by Jackie Lau
They left each other with a nod and a smile.
He’d had the sense that Cassie was interested but could tell he didn’t feel the same way, and so she didn’t press it.
He hoped she found someone.
As he walked down the hallway to his unit, he wondered if Nicole was still out with her friends. It was eleven, so she probably was, but when he passed her door, he doubled back. Might as well knock, just in case.
She opened the door almost immediately, bottle of rum in hand, and stumbled against the doorframe. “David!”
Chapter 19
David had seen Nicole drink a glass or two of wine. He’d seen her a little tipsy, but nothing like this, and he was immediately full of concern.
“I’m drunk,” she slurred.
“I can see that,” he said.
Usually when she answered her door, she looked put together—even if she was wearing yoga pants and a T-shirt—and now that they were sleeping together, she’d often shoot him a saucy smile or wink.
Tonight was a different story.
She was still wearing the shirt he assumed she’d worn out, but she’d put on frayed pajama pants. Her hair was wild, and her make-up was smudged under her eyes.
“You look nice.” She poked his chest.
He gently took the rum bottle out of her hand and set it on the counter. He grabbed a glass of water before leading her to the couch.
“You took my rum,” she pouted.
“I don’t think you need any more tonight. How much did you drink?”
She hiccupped. “I had four ciders at the bar, then I came home and...” She shrugged and pointed at the bottle on the counter before pointing at the empty bag of sweet potato chips on the coffee table. “You’re evil. You introduced me to those chips! Now I’ve eaten three bags.”
“You’ve eaten three bags today?”
“No. You’re being silly. In the past month.”
He put his arm around her. “Did something happen? Why are you drinking so much?”
“I’m lonely.” She didn’t poke him in the chest again, but he felt it all the same.
“Well, I’m here now.”
She leaned over and tried to kiss him, but he wasn’t going to make out with her when she was in this state.
“Drink some water,” he said, handing the glass to her.
“You’re looking after me,” she mumbled.
“Yes, of course I’m looking after you. I’m your friend.”
“I saw my other friends tonight. They teased me about you.” She scrunched up her nose.
Was she drunk because she was appalled at the thought of being with him, or because she secretly wanted to be with him and that bothered her?
“Did they?” he murmured, rather hoping she’d tell him more.
“But I don’t want a relationship.” She slapped a fist against the back of the couch. “Most of my friends are in relationships now. They’re leaving me.”
“I’m sure they’re not leaving you.”
“I feel lonely, even when I’m with them.” She lifted her hand to her mouth, then frowned when she noticed she had a glass of water in her hand. She’d probably been hoping for the rum bottle. “Can I tell you a secret?”
“Of course.”
She leaned in and cupped her free hand around his ear, but she spoke even louder than before. “When I come home to an empty apartment, sometimes it makes me want to cry.”
He didn’t know what to say, so he stroked her hair. She arched toward him like a puppy enjoying a good scratch.
“You’re going to leave me, too,” Nicole said with another hiccup.
“No. I’ll always be your...friend.”
“You’re going to leave me,” she insisted. “Like Roy. You’ll find some other woman.” A tear streaked down her face, and he lifted a tissue to wipe it away. “Nobody loves me. Why does no one love me?”
“Your family loves you.” They might drive her crazy, but he was sure they loved her. “Your friends love you.”
“That’s not what I mean. Nobody falls in love with me. They fall in love with someone else, and then they leave me.”
It was on the tip of his tongue.
I fell in love with you.
He was startled by how much he wanted to say those words.
But they weren’t true, were they? It was just his impulse to make her feel better.
“Someone will love you,” he said instead, but he was a little confused. He’d thought she didn’t want romantic love.
As if she could read his mind, she said, “I don’t want a relationship. Just want to break someone’s heart.”
A chill went through him. “Why would you want to do that?”
“To know someone could love me.” More tears came to her eyes. “I’m terrible.”
He pulled Nicole into his lap, and she wrapped her arms around him.
“Do you drink like this often?” he asked.
“Not in...” She burped. “Years.”
To be honest, he was glad that she was letting him stay. That she trusted him and allowed him to comfort her. He wasn’t used to seeing her vulnerable like this—usually, she was bold and self-assured.
“Drink some more water, then let’s get you to bed,” he said.
She crossed her arms over her chest. “You can’t tell me what to do.”
“Sometimes you like it when I tell you what to do.”
“Are we having sex tonight?” She put her hands on the hem of her shirt.
He stilled her. “No.”
“Because I’m drunk.”
“Yes. You’re drunk.”
“But will you stay over? It will be a...” She squinted as she searched for the word. “Platonic sleepover.”
“I can do that.”
This seemed to perk her up. She drank more water then headed to the washroom, where he heard her brushing her teeth. That was a good start.
When she emerged ten minutes later, she’d removed most of her make-up, but there was still a small black smudge at the corner of her left eye.
He now had a toothbrush at her apartment because he stayed at least once a week, so he washed up, flossed, and brushed his teeth before entering the bedroom. Nicole had put on a loose shirt with a cartoon alpaca.
“You need a shirt, too,” she said. “No naked sleeping tonight.” She pulled two shirts out of her drawer. One was a San Francisco shirt with an image of the Golden Gate Bridge; the other was a unicorn shirt.
He took the latter because he thought she’d giggle.
She did. “You’re cute.” She poked him in the stomach.
“You’re very pokey when you’re drunk. Anyone ever tell you that?”
She was still giggling. She seemed less morose than she had earlier, so that was nice.
He only wanted her to be happy.
When he lay down in bed and pulled the covers up, she flopped against his side and slung her arm over his chest.
Two minutes later, she was snoring.
* * *
When Nicole cracked open an eye, sunlight was streaming through her blinds, brighter than usual. She looked at the clock. It was a little after nine.
Well, that wasn’t too bad.
She slowly sat up as the events of last night came back to her.
“Oh dear God,” she muttered.
She’d gotten drunk. She’d had rum straight from the bottle.
Now she had a slight hangover. She’d certainly had worse back in the day, but she hadn’t had a hangover in years. And David...
That was the worst part. Definitely worse than the hangover.
David had come over when she’d had a bottle of rum in her hand. David, who didn’t even drink. She’d whined to him about how she was lonely and how no one loved her and how he would leave her.
She’d been such a mess. Pathetic.
Who was this person she’d become? Nicole didn’t like her.
No, she was a kick-ass single woman who could take care of
herself and enjoyed the freedom of living alone.
David had stayed over, but when she turned to his side of the bed, there was only a folded pink unicorn shirt. He’d probably gone swimming.
Then she noticed the note on the pillow.
Will be back with breakfast soon, it said. There’s Advil and water on the bedside table.
Why did that note make her so giddy?
Probably because he was going to bring her something delicious, and she was all about good food.
She took the Advil and drank half the water and waited for him to return.
When she heard a key in the lock—he must have taken her keys—her heart kicked up a notch. She considered going out to the kitchen to meet him, then decided they could have breakfast in bed.
“Hey. You’re awake.” He stood at the doorway to her bedroom, a takeout bag in his hand. “How are you feeling?”
“Not too bad. Just embarrassed. I promise, I don’t do that often. What’s for breakfast?”
“Pulled pork sandwiches.”
“From that new place on Cummer?” Her thirty-four-year-old brain was always amused by that street name.
“Yes.”
“Gimme.” She held out her hands. She’d read about this restaurant and had been eager to try it.
“Uh-uh. No way am I letting you eat this in bed.”
“Fine, fine. Be no fun.”
She put on a clean shirt—no bra—then headed to the kitchen. David had already poured her a glass of orange juice and set out her sandwich. He was now making coffee, and she was suddenly struck with the strange thought that he looked like he belonged here.
She shook her head to clear it of that notion, but she couldn’t completely make it disappear. He fit into her life so easily, and he seemed to know what she needed without her even saying anything. For example, he’d brought her this amazing pork sandwich.
Well, perhaps she should wait until she’d tried it.
She took a big bite and groaned at the melt-in-her-mouth meaty goodness and crusty bread. Yeah, that was incredible.
“Are there caramelized onions in here?” She licked the sauce off her hand, plus the sauce that was running down her arm. Apparently, she had no shame around David.
“Yes. I read on a food blog that their sandwich is better with caramelized onions, and I know you like onions, so I got the extra topping.”
She nodded. “Good call.”
“I got the other sandwich without, just in case.” He started unwrapping it.
“But you like onions, too, don’t you?”
“I think I can manage, Nicole.”
“I’m sorry about yesterday. You didn’t need to take care of me. I would have been fine.”
“I know. You were drunk, but you weren’t in danger of throwing up.”
“Yet you stayed, even though I was no fun.”
“I wanted to stay,” he said quietly.
There was something about that—the way he said it, more than the words themselves—that made her uncomfortable. She stopped chewing her delicious sandwich.
“If you ever get drunk,” she said with a laugh, trying to lighten the mood, “I owe you.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
“You could have gone swimming this morning. You didn’t have to buy me breakfast and eat it with me.”
He got up to pour their coffee. “You think I’m not enjoying my sandwich?”
“You don’t have caramelized onions, so you can’t be enjoying it as much as me.”
“Well, then.” He pulled her sandwich out of her hands and had a bite. “I’m keeping this.” But he smiled at her when she grabbed it back.
Why was he so sweet?
Surely he would find a woman to marry, and they’d have those children he wanted.
She nearly shuddered as the things she’d said last night flooded back into her mind.
“How was your dinner with your friend yesterday?” she asked.
“It was good, but he...” David trailed off.
“What?”
“Never mind. It was a good night.”
Nicole had finished her sandwich, but a little piece of pork had escaped. She picked it up and licked her fingers afterward, making a show of doing it slowly and sliding her tongue over her upper lip afterward.
David’s gaze, predictably, followed her tongue.
Then, to her surprise, he abruptly stood up and drained the rest of his coffee.
“I should go.” He jerked his thumb in the direction of his apartment. “I’ve got some data to review and...um.”
She tried to hide her disappointment. “What about tonight? You want to come over after dinner? I promise to be sober this time.”
“Okay. Yes. That would be good.” He kissed her forehead before heading out the door.
Had she said something wrong? He wasn’t usually abrupt like that.
Nah, he was just busy, that was all.
* * *
David did have work to do, but instead, he paced his living room.
He feared he was losing control of the situation.
At breakfast, Nicole had been upbeat, despite what had happened last night. As he watched her enjoy her food, he’d almost said something idiotic. Something about these feelings he was starting to have for her.
Last night had changed something. Maybe it was the fact that she’d allowed him to see her in a messy state, to look after her.
Or that he’d woken up next to her even though they hadn’t had sex.
Or that she’d told him how she wished someone would fall in love with her.
But at the same time, she was very clear that she didn’t want a relationship; she wanted to keep her independence.
If he did fall in love with her, she’d break his heart.
So, no. He would not allow those feelings to take root and grow into more. If he confessed any feelings, she’d probably shut him out, and he didn’t want to stop seeing her. Sleeping with her.
You’re already too far gone.
No, that couldn’t be true.
He was determined to control his feelings. He had to.
Chapter 20
“Hey, can you buzz us in?”
It was Nicole’s mother, and unlike certain other visits from her family, this one wasn’t a surprise, and Nicole wasn’t in bed with a man.
Nope, it was a Sunday afternoon, and she was completely prepared for this visit: she was fully dressed and had done a little light cleaning in her apartment. Her mom had called yesterday to say that she and Dad would bring almond cookies over for tea today.
There was a knock at her door, and Nicole let in her parents...and Cam?
“I didn’t know you were coming.” Nicole had seen her sibling for lunch yesterday. Cam had told her that they wanted to go on holidays with their partner this year and asked if that was okay, since Cam and Nicole usually traveled together. Nicole had assured them it was fine, despite her disappointment; she and Cam had previously discussed going to Spain this fall.
“Well, I didn’t want to miss this,” Cam said. “I apologize in advance. I did put up a slight protest, but when they were determined to go ahead with it, I decided to come.”
Mom handed Nicole a couple of bags of food and gave her a hug. Curiously, though, Mom didn’t take off her shoes. Nope, she put her hand back on the door handle.
“Start the water for tea,” Mom said.
“Where are you going?”
“Oh, just to ask your boyfriend next door to join us.”
Nicole grasped her mom’s arm. “Mom! He isn’t my boyfriend.”
“I’m aware you think that, dear,” Mom said. “But I can still invite him even if he’s not technically your boyfriend. His name’s David, right? He’s met your grandmother twice and he hasn’t met me. Doesn’t seem fair. I’m the one who gave birth to you. The one you vomited on when you had the stomach flu when you were eight.”
“Can you stop holding that against me?” Nicole muttered.
“I need to make sure your special friend is good enough for you.”
“Oh, no, not this ‘special friend’ business again.”
“You said he isn’t your boyfriend. What am I supposed to call him?”
Unfortunately, during this conversation, Nicole had eased up her grip on her mother’s arm, and Mom escaped into the hallway.
“Mom!” Nicole shouted.
But Mom was already at the door next to hers.
The wrong door, not David’s.
Not wanting to disturb Mrs. Kim, Nicole said, sulkily, “Wrong, way.”
Mom hurried to David’s door and knocked. Nicole crossed her fingers, hoping David wouldn’t be home, but from what she knew of his schedule, he likely would be.
Sure enough, he was.
“Hi, I’m Tammy Louie.” Mom stuck out her hand. “Nicole’s mother. I was just wondering, since you’re Nicole’s special friend, whether you’d like to join us for tea today?”
Oh, God. Mom had actually done it. She’d said “special friend” in front of David.
Nicole covered her face with her hands. Behind her, Dad and Cam laughed.
“You’re supposed to be on my side,” Nicole muttered to Cam.
“Sorry,” Cam said. “I’ve gotten so tired of being teased about Tessa that it’s nice to see her attention on someone else for a change.”
Nicole turned to her father. Throughout her childhood, she’d felt like he was the one who understood her better. The one who explained all those numbers in the sports section to her.
“I wasn’t going to stop this,” Dad said. “If you’re going to date again, I have to make sure he treats you right, unlike the last one.” He made a show of cracking his knuckles, which Nicole knew was just for show, but still.
She looked down the hall. David was approaching. She found herself smiling at him, but then she pushed that smile aside.
She’d seen David yesterday. She didn’t need to see him again today...with her family.
Well, too late now.
* * *
David had hesitated when Tammy had shown up at his door and asked him to come over. This was clearly not Nicole’s idea. Besides, he found meet-the-parents situations slightly terrifying.
Okay, more than slightly terrifying.
He hadn’t even realized until now, but his heart was beating at a disturbing rate.