Sitting back, she smoothed her skirt over her knees again with shaky hands and looked over at her sister, who had seemingly missed the whole show by chatting to her neighbour at the table. Not that it mattered. This wasn’t about Maddie, it was between her and her parents.
‘Okay, Josie. Okay,’ her father said to the side of her head.
She turned to look at him and he gave her a conciliatory nod, putting a steadying warm hand on top of hers.
Luckily she was saved from bursting into tears by a loud announcement telling them that the show was about to start and asking everyone to find their tables.
Noise levels rose too much to make conversation after that as more people hurried in to take their seats.
Straightening her spine and pulling back her shoulders, Josie regained her poise and waited calmly for the show to begin, ignoring the whispered conversation going on between her parents next to her. It didn’t matter what they said now. All that mattered was that she’d said her piece and she was ready and willing to get on with her life.
But she couldn’t stop herself from wishing Connor was there with her. She would have loved him to see her giving her parents what-for, and this whole horrible debacle wouldn’t seem half as awful in his presence. He’d find a way to make it fun.
Her stomach plummeted to her toes and her throat contracted painfully as she imagined him there, squeezing her hand and giving her that wry grin of his.
Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to focus on the large spotlit stage until she was able to relax out of the ache of melancholy. She had to stop thinking like that; it was only going to make it harder to get over him. It was onwards and upwards from here. No looking back. No regrets.
The lights dimmed and the host of the ceremony, a rising star on the UK comedy scene, mounted the stage and greeted the audience. A hush fell over the crowd and they listened in rapt silence as he announced the first nominations.
Josie’s mind wandered as short clips of the nominated shows played on a large screen above them. She wondered what Connor was doing right at that moment. Probably something exciting and worthy that would put her dull existence to shame. Her humiliating attempt to get him to come here came back to haunt her and she flushed hot with shame. She’d been so angry with him for rejecting her that she’d lost her senses. What an idiot she was. She was almost glad she was never going to see him again; she was ashamed of how ridiculous she’d been.
Realising with a start that everyone was clapping the winner of the category, she joined in a beat too late, garnering herself a stern look from her mother. Smiling sheepishly, she resolved to pay more attention to her surroundings and eject all thoughts of Connor from her head.
After all, he wasn’t part of her life any more and he wasn’t likely to be any time soon.
* * *
Connor stood at the back of the room as the awards ceremony rolled out on the stage in front of him. Cameras were stationed at every available angle of the grand room and the place buzzed with excited chatter. The tables where the audience sat were dark compared to the dazzling light of the stage, so he had to work hard to locate where Josie was seated with her sister and parents. He finally spotted her.
She sat, spine straight, eyes trained on the stage, a forced smile plastered onto her face as her sister’s name was announced as the winner of Presenter of the Year.
Maddie gave the camera trained on her an almost comical fake surprise expression as the spotlight found her, and then she leant across to hug her mother and father before sweeping off towards the stage. Josie sat, ramrod-straight and ignored, at the other side of the table. She seemed smaller than she had in France, as if the weight of being here was pressing down on her, squashing her into a less than Josie-sized space.
A blast of possessive anger nearly knocked Connor off his feet. How could they blatantly snub her like that? His Josie. His sparky, smart, funny, fascinating Josie.
He itched to march over there and rescue her from this nauseating display of self-glorifying nonsense. She deserved better than being sidelined in the corner whilst this circus happened around her.
* * *
After her sister’s win, the host called for a break and there was a sudden ruckus of chairs being scraped back and loud conversation as people got up and headed over to the winners to bestow their congratulations.
This awards ceremony had been just as awful as she’d anticipated, but Josie was still glad she’d come. She knew the only way to overcome these feelings of inadequacy around her sister was to face them head-on and walk away with her head held high. There would be no more hiding from life and no more jealousy; it was a leech she was going to burn off, no matter what it took.
Knowing she could entertain and enthral someone as incredible as Connor—even temporarily—had gone a long way to persuading her there was more to her than she’d supposed. She would celebrate all her successes from now on, even the small ones, and never, ever compare them to someone else’s again. She would be the queen of her own universe.
She stood up and wandered off to the bar in the adjoining room as their table was swamped with well-wishers hoping to get a piece of her sister. Maddie already looked exhausted from all the fawning attention and having to be on her best behaviour. How could she have ever been jealous of that? It was the epitome of her worst nightmare. She needed to remember that the next time she experienced debilitating jealousy about her sister’s success. Everything came with its own problems, after all—even fame and adoration.
The bar was quiet compared to the shouty hubbub of the ballroom, and she let out a long breath of relief as the silence wrapped around her, soothing her ringing ears and throbbing head.
‘Hi, Josie.’
The bottom of her stomach hit the floor and all the air rushed out of her lungs at the sound of a deep, smooth voice she’d know anywhere.
Connor.
She spun round to find him standing behind her, glorious in a black shirt and dark blue jeans, his blond hair rumpled, his ice-blue eyes ringed with dark circles. If anything, he seemed larger and even more dominating than she remembered. All she could do was stand and stare at the vision in front of her, an irritating excitement building in her stomach.
‘How did you find me?’ she blurted. ‘I mean, what are you doing here?’ she corrected, trying to keep her tone neutral, but failing to keep the quaver of hopeful excitement out of her voice. He only had to look at her with those gorgeous cool blue eyes and she turned to mulch.
‘Abigail told me where you’d be.’
‘You’ve seen her?’
‘I called her.’
‘That’s great,’ she said, the pleasure and surprise at the fact she’d actually got through to him on some level momentarily overtaking the exhilaration of his appearance.
He looked at her levelly but didn’t say anything. His silence unnerved her.
‘Right. So, are you up for an award tonight or are you just here stalking me?’ She’d meant it as a joke—a throwaway comment to distract him from the total chaos of her response to his appearance—but of course it came out sounding more serious than she intended.
‘Hardly.’ Connor raised a derisive eyebrow but shifted on his feet, crossing his arms in front of him.
‘So what are you doing in London? Something I thought I’d never see.’ This was like pulling teeth. Her throat was tight with tension and she had to fight to keep tears from welling in her eyes. She would not go to pieces, though. No way.
Connor’s gaze flicked up to hers, his eyes hard behind his frown. ‘Look, I don’t want to leave things the way we did. I admit I was frustrated with you for leaving early and I reacted badly. I wanted to come and apologise face-to-face for the way I behaved.’
‘What? You mean you’re not planning on getting up on the stage to announce your apology to the whole r
oom?’ she said.
The inability to keep stupid jokes from tumbling out of her mouth was embarrassing, but not surprising considering how tense she was.
The comment earned her a smile, but it didn’t quite penetrate the disquiet in his eyes.
What the hell did this mean? Was he only here to say sorry? Her heart thumped in her ribcage with alarming force.
‘Okay. Well, we both said some things we shouldn’t have. Let’s just forget about it,’ she said quickly. She needed air. Or maybe a double shot of vodka to calm her raging nerves.
A tense silence fell between them as they looked at each other and she became aware of her fingers tapping against her legs.
Why was he still here if all he’d wanted to do was apologise? He’d done that. He should be striding out of there by now, mission accomplished.
‘Why are you really here, Connor?’
He ran a hand over his eyes, his shoulders slumping a notch. ‘I’ve been thinking about what you said.’
‘About you needing to man up? I’m sorry about that.’
He put a hand up to stop her. ‘The thing is, Josie, I’ve been on my own for so long I don’t know how to care about someone else any more. I thought I wanted to be on the move because it’s what I’m used to. I’ve been doing it since I was eighteen and I believed it was what defined me. It’s not. Not really.’
‘What changed your mind?’ Her words came out as a whisper.
He moved towards her and touched her arm gently. ‘You did. I miss being around you. Frustrating though you are sometimes. We’re so different, but we totally work together.’
‘Immovable object meets irresistible force?’ She could barely get the words out.
He smiled. ‘That’s a good description of us.’
Her head spun. What was going on here? Had Connor really materialised in the middle of Maddie’s awards ceremony to tell her he’d changed his mind? Or was her under-rested, overstressed brain playing tricks on her?
She needed a minute to pull herself together.
‘Let’s move somewhere a bit more private,’ she said, nodding towards a quiet corner where they could meld into the shadows more easily. There was no way she was having this conversation in full public view—not if she was going to end up in pieces on the floor.
* * *
Connor’s stomach clenched in fear as he realised Josie wasn’t responding quite the way he’d hoped. She seemed to be miles away, her eyes unfocused, as if she was thinking about something else entirely. Maybe that was her way of coping with being around him again. Or perhaps she was over him already?
The thought made his chest constrict and a slow flood of dread seeped through his veins.
No. Not possible. Not if she felt anything like the way he did.
He was quiet as he searched her face for any kind of emotion. Her eyes flickered under his scrutiny, as if she was trying to hide something from him. The silence was clearly making her nervous.
‘Josie?’ Connor looked at her intently, his brow furrowed. ‘Don’t tell me you’ve changed your mind about us, because I don’t believe it.’
She crossed her arms against her chest and paused for a beat, seeming to gather her thoughts. Finally she looked up at him, her gaze steady. ‘After I left I did some serious thinking,’ she said. ‘You were right. I would have had a nervous breakdown if I’d carried on the way I was going. You helped me get some perspective on life. Thank you for that.’
‘Well, I’m happy to have helped.’ A steady and severe pulse throbbed in his head; panic was rising in his belly. This time the potential of an attack played at the edge of his consciousness in response to the paralysing terror that she was about to tell him where he could stick his apology.
‘I’m glad I met you. I needed a wake-up call,’ she said.
He wasn’t sure where she was going with this. His hands shook at his sides and he put them behind his back so she wouldn’t see. If she was about to give him the brush-off he wanted to get out of there with as much dignity as he could muster.
‘So what are you going to do about it?’ He hated how breezy his voice sounded. If only she knew how he was burning up inside maybe she wouldn’t prolong the agony she was putting him through.
‘I’m going to slow things down a bit. Get some semblance of a life back. Talk some things through with a counsellor. Whatever I do, I’m not going to allow my work to take over my life again.’
‘Okay.’
Josie looked at him steadily. ‘I have to admit I was furious with you for sticking your nose into my business at first, but I realise you were only trying to help in your strange, lopsided way.’
He snorted gently. ‘Yeah, well, I’ve been trying to save the world for so long I don’t know when to stop.’
‘I thought you were going to India?’
The off-subject question brought him up short. ‘I did, but I handed the project to someone else to manage this time.’
It was now or never. He took a step closer to her, putting a hand on her arm in the hope that he could connect with her.
‘I had to come back and see you. I never should have let you leave. I was an idiot to say no to you—to a relationship with you.’ He ran a hand through his hair in agitation. ‘I thought it would be best for us both to move on and forget each other, but to be honest I’ve been miserable without you. You’re what I want. What I’ve been looking for for so many years. I was just too stupid to realise it.’
Josie froze, staring down at the ground. He waited for her response, trapped breath burning his lungs until he thought he couldn’t stand it any longer.
‘Me too,’ she said finally, looking up directly into his eyes, her expression a mixture of pain and hope. ‘Life’s no fun without you.’
Relief flooded through him and he let out a long, low sigh. ‘Thank God for that.’ He moved towards her, his eyes not leaving hers, until their bodies were merely millimetres apart.
She put a hand against his chest. ‘I’m not the easiest person to live with.’
‘That’s okay. I like difficult women,’ he said, tucking a curl of hair around her ear, desperate now to feel her soft lips against his, but knowing there was more to say before that could happen.
‘How are we going to make it work?’ she asked, her anxiety obvious in the quaver of her voice.
‘I could base myself in London...for you.’
‘Really? You’d do that?’
‘I’d still need to be away a lot. We’re going to need determination and tenacity to keep this relationship on track.’
‘I have those qualities in abundance.’
‘How are you at phone sex?’
He grinned and she smirked back.
‘I suck at it. But practice makes perfect.’
‘And we’ll have a lot of holidays away. And I mean a lot.’
‘Okay.’
‘You have to meet me halfway, Josie. I can’t go through this if you’re not fully with me.’
‘We can make this work, I know we can.’
Finally he brought his mouth down hard on hers, his hands cupping her face. Relief surged through him. He had a flash of what lay before them: a strong, equal partnership, one that would be challenging but totally worth the effort.
She kissed him back fiercely, her fingers winding into his hair, until they were both breathless and panting.
‘So you trust me not to turn back into the work-focused shrew I once was?’ she said as they finally pulled apart.
He laughed. ‘I trust you.’
‘And you don’t mind taking on the black sheep of my family?’
‘I can’t believe they love someone as amazing as you any less, Josie, but, no, I don’t care what your family thinks.’
She gave him a sad smil
e. ‘I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to accept that none of us will ever change and make peace with that.’
‘Very sensible.’
‘Speaking of family and sensible,’ she said, looking at him coyly, ‘and not meaning to break the mood or anything, but I spend a lot of time with your sister and she’s a very good friend of mine. You can’t keep pretending she doesn’t exist.’
He rubbed a hand over his forehead, smoothing away the uneasy frown. ‘I know. When I spoke to her yesterday I arranged to meet her for a drink and talk things through. You’re right—it’s time to move on from the past. Something I laughably thought I had been doing, but was actually failing miserably at.’
She smiled, and a satisfied warmth spread through him. ‘I’m glad.’
‘Kudos to you, by the way, for getting through my thick skull. I didn’t realise how much you’d influenced me until I was picking up the phone and talking to Abi.’
She grinned. ‘So the drip-drip approach worked.’
‘Yeah, smarty-pants. You got me.’
‘Well, you never would have made that decision if I’d nagged you to do it. You’re too damn stubborn.’ She slapped him gently on the arm. ‘Control freak.’
‘Workaholic!’
‘Dromomaniac!’
He gave her a puzzled frown.
‘It means you have a mania for travel.’
‘Yeah, well, I’m not so maniacal about it now. Not when I have such a good reason to stay put,’ he said, dropping his mouth to hers and savouring the sweetly familiar softness of her lips.
* * *
There was a commotion at the entrance to the bar and Josie reluctantly pulled away from the kiss to see a large group of people walking in, with Maddie at its epicentre.
‘Let’s get out of here,’ she said, not wanting to have to introduce Connor to her family tonight. Nor her family to Connor, for that matter. Not until she’d had time to get her head around everything. And she really didn’t want this moment to be overshadowed by her sister’s overwhelming presence.
‘Why don’t you want me to meet Maddie?’
Holiday with a Stranger Page 16