouldn’t do that.”
He frowned. “Well, can you blame me for thinking you would? It didn’t take a genius to see you weren’t really into me.”
I winced. Whatever had happened at the dance, I had to admit that I’d started the series of unfortunate events by accepting a date with a boy I didn’t want.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“It’s okay. It’s not like I was totally blameless.”
I swallowed. “You did seem to be having fun with her,” I accused.
“I was just playing along,” he replied. “She said that if I danced with her, no one would laugh at me. She even cracked a joke at my expense, like she was giving me a taste of the rumor mill.”
His smile was tense, and I could see the vulnerability in it for the first time. I wondered if it had always been there, and I just hadn’t cared enough to see it.
Something told me it wasn’t, though. Ward was the kind of guy who was very much into keeping up appearances. He wore that smirk like armor.
“What was the joke?” I asked.
He shook his head. “I don’t even remember.” He turned sad eyes to me. “You know what she’s like, so you can probably imagine it.”
A bitter laugh huffed out of me. “Yeah. I can.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry she did that to you, and I’m sorry I didn’t stop her.”
A breath gusted out of me, and it felt like I’d been holding it in for years. His apology soothed something in me, some old, calcified scar that had been festering deep inside me for fourteen long years. So strange, how those early hurts cut so deeply.
But then another thought occurred to me, and I frowned.
“But you stayed with her.” I frowned. “After the dance. That summer. For years after that, Ward. You stayed with her.”
He nodded, but made no reply otherwise.
“Why would you do that if you never wanted her in the first place?”
“Because she was there,” he replied, looking distinctly guilty. “And she wanted me.”
“That’s pretty shitty,” I told him.
He hung his head. “I’m not proud of it, okay? I was young and entitled and just really fucking stupid.”
“There were other girls, though.” I gave him a pointed glare. “You could have had any girl in school if you wanted.”
“Not every girl,” he said slowly. “Not the one I really wanted.”
His eyes locked with mine, and my stomach dropped.
“No.” I shook my head slowly. “No. Not me.”
His gaze was steady. “Yes, you.”
The noise that escaped me was halfway between a laugh and a whimper. “You’re not fun
ny.”
“Then it’s a good thing I’m being serious. I had the biggest crush on you, Krista. For so long.” He huffed. “God, I fucking mooned after you like a schoolgirl. I carried your books and gave you gifts like I was Wally fucking Cleaver. And you never even looked at me.”
“No, that was all fake.” I shook my head stubbornly. “You never really wanted to go to that dance with me.”
“Yes, I did.” His gaze on me was warm, but I couldn’t hold it. I had to look away as he spoke again. “I wanted to go to that dance with you more than anything. I’d wanted you for so long. I saw that little girl who tried to beat up her bullies because they tore up her book, and I thought, that’s it. That’s the girl for me.”
I snorted. “Right. My one act of bravery.” I ran a hand through my own messy hair. “I got a broken wrist, you guys got suspended from the team, and I had to pay seventy-three dollars out of my allowance to the South Bay Public Library for a destroyed copy of Harry Potter. All because I decided to be brave.”
And it was one of the last times I’d ever put myself out there like that. Why be brave, when it would only end in disaster?
“But it was brave, Krista,” he argued. “You were fearless. You were fucking magnificent. I was so in awe of you I couldn’t even think about anything else for months after that. Years, even.” He took a deep, noisy breath. “It was always you, Krista. From that day forward, it was all about you.”
Gods. That was the second time this week that a man had said something similar to me. I might have laughed at the irony of my deeply-ingrained insecurities being so thoroughly proven wrong, if this whole thing wasn’t so damn tragic.
“Not that it mattered,” Ward added.
I looked back at him, and his eyes were so sad that I almost reached out to him. But something held me back. The memory of him kissing me last night gave me pause. What if he didn’t understand that I was merely trying to give him comfort? So I tucked my hands between my knees instead.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked.
He chuckled, but it was humorless. “Because it was always Seth, wasn’t it? You never even looked at anyone else. It was him from the get go.”
Yes, it had always been him. And it always would be, even if he didn’t want me anymore.
I tried to swallow the lump in my throat as I nodded, but it was to no avail.
“Yeah.” He let out a noisy breath. “I can’t tell you how many times I thought about telling you how I felt. But even if you could believe me, you still wouldn’t have wanted me. Because I wasn’t him.”
Gods, I felt like such a turd. I mean, the man sitting in front of me had hurt me. More than once. He’d never been my friend, and I wasn’t sure he ever would be.
But I still ached for the boy who’d once loved me, whose heart I’d unwittingly broken. His treatment of me made a little more sense now, even if it wasn’t excused.
“So can you maybe see why I kissed you last night?”
Reluctantly, I nodded. “But you knew I was with Seth,” I added.
He groaned. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I don’t even know what I was thinking. I saw you standing there by yourself in the bar, and you looked so gorgeous and just, I dunno, happy. And drunk me must have thought, this is it, this is your chance.” He shook his head. “I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t stop myself.”
I was quiet for a couple of minutes, just thinking. He’d made a lot of mistakes, but I guess I couldn’t really be mad at him. I could understand better than anyone how it felt to have unrequited feelings for that long. They made you desperate and more than a little bit crazy.
No I wasn’t angry. In the end, I actually felt sorry for him.
But then a thought popped into my head, and I laughed, even though it was totally inappropriate right at that moment.
“What’s so funny?” he asked with an indignant huff.
I shook my head. “It’s just, you really weren’t just after my bananas.”
He once again looked at me like I was crazy, which I guess I deserved, to some extent.
“Well,” I said. “I guess I can forgive you. If you can forgive me for being oblivious, that is.”
“I get it.” He gave me a bitter smile. “We’re oblivious to a lot of things, when it comes to the people we love.”
Before I could ask him what he meant by that, he stood.
“Anyway, I’ll leave you alone now. I’m sure you want to get back to your boyfriend.” To his credit, he kept the bitterness to a minimum.
But his words still hit me like a gut punch, and a tortured laugh escaped me.
“Yeah, sure,” I muttered.
He stopped, turning back to me. “What?”
I shook my head, trying to play it off like it was nothing.
But my eyelids were working overtime to dispel the tears I absolutely would not shed. Not in front of Ward. I might not have hated him anymore, but we were not friends. Not by a long shot.
“It’s just, I don’t think Seth’s my boyfriend,” I said, when he raised an eyebrow.
Not anymore.
“Why?” Ward frowned. “I mean, I’m sure he’s mad about what happened last night. That’s on me, though. He’d have to be an idiot to think you had anything to do with me… what did you call it?”
I laughed softly, despite the tears I was desperately trying to dam. “Kiss-mugging.”
“Right.” He smiled. “With me kiss-mugging you.”
I shrugged, but there was nothing at all carefree about how I was feeling right now.
“Well, then I guess he’s an idiot,” I croaked.
Or maybe I was the idiot. He obviously doubted my feelings for him. It had been so easy for him to believe I would kiss another man, that I would betray him like that. I didn’t think he would have believed me even if I’d told him I loved him. And that was on me. I’d hidden so much from him over the years, and especially this week. He’d been all swoony and romantic on our first date, telling me it had always been me. And what had I done? Given him yet another boring lesson in Greek mythology.
No. He would have no reason to believe that I would never cheat on him, that I loved him. Because I’d never shown him my true heart.
Ward looked stricken. “Fuck.” He ran a hand through his thick blond hair, mussing his careful coif. “I really didn’t think he’d blame you.” He put his hands in his pockets, giving me a guilty frown. “Well, I’ll fix it,” he promised.
I shook my head. If I knew Seth at all – and I did – I was sure that seeing Ward right now would only make things worse. The two of them had always had a contentious friendship, even without my influence. It would only be worse now that Ward had betrayed him so spectacularly. I could only imagine the carnage if Ward show up on his doorstep, pleading on my behalf.
“No, I don’t think you can,” I told him. “It would not go well.”
He came around my desk, taking my hands in his. “But I have to try, okay?” He squeezed my palms gently. “Please. Let me try. I feel fucking awful about this.”
I took a deep breath as I thought about it. From the corner of my eye, I could see my IM notification blinking. I glanced at the clock. It was a couple minutes past twelve-thirty, so the IM was probably Teno reminding me that Ellie was waiting for me in the outer office.
I couldn’t keep her waiting. She’d probably had to drop a lot of important work to come comfort me. And with each moment that passed, I needed that comfort more and more.
So even though my every instinct was screaming at me to tell Ward no, to keep arguing my point, I nodded instead.
“Okay,” I relented. “But don’t come crying to me when he breaks your nose.”
“He’s a gimp now,” he joked. “I can totally take him.”
I shook my head. “It’s your funeral.”
He laughed, but it quickly died, and he gave me a serious look. “I really am sorry, Krista.”
I nodded sadly. “I know. Me too.”
&n
bsp; He gave my hands one last squeeze before letting go. “Well, I guess I’ll see you around.”
Then he leaned in, pressing a lingering kiss to my cheek. It was awkward, and uncomfortable, but I allowed it.
“You smell like pickles,” he whispered when he finally broke the kiss. He pulled back, giving me a lopsided grin.
I laughed. “I may have had half a jar of kosher dills for breakfast,” I admitted.
He chuckled, but before he could reply, there was a knock on the door, and a second later Teno pushed into the office. Ward jumped back like he’d been tased, his cheeks flushed and his eyes downcast.
“Ellie is waiting,” Teno admonished, his eyes bouncing around the room like he was trying to figure out what had happened here. Then his gaze locked on me, and he gave me a thorough inspection, as though checking for injuries. “She’s getting very impatient. She already ate her chips.”
“Well, I was just leaving.” Ward gave me one last rueful smile. “See you, Krista.”
I held up a hand in goodbye. Teno, on the other hand, watched him leave, humming appreciatively. When he turned back to me, he rolled his eyes.
“Why you didn’t want him to kiss-mug you is beyond me.”
I shrugged. “I’d rather kiss-mug someone else.”
Teno arched a brow. “Oh? Do tell.”
I opened my mouth to reply, but before I could, Ellie walked into the room. Her eyes were huge in her small, heart-shaped face, and she set our lunches down on the desk with shaky hands.
“Who was that?” she asked in a hushed voice.
“Just someone I went to high school with.” I frowned, wondering what was up with her. “Why?”
“Oh.” Her gaze bounced to the door, and she shivered. But then her eyes met mine again, and her eager expression fell into a concerned frown. “Wait. What’s wrong?”
I shook my head. “Nothing.”
“She’s lying,” Teno said. “She was a zombie all morning, and you should have seen her when her ‘friend’ came in. All jumpy and anxious.” He laid a hand on his chest. “And she had the nerve to not tell me what was going on.”
I frowned at him. “That’s because you’re a dirty rotten traitor.”
Now that he’d spilled the beans, Ellie wouldn’t rest until she knew everything. She was the nosiest person I’d ever met, nosier even than Teno. They were lucky I loved them both.