by Nancy Holder
But she could smell the ocean, the soap on his skin and . . .
. . . somebody else in the forest.
She broke away from him with a start and covered her mouth with her hands.
“What is—” He stopped, sniffing the air. “It’s Doug,” he said in an undervoice. “Doug!” he shouted.
A few seconds later Regan’s husband came into view, jogging toward them, mouth drawn, eyes hooded.
“What’s up?” Justin asked.
“Lee’s looking for you. I told him I’d send you on in a hurry.”
Justin turned to Katelyn, flushed and sweaty. “Guess we’re going to have to run after all.”
“No, it’s okay. I’ll walk her there,” Doug offered. “Just go.”
Justin nodded and took off without looking in her direction.
A moment later Doug began walking, and she walked beside him. She tried to check her hair. A few seconds passed, and then he turned to her.
“We need to talk.” There was an intensity to his voice that put her on her guard.
“What about?” she asked, hating the way her voice quavered.
“I think you know,” he said, casting a significant look after Justin.
“I don’t know what—”
“Spare me, Kat. I saw. Hell, a blind man could see what’s between the two of you.”
She licked her lips, not sure what he expected her to say.
He walked steadily, head down, watching the path. Avoiding her. “No good can come of this.”
She lifted her chin, struggling to have an ounce of courage, of defiance. “Why talk to me?”
Then he did look at her. “Because I take you for the smarter of the two . . . and the one more likely to get hurt.”
They walked a few moments in silence and Katelyn struggled for composure.
“You know that he’s spoken for. Lucy would be within her rights to challenge you. To the death.”
“The code of the hills,” she said sarcastically, but she was afraid. And ashamed. If Doug had noticed, others must have, too. And in real life, she would never have poached on another girl’s guy.
She reminded herself that this was her real life.
Doug was silent for a moment. “You and I have a lot in common,” he said at last, blowing air out of his cheeks. “I was nineteen when Regan was allowed to tell me the secret, offer me the choice of joining the pack. And as much as I loved her, it was one I wrestled with. And there were months and months of training before her daddy bit me in.”
Bit him in. How could he have chosen that? She tried to imagine how it had been accomplished. Like a vampire bite? Surely not an attack in the middle of the night, deep in the forest.
“It was what I wanted,” he emphasized, “but after I became a werewolf, oh my Lord, was I lost. Overwhelmed. There were so many physical changes going on that I felt like I’d lost my mind, my identity, my life. I couldn’t control myself and for six months I felt like I was walking around in a fog, except for the nights when I changed.” He ran his hands through his hair, and she saw that they were trembling. “Those nights saved me,” he said, and then he fell silent again.
“Why are you telling me this?” she asked after a beat.
He faced her dead on. “Because I had months to get ready. They let me see them when they changed. I ran with them when they hunted. I knew what I was getting myself into. I can’t imagine how hard it’s been on you. No choice, no warning, no preparation.”
Here was someone who understood. Someone who was being kind to her. It was almost too much.
“It’s been a nightmare,” she conceded.
“And that won’t change, not for a while.” He cocked his head. “And it never will if you don’t leave Justin alone.”
Mortified, she looked down at her hands. “I know. But it’s not just me.”
“I know, Kat. And for his part in this, I’d like to call him out for his disloyalty to Lucy and his alpha.” His voice was tense, hard.
Frightened, she raised her head, not exactly sure what he meant. “But . . . you’re not going to?”
He shook his head. “Because then one of them might kill you and I don’t think you deserve that.”
“Thank you.” Her throat closed up and she worked to clear it. “Thank you, Doug.”
He clicked his teeth. “I want to tell you, Kat, that Justin Fenner’s been good to Lucy all these years. You’ve seen him. He’s exactly the kind of guy women fall all over. Looker, biker, cowboy. Bad boy.” He grinned lopsidedly. “Recipe for infidelity. I know there’s gossip, but I know that good ol’ boy. He has not strayed one single time. Until you.”
She caught her lower lip between her teeth, feeling guilty for just . . . being. But thrilled, too. She couldn’t help it. She was special to him, not just some random conquest. He’d been telling her the truth.
“Love is a tricky thing, trickier by far when you add all this mess of wolf hormones into the equation,” Doug continued. “Then trying to figure out your place, you need all the help you can get.”
“Regan hates me,” she reminded him, wincing even as she did so. If he had an angle he was playing, she wanted to know now before things got messier.
“Regan is unbelievably self-centered,” he said bluntly, and then he chuckled. “I love her, though. I’d die for her. I’d kill for her, though I surely pray it never comes to that.”
Lee Fenner, she realized. He’s talking about the alpha.
“I don’t want Lee to mate me off to someone,” she said. “Justin said I’ll be given some time to adjust.”
He made a face. “Not so sure of that, Kat. Your lupine instincts will kick in better if you’re in a relationship. That’s how wolves are. Focus on the group, and you’ll worry less about yourself.”
She felt a twinge of desperation. “Doug, there’s a guy, a normal guy—”
He lifted a hand to cut her off. “A few years ago before his . . . condition . . . you might have been able to talk to Lee about this guy, but not now. Regan and I were lucky. Every once in a while someone gets bit in to the family, to bring fresh blood, widen the gene pool. It’s a practical thing but still a very rare thing. Right now, something like that would be forbidden. Lee’s our alpha — and that business with . . . you know . . . has meant he can’t afford to be seen to back down from any decision.”
“Not even one that concerns his own daughter?” she asked. “Her safety? If he’s her alpha, isn’t she his responsibility?”
“That’s why he banished her. So that she wouldn’t be his responsibility,” Doug replied. “So he could avoid putting her to death.”
“But he could choose not to. He’s the alpha.”
“We live by forcing her. So, if you value both your lives, keep your mouth shut. And I will, too.”
She nodded. She was grateful for Doug’s understanding —and for his discretion. But he was a member of the pack, loyal to Lee and married to Regan. How much of an ally could he be? And if Lee’s own daughter, high-ranking Cordelia, wasn’t going to be allowed back into her family, into her pack, what choices did she have?
She cast a sidelong glance his way. He seemed to be a good man. Al, too, who was married to Arial. How did two such nasty women end up with decent guys? It was a mystery.
After a while he spoke again. “The clearing’s just ahead.” He peered up at the sky, which was almost dark. “We should get a move on.”
He broke into a run and she raced with him. Even though it was shadowy and dim beneath the trees, she could still see the way. It felt good to stretch out her legs and to let loose, running so fast she marveled at the feeling of the speed.
Birds scattered as she and he burst into a clearing and came to a stop. The rest of the pack had gathered. They were wearing underwear, T-shirts, and tank tops, and she averted her gaze, embarrassed. Someone chuckled.
Clad only in track shorts, Justin was standing next to Mr. Fenner, who had on a bathrobe. Doug touched her elbow almost impercept
ibly and then walked over to Regan. Lucy was holding hands with Jesse, and Arial and Albert were talking with their heads close together.
Mr. Fenner raised his head and lifted a finger in the air. “Get ready,” he told her. Then he tossed off the bathrobe, revealing a pair of boxers and a cheap white T-shirt.
He meant for her to undress, too. She’d put on loose shorts and a T-shirt beneath her clothes, and she looked around for a good place to stash her stuff so she’d be able to find them again in the morning.
Hopefully before anyone else wakes up.
Her skin was beginning to tingle. They had cut it close. The change was coming.
In the next instant, Katelyn found herself surrounded by several half-dressed young men, including Steve Berglund. They ringed her, walking slowly around her, acting as though they were sniffing the air. Her chest tightened. What was happening? Was Mr. Fenner going to choose a mate for her tonight? She opened her mouth to scream a protest and it came out as a howl.
She could feel the moon pulling on her, calling to her. Fire traced its way through her veins and she could hear her bones cracking. Her clothes ripped at the seams as her body changed.
She glanced up and saw everyone changing around her, and fresh horror flooded her.
I’m lost.
18
Running
Bounding
Yipping and howling
with the pack
with the group
with the family
One among many
The pack is mighty!
Who do you run with?
Wolf girl, wolf boy
Dashing, soaring, flying
unfettered, free, released, unleashed
freedom in unity
the hills, the woods, the deer, the deer, the deer
the blood
the waterfall
the heart of rock
the waterfall
The males were loping around her, singling her out, and the wolf that was Katelyn rejoiced in her attractiveness while she snapped her jaws at them. But it was the waterfall that caught her attention, that and the rock; there was something about them that was important. Did predators lurk there?
A danger.
A monster.
A promise.
An answer.
Then the wolf that was Katelyn lost her name, as she was lost in a river of fur. In the pack. And all thoughts vanished in the hot, steaming blood.
Katelyn awoke and felt the frosty dirt beneath her cheek. She sat up swiftly. My clothes. Where did I leave my clothes?
But she and Doug had only just made it to the meeting site before everyone started to change. She’d still been wearing all her clothes, which meant they were ruined, the shredded remains scattered who-knew-where.
Mortified, she rolled over onto her stomach. Drowsing scatters of naked people surrounded her. Jesse lay sprawled unashamedly on his back with his arm over his eyes. Farther on, Mr. Fenner was lying with his back to her, a clump of forest tangle shielding his backside from view. Past Mr. Fenner, Steve Berglund lay beside an older woman Katelyn knew she had met, but she couldn’t remember her name.
She saw blood in the grass and tasted some in her mouth. The air smelled of a deer they had taken down. She remembered washing Mike’s blood off. She’d be taking another shower before she saw her grandfather.
Behind a tree, someone was shushing someone else and giggling. Katelyn scooted behind the next one over, trying to cover herself.
What was she going to do? She had no idea how to get back to the Fenners’ house, where she had a change of clothes in her overnight bag. Then she heard a soft step behind her and crossed her arms over her chest, hunching forward, before twisting to look over her shoulder.
Hannah, the young woman she had seen in Babette’s, held out a T-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. She herself was dressed in a jog bra and bike shorts.
“Thank you,” Katelyn said, gratefully taking the clothes.
“You’re welcome,” the other girl murmured, eyeing Katelyn — the new girl at school, the new girl in the pack.
“I’ll give these back as soon as I can,” Katelyn said as she yanked on the T-shirt and then pulled on the sweats as fast as she could.
“Don’t worry about it. I once got caught too close to the change. I know how it feels,” she said, wrinkling her nose. Then she bent down to offer her cheek to Katelyn. It still didn’t feel natural to kiss total strangers on the cheek, but Katelyn did it, remembering to offer her cheek to Hannah in return. Hannah brushed Katelyn’s cheek gently.
Before she could say anything else one of the women called out, “Hannah!”
“Gotta go,” Hannah said, disappearing into the underbrush.
Katelyn stood up, stepping from behind the tree. Most of the two dozen or so others were awake now, chatting as they dressed.
“Kat.” Mr. Fenner approached her in a light blue, long-sleeved shirt and a pair of jeans. He was carrying a pair of cowboy boots and had a tall, younger guy trailing after him, maybe early twenties, hands stuffed in his jeans pockets, lower lip pushed out in a childish pout. His name escaped her. He had a scruffy beard and moustache, and an overabundance of dark bangs that swept across a high forehead.
“This is Quentin Lloyd,” Lee said.
“Hey, Quentin,” Katelyn said, checking his eye color.
Amber. Not the one who bit me.
“Quentin Lloyd,” Mr. Fenner corrected her. “That’s his whole first name. Last name is Oskarsson.”
There were a lot of Scandinavian last names among the members of the Fenner pack, which made sense, since they’d originally come from there. Katelyn opened her mouth to say hello again, but then it dawned on her that the alpha wasn’t introducing Quentin Lloyd just to be sociable.
“Kat,” Quentin Lloyd said, looking over her slowly. Inspecting her. Undressing her with his eyes. In a bit of pushback, she folded her arms across her chest, and Mr. Fenner chuckled.
“I’ll leave you two to get acquainted,” he said, before walking over to speak to Doug. Doug caught her eye. His expression said Be nice. Then he redirected his attention back to Mr. Fenner.
Quentin Lloyd cleared his throat. “I don’t like this any more than you do. My family’s line is almost as old as the Fenners’ and I thought the alpha thought better of me than this. I don’t deserve to be paired with a bit-in nobody.”
Even though she wanted nothing to do with Quentin Lloyd either, Katelyn couldn’t help but be completely offended.
“If you’re so upset, why don’t you challenge him?” she snapped.
“Shut up,” he said, and spat at her face. Stunned, Katelyn wiped her eyes with hands shaking with rage — how dare he! She could hear growling. “Maybe I’ll just take you out instead,” he said. “You’re worthless and he’d probably thank me for it.”
She opened her eyes again, blinking. Steve Berglund and two other guys were advancing on Quentin Lloyd. Their teeth were bared; they were the ones making the growling sounds, and past Steve she could see Justin standing bare-chested with a T-shirt in his hand, expressionless, tracking every movement.
Quentin Lloyd flicked his head toward the others, as if not deigning to face them outright, and he growled as well.
Every fiber of Katelyn’s being urged her to take him on. Hit him back.
Challenge him.
What was it Justin had said about gaining higher status in the pack and having more control? You married up or clawed your way up. And she was getting ready to do some clawing.
As if he sensed what she was feeling, he narrowed his eyes at her, face twisted in fury. “They all think you’re some kind of prize. Let them have you.”
“One thing’s for sure,” Katelyn shot back. “You never will.”
“What’s going on here?” Mr. Fenner demanded, striding up in his boots.
“She spoke treason against you,” Quentin Lloyd said.
“What?” Mr. Fenner whirled on her. His eyes — h
is human eyes — began to glow. Katelyn had never seen that happen before, and it chilled her to the bone. Things were different. More dangerous. She began to sweat.
He was standing on the balls of his toes; his large hands wrapped into fists. He was about to spring.
“She asked me to challenge you,” Quentin Lloyd said, sneering at her.
Terror washed over Katelyn, tugged at her, a fear so deep she could only sense its fatal grasp on her. She was in mortal danger. Lee Fenner had banished his own daughter. He had threatened to kill her, Katelyn, numerous times. This might be the only excuse he needed. The pack would be rid of their problem.
Barely able to move her head, she glared at Quentin Lloyd, who was smiling sourly at her, certain that his accusation had hit home, and that Mr. Fenner was about to kill her.
It’s either him or me, she realized over the howl of fear stuck inside her throat. Think. Say something. She bowed her head submissively to Lee, then looked up.
“He spat on me because he doesn’t want me,” she said, her head still ringing from the accusation. “He went on about how his family line was just as long as yours and that I — that what you were doing to him was — was outrageous.”
Mr. Fenner scowled, first at her, and then at Quentin Lloyd. She sensed his uncertainty and knew she had to buy some time. She had to save herself.
“I did not!” Quentin Lloyd shouted, but even she could hear the quaver of deceit cloaked in his indignation.
She seized on it and faced Lee again. “I told him you were his alpha. I said you knew what was best. And if he didn’t agree, and he was man enough, then he should challenge you to your face instead of going behind your back.”
Gasps arose from the onlookers.
Lies. And more lies.
Life-saving lies.
“I didn’t say that, alpha,” Quentin Lloyd protested. “She said I should . . .” He backed away.
Lee Fenner pivoted on his boots, eyes blazing brighter, and locked his sights on Quentin Lloyd. “You dare, boy? We got more than one traitor in this pack?”
“No! That’s not — not what I . . .” Quentin Lloyd stammered, taking a step back and lifting his hands as though to defend himself. “Alpha, I, please!” The last word burst from deep in his chest, an anguished cry that just seemed to infuriate Lee more. “She’s lying to you. She’s just an uppity bitch, don’t know her place—”