She pulls her sweater over her head. There's Violet, lying on her bed with only a thin white tanktop covering her black bra and panties. Her breath is heavy enough to compete with the rain pounding the concrete outside.
There isn't a hint of apprehension in her eyes. Violet doesn't just trust me with her body. She trusts me with her heart too.
I lose track of my thoughts as she does away with her tank top. Slowly, she unhooks her bra and slides it off her shoulders. Slowly, she pushes her panties off her hips.
They land on the floor.
She's inviting me into her bed and into her life.
Her voice is heavy, breathy. "You're supposed to be getting naked."
Can't argue with that.
I take in every soft, curvy inch of her body as I strip to my boxers. Her expression gets needy as I climb into bed next to her. She runs her fingers through my hair.
Her lips meet mine. She kisses hard, sucking on my lips then my tongue.
I go to pull her closer but my hand hits something hard. Not hard exactly, but certainly harder than her skin. The feel of it is familiar. The shape too.
"You still have this?" I pull her rabbit-style vibrator from under the covers.
Violet turns every shade of red. "It still works."
I hold the power button until the device starts buzzing. "So it does."
She hides behind her hands.
I peel one hand off her face. Then the other. I use my free hand to hold her wrists over her head.
Her back arches. A sigh of pleasure falls off her lips. "Ethan…"
"You ever come until you pass out?"
She shakes her head.
"You want to?"
"You're going to kill me."
"I'll play I'm Only Happy When it Rains at your funeral."
"You'll have me forever if you play that song for me in public." She looks up at me through heavy lids. "You aren't naked yet."
"Help me with that." I loosen my grip on her wrists.
She traces the lines of the locked heart tattoo on my chest. Slowly, she rakes her hands down my torso and slides my boxers off my hips.
Her arms go right back over my head. Her wrists go right to my palm.
She wants to give herself to me.
She wants to be mine.
I plant a hard, deep kiss on her lips as I press the vibrator to her clit. She groans as she kisses back. I can feel her need pouring into me, my need pouring into her.
This is where we're supposed to be, with each other.
I tease her until she's squirming. Her lips stay glued to mine. Her arms stay above her head.
Slowly, I slide the device inside her. When the rabbit ears hit her clit, she bites my bottom lip.
She breaks free of our kiss to groan. "Ethan." Pleasure spills over her face. Her nipples tighten. Her skin flushes.
I fuck her with the toy. Slowly at first. Then faster. Harder. Deeper. She writhes. Her toes squeeze the sheets. Her nails dig into her palms.
Her breath catches in her throat. I lean down to suck on her nipple. Then she's there, groaning my name as she comes on the toy. I look up to watch her eyes roll back in her head.
Violet lost in pleasure is the best thing I've ever seen.
She pulls her arms to her sides and plants her hands next to my shoulders. "You have to come too." She drags her lips over my chest. "You have to come in my mouth."
"Vi…"
"Don't stop." She drags her lips down my torso. Her hips stay in place, but they turn as she guides herself into position.
My fingers brush against her as I fuck her with the toy. I've fucked a woman while she was sucking off another guy, and I've been sucked off while another guy was fucking a woman, but I've never done both at once.
She flicks her tongue against my cock. Pleasure surges through my body. There is no other woman. There's never going to be another woman. There's never going to be another experience that compares to Violet.
There isn't a doubt in my mind.
Then her mouth is on me and there isn't a thought in my mind either.
"Fuck, Violet." I fuck her with the toy. My free hand knots in her hair. I guide her over my cock.
She envelops me with her mouth. Her tongue explores every inch of my cock, then it settles on the spot on the bottom of my tip. She torments me with hard flicks of her tongue. Then soft. Then hard again.
My body takes over. I tug at her hair. I fuck her with the toy. I groan her name.
I can feel her orgasm in the way her thighs shake and her fingers dig into my skin. Her groans vibrate over my cock. It's an intense sensation. It's driving me out of my fucking mind.
She groans again and I lose control. I hold her head in place as I come in her mouth. She swallows hard. She groans like my pleasure is her pleasure.
Maybe it is. Her pleasure is certainly my pleasure.
She pushes herself up and reaches down to turn off the toy. Her eyes are still heavy but now it's with satisfaction.
"I think you might have got me this time." She flops onto the bed next to me. "I think I might really die from this."
With one hand, I pull her closer. With the other, I stroke her hair. "Any regrets?"
"Only one." She rests her head on my chest. Her heavy lids fall together. She lets out a long, deep sigh of pleasure.
I hold her body against mine. The sound of our breath mixes with the rain pounding the window.
Violet's voice is a murmur. "There's this job in Orange County. I think I'm gonna take it. I still have an interview, but it's more of a formality." She traces the lines of the tattoo on my chest. "Your tour ends three weeks before the semester does… we can be together all summer."
I'm warm all over.
"Are you happy?" she whispers.
"Yeah."
"You have to promise," she whispers.
"Promise what, Vi?"
"You have to promise. I have to know you mean it." She looks up at me with all this intention in her green eyes. "Will you promise?"
"Promise what?"
"I want to be with you, Ethan. You have to promise you'll be with me too." Her voice gets sleepy. "You have to promise you'll be mine. Promise…"
"I promise."
Her breath slows. Her muscles go slack.
Violet is asleep in my arms.
She's mine.
The white light of a cloudy morning is streaming through the curtains. The bed is warm. Warmer than it should be.
That's not the bed. It's Violet.
She's burning up.
She blinks her eyes open and looks at me. Then her eyes are closed as she lets out a deep cough.
I press the back of my hand against her forehead.
"Your skin is so cool." She turns to cough into her shoulder. "Shit."
"You have a thermometer?" I ask.
"No."
"You're hot."
She groans. "My head hurts too much for me to make a joke about that." She falls back into bed and pulls the covers to her chest. "Do I sound as congested as I feel?"
She does, but I'm not going to tease her when she looks this miserable.
I plant a kiss on her forehead. "I'll check if you have cough medicine."
Her lips curl into a tiny smile. "Thanks, Ethan." She rolls over in the bed. "I hope I don't have to spend our weekend in bed."
"That was my plan."
She laughs. "But not the fun way."
"It's fun if I'm with you."
"You're cheesy."
"You like it."
I pull on my boxers—don't want to scare Violet's roommate—and head to the bathroom. The medicine cabinet and counters are packed to the brim with makeup and hair products, but the only medicine in here is ibuprofen.
After I do my usual morning routine, I head back to Violet's room.
She pulls the covers down to look at me. "It's not good, huh?"
"Want me to pick something up?"
She looks out the window at the misty white sky. "Ugly out ther
e."
I nod.
"You don't mind?"
"Of course not." I like taking care of Violet. Want to spend my life taking care of Violet.
She pushes herself up in bed and pats the spot next to her.
I get my jeans and t-shirt on, then I take a seat next to her and pull her into a deep hug.
She brings her lips to my ear. "I… I… Ethan I… I'm glad you're here."
"I'm glad I'm here." I kiss her forehead again.
"Don't take too long." She falls back into bed. "Please."
I'm on the way back to Violet's place when my phone rings.
Huh? It's barely eight A.M. No one calls this early. No one on the west coast is even awake.
It's Mal.
That can't be good.
I bring the phone to my ear. "Tell me this isn't bad news."
"It's good news."
Still don't have a good feeling about it.
"You with Violet?" he asks.
"Yeah."
"Then never mind. I'll decline this."
"At least tell me what it is."
Mal's voice is as even as always. "We got offered a spot on a late night show tonight. Their original band got food poisoning. Kit and Joel are in."
"You and Joel are communicating?"
"More or less."
That's Mal for less.
"It's a good opportunity but…" His implication is clear. But so is being with Violet. "It's your call, Ethan."
"Let me think about it."
"Hate to rush you, but they want to know immediately."
Shit.
"I can buy you twenty minutes. If I don't hear from you by then, I'll decline."
"Thanks."
"Hmmm."
The phone clicks. I press the thing between my palms. A late night show means millions of people watching us perform. That's mainstream success. That's the kind of thing bands dream about.
I've been working for opportunities like this for the last three years.
Promised Violet I'd stick around. I want to, but I can't turn this down.
She'll understand.
I text Mal.
Ethan: I'm in.
It only takes a minute for him to reply.
Mal: Rehearsal starts at nine-thirty. Don't be late.
Chapter 34
Violet
Everything hurts.
Dammit, I can't remember the last time I was sick. Is getting caught in the rain really that bad? It's happened plenty of times, but only for the distance from the subway to school or the subway to my apartment. Yesterday was the first time I spent the entire day in the pouring rain.
I get myself into my pajamas, wrap a blanket around my shoulders, and put on a pot of tea. The sky is still white. It's still pouring outside.
It's an ugly day.
Then the door opens and Ethan steps inside and it's not ugly anymore. His blue eyes really brighten every room.
But there's something in his expression…
Something is wrong.
He pulls the cough medicine from the paper bag in his hands. "You want a full dose?"
"Please."
He says nothing as he pours orange liquid into the dosing container and hands it to me.
I swig the thing in one sip. Artificial orange flavor. It's not awful.
My apartment is small—all New York City apartments are small, even the ones this far out in Brooklyn—but somehow it feels like Ethan is far away.
I nod to the couch. "Got Netflix queued up to Battlestar Galactica but there are a whole bunch of monster movies we could watch instead."
He runs his hand through his hair.
"You're wet."
"It's raining."
"You're not taking off your shoes."
His eyes turn down.
"Or your coat."
He says nothing.
"I know you always drink coffee first thing, but we have coffee here. Athena is into dark roast. She taught me how to make a pour over. I can get that for you."
"Vi—"
There must be some reason why he isn't settling in. I have to figure it out before I start to panic. "Don't tell me your rich people gym chain is nearby."
But I know there's no chance of that. No one who lives this far out in Brooklyn could possibly afford Ethan's gym.
Why does it look like he's leaving?
He promised he'd stay all weekend.
He promised and he's…
"Ethan…"
His voice is low, apologetic. "Dangerous Noise got invited to perform on a late night show. Their guest canceled. Rehearsal starts in an hour and a half."
"And you're leaving to go to rehearsal?"
"Yeah."
"You're leaving now?"
He swallows hard. "That's the plan."
My words are hollow, an echo. "That's the plan… right. Because you're Ethan Strong, the Dangerous Noise guitarist, and music is everything to you. I get it. Yeah. Right."
"Vi-"
"You promised."
"This is a great opportunity."
It is. I know it is. And I want that for Ethan. But he fucking promised.
I want that to be enough for him. I can't compete with the millions of people who will watch that show. I can't compete with thousands of fans screaming his name.
I don't want to.
I want him promising me he'll be here to be enough to convince him to do it.
I want to matter that much to him.
I blink back a tear. I feel dizzy. I'm not sure if it's the head cold or if it's all the feelings stirring in my stomach.
I take a step towards the couch, but I trip on my blanket.
Ethan catches me. He pulls me into a tight hug. God, I want to absorb all the comfort of his arms.
But I can't.
"You're going to be late," I whisper.
He holds my body against his. "I can come back as soon as it's over."
"Right. Yeah. When is that?"
"Later tonight."
He promised me this day together and now he's leaving like it's nothing.
"And tomorrow, when you get a chance to play some corporate gig?" I pull away from his touch and plant on the couch.
Ethan turns to look at me. "No, I…"
He can't even promise he'll be here tomorrow.
"I thought things were going to be different. Why would they be different?" My voice gets soft. "I must be the stupidest person in the entire world."
He sits next to me on the couch.
I shake my head. "I guess it doesn't matter that I love you, does it?"
"Violet, I love—"
"Don't finish that sentence. It's only going to make this worse."
I believe that he loves me, even without him saying the words.
I thought that was enough.
But it's not.
I pull my blanket tighter. "I… I love you so much, Ethan. I was watching you at the show and my heart was so full it was ready to burst out of my chest. I could see all that happiness on your face. I could see that you were finally where you belonged. You love the stage. You love the guitar. You love Dangerous Noise. Don't you?"
"Yeah."
"I thought I was okay with that coming first. I thought I was okay knowing that music would always matter more to you than I did. But I'm not. I want you to look at me the way your friend Drew looks at his fiancée Kara. I want to trust you to keep your promises. I want to know that if you ever have to choose, you'll choose me."
He stares at me with all this hurt in his deep blue eyes.
The kettle whistles.
"I'll get that." Ethan pushes himself off the couch. He moves to the stovetop and makes me a cup of tea. He turns and presses his back against the counter. His eyes meet mine. They're still wracked with hurt.
But he says nothing.
I can only barely get the words out. "You're going to be late."
"Vi, I…"
He wants to fix this, but he can't. Neither of
us can. He's got the love of his life and I'll never be able to compete with his guitar.
His eyes turn to the floor. "I'm sorry."
Then he goes to the door.
And the door is closed.
And he's gone.
Chapter 35
Violet
Time slows to a crawl. The sheets smell like Ethan. The whole room smells like Ethan.
It's not fair that he occupies this much space in my mind. Dammit, I really thought things were different this time. He promised he'd make this work. He held me while I cried. He planned that whole trip back home, just to ease my pain.
Fuck, he held my hand while I got a tattoo.
I thought I wanted him to stitch together my broken heart. And he did. But then he tore it in half again.
I shower so I won't smell like him. The water is hot and it's pounding my back and the only thing I can think about is him holding me while I cried.
The tile wall is slick against my palm. I can't get a grip. All my ideas about spending a glorious half an hour in here with Ethan get ugly. I think about him in another shower, with another woman, stroking her and pinning her to the wall and driving his cock deep inside her.
Do I mean that little to him?
Right now, I don't know.
Right now, I don't know anything.
I scrub until my skin is raw and red. I wash and condition my hair three times. When I step out of the shower, I no longer smell like Ethan.
Turns out that doesn't do shit to erase him from my mind.
I can't sit here wallowing. No matter how frozen I feel, I need to do something.
My body hurts as much as my heart does. I take another dose of cold medicine, I take a seat at my desk, and I pour myself into my work.
Chapter 36
Ethan
Playing Better Days on a famous sound stage, even at rehearsal, is the kind of thing that should light me up inside. I don't hold back, not at rehearsals, not on stage, not offstage. Not anywhere.
But right now…
Muscle memory is the only thing that gets me through the song. My fingers know the way around my guitar better than they know anything. This is what I'm good at.
This is where I belong.
Even Violet thinks so.
I should be happy about this opportunity. I should at least be taking it in. My eyes are clear. I can see everything. I can hear every note from my guitar, from Mal's guitar, from Kit's bass, from Joel's drum kit. I can hear every bit of my brother's breathy voice.
Dangerous Kiss (Dangerous Noise Book 1) Page 23