She didn’t want to see him. She’d been doing well. She wasn’t ready and this wasn’t fair.
‘I told you I needed more time—’
‘I’ll leave if that’s what you want.’ His voice was so husky. ‘But I hoped you might hear me out. Just briefly.’
The problem was she couldn’t cope with her own emotions—the initial elation at seeing him again followed by the instant torpedoing of that excitement because she’d remembered, he didn’t want her.
Why, then, was he here?
‘It’s Thursday afternoon,’ she said. ‘You should be at work.’
‘I’ve switched to a four-day week. Thursday is my new day off.’
She stared at him nonplussed—because he looked so damn serious about that.
‘It’s true. I’m trying to change a few things. I need to.’
‘What’s that?’ She nodded at the strip of green leaf he was holding.
He glanced down and a rueful grin broke the seriousness. ‘I noticed it when I was walking along the beach earlier waiting for you to be finished here.’ He held it up so she could see it properly. ‘I thought you could try growing another cutting.’ He regarded the limp thing sadly. ‘I would have ripped out the whole plant but remembered you like growing something from not very much. I think that’s a challenge you enjoy.’ He gazed directly into her eyes. ‘And I think you don’t want to destroy something in order to create something new.’
‘Sometimes you can’t get something to grow no matter how much you want to.’
‘That doesn’t mean you stop trying,’ he replied.
* * *
Leo couldn’t stop staring at her. She looked gorgeous. In loose trousers and a white tee that was knotted at her waist that still didn’t show any sign of the twin secrets growing inside. Her glorious hair was swept up in a messy bun and secured with a white scarf. He’d watched her smiling at customers, insanely jealous of the two minutes of her time that they got. She’d looked happy and healthy and stupidly that had made him angrier. Made him more afraid. That smile had fallen from her face the second she saw him. So now he was terrified.
‘Can we go somewhere to talk?’ he asked gruffly.
There was a moment where he thought she might refuse. But then she turned.
‘You can walk me back to my flat,’ she said.
The one he’d learned she shared with three other people. He was jealous of them too.
He’d been awake all night plotting what to say, how to say it, where to say it, but now he was here, he’d forgotten all his great plans and didn’t know where to begin. Now he was with her, all he wanted to do was pull her close and kiss her. Exactly what he wasn’t supposed to do. Instead he put one foot in front of the other and walked out with her.
‘Did you need to see for yourself that I’m okay?’ She sounded bitter—as if she thought he’d not believed her messages. ‘Because I am.’
‘I know and I’m glad,’ he said huskily. His heart was beating too fast. He paused on the beach; he couldn’t go a step further. He drew in a breath. ‘I’ve asked my managers to take on some of my workload. I’m serious about Thursdays—or whatever day might be best. I’m trying to let go of my micromanagement issue.’
She blinked. ‘Good for you.’
‘So that’s given me more time to think.’ He paused because his brain just wouldn’t work properly now—every thought had scattered upon seeing her again. ‘I’ve been feeding Axel. I thought if I could keep him alive there might be hope for me...’ None of this was coming out right. ‘I wish we could go back to the reef.’
Wariness, sadness, bloomed in her eyes. ‘You only took me there to convince me to do what you wanted. You just wanted me to say yes to marrying you.’
‘I would have done anything to get you to say yes to me.’ He admitted it freely. ‘But I never stopped to ask myself why I really wanted that so much.’ He couldn’t resist reaching out to take her hand. ‘I also swallowed my pride and offered your parents something I said I never would. Why did I do that?’
‘Because you thought you had to, to make everything okay. To win. To stave off any future conflict.’
‘Again. That’s partly true. But why did it matter so much?’ He needed her to understand. ‘I’ve been in conflict my whole life, Rosanna—’
‘I know,’ she interrupted softly. ‘Fighting the whole time. You must be so sick of it.’
‘I thrive on contractual challenges. On problem-solving. But with you there’s always been a different edge.’
She fell silent.
‘I watched you that night. You were so beautiful, so curious. You appreciated something so small with such intensity. And made me curious and then you suddenly opened up like some gorgeous flower.’
She pulled her hand free of his, her shoulders hunching inwards. ‘It should only have been that one night.’
‘No. You’re wrong. I was wrong for letting you leave then. And for letting you leave the other day.’
Rosanna’s blood beat like drums, deafening her when she needed to hear most acutely. ‘Why are you here? I offered you everything I had and you didn’t want it.’ He’d hurt her. ‘But I’m fine now. I don’t want your excuses. We can just move on.’ She blinked back tears.
‘I can’t move on.’
‘Why?’
He took hold of her shoulders and bent his knees so he could see into her eyes. ‘Because you matter to me. Because you’re everything to me.’
She dragged in a scalding breath. ‘No...’
‘That night I really liked you, Rosanna,’ he said quietly, urgently, his words tumbling. ‘Yeah, I took one look and wanted, but when you started talking I wanted to listen. I wanted to be around you. And the more time I had with you, the more I wanted and that freaked me out.’ He released a harsh breath. ‘I’m not good at building relationships... I don’t have much practice and it scares the hell out of me. And for the first time I wanted to do things other than work and that was scary too. Because that’s not controllable in the same way. I’m sorry it has taken me so long to realise what should have been so obvious. I did all that on the reef, with your flat, with your parents... Not because I felt I should, but because I’ve fallen in love with you. Only I resisted admitting that the day you left because it terrified me. You could hurt me like no one else. You did. I never wanted someone to ever get that close.’
She curled her hands into fists. ‘I never wanted to hurt you. You did that when you pushed me away.’
‘I know,’ he said simply. ‘And I am so sorry I hurt you.’
Suddenly she was shaking and he swept his arms around her.
‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.’ He whispered it against her hair. ‘Because that’s what happened.’ His breath caught. ‘I hurt you before you could hurt me.’
‘You sent me away.’ It still hurt.
‘I was an idiot. I was afraid and that made me angry. I thought you were about to leave anyway...sending you away was me getting in first. Because I couldn’t stand the thought of your rejection. I couldn’t cope. And I’m so sorry.’
He held her closer, cradling her as the tears finally fell.
‘You’re number one to me, Rosanna. You’re everything to me. And without you...’ His voice broke. ‘I don’t want that world any more. You were right. I tried to control everything because I was afraid. Losing someone hurts, Rosanna.’ He struggled for composure. ‘And I’m lost without you.’
* * *
She gripped his T-shirt, unable to answer. Her throat was too tight. Her tears too heavy.
‘I don’t want anything but you. You with your fiery hair and freckles and skin that’s so soft and so revealing. You with your quiet way of seeing the world. Your eye for detail. You’re my idea of perfect. Just as you are. I want to steal you away to remote beaches so we can enjoy the sunsets
. I want to dance with you—and I’ve never wanted to dance with anyone before. I want to stop and savour the small moments with you. See the things you see.’
‘Leo.’
‘I didn’t mean to ignore your wishes or belittle your input or make you feel like you weren’t my priority. I just wanted to protect you. But I screwed up.’
‘And I overreacted,’ she whispered, tears tracking down her face. ‘I felt insecure and I flipped. I worried you were only doing all this because you felt you had to.’
‘I do have to.’ He smiled at her. ‘Because I love you. But I’m terrified I am going to let you down. I’m terrified I’m going to let the babies down. I don’t know how to be a dad.’
‘Leo...’
‘I couldn’t look after my mother. I couldn’t help her when she needed it most.’
‘You’re the most caring, most responsible man I know. You cared for me when I fell asleep on you that first night on the island. I saw you sneaking snacks to that little lizard. You tried to fix my flooded flat and ensured my plants didn’t die... I don’t know how to look after these babies either and learning might take us some time, but the desire to care...that’s innate. And you have it no less than anyone else. In fact you have it more than most. The only problem is that sometimes you do it without consultation.’ She smiled at him with regret. ‘I shouldn’t have said you were like your father. You’re nothing like him.’
‘You were right about my need for control.’ He closed his eyes. ‘There was a lot in my life I couldn’t control for a really long time. So then I focused on what I could to the exclusion of almost everything else. And now I’m rusty at releasing my grip.’
She sighed. ‘I don’t want you to ever let me go,’ she whispered.
‘It might be hard for me not to be overprotective. It’s going to take some practice at talking these things through with you and not just going ahead and trying to fix them on my own. But I really want to try.’
She loved that he wanted to try for her.
‘I don’t want you thinking I’m here because of duty or responsibility. This isn’t actually about the babies. I’m here for you.’
A moan of raw emotion escaped and he swept her close and kissed her. He was here, offering everything she wanted, and she so badly wanted to believe in him. But she needed more of everything from him.
‘Every time I take a breath it hurts because I know you’re not beside me,’ he said. ‘You’re not wandering off the path to look at some random tiny thing. You’re not showing me so very much in all those little things. You’re not there when I get home. So home is hollow in a way it never has been before. Please come back with me.’
‘Do you mean it?’ Elation slowly filled her cold, cavernous heart—until his love filled it to overflowing.
But she shivered at the thought of what might have been. ‘We might never have found each other again if I hadn’t come to Ash’s office that day.’
‘So let’s be grateful that we did and not lose each other again. Ever.’ He released her hair from its clasp, running his hand through the waves. ‘Maybe our paths would’ve crossed eventually. You were coming back to Sydney. I would’ve seen you.’
She chuckled. ‘You think fate would’ve intervened?’
‘I have no idea. I am just eternally grateful to your parents for bringing you back into my life that day—the best thing they’ve done aside from having you in the first place.’
She glanced up at him, nibbling on her lip. ‘What are we going to do about them?’
He smiled down at her. ‘We’ll manage them together, okay?’
‘Okay.’ She drew a steadying breath. ‘Will you come to my little flat with me now?’ she asked. ‘Please?’
His face lit up—double dimples, wide smile, love in his eyes. ‘Thought you’d never ask.’
She walked faster than she’d walked in years, super-glad her flatmates would all still be at work. She needed him.
As soon as they were inside her door she turned to him and he didn’t hold back. He picked her up, bracing her against the wall as he kissed her so hard she now understood how desperately he’d suffered through the long hours of loneliness and misery too. They’d endured an awful separation. They never would again.
‘Please,’ he growled, shaking with the effort to go both slow and fast, gentle and passionate. ‘I missed you,’ he muttered, pressing kisses against her hair with every other word. ‘It scares me how much I missed you.’
She heard the break in his voice and lifted her gaze to see him. The vulnerability in his eyes devastated her.
‘I know,’ she breathed, her tears spilling again. ‘It’s been awful.’
He hoisted her up. ‘Not any more.’
‘No. Because you’re here.’
He filled her with his strength and vitality and all that gorgeous, glorious intensity. It was better than anything—more sublime, more intense. The power of him was fully focused on her and nothing, nothing at all, was held back. Out of control completely, she shook in his arms—from pleasure this time, not heartbreak. And he matched her. His arms were like steel bands and it was the sweetest, sharpest sensation in the world.
‘Love me,’ she breathed almost deliriously. ‘Love me the way I love you.’
‘I do. That and more, darling. You have everything of me.’
He held her so close, making her believe with every kiss, every touch, every vow. Again and again he promised and assured until her belief in his word was imprinted on every cell in her body.
‘I’m here,’ he growled. ‘With you. For you. And I’ll love you as hard and as best I can until I’m no more.’
‘Yes.’
He was her for ever.
EPILOGUE
A little over two years later
‘ARE YOU READY?’ Leo Castle strode out to the terrace and saw his wife ensconced at the table, bent over a large piece of paper with a container of sharp coloured pencils beside her.
His heart soared at the sight; he loved it when she was deep in concentration like this.
‘I just need five more minutes,’ she murmured, not looking up from her drawing. ‘This bit is almost there.’
He sighed theatrically and shook his head mournfully. ‘And you once told me I was a workaholic...’
At that she glanced up and sent him a laughing look. ‘And you’re not still?’
‘Absolutely not,’ he declared with a wink. He tried hard but admittedly there were times when their Thursday afternoon date got pushed back by a couple of hours. Not today, however—today he had very special plans. He’d even taken tomorrow off work as well.
‘I have a particular surprise. Only you’re keeping us waiting...’ He waggled his brows at her lasciviously.
‘Okay.’ She chuckled and put her pencil down. ‘You’ve convinced me.’ She glanced up at him again with a gleam in her eye. ‘You’ve always been good at that.’
He stepped closer to see the picture she’d been working on. It was miniature perfection. His wife? Total perfection. Her cheeks were flushed and there was a smudge of charcoal by her chin and her hair was in the messiest ponytail he’d ever seen. She wore loose linen shorts and a plain, not-quite-white-any-more tee and she was gorgeous.
‘I just need two minutes to get changed.’ She stood and stretched.
‘I’ll go see the twins.’
He walked back inside and followed the sound of toddler laughter.
‘Daddy!’ The stereo call would never get old.
Gracie and Millie ran and clutched a leg each. His soaring heart now swelled to bursting point. They were such delights. He dropped to the ground and they squealed with laughter as he pulled them into a hug and quizzed them on their day.
‘How many times did you go down the slide?’
* * *
Rosanna skipped to the
bathroom and took the quickest ever shower. Time had slipped from her completely. Her parents had taken the girls to the park for an adventure an hour ago and she’d got lost in the garden on the terrace, inspired to do a drawing for her new collection. She’d finally figured out the job of her dreams. Her boss at the nursery up in Brisbane had seen her notebook and loved her botanical sketches. Together they’d designed a limited stationery range to be sold onsite. To Rosanna’s amazement it had taken off and since then she’d expanded her sales online. She was still growing her own plants and now she put together terrariums on request for the store to sell as well. Now her little business was literally thriving.
What was more, her relationship with her parents had improved hugely over the last couple of years. While they had gone to Queensland, once there they’d soon decided to retire. It had completely shocked Rosanna, but they were working on their golf handicaps, of all things. They’d actually relaxed and seemed happy with each other. They stayed with Leo and Rosanna quite often—helping out with babysitting when they needed it, loving simple trips to the park and time with their granddaughters. Doing the things they’d not taken the time from work to do with Rosanna when she was young.
Rosanna pulled on a silk slip dress in sky blue and slid her feet into summery sandals. Thursday afternoons were their special dates, but Leo had told her that tonight was an extra-special one and she was to pack an overnight bag. She smiled to herself as she fixed her hair. With Leo, they could be going anywhere.
She went to the twins’ bedroom and found him on the floor. He was lying on his stomach reading a story to the girls, who were leaning against him like two little puppies. Her heart melted at the sight.
‘Ready?’ she asked with a teasing lilt.
‘Two minutes.’
She chuckled delightedly. That he took time for them was the greatest sign of his love.
She went to the kitchen where her parents were pottering about making an early pasta dinner. ‘Thank you so much.’
‘No problem.’ Her mother had actually spilled pasta sauce on her shirt.
Harlequin Presents--July 2021--Box Set 1 of 2 Page 17