“It’s so nice to hear you speak,” said Neil.
“I feel like I haven’t spoken in years,” said Alice. “Of course I have, but not to people who know me. Not to you.”
“But you haven’t been gone all that long,” said Neil.
“Dead time,” interjected Artemis without turning around.
“What does that mean?” said Alice. “Hermes said something about it too, but I couldn’t understand what he meant.”
“Time down there passes more quickly than time up here,” said Artemis.
“So how long exactly have I been dead?” said Alice.
“Twenty-six days,” said Neil.
“Twenty-six days?” said Alice. “Days?”
“How long did you think you’d been gone?” said Neil.
When Alice replied, it was in a very quiet voice. “I thought it had been years,” she said.
“So you’ve been there all that time on your own?” said Neil, just as Alice said, “You poor thing, you must still be in shock.”
“Well, she’s back now,” said Artemis. “Look, there’s the house. Let’s hope neither you nor Apollo has frozen to death.”
40
IT WAS ONLY when Neil got back inside his body that he realized how cold it had got. And yet looking at the clock, he saw that only a few minutes had passed since they had left.
“How long have we got?” he asked Artemis.
“Now we’re back in live time, not long,” she replied, and turned and hurried out of the room.
Alice, meanwhile, was looking around the bedroom as if she had never seen it before.
“I really feel like it’s been years,” she said. “I’d forgotten what your bedroom looks like. And I was only here a few weeks ago. How can it only be a few weeks?”
Artemis came back into the room, the immobile bulk of Apollo slung over her shoulder like a heavy fur wrap.
“Come on,” she said. “We have to hurry.”
“Where are we going?” said Alice.
“Trafalgar Square.”
“Why Trafalgar Square?” said Neil.
“That’s where everybody is.”
“Who’s everybody?” said Neil.
“Everybody,” said Artemis. “Get a move on.”
Neil pulled on his warmest sweaters and coat over the clothes he was wearing, and stuffed a few more woollens into a bag.
“What’s that for?” said Alice.
“For you,” said Neil. “For when you get your body back.”
They both smiled.
“Would the two of you stop swooning over each other and please hurry up?” said Artemis. “We all know you’re in love, but in case you hadn’t noticed, the world is ending. The love will keep.”
She swept out of the room in a manner that was supposed to be imperious but spoiled it somewhat by smacking Apollo’s lolling head into the door frame.
“Well, come on!” she called from outside.
Now that Neil had his body back, the going was much slower. Alice still skimmed over the pavement feeling nothing, and Artemis, as befitted a goddess and a huntress, marched with a steady foot even with her improbable burden, but Neil was slipping and sliding all over the ice and struggling to stay warm. On top of that, with the panic and the gridlock, there was no public transport and not a taxi to be had. They had little choice but to walk from Hackney all the way to the center of London, and it was getting colder by the minute. Neil and Alice didn’t mind too much, though, as it gave them the chance to catch up on the past four weeks/several years before the serious business of world-saving kicked in. Even so, Neil couldn’t help but ask whether it might not have been a better idea to do this part of the journey while they were still in dead time.
“I know it’s frustrating,” said Artemis, “and I know you’re cold, but I needed your bodies, yours and Apollo’s. I wish I could have woken up Apollo in the flat, but I’m not strong enough yet.”
“What do you mean, yet? I thought you were getting weaker,” said Neil.
“Not anymore,” said Artemis.
They heard Trafalgar Square before they got there, the noise of mass conversation that was more of an angry buzz than a hum, as well as the inevitable sound—could Londoners ever gather without it?—of white people with dreadlocks drumming. Neil was exhausted; he had been walking for more than two hours and the temperature had plunged far below zero. Just staying warm was taking up all the energy he had.
“Apollo is going to be insufferable when he wakes up and sees what happens to the world without him,” said Artemis, shifting the body from one shoulder to the other. “Typical of him that it would all be so dramatic. If I was the one in the coma, you might not be able to see the results so clearly, but they would be almost as devastating.”
“Such as?” said Neil.
“The tides would all go wrong,” said Artemis. “Tides are very important. Just ask Poseidon. Menstruation would go out of sync. Wild animals would roam the streets. And people would be having sex all over the place.”
“Sounds terrible,” said Neil, and Alice blushed.
Up until now the streets had been largely devoid of pedestrians, but as they walked down St. Martin’s Lane they could see the edges of the crowd that was gathering in the square. A few stragglers were heading that way alongside them, bundled into heavy coats, hats, and scarves, and if anyone thought that the sight of a beautiful woman effortlessly carrying a body over her shoulder was odd, they didn’t show it. It seemed that people’s tolerance for the bizarre had shot up in the past few hours.
“Good,” said Artemis, noting the scrum of mortals, which looked to her eyes like scrabbling termites on a mound. “The more witnesses, the better. Right, we need to get to the column.”
“We’ll never push our way through that lot,” said Neil.
“O, ye of little faith,” said Artemis.
In a deceptively casual gesture, she waved the arm that was not holding Apollo. The crowd gently parted before her, apparently unaware of what they were doing.
“Just like Moses and the Red Sea,” commented Alice.
Artemis winced. “Enough of the biblical allusions, please,” she said. “They got the idea from us—not the other way around.”
The three of them walked up the channel between the seething crowds toward Nelson’s Column.
“Now, remember,” said Artemis to Alice, “they can see Neil but they can’t see you.”
“Yes, I reme—” Alice broke off. “That’s my cousin. Neil, that’s my cousin. That’s Emma. What’s she doing here? Can I talk to her? Artemis, can I talk to her?”
Artemis shook her head. “She can’t see you,” she said. “Keep moving. We haven’t got much time.”
“That’s one of the other cleaners from the agency,” said Alice, pointing into the crowd. “And there’s my old boss!”
“Everybody here knows Alice,” said Artemis, “either personally or because they saw her in the newspaper or on the news. Hermes is very good.”
“Hermes?” said Neil.
“Yes, he gathered them all up. That’s why I called him from the palace.”
“Oh, my God,” said Alice, clapping her hand to her mouth. “There’s my parents. Please, Artemis, please. You’ve got to let me talk to them. Neil can see me, why can’t they? Can’t you make them see me?”
“Not yet, Alice,” said Artemis. “You need to be patient. And please don’t say ‘Oh, my God.’ ”
“Mum!” called Alice, waving. “Dad! It’s me, it’s Alice!”
They were only a few feet away, but her parents didn’t turn toward her, just kept facing ahead, unseeing. Alice’s mother looked thin and drained, her drawn face swamped by her thick scarf and hat. Alice’s father stood with a protective arm around her, holding her close against the cold and who knew what else.
“I just wish I could tell them I’m okay,” said Alice.
“Soon,” said Artemis. “Right, then. Here we are.”
They had reac
hed the center of the square, the famous tall column flanked by enormous lions—a strangely threatening presence in the gloom. A barrier had been erected around the column itself, holding the crowd back. Behind it, Alice recognized all of the gods she used to clean for gathered at the base of the column, as well as several people she had never met before but who seemed to be part of the group. Artemis led them through a gap in the barrier and closed it off behind her.
“Hello,” said Alice to the gods.
They ignored her.
“Can’t they see me either?” she said to Artemis.
“They can see you,” said Artemis. “They just don’t care.”
Artemis laid Apollo’s body carefully down on one of the steps in front of the column. Aphrodite was the first to run forward, with Hephaestus loyally following close behind. She knelt by her lover.
“Are you all right?” she said to him, but he didn’t move. “Artemis, where was he? Where did you find him?”
“Anyone would think you have a guilty conscience, Mother,” said Eros, sidling up behind her.
“You with your guilt,” said Aphrodite. “I can see you’re back to your old self.”
Suddenly, all of the gods were talking at once.
“Are you going to do something to help him?” said Demeter to Artemis. “What are you going to do?”
“Wait and see,” said Artemis.
“Hello, you two,” said Ares, walking over to Alice and Neil. “Nice to see you both here together. I was a bit worried after the argument that I might have taken it a little too far.”
“Don’t worry,” said Neil, “we’re fine.”
“Did you have a nice holiday?” said Ares to Alice.
“Not really,” said Alice.
“Oh well, at least you had a break,” said Ares. “I can’t ever go on holiday myself. Everywhere I go ends up as a war zone, and then it’s just work, work, work.”
“I see you’ve found your cleaner,” said Hermes to Artemis. “How did it go down there? I’m glad to see all of you back here in one piece.”
“The cleaner’s in no pieces,” said Artemis, “and she won’t be until we can sort this mess out. I really owe her a body.”
“Hades and Persephone?” said Hermes.
“They refused to come,” said Artemis.
“And Cerberus?” said Hermes.
“I fought him,” said Artemis, “and I won. I swapped him for the girl.”
Hermes raised an eyebrow. “Nice work,” he said.
“Your hero helped,” said Artemis.
“Am I still mad?” asked Zeus of nobody in particular.
“Yes, you are, dear,” said Hera, gripping him tightly by the arm.
“Hang on, didn’t I kill that girl?” said Zeus. “Should I kill her again?”
“Once is quite enough,” said Hera.
“Artemis,” Athena said, “it is imperative that I emphasize the indispensability of whatever outward-focused public unfurlment of display you have strategized being calibrated for utmost exposure and accuracy, thus maximizing its impact—”
“It’s fine, Athena,” said Artemis. “I know what I’m doing.”
“Does anybody fancy a drink?” said Dionysus.
“Yes, please, me,” said Artemis.
“You?” said Dionysus.
“For once, I think I need one,” said Artemis, and she took the bottle out of his hand and took a deep swig.
“Okay,” she said. “I’m ready. Let’s go.”
Artemis climbed up to the top of the steps in front of Nelson’s Column and signaled for Alice and Neil to follow her.
“The two of you believe in me, don’t you?” said Artemis.
“Of course,” said Alice.
“After everything that’s happened?” said Neil. “I believe in you completely.”
Artemis inhaled the force of their faith like a hit of pure oxygen. Then she addressed the crowd.
“Mortals,” she said.
She didn’t make any effort to raise her voice, and yet every human being in the sea of mortality before her heard her, and turned to face her. Seeing their thousands of curious eyes, she did for a moment wish that she had chosen something a little more impressive than an old tracksuit to wear for the occasion, but it was too late to worry about that now. And in any case, it was the kind of thought that Aphrodite would have, and as such, it was beneath her.
“These are strange times,” Artemis told the crowd. “Your sun is gone. You have been plunged into darkness and cold, and you may be wondering if your last days are upon you.”
A loud murmur began to rise from the crowd, but Artemis silenced them with a gesture of her hands.
“They may be,” intoned Artemis. “Or they may not. It is up to you.”
Now the murmur came from the gods, who preferred to think of things like the end of the world as being their decision.
“Shut up,” hissed Artemis at her family. “I know what I’m doing.” She addressed the crowd once more. “It is up to you,” she said again. “The choice is yours. You must decide whether or not you are going to believe.”
“Believe what?” shouted someone from the crowd.
“I believe what I can see,” shouted someone else, “and I can’t see much.”
“Where’s the sun?” came a third voice.
Other members of the crowd picked this up as a refrain. “Where’s the sun?” they chanted. “Where’s the sun? Where’s the sun?”
Artemis held up her hands again and the chant died down.
“Neil will explain,” she said.
“What?” said Neil.
“Who the fuck is Neil?” someone in the crowd called out.
“Go ahead,” said Artemis. “Tell them everything that’s happened. They’re not going to listen to me.”
“But,” said Neil. “But I can’t.”
“Yes, you can,” said Artemis. “You’re a natural preacher.”
“A preacher? Me? Artemis, you know how much I hate that kind of thing.”
“Exactly,” said Artemis. “Look, up until I met you, I thought, like all the other gods, that we were losing our power because we were getting old.”
“Aren’t you?” said Alice.
“No,” said Artemis. “Neil, you were the one who figured out that we were losing our power not from old age, but because nobody believed in us anymore.”
“You didn’t know that?” said Neil.
“It may have been what Athena has been trying to tell us all this time,” admitted Artemis, “but she’s not the clearest of communicators. But anyway, because you and you alone know the truth, and because you were one of the least likely people ever to have believed in us in the first place, you are the perfect person to get those mortals to believe in us again. There’s no point in my telling them I’m a god. That’s never going to work. It has to be a mortal. It has to be you.”
“But I can’t,” said Neil. “I’m terrible at public speaking. Look at me. I’ve got no presence. And there must be hundreds of people here. Thousands. And listen to what they’re saying!”
The crowd was chanting, “Who the fuck is Neil? Who the fuck is Neil?”
“It’ll be easy,” said Artemis.
Neil raised his eyebrows.
“Believe me, I will do my part,” said Artemis. “But first you have to explain to them about Alice. You were there when she died. And you were with her when we brought her back.”
“But—” said Neil again.
“Neil,” said Artemis, “you’re the hero. Do your job.”
“Neil,” said Alice. “Please. Do it.”
“Okay,” said Neil. “I’ll do my best.”
“You’ll be amazing,” said Alice. “I know it.”
Neil turned to the crowd. He swallowed. There were an awful lot of people out there, and they weren’t very happy. He could feel himself trembling, and despite the cold, his palms were soaked in sweat.
“Hello,” he said. “I the fuck am Neil.”
Some people in the crowd laughed, and the chanting died away.
“You don’t know me,” said Neil, “but you know my friend Alice.”
Alice whispered something.
“My girlfriend, Alice,” said Neil, and he smiled over at her or, as far as the crowd was concerned, at an empty space. “Alice Mulholland. She was the girl who died a few weeks ago, when she was struck by lightning.”
His words were traveling as effortlessly as Artemis’s had. He glanced at Artemis, and she smiled through the look of concentration on her face.
“I was there,” said Neil. “It was the worst day of my life.”
Neil caught sight of Alice’s parents in the front row. Her mother had curled into her father’s shoulder and was weeping.
“I loved her so much and I knew I’d never see her again.”
The crowd was perfectly silent and still. Even the drumming had stopped.
“But as it turns out, I was wrong about that.”
“What are you talking about?” shouted someone in the crowd.
“He means he’s going to see her in heaven!” replied another voice.
“We’re all going to die!” yelled another.
Somebody screamed, and the people in the middle of the crowd started pushing to the sides. The noise rose as panic began to take hold.
“Run!” shouted someone.
“Where to?” yelled someone else.
“No!” called Neil, waving his arms. “No! That’s not what I meant. Calm down, please! Listen to me! We’re not all going to die! Not yet, anyway.”
Artemis was grimacing behind Neil, working hard to help settle the crowd. Eventually they became still again and waited, though their faces showed confusion and agitation.
“I’m sorry,” said Neil. “I’m not very good at this. But please stay here and listen to what I have to say.”
He paused. The crowd was listening, so he continued.
“When I said I was wrong about never seeing Alice again, what I meant was that I have already seen her again. Today. This afternoon, after the sun went out, I went with Artemis—this woman here—well, we went into the underworld. The land of the dead. I know you won’t believe me. I wouldn’t believe it myself. I went to look for Alice, and I found her. And I brought her back. You can’t see her. But she’s standing right here next to me.”
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