by Jackie Lau
“It’s doubtful you’ll be able to repeat that,” Dad said.
“This is not how smartphones work?” Po Po said. “You don’t just sit on them and think about who you want to call? I thought these phones were supposed to be smart.”
“Ma!” Mom was laughing.
“I make a joke, wasn’t it funny?”
Mom, who was sitting next to Nicole, mumbled something that sounded like, “I wish she’d had a sense of humor when I was a kid.”
Even though she was eighty-six and the restaurant was loud, Po Po managed to hear that. “Are you being snarky, Tammy?”
“I taught her that word,” Kelsey said. “I also tried to teach her how to use Google yesterday, but that was less successful. She wanted to do research on David.”
“There are lots of David Chos,” Po Po said. “This is what Kelsey tells me. Most of what I saw on Google wasn’t actually about him.”
“Though we did find his page at the university. It has a list of publications.”
“I did not understand any of the words. He must be very smart.”
Nicole, too, had Googled David and found the page in question, but of course she didn’t mention that this was how she’d spent her Wednesday night.
Mom put some food on Nicole’s plate—even though Nicole really didn’t need more food—and said, not loudly enough for the table to hear, “You don’t tell me these things. Have you had a boyfriend since Calvin? Or girlfriend? Or partner? Or special friend?”
Nicole shook her head.
And then she looked away from her mom because she didn’t want any pity.
* * *
“This will look nice on you.” Nicole held up a pair of dark skinny jeans and a big cream-colored sweater.
Charlotte made a face. “I hate pants.”
“I’m aware,” Nicole said drily. “You’ve only told me that, like, ten bajillion times. Fine, I’ll pick out a skirt for you instead.”
“Nicole!”
“Then try the jeans. And the sweater’s on sale, since they’re making room for their spring collection.”
After having lunch with her family, Nicole had met Charlotte at Fairview for shopping. They’d see the rest of their friends at the cider bar tonight.
“Oooh! Look at this!” Nicole held up a pink V-neck sweater.
“Dear God, no.”
“Not for you. For me.”
After Nicole picked up a gray skirt to pair with the sweater, they went to the change rooms. It was one of those places that didn’t have mirrors inside the individual change rooms, so they had to come out to look at themselves.
Nicole shimmied her hips in front of the mirror. She looked good. Like a put-together woman in her thirties who got what she wanted in life. But what exactly did she want? She’d thought she’d known, but now, she was doubting herself.
Charlotte’s outfit suited her, too. Nicole had become fairly skilled at picking out clothes for Charlotte over the years. Since she worked from home, Charlotte didn’t have to dress up for work at all, but she did have to leave the apartment on occasion, to go to the grocery store and to see her friends. And, in the past few months, to go on dates with Mike Guo.
They purchased their clothes and headed to the next store.
“I think a light cowl neck sweater would look really good on you,” Nicole said.
“What the fuck is that?”
Nicole held up a blue sweater. “Like this. Oooh, try this one, too.” She grabbed a red sleeveless shirt with a similar neckline.
Charlotte looked doubtful, but she ended up buying both of them.
Yeah, a significant fraction of Charlotte’s “leaving the apartment” wardrobe had been chosen by Nicole.
Nicole didn’t buy anything at that store, but next they went to a shoe store. Now, if there was one thing Charlotte hated more than clothes shopping, it was shoe shopping, but Nicole liked shoes. She fell in love with a pair of black heels with an ankle strap, and she tried not to wince as she paid for them. They were a little expensive, and in her head, she was justifying her purchase.
But this was the great thing about being single: she didn’t have to justify her decisions to anyone but herself. Her bank account was doing alright, she had savings, and she deserved a birthday present for herself, didn’t she?
“Anything else you want to get before we tackle lingerie?” she asked Charlotte.
“I was thinking I could use a scarf. For decorative purposes, not for warmth.”
Nicole laughed. “Okay, I know just where to go.”
She ended up getting a scarf for herself, too, and then they went to the lingerie store.
Charlotte immediately laid down the rules. “I’m not trying on anything for you—I’m going to the change room by myself. I just want your suggestions. And we’re only going to this one store. Nowhere else.”
“Bossy,” Nicole said affectionately. She held up a black teddy.
“Why are there so many holes in it?”
“To make it sexy.”
“It looks like a weird lacy bathing suit. What about something more like...” Charlotte held up a white babydoll.
“Not that one. It’s ugly. You prefer something with a skirt? I didn’t think you would.”
“It’s better than that.”
Eventually, Nicole picked out three things for Charlotte. Charlotte went into the change room and returned with two of them. She muttered something about it being wrong for small scraps of fabric to be so expensive, but she still bought them.
Nicole suggested they have coffee before heading downtown, and predictably, Charlotte’s eyes lit up at the suggestion of caffeine.
They each got a coffee and sat at a table near the back of the coffee shop.
“Here, I’ve got something to show you. You’ll appreciate this.” Nicole pulled out her phone and showed her friend the video of Po Po killing a spider.
Charlotte laughed. “Oh my God, Mike would have been scared shitless. He’d have hidden in the other room while I dealt with it.”
Next, they watched a series of new videos in which Kelsey showed photos of male celebrities to Po Po.
First up was Steve Yeun.
“Ah, I don’t like this man,” Po Po said. “He looks shifty, no? Two out of ten.”
Nicole nearly choked on her coffee.
The next video showed Po Po looking at a picture of Chris Pang.
“I like him. He looks like a bit of a troublemaker, though. Maybe not the one you marry. Just the one you kiss in the bushes for fun. Eight out of ten.”
This was followed by a picture of Jason Momoa.
Po Po stared at it avidly before finally uttering, “Hunky.”
“I think your grandmother has similar taste in men to you,” Charlotte said.
“There’s so much wrong with that sentence.” Nicole shook her head.
“What? She likes them big and...beefy?”
“Jesus. Stop it. She did seem to like David, though, and he’s not...”
Oh, no. It appeared this coffee was some type of truth serum.
Charlotte smirked. “Did your grandma meet one of the guys you brought home?”
“David’s just my neighbor. We got stuck in an elevator and he brought me a cake for my birthday. Then my grandmother stopped by unexpectedly to tell me about her TikTok success and deliver a Christmas balloon. She met him, no big deal.”
Charlotte just stared at her.
“Really,” Nicole said. “Nothing’s happening.”
Charlotte raised an eyebrow.
Nicole threw up her arms. “Oh, come on.”
“Hey, after all the times you teased me about Mike, I think you deserve it. You even brought everyone to my apartment and questioned me about him!”
A valid point. However... “You and Mike are together now. And you actually wanted to date, unlike me.”
“You know, I was reading some advice columns this morning.”
“I thought you were laying off the advic
e columns because they were making you paranoid that Mike had a collection of creepy dolls and was cheating on you with a scuba instructor.”
“No, no, I trust Mike,” Charlotte said. “I just read them for my personal entertainment now. Anyway, there was one that made me think of you. A guy who decided to open up his marriage—well, he threatened to divorce his wife if she didn’t agree to it. He arranged a swap, and the other woman was ‘frigid’ according to this asshole, but his wife had a great time with the other man, and now she wants a divorce.”
“Yeah, I guess that’s a bit like me and Calvin.” Nicole sipped her coffee.
Whenever she spared her ex a thought—which wasn’t often—she felt annoyed for having ever fallen for that slimeball.
When she’d met Calvin, she’d been twenty-two, and he’d been forty. At the time, she’d thought it was cool that someone so much more worldly would want to be with her.
Later, she understood: no woman close to his age would put up with his bullshit.
She knew a lot of men were nothing like Calvin, and she had a much better bullshit detector than she’d had in her early twenties.
But for the last ten years, the idea of a relationship had still made her skin crawl.
Living with someone else. Sharing finances. Having to tell them everything. Your lives so deeply entwined... Always having to consider their delicate feelings.
No, Nicole Louie-Edwards answered to no one.
“By the way,” Nicole said, “you must tell absolutely no one about David tonight.”
Charlotte crossed her arms over her chest and shot Nicole an assessing gaze. “Well, this is getting more interesting.”
“Nothing is going on!” Nicole said, exasperated. “So I don’t want to be teased.”
“Maybe teasing bothers you more because you wish something was going on.”
“You’re not telling anyone today. It’s my birthday.”
“Actually, your birthday was Tuesday—”
“Yes, but today is the celebration. Don’t you dare tell anyone or I’ll...I’ll...sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to you even though it’s not your birthday, and you’ll be so embarrassed.”
“You play dirty,” Charlotte said. “But, fine. Since it’s your birthday celebration, and since you helped me buy all these uncomfortable—”
“But flattering.”
“—clothes, I won’t tell Rose, Sierra, or Amy. Just Mike.”
“As long as he swears to keep his mouth shut.”
Charlotte gave her another look. “You really are keyed up.”
“Lunch with my family does that to me sometimes.”
“I know what will make you feel better. More coffee.”
“Haha, I don’t want to be up all night. I don’t have your tolerance for caffeine.”
Charlotte kept her word. She didn’t say anything to the rest of their friends about David. When Nicole teased her about her extra-dry cider, Charlotte whispered a threat but didn’t follow through.
It was a fun night out with friends, and at one o’clock in the morning, Nicole got off the subway at Finch Station and walked on the snowy sidewalks back to her building.
Alone.
She hadn’t seen anyone at the bar who’d interested her, and even if she had, it was doubtful she would have made a move. She’d hooked up with a guy last week; she wasn’t itching for the contact just yet.
No, her vibrator—the blue one—would suffice tonight.
When she got home, she undressed and then took a minute to admire the painting in her closet. She’d had it done a few years ago. It was fucking hot, and she loved it. But she was a little too embarrassed to hang it up, even in her bedroom, because the men she brought home with her would see it. What would they think of her?
One day...
She slipped under the covers and opened the top drawer of her night table. Even though it had been a fairly good day overall, she was still feeling a little on edge.
Hopefully an orgasm would help.
Chapter 6
Nicole stomped toward the elevators, both to shake the snow off her boots and also to get out her frustration that Aunt Eliza had somehow gotten her number. Ugh.
But she was looking forward to tonight.
She and David hadn’t been able to make last week work, but today, he was getting dinner for them. She was supposed to be at his place, well...five minutes ago.
When David answered the door, she smiled. Just seeing his face calmed her, even if he reminded her of being stuck in an elevator. It was nice to have a friend in her building.
“I got bibimbap,” he said. “I hope that’s okay.”
She nodded. “Sounds good.”
He gestured to a chair at his breakfast bar. In front of it, there was a round takeout container, a small handle-less teacup, and metal chopsticks. He poured her tea as she took a seat.
It was nice to come home and have someone take care of her.
Not that this was home, but it was right next door. And not that he’d done all that much, really. It wasn’t as though he’d spent hours in the kitchen. But still.
She took a sip of her steaming tea, then pulled the lid off her container and started furiously mixing everything up with her chopsticks.
She felt David’s gaze on her.
“What?” Perhaps she sounded huffy, but she didn’t mean to.
“Rough day at the office?” he asked.
“No, work was okay. The usual. But I was just about to leave when my aunt called, and my aunt and I aren’t on speaking terms.”
“Oh?”
“She’s racist and transphobic. And...” Nicole shook her head as she reached for some kimchee. “Mom, Dad, my sibling, and I don’t speak to her. Kelsey, who’s her daughter, doesn’t talk to her, either. Po Po is always trying to mend fences between Mom and Aunt Eliza, but that’s not happening.”
David sipped his tea in silence, as though waiting for her to continue.
“Anyway, you know how my grandma’s on TikTok? Well, she appeared in a listicle. ‘Best TikTok grandparents’ or something like that. Aunt Eliza saw it and is furious that Kelsey would put videos of Po Po online, but Po Po knows what’s going on and consents to it. She thinks it’s great fun, and people love her.”
Before the unfortunate call from Aunt Eliza, Nicole had gotten a call from Po Po, who was so pleased to be on a “Popsicle.”
“So, Aunt Eliza wants me to convince Kelsey to take all the videos down, especially the one where Po Po is practically salivating over Jason Momoa.”
Beside her, David put a bite of food in his mouth and laughed quietly.
There was something about his laughter... It was a nice laugh, and it made her smile.
He was wearing navy pants, a maroon sweater, and a collared shirt. Probably what he’d worn to work.
Where was she again...? Right.
“I told Aunt Eliza that she better not call this number again, and that there’s nothing wrong with those videos. Then I managed to stop myself from slamming the phone down and cracking the screen.”
“You showed great restraint,” he murmured.
“Do you think it’s terrible that I refuse to talk to my aunt?”
“No, it’s good to set boundaries with awful people. I trust your judgment.”
“But you hardly know me.”
He shrugged. “Am I wrong?”
“You’re trusting me to judge my own character? No, you’re not wrong.” She picked up a piece of beef. “How was your day?”
“Well, I didn’t have to speak to anyone in my family, just lots of students. Friday is a busy teaching day.”
“Do you like teaching?”
“It’s not something that comes naturally to me,” he said. “I mean, standing at the front of a room, projecting my voice, everyone’s eyes on me.”
“Aside from the ones who are sleeping.”
“Before a lecture, I feel like I’m getting into character. I’ve gotten better at it over time,
though, and I rather enjoy teaching now.”
She had a feeling that he would try very hard to do a good job of it.
They finished their meals, and David poured more tea and brought out a small box from a bakery. He opened it to reveal four egg tarts, but not the sort she was used to getting at dim sum or Chinese bakeries. These had brown spots on the top.
“They’re from a Portuguese bakery downtown,” he explained. “Would you like one, or should I keep them all for myself?”
She gave him a gentle shove. “Stop teasing me.”
She picked up a tart and put it as far from him as she could reach. He laughed. Then she placed the other three tarts beside the first tart.
“Nicole.”
His slightly stern tone made her squeeze her thighs together.
She tried not to think about that as she put two tarts back in the box and allowed him to try the dessert he’d so kindly bought for them.
The tarts were delicious. She closed her eyes to savor the silky filling, and when she opened her eyes again, David was giving her a peculiar look.
A look that men had certainly given her in the past, but David...nah.
Must be her imagination.
“You know,” she said, “I think I like these more than the Hong Kong–style ones.”
After two egg tarts, Nicole was quite full, and at the same time, she felt more at ease than she had in a while. This dinner had relaxed her, rather like an orgasm.
She put a hand to her mouth as though she’d said it out loud, but she hadn’t.
David raised his eyebrows, and even though she was rarely embarrassed, she could feel her cheeks heating.
For some reason, she thought back to the days after she and Calvin had broken up. She’d been living by herself for the first time, and she’d loved it. Nobody telling her what to do or expecting her to be free at awkward times. She could spend as much time as she wanted on whatever she wanted, and no one was there to judge her. She could eat in front of the TV, stay up late watching movies, do the dishes when she felt like it. Nobody would know if she ate most of a pint of ice cream. No one would ask where it all went.
After so many years of living with other people—her family, other university students, then Calvin—it had been a novelty. She wished she could recapture that feeling.