“I’m pregnant,” Haylee said, “not blind or deaf. He doesn’t like being left alone.”
Jamie shrugged, as if mentioning it to Haylee had simply slipped her mind. “I found him in the woods the other day, lost. I didn’t know what else to do so I brought him home while I figure out where he belongs. He’s a sweet little thing.”
Too sweet for a cranky old man who did not appreciate him.
“And you found his home?”
“It’s a place not far from here, beyond the ridge. I’ve contacted the owner. The pup gets out a lot, apparently. The man is tired of chasing after him, so I thought I’d keep the pup for a few days, give him a chance to rest. Hopefully,” she added casually, “I can teach him a few manners while I’m at it.”
She held her breath, waiting for Haylee’s response.
Her friend just lifted an eyebrow and continued moving the clipper over the poodle’s back and sides. Roll after roll of once-white fur fell away, revealing skin patchy with filth, half-healed sores, and the telltale reddish flecks of flea dirt.
“Why didn’t you tell me? I’ve got room in the kennel.”
The dog flinched and Jamie loosened her grip. “Really?”
Haylee stopped. A large clump of dirt-filled hair fell onto the table. The smell was nauseating. “Sure. Why not?”
Jamie leaned over the dog, keeping her voice even so as not to distress the animal, but determined to look Haylee in the eye. “Because you told me you don’t want me working with the dogs without you. Because I want to train him. Because I’m not entirely sure what the owner situation is and I’m not taking him back until I am.”
The poodle whined and pulled backwards against the grooming leash. “Sorry, honey-girl,” Jamie murmured. “I’m not mad at you.”
“Wow,” Haylee said, smoothing the naked skin on the animal’s back. “Let’s give her a break. What’s going on, Jamie?”
The dog licked Jamie’s chin. Poor thing looked half-butchered, a grotesque caricature of herself.
“Sorry, Haylee,” she said abruptly. “I’ve got a lot on my mind.”
“Gideon?” Haylee guessed.
And there it was. Jamie sucked in a breath and turned her head so Haylee wouldn’t see her face. She had known this would happen and was helpless to stop it, helpless in the face of the relief at sharing what had been bottled up inside of her. “He’s got a kid, Haylee. A little boy. How could he have this big secret, all this time, and not tell me?”
Tears threatened. She shook her head and squeezed her eyes until they receded.
“He blew it, big time,” Haylee agreed, picking a wisp of hair off her nose. “I guess this complicates things between the two of you.”
“I wouldn’t know.” Jamie felt herself flush. She wanted to be a bigger person, but hey, what are friends for but to see you at your smallest and pettiest? “Why would I? It doesn’t concern me. It’s none of my business, in fact.”
The bitterness in her voice embarrassed her. That’s not who she was. Before Haylee could respond, Jamie continued. “Pretend I didn’t say that, okay? We’re kind of on the outs, and I’m a little raw about it. I thought we were closer than we are, that’s all. I know he’s going through a lot right now. I’m trying to give him space. But you know me.”
Haylee’s expression softened. “I know your heart.”
Heat pressed against the inside of Jamie’s eyes. She swallowed. “I also may have tap-danced over a boundary or two. Now he’s avoiding me.”
Haylee lifted an eyebrow. “How much tap-dancing?”
Jamie put her head in her hand. “That day in the woods. I found Chaos—that’s the puppy—in a pool, drowning, or so I thought. I was taking my jeans off and I fell in, like a total dweeb. Gideon happened on the scene right then and helped pull me out. I may have made a suggestive comment. Seizing the moment, so to speak.” She sighed, recalling his grip on her arms, the heat in his eyes when he’d noticed the transparency of her shirt. “I smelled his hair, Haylee. I almost kissed him. I think I moaned. He backed off like I was radioactive. In fact, we clonked heads. I got a nosebleed. Not exactly a shining romantic moment.”
Haylee walked to Jamie’s side of the grooming table and enveloped her in as big a hug as she could, with the baby between them. “I’m sorry.”
“Oh, Haylee,” Jamie wailed. “I’m in trouble here, aren’t I?”
“Yes, James, I’d say you are. Thank goodness you’re tough as nails. If anyone can get through his thick skull, it’s you.”
She held Jamie back and leveled a look at her. “But he’s in a crazy place, as I know all too well. He’s about to meet a boy who doesn’t know him, who may or may not have preconceived ideas put there by a woman who’d rather write Gideon out of her kid’s life. He’s probably scared shitless that he’s going to do something wrong, say something wrong, scare the kid, forget to feed him, who knows? It’s not logical. But I’ll tell you this much. What he does not need is space, especially not from you.”
How she wanted to believe that. “I’m afraid I’ve destroyed our friendship,” she whispered.
“You haven’t,” Haylee replied promptly. “He’s an idiot. I’ve seen you two together. There’s something more there, whether he’s willing to admit it or not. I’d have been lost without all of you. Gideon needs that same support now from the people who care about him. And I think you head up that list, don’t you?”
Jamie managed a wobbly smile. “Thanks, Haylee.”
“I’m sorry I’ve been so preoccupied,” Haylee said. “I haven’t been a very good friend.”
“Don’t say that. You’re having a baby. You should be preoccupied.” Guilt twisted her gut. “But since we’re having a bonding moment, I should tell you something else. About the pup.”
“Jamie.” Haylee’s voice was a warning. “What did you do?”
“I had a bad feeling, okay? So I did a bit of light . . . trespassing.”
Haylee sagged. “Tell me you didn’t break into his house.”
She met Haylee’s eyes. “I didn’t break into his house.”
It was the truth. Nothing broke.
The half-shaved poodle danced sideways, looking between the two of them, anxiety in her eyes. Jamie pulled her close, like a shield.
Haylee swept her hand across the table, sending filth and matted hair into the trash can. “You represent Sanctuary Ranch, Jamie. You can’t go off like a loaded gun whenever you think someone’s not looking after their dog exactly the way you think they should.”
“I know that.” It was a struggle to keep her voice calm. “But the situation is complicated. I met the owner yesterday. His name is Roman Byers. He’s an angry man. And, I think, a sick one.”
“What do you mean, sick?”
She thought about how tightly he’d gripped the arm of his chair, the grey cast to his complexion. Those were big-time painkillers on the top of the fridge. The pictures on the wall that reminded her of something she couldn’t put her finger on.
“I’m not sure,” she went on. “But he’s not strong enough to manage a puppy and he seems resentful about it. He’s got an old dog who won’t last the winter. Apparently his son gave him Chaos as a replacement.”
Haylee sighed and picked up her clippers again. “That’s why you want to train him.”
It wasn’t a question. Jamie’s heart skittered. “With your guidance, of course.”
Haylee ran the clipper over the dog’s flank, wincing when the blade caught in the chunk of debris matted into the hair. “I’m tired, James. Let’s get this poor thing finished before Daphne starts yelling for you. We’ll talk about this later.”
Chapter Fourteen
Although the Leo Full Moon is a good time to
examine your desires, Mars clouds your vision
with audacity.
—Jamie’s horoscope
They had twelve riders for the Sunday afternoon ride, a mixed group of novice and intermediate skill levels, from the twelve-year-ol
d who rode regularly at home, to her sixty-five-year-old grandfather who hadn’t ridden in decades.
Haylee had instructed Jamie to take the lead today, with Gideon in the middle and herself bringing up the rear. Gideon had tried to get Huck to fill in for him, but Haylee had put the kibosh on that. She wiggled her eyebrows and gestured for Jamie to address the group.
“Hey, Gideon.” Jamie walked past him, took her place in the center of the group, and clapped her hands to get their attention, hoping she looked authoritative and leader-like. Try and avoid me now, she thought.
“We’ve got a great ride planned for you today.” She made the necessary introductions and said a few words about Sanctuary Ranch.
Haylee stood beside her, her baby bump visible beneath her yoga pants and stretchy tank top. Instead of her usual Stetson, she wore a baseball cap, with her curly blond ponytail stuck through the back opening, but an oversize button-down shirt and worn cowboy boots added the western flair.
“Aren’t you too pregnant to ride?” one of the women asked, her eyes on Haylee’s midsection.
Haylee gave her practiced reply. “In a normal, healthy pregnancy, it’s no riskier than any other exercise. I have a bomb-proof horse, and I never ride alone.”
The woman hesitated. “I guess we’ll just be walking, then?”
“I’ll just be walking,” Haylee assured her. “Jamie and Gideon will have the rest of you trotting and galloping until you beg for mercy.”
The woman smiled, relieved.
Jamie and Gideon.
She sighed. Their names went so well together.
What a lovesick calf.
She shook herself. Better get started before the drooling set in. Or Gideon found a way to beg off.
“Now,” she addressed the group, launching into her usual spiel, “we’re going to do a beautiful loop today. The first hour will take us first deep into the famous Oregon forest. Then we’ll circle down to our beach access. The sand is packed hard there, so those of you who want to run will have your chance. After that, we head up through the fields that parallel the road and will be back at the ranch in time for Daphne’s beef roast, garlic mashed potatoes, and Yorkshire pudding. How does that sound?”
A cheer rose up from the group.
“Right on.” Jamie put her fist in the air. “Remember, there are no washrooms on the trail, so go now or forever hold your pee.”
The old joke tickled new ears as if she’d just come up with it. A couple of women made for the stable bathrooms, and Jamie led the rest into the corral where their horses were waiting, their lead ropes tied loosely to the top rails, tacked up and ready to go.
While Gideon helped the older gentleman adjust his stirrups, Jamie went to the tack room to replace an extra lead rope and get her nerves under control. This would be the most time she’d spent around him since she’d learned about his ex-wife and son.
Ex-not-legally-married, she reminded herself.
Whatever her status, she’d had a child with Gideon. She had far greater claim on him than Jamie could ever hope for.
“Hey.”
She jumped as Gideon came up behind her, and felt her face heat up. “Sheesh, buddy, you might want to give a girl warning. Good thing it’s me and not Haylee. She’d have wet herself.” She tossed the lead rope over the hook, then adjusted the lengths so that they were hanging exactly even on both sides.
“Everything okay?”
He stood in the doorway and, backlit by sunshine, she couldn’t see his expression, just the solid bulk of him.
“Of course, why wouldn’t it be? It’s just a trail ride. I haven’t led before, but come on, how hard is it? Nash knows where he’s going, and the rest of the horses will follow him. All I have to do is talk, and that’s not generally a problem for me, so I’m good to go.”
She held on to both ends of the lead rope with shaking hands, trying to hold back the words knocking against her teeth. Until this very second, she hadn’t realized that she was, in fact, angry at Gideon.
“I meant . . .” Gideon glanced around to make sure no one was in earshot. “I noticed the puppy’s still here. What happened to you taking him back?”
She tightened her grip on the braided leather. “What business is it of yours?”
“I thought—” He stopped. “Never mind. You’re right. I’m sure you’ve thought it through.”
“I have, actually. I met the owner. He’s a total crab-ass, but he’s more than happy to let me teach his puppy a few manners. Haylee knows, in case you’re thinking it’s still a big secret. Not everyone hides things.”
“Gotcha.” He pressed his lips together and turned to leave. “Just wanted to check in. Haven’t seen you much lately.”
She dropped the rope and whirled on him. “Whose fault is that? I’ve been here. You’re like a ghost. And since you ask, I’m pissed off about that. You’re dealing with this whole huge part of your life I never knew about, and I have no idea if you’re okay or if you’re planning to disappear or what.” She clenched her fists, but the words kept coming. “I’m worried about you, Gideon! But it’s none of my business. So, that’s me. How are you?”
He took off his hat and scrubbed at his forehead, his wide shoulder brushing against the rough door frame. Shadows danced across the planes of his face, deepening the lines around his face and darkening the skin beneath his eyes. He looked tired, she realized. Tired and alone and discouraged.
“I’m sorry.” She screwed up her face. “I shouldn’t have gone off on you.”
“No, I’m sorry,” he said. “I deserved that.”
His voice was hollow, like an echo bouncing off an empty canyon. She couldn’t help herself. She walked forward and put her arms around him, pressing her ear against the plaid shoulder. “I just want to help. That’s all. No pressure.”
They’d hugged before. It shouldn’t be weird. But instantly, the room and the horses and the people outside disappeared. The feel of him against her was like a hot bath on a cold day, like something you could sink into and stay in for hours. She pressed her face against his shoulder, breathing in the faintest whiff of seaweed and driftwood. He should stink of sweat or horseflesh or manure, but no. He had to smell awesome.
“Mmm.”
She froze. Oh, no, not again.
His arms stiffened. Carefully, he placed his hands on her upper arms, pushed her away, and took a step back.
“We should get back to the group.”
She stumbled backwards. “Of course. Right. God, I’m an idiot.”
“Jamie, don’t.” He leaned down, his voice low and private. “This is why I’ve been keeping my distance. I don’t want to hurt you. I know you have . . . feelings.”
“Feelings, schmeelings. We’re friends. What about that? You thought you’d pretend that away? Let it die of neglect?” She tried to keep her voice down, but the hurt he hadn’t meant to inflict was bubbling up like lava. “That’s not like you. Or maybe it is. Apparently we’re just casual acquaintances, so what do I know?”
He reached for her, then let his arm fall away. “You know better than that.”
“Do I? Convince me. Because the evidence isn’t leaning in your direction.”
He exhaled in a short, sharp huff. “I care about you. Very much. But I don’t need more complications right now.”
“And that’s what I am? A complication? How lovely. You should write greeting cards. ‘Roses are red, violets are blue, you’re a complication to me, but I care about you. Very much.”
“Come on, Jamie. Quit putting words in my mouth.”
“Well, what else am I supposed to think? Since you went into lock-down mode.”
“This isn’t the time, Jamie.” He glanced around them again, his lips tight.
“Right. It’s never the time. I get it.”
She pushed past him, to go back to the corral, but he captured her arm.
“I have a lot on my mind. It’s not about you.”
Stung, she shook him off. �
��I know that! I don’t understand why you’re so darn determined to deal with this on your own. So you have a gnarly ex situation. I don’t care. Are you going to live out your life in an emotional cave, wearing a hair shirt and whip marks? Give it a rest, Gideon.”
She was breathing hard and wanted to smack him. For a long moment, he watched her, a small frown creasing his forehead, as if she was uncharted territory he had to navigate whether he wanted to or not. Then he shook his head, touched her cheek with his knuckle, and smiled at her.
“Ah, James,” he said softly. “Whatever would I do without you? Come on. They’re waiting for us.”
Her anger evaporated, and in its place came a raw sadness that made her want to put heels to Nash’s sides and run into the wind until they were both hot and heaving.
Gideon wanted boundaries, damn him. Well, fine. She could do boundaries. She didn’t want to, but she could.
If boundaries were what it took to keep him in her life, she’d fucking live on the fence between them. She’d talk over it, yell over it, eat, drink, sleep on it, if necessary.
Because it was killing her to see him so alone.
She stormed out of the tack room, leaped onto Nash’s back, and circled around to the group. “Everyone ready? Watch your knees at the gate.”
Haylee, who was using the mounting block to swing herself into the saddle, gestured for Jamie to head out.
Jamie turned her attention to the group and, for the next hour, was successfully distracted by their enthusiasm. There was plenty of conversation and questions to answer as she pointed out the natural beauty of the conifers and deciduous trees populating the hills below Roman Byers’s place.
Don’t think about Gideon. She was aware of him, caught sight of him occasionally in her peripheral vision, riding three or four horses behind her. But she wasn’t thinking about him.
Right. Like that was possible.
But she did her best.
She led the group on her favorite trail and suddenly she realized they were almost at the creek and the pool where she’d met Sadie and Chaos.
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