by Kayce Kyle
Making my way up to the nurse’s desk, I snap, “Hey, I need some information. Anything. Some kind of update!” Smashing my fist on the desk causing the tiny nurse to jump.
“I-I’ll go check, s-sir,” she stammers before walking away.
Running my fingers through my hair I finally notice all the blood on them. Jen’s blood.
“Yo, Joker,” I call him back over.
“Sup?” he answers.
“Where’s Littlejohn? Still dead on my floor?”
Joker leans in closer. “No. He’s wounded pretty bad. Vault took him back to the club so Clarke could try and keep him alive long enough for you to get your hands on him. He was also disposing of Dane’s body.”
Cocking my head to the side I can feel my eyes begin to twitch at the very thought that I will get to take at least one of their fucking lives.
I fist bump him. “Thanks, man.”
“Hell, maybe we can all have a go at him,” Joker says with thrill in his eyes.
“M-Mr. Paine?” The doctor’s voice breaks free from those dreaded stainless steel doors.
In one long stride I’m in her face. “Yes.”
“Come with me, please?” she asks and I see a security guard behind her.
“That guard won’t be necessary, Doctor Cole. I’ll go back with him. I’m the girl’s Uncle,” Burkes interrupts.
The security guard just nods and walks off.
My heart is pounding. It’s thumping so loud and hard I can hear its strum and vibration throughout my own ears.
The doctor walks us into a tiny room with just a few wooden chairs covered in navy blue vinyl fabric.
“Please, have a seat.” She asks.
“Oh, I don’t fucking think so. That’s all I’ve done is sit, and pace. Tell me,” I roar.
Burkes places his hands up on my shoulders. “It’s okay, Son.” He encourages me.
I shrug him off. “Just tell me god dammit!” Never taking my eyes off of her.
She looks at Burkes as if she’s asking for help.
I can no longer stand it. The only reason they bring you into these fucking shithole rooms is to give you bad news. I pick up a chair with the full intention of smashing it and everything else not nailed to the ground.
“She’s pregnant!” the doctor finally blurts out. “She lost a lot of blood and needed a transfusion. We recovered the bullet and she made it through surgery just fine. The bullet actually missed every vital organ. She’s not out of the woods yet, so we’re keeping her in ICU. We’ve got her on antibiotics and fluids. Only one person at a time is allowed in.”
My knees buckle beneath me and Burkes attempts to catch me, and fails.
“This is why I thought it best you sit,” the doctor says. “I wasn’t sure if y’all were aware or not. I know this is a lot to take in. Do you have any questions for me? Do you need some water, or somewhere to clean up?”
Is she fucking joking? I have a million questions, but the one I want her to answer the most she’s unsure of. I want her to tell me my girl, my Jen, is gonna be okay.
Looking up at her. “She’s pregnant?” I question again.
“Yes. From her hormone levels in her lab work it appears just barely, though. We’ll know more once she’s more stable. We can get more labs, an ultrasound, and she can answer more questions about her cycle.”
“She’s on birth control, though,” I barely manage to huff out.
“I understand. Again, those aren’t one hundred percent effective. Do you know what she takes? Is it a pill, or a shot?” Doctor Cole asks.
“None of those,” I state. “It’s some square patch. Like a fucking nicotine patch.”
Her eyes widen slightly, but her attempt at keeping it subtle falls flat.
“What?” I ask. “Why did you make that face?”
“Nothing. It’s just that we need to remove the medicine now since she’s pregnant. I’m familiar with it. I’ll personally go check her shoulders and both front and back of her hips. Let me go do that. Give me about ten more minutes and you can come see her. Just remember, she’s under sedation still,” she answers, and informs me.
Shaking my head nodding yes, I stand up. “Thank you, Doctor Cole.”
She briefly turns her lips upwards and shakes her head. Accepting my gratitude, and silent apology.
“Let’s get you cleaned up, Son before you go in and see her.” Burkes proposes.
I can’t even manage to answer him. I just raise up and follow him to a restroom where I begin to wash the blood, my Jenalyn’s blood off of me. My hands, arms, and even my cheek has a dried smear of blood trailing across it.
As I look at all the blood circling down the drain, my fury overcomes me again invading my every thought. As I raise my head up to look at the reflection staring back at me, I feel myself losing control again. The man staring back at me no longer deserves the gifts he was granted.
We’re smarter than this. We’re more careful than this. Where the fuck did I go wrong? Questioning this entire last month and everything I’ve done. Jen was right to leave. I can’t keep her safe. I can’t keep anyone safe, including Pres. Jenalyn’s gonna hate me forever and I couldn’t fucking blame her one bit. I have failed them both.
Burkes’ cell rings and piques my interest. It’s a brief call and my eyes are glued to his face. He’s expressionless.
“What is it, Burkes?” I demand.
“It was an update on Don. He’s still critical, but maintaining for now. Justice, I’m not sure he’s gonna make it.” Burkes wipes the corners of his eyes briefly. Wiping away any hint of tears that threatened to make way.
“What makes you think he can’t pull through this?” I ask Burkes hanging on to his every word.
“I don’t know. Call it a gut feeling. Hell, maybe it’s just fear speaking,” he answers.
Nausea builds again and I can no longer hold it back, releasing the contents of my stomach into the nearest toilet. I cannot even bear the thought of losing Pres. Couple that with the physical state my Jen is in right now, and I am overwhelmed with an array of emotions.
Again I find myself in front of that damned mirror and sink. Rinsing out my mouth, and splashing my face.
Burkes hands me his flask. “Here. Swish this around and spit.”
“Thanks.” I take a swig of the whiskey before spitting it back into the sink.
I look to Burkes for help. “I need to go be with Jen, but my Pres needs me. Lorna needs answers.” Placing a hand on his shoulder. Looking for guidance.
He pats me on my shoulder. “You go be with Jen. I’ll keep you updated on Pres. You’re in a tough position Son, but I know Don would want you looking after his Princess. Now go and be with her.”
Chapter 19
Justice
“Mr. Paine.” A soft, delicate voice awakens me from the nap I must’ve taken in this chair next to my babygirl.
Briefly rubbing my eyes as I open them. “Yes.” I see Dr. Cole standing there with a nurse alongside her. Not the nurse I remember from earlier, either.
“Have you thought about going home and getting some rest? Maybe a bite to eat?” the doctor asks.
“Not to mention you stink. I can smell you out here.” Lorna’s voice interrupts.
The doctor and the nurse both look at me, and never at Lorna as if they were expecting her.
“She’s been asking for the last twelve hours,” Dr. Cole explains.
Eyeing Lorna a mental debate begins inside my head. I know this is Jen’s mom and I respect that, but I will not leave this room for one damn second until there is a brother standing outside for security.
“Can I talk to you privately?” I ask the doctor.
“Sure. Let’s go out into the hall for a second.” She ushers me out after I stand.
To my shock and surprise, Lorna gently rubs my arm as I pass her by confusing me. Last I saw her she hated my guts and slapped the shit out of me. Reminding me Jen is very much her mother’s daughter.
Before steppi
ng out, I look back at my girl laying there injured and helpless. Hooked to so many machines and tubes I’ve about lost track. My everything is lying there and there’s not a damn thing I can do to help, or make it better. She’s the only reason my fucking black heart may have been given a second chance at being human again.
Wait. Twelve hours? Did the doctor say twelve hours, or did I imagine that?
“It’s okay.” Dr. Cole assures me so I can finish my way out into the hallway. “Now, what did you want to ask me? Oh, and just so you are aware, we couldn’t find a birth control patch on her when we looked.”
I’m not even sure I just heard her right. I know for a fact Jen uses that damn patch for birth control. Maybe it came off somehow during her surgery. I know she wouldn’t trick, or try to trap me into a pregnancy. I’d give her ten fucking babies if she wanted. I just didn’t think the timing was right, and it’s something we haven’t even discussed since her return.
“I know you are aware that’s Jen’s mom by now, but have you told her everything about Jen’s condition?” I inquire.
Perplexed she asks, “As in?”
“You know.” I rub my forehead single handedly. “About the baby.”
Gripping her medical chart and pulling it closer to her. “Actually, no. This is a…very different situation I find myself in, but I decided against it. I’ll let the two of you tell family and friends. You can thank your friend, Vault.” She smiles.
My lips draw inwardly and I can feel my brow furrow, but only in confusion. “So, if you are going to let us tell friends and family, does that mean Jen’s condition is improving?”
Thank my friend Vault? That’s, well, interesting to say the least. He’d better be keeping an eye on fucking Littlejohn.
She smiles at me. “I will say this with caution, but she’s doing pretty well all things considered. We’re going to start lowering her pain medication in a few hours to get her awake and go from there. Mr. Paine, you’ve been in that chair nearly twenty-four hours.”
I am definitely wide awake at that revelation now. “Did you just say twenty-four hours?”
“Yes, I did. You held her hand until you eventually couldn’t manage anymore I suppose. Your sleep deprivation finally took its toll. Oh, and I will allow two at a time, but that’s it.”
“Thanks and uh, when and if I leave, I need you to understand I will have someone standing outside this door at all times. You will know they are okay to be around her. They’ll be wearing…” I go to grab my cut that is usually laid upon my chest.
“A Soul Shifterz vest?” The doctor finishes for me.
“Uh…yeah actually,” I manage to say. Although I’m perplexed and could almost laugh that she called it a vest.
“I’ll let you go talk to her mom. Make sure you get something to eat at least. Oh, and that shower. Jenalyn’s gonna need you at your best when she awakens,” Dr. Cole suggests before walking away.
“Will do,” I mumble.
I walk back into Jen’s hospital room to find Lorna sitting and holding Jenalyn’s hand in hers, and every so often she plants a delicate kiss on it. I can’t even begin to imagine her pain.
Her husband is fighting for his life, and she’s watching her daughter basically do the same.
“Hey, Lorna,” I say and garner her attention. “I know this probably doesn’t mean shit, and I don’t blame you, but if you only knew just how sorry I am for all of this…” I feel those motherfucking pussy ass tears creeping back so I need a minute to compose myself.
Lorna stands and walks over to me, taking both of my hands into hers. “Listen here, Son. Don and Jenalyn are both stubborn as hell and you know this. Don’t you ever think for a second they aren’t putting up their strongest fight. I acted foolishly yesterday. Neither one of them would have wanted me to blame you. Your brothers don’t blame you. We were all tricked, and that couldn’t have been foreseen. Right now we need to unite, and focus on what matters most. I may be Jenalyn’s mother, but when she wakes up, you’re the face she wants to see. Your face will bring her the most peace and ease, same goes for me with Don. If you wanna go shower and eat, I’ll sit with her until you get back. You better hurry, because they’re gonna start decreasing her sedation soon, ya hear? She’ll be waking up,” Lorna states and hugs me tightly.
How can she be so understanding and calm? Maybe they accidentally gave her too much medication yesterday? I’m not sure, but her comforting words remind me of how much I miss my own mom in this moment. Would she be so understanding, and forgiving? Is this what happens to a woman when she becomes a mother? So many questions, yet I have very few answers.
I lean into her embrace and welcome it, even if it does confuse the shit outta me. “Thank you. I’m gonna have Joker sit outside just in case, ya know?”
“I understand. Your father is sitting with Don, and Ty is sitting outside his room. It’s what we do, now go.” She pushes at me. “Before I slap you again.” She jokes as she wipes her now watery eyes.
I find Joker reading a magazine in the waiting room. “Really, dude? Better Homes and Garden?”
He quickly closes it. “Fuck, man you startled me. Well, I’ve damn near read everything else in here. Did you know…” Joker starts, but I cut his words off.
“No, and I don’t care. Will you go sit outside Jen’s room while I go shower and change before they try to wake her up?” I ask.
“Sure thing, bro,” he says without hesitation.
“Oh, any update on Littlejohn?” I throw out there.
“Still alive, and with Clarke and Vault,” Joker informs me.
I just nod. Fuck! My bike’s at home.
“Oh, here’s your key.” Joker throws the key to my baby at me. “Your pops rode her up here, and Burkes took him back to get his. He got you a new helmet, too.”
Love my fucking family. “Thanks, man.”
Once I find the open road I can’t make it home fast enough. As I sit at a red light I contemplate even going back home right now. If I take a left, I can go shower and change at the clubhouse. If I keep going straight, I can do all the same things at home, only my heart races at the vision of Jenalyn laying in my arms there near death.
Fuck it, I’ll have to face that place sooner or later. As soon as the light turns green, my decision is made, and I head home.
Once I make it home, I cringe as I enter, expecting to see blood and something that resembles a picture off of a crime show, only that’s not at all what I find. Someone has cleaned it all up. Who I have to thank for that, I have no idea yet.
I shower and change into my usual, grabbing my cut out of my closet that someone has hung up for me. As I put it on, Jenalyn’s side of the closet catches my eye. How neatly she’s arranged all of her clothing on hangers, right down to the colors. I grab one of her shirts. It’s made of some sort of see through material and I grab it, pulling its sleeve to my nose, I inhale her scent. I must’ve momentarily closed my eyes while doing so, because when I open them back up, I notice those damned pink suitcases. The suitcases that started it all and I hated at one point, but then grew to love, because she loves them. She can have every damn pink suitcase in this entire world as long as she continues fighting, and pulls through.
I scarf down a sandwich and some chips, washing it down with a nice cold fucking beer.
Chapter 20
Justice
Once back at the hospital, I make my way back to Jenalyn’s room and see the doctor, a nurse, and Lorna inside. Joker is sitting outside reading that fucking magazine again.
“Oh, hey,” he says looking up at me.
“What are they doing, do you know?” I ask him.
“Something about lowering the sedation meds or some shit along with some other doctor terms I don’t understand. She’s handling it well, but not responding as quickly as they would like. Said it’s nothing to worry about, though.”
I barely hear the last of his words before abruptly walking in to hear from them what’s going on.
Lorna looks at me. “Don’t look so afraid, Justice. Dr. Cole here has assured me that some patients take longer to wake up than others. All her vitals are still good.”
I quickly blow out a deep breath I had no idea I was holding, and pull a chair up next to my baby, taking her hand in mine.
Looking up at Lorna and the doctor I ask, “Will y’all give us a second alone, please?”
“I need to go check on Don, but call or text me as soon as she wakes please,” Lorna says as she walks out of the room, blowing a kiss her daughter’s way.
“We’ll be right outside, Mr. Paine,” Doctor Cole states.
I nod at her.
Bringing my baby’s hand to my lips I place a kiss on it. “I know you’re tired, babygirl, and you’ve been fighting so hard. I just want you to know I’m here, and I’m not leaving until you wake up and tell me yourself you’re okay.”
Gripping her hand a little tighter, and kissing her hand a little more firmly, my soul begs hers to respond. On some level unbeknownst to me, I’m hoping to connect with her, to bring her right back to me. Tracing her ring finger reminds me of what I haven’t had the chance to do yet, and that’s place a ring on it. I plant a tiny kiss on that one knuckle. “I will make this right, all of it. I just need you to hear me, baby. Can you feel me?”
Suddenly that one single finger twitches, followed by her entire hand as I slowly watch her awaken from her slumber. Tears, these fucking tears prick the back of my eyes and I let them escape. I don’t even care anymore.
“Jen, baby. I’m here,” I say as I inch closer and run my hand through her hair, then kiss the top of her head.
She looks pained trying to open her eyes, but she never gives up. As she continues to blink, she points toward the curtains.
I take her hint and close them. “Better?”
She tries to speak, but her voice is almost gone. Her mouth opened but nothing came out, and now she looks panicked as she grabs at her throat.
“Oh, no baby,” I reassure her that she still has her vocal chords and I’m sure she’ll be assaulting me with them as soon as she feels up to it. “Drink,” I say handing her a plastic cup with a straw, holding it for her as she drinks it up like she’s been stranded in the desert. “Not too much. I don’t know what the doctor will say.”