“If I got home late from work, if I didn’t wash his shirts the right way, or if the dinner wasn’t to his liking, he would lash out at me. I should have left before I fell pregnant with Tilly but I didn’t. He’d hit me and then say he was sorry and it wouldn’t happen again. But it always did.” Her pulse picked up and started to race, but she was determined not to let it stop her saying it out loud. “He kept me on a tight rein even when he was away on deployment. I had little money, no friends, and I was scared constantly. I began to dream about the times he would be overseas and that was the only respite I got. Even going to work seemed to be a battle. He knew people in the hospital I worked at, and I worried they spied on me for him. He wasn’t home when Tilly was born, but when he got back he was so in love with his little girl, I couldn’t bear to take her away from him.” The tissue in her hands was now a pile of shredded paper on her knee. She scooped it up and dropped it on the table.
“It became a cycle. He would be sweet as pie and then something would set him off. This would go on until he was shipped out again. He’d call me, saying how much he missed us and how sorry he was. Promised to get help and anything else I wanted if I’d only forgive him. Then, when he got home it would start again.” April brushed her hands up her arms, trying to rub away the goose bumps on her bare skin. “I fell pregnant again and he was home when Leo was born.”
“Did this have anything to do with you not coming home for your mother’s funeral?”
A strangled sob escaped her lips. “He said…Rob said that…since my mother and I didn’t really get along he wasn’t wasting money for me to come back.” She mopped at the tears.
“I knew it would have to be something pretty compelling to keep you away. Your father left the island after she died. Did you know that?”
April shook her head. “No. Dad and I stopped speaking before I went away to college.”
Atticus reached out and took her hand, giving her the courage to continue. “Anyway, things got worse over the years. I know what you’re thinking. I should have left him or called the police.” The guilt nipped at her heels. “I kept telling myself that he loved his children even if he didn’t care about me. He insisted he did, but what man would beat his wife if he loved her?”
April stood up and leaned on the porch rail, desperate for the warmth of the afternoon sun on her body. The chills had started rippling through her as soon as she had mentioned her ex’s name. “I couldn’t understand the way his moods swung from good to bad until one day it hit me. He was on drugs. Of course he denied it, but all the signs were there. PTSD seemed likely due to his career, but he refused to discuss it with me or his doctor.”
“You should have called me, April. I would have come. You know I would have.” She could hear the pain in his voice.
“I couldn’t do that to you, Atticus. It wasn’t your problem. I’m the one who married him and you know what they say? I made my own bed, I had to deal with it.” She sighed. “To cut the story short, he took his own life. I’d made the decision to leave and I did. I moved into a women’s shelter and the following week he was gone.”
“I’m sorry.” He gazed out over the water. “You blamed yourself, didn’t you?”
“Of course I did. It was my fault he finally decided to end his life. I’ve never ever been so gutted. As much as we didn’t get along anymore, the last thing I would wish on anyone is what he must have gone through.”
“Do I really need to tell you that it wasn’t your fault? Surely you understand that, April.”
“Yes I do, but I still blame myself.” She shrugged her shoulders. “It’s something I have to live with.”
“The children must have been devastated.”
“Not really. They knew something was going on the last few years. He’d left the Marines, got more withdrawn as time passed. There were days he never even acknowledged his own children. They got used to not having him around even if he was in the room. It became a game of cat and mouse whenever they made a comment about his behavior. I’d deflect it the best I could. I hated lying to my children, Atticus, but it was sad to see the way he’d become, even around them.”
“I can’t begin to imagine how terrible it must have been for all of you.”
“I guess children are more resilient than we give them credit for. But if it wasn’t for the fact I managed to get work as a nurse, we would have starved.” She bit her lip, hating to finally admit this. “I didn’t have anyone to help me after he died. His parents blamed me and refused to help me. If I got held up at work, they would be left with a babysitter and I couldn’t do that anymore. Money was too tight. The part-time job with Drew was like a dream come true for us.”
“Darlin’ you should have come home earlier. We’re here for you. I want you to know that.”
“I always knew you would be but after what happened between Drew and I, well I didn’t want to assume anything. But I couldn’t help but come back to Hope Harbor. It was the only place I ever felt safe.”
***
Drew closed the door of the clinic and climbed into his car. Before he headed home he wanted to go and see if the painters had finished the inside of his house. He drove down to the harbor and headed around the coast on the ocean road. He loved this time of evening, when the colors softened and the harbor quietened.
Drew pressed the button and lowered his window, letting in the cool sea breeze. He couldn’t get over how quickly April had agreed with him about moving forward. It was silly for a grown man to hold out hope for so long that the love of his life would come back and want to pick up the pieces.
He turned left down the private road toward the house he’d purchased over a year ago. The views were what drew him to buy the property as soon as it came on the market, or so he told himself. Jeff had brought him out here and he’d stood in front of the house overlooking the ocean, and knew then and there that this house was his. He had a history with this place and couldn’t bear to let it go now he had the chance to make it his. The ever-changing scenery never ceased to amaze him. On a clear day he could see over to the other islands, and if the night was cloudless and still, the lights on the mainland gave him a lovely show.
The painters were still at the house and so was his father. He’d been overseeing the work so Drew could concentrate on his business. Drew pulled up and got out of the car as his father walked out the wide front doors onto the veranda that overlooked the bay.
“I was hoping you would show up here before you went home.” Atticus waited as Drew walked up.
“It’s looking great.”
“It is. Come and see what you think of the color in the living room. The boys have almost finished the first coat, and will be back tomorrow for the final coat.” He turned and walked back inside, stepping around ladders, drop cloths, and paint cans.
Drew stood in the doorway, hands on hips, taking in the wide open space of the room that looked directly over the water. Once it was furnished it would be stunning. “I love it. You were right toning the color down, Dad. Any darker would have made the walls close in on the room.”
“Glad you approve, son.”
“I appreciate you taking care of the house for me. Things have been hectic at the clinic lately. Thank goodness we have a practice nurse now that’s going to stick around. At least, I hope she will.”
His father tilted his head and grinned.
“What?” He had the weirdest habit of just looking at his children like they should be able to read his mind. It freaked Drew out now he was older because it was no longer amusing. “If you have something to say, say it. Don’t expect me to read your mind. I’m not a kid that needs to be amused anymore.”
“Son, I bet you can figure out exactly what I’m thinking.” He folded his arms and stared, a smile on his face.
“No. No, don’t even go there.” He had it wrong. But when had his father ever been wrong about anything?
Atticus nodded his head. “Yeah, you know I’m right. You still love her.
We could see it the way you looked at her the other night. Just as well she came back, isn’t it? Time you settled down.”
This wasn’t going to go anywhere other than to turn into a massive argument which neither man would win. They were both as stubborn as each other.
“She doesn’t want to hear how I feel, alright? We spoke at the office earlier to make peace and be friends because otherwise it would be too hard to work together. She agreed before I finished suggesting it.” He jammed his hands in his pockets, dejection hitting him hard now he’d said the words out loud. Admitting defeat had always been hard for him. “She was over me when I was in med school and that hasn’t changed apparently. I admit I made a mistake, and look where it’s got us. You know something, Dad? When I was interning just before we broke up, I might have hinted that she wouldn’t be able to handle the life of a doctor’s wife. The long hours, the broken sleep.”
He hated the look he saw in his father’s eyes at his admission. “Sounds to me like you didn’t give her enough credit. You may as well have told her you didn’t trust her. Seems like it would have done the same kind of damage.”
“I admit it. It was all my fault. I pushed her away because I was worried she’d crack under the pressure of it all. Hell, I found it hard to take, but I was too busy myself to try and make it right. I wouldn’t blame her if she never wanted to talk to me again.”
His father reached out and put an arm around his shoulders. “Son, there’s more to this story than you think. The poor girl has had a hard time of it and needs you. She needs all of us and we’re here for her.”
“Great. That’s just great, Dad. I’m the one who got dumped and you’re here for her. Cool.” Life was so damned unfair when your father supported the enemy. “Guess I deserve it though.”
“I’m closer to you than anyone else, Drew. You’re as stuck on that girl as you were when you were kids. You broke up, deal with it. Far as I can see you were both too young for commitment anyway. But right now she’s here and needs you more than you both know.” He tipped his head at the workers packing up their tools. “You renovated this house with her in mind even if you don’t want to admit it. It has all the things she liked in it.”
Drew glared at his father ready to argue. There was only so much honesty he could put out there in one day. “I did nothing of the sort. This house is for me. Always was from the minute I bought it.”
He chuckled. “When Jeff showed you nicer houses you turned them all down because they weren’t on the point you two used to go park up at.” Atticus tilted his head when Drew growled. “What, you think your old dad didn’t figure out where you two used to hang out? Son, I know more about what you two got up to and what goes on in that head of yours than you do. I understand it whereas you were mighty confused with it all. Still are by the sound of it.”
Drew wasn’t sure whether he should agree or argue more. He wouldn’t win. The annoying thing was that his father was always right and it frustrated the heck out of him. “I can’t have her. She doesn’t want me. Made that plain today.”
Atticus rocked back and forth on his feet, contemplating Drew while he found the words. “I had a chat with April today, son. If I was a betting man, I’d say the best thing you could do was be kind to her, get her to trust you again, and let her see you’re there for her no matter how much pride it costs you.”
“I’m not sure that’s the right thing to do. As much as I hate to admit it, you’re right. I never fell out of love with her and seeing her when she arrived made me very aware of that.” He gazed past the living room into the high-tech kitchen he’d had installed with all the latest gadgets. Would she like it or think it was over the top? The April he knew had simple tastes, but that was years ago and everyone grew up eventually. There was no guessing what she would like now and that included him.
“Just be kind to her, son. She’s been hurt real bad. I’m hoping between us and the island, she will heal back to her happy self.” He patted Drew on the back.
“It hurt seeing the children more than I thought it would. They should have been mine. There was a time when I thought all she wanted was to settle down with me and have my babies. It seemed I was wrong and I can’t figure out how to move past that.”
“Take it one day at a time. Things will work out just how they’re meant to.” He waved at the painters as they left for the day. “Let’s go home and have dinner. Gigi has some fancy roast in the oven and she hates it if we’re late when it’s her turn to cook.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
“Nancy, I’m popping out for lunch. Liam is here and if there’s an emergency you can call on my cell.”
“Sure, Drew. Enjoy the sunshine while it lasts. Weather is forecasting rain by tonight.” Nancy turned back to answer the phone as Drew walked down the corridor to April’s room. He tapped on the door before he opened it.
“Come in.”
“Hi. I’m going out for a quick bite to eat. I hoped you might like to join me.”
April stood up, smoothed down her dark pants. Her gaze flickered away from his face. “Um, I’m not sure if I should. A patient may need me.”
“Nancy can call on my cell if that’s the case. Liam is more than capable of dealing with whatever comes up.”
She chewed on her bottom lip, a habit that obviously hadn’t died since they were last together.
“You did say we would be friends, April. Friends eat lunch or share a coffee. Besides, it’s a beautiful day out and we should make the most of it. Recharge the batteries and catch up on what’s been happening. You never know what the afternoon will throw at us.”
“I don’t think so, but thanks anyway.”
“Sure, no problem.” He turned and made to walk out, content to wait until she felt more at ease around him. The timid way in which she reacted to him especially had him worried there was something more to her return to the island than he knew.
“Wait, Drew. I could use a coffee if nothing else.” She opened her desk drawer and took out her purse, and it made him glad he hadn’t made a big deal of her refusal. “Let’s go.”
Drew held open the door and led her out the front of the building, mindful that Nancy watched them leaving together. “There’s a little café down the road that has the best coffee and sandwiches. I tend to go there a lot for a quick snack more often than not.”
“Roberto’s?”
“Yes, he’s still there and doing well. His son has taken over now and Roberto has retired, but he still comes in and makes the gelato a couple of times a week. Says it keeps him young.” Drew put his hand on her back and guided her across the road between traffic. “Would you like to sit outside since it’s so warm?”
“Ha. Not compared to the mainland it’s not. I’d forgotten how cold it gets here, even in the summer.”
“You’ll adapt again. Islanders always do.”
“Okay then, I’d like that.” She pulled her jacket closer and followed him. They chose a seat in the outdoor garden and sat down. “This is nice. I’m glad it hasn’t changed.” April picked up a menu and cast her gaze down it.
“Not a lot has, really.”
A waitress came out. “What can I get you folks?” She ran over the daily specials and waited, pen tapping the notebook while they made up their minds. She took the menus from the table when they decided and walked inside. “Won’t be too long.”
“Why did you come back, Drew? You’d always planned on working in a big city.”
It was true, he had. How could he explain the loneliness after she left, the need to be closer to all he knew and loved? “I had second thoughts nearer the end of my training. Doing an internship in a large hospital brought home to me how much I missed family and friends. You can be surrounded by people and lonely at the same time. Funny how all we wanted was to get away from the island, and then we both end up coming back.”
“Are you happy here?” She shaded her eyes with her hand.
“Yes. My life is here and the clinic is doi
ng well.” How was he going to win her back? If only he knew why she’d left him in the first place, perhaps he could work on gaining her trust and love again. “And you? Why did you come back, April? Your parents are gone now and you don’t have any ties here. What brought you home?” All he wanted to hear was that she was ready to take up where they’d left off.
“The happiest times of my life were here. Growing up with the freedom that kids don’t get in the city was something I wanted to give my children. I had no reason not to come back.”
The waitress came out with their lunch, and placed it before them along with cutlery.
“Mmmm, smells great. Thank you.” Drew sipped the coffee and grinned. “Nothing like real Italian coffee. No matter how I try, I can’t convince Gigi to buy the same machine as Roberto uses.”
“She has her ways.” April smiled. “She was one of the things I really missed—her and your father. They made my childhood so much better than it could have been. I owe them more than I can say.”
“What about me, April? Did I have anything to do with why you came back?”
***
Heat raced up her cheeks. She had no right to expect anything from him after all this time. “You were my best friend, Drew, and your family always made me feel loved unlike my own. And admit it, life treated us pretty good growing up. Tell me,” she sipped her coffee. “What happened to the rest of the class of ’98?”
He stared at her for so long she wondered if he’d heard her.
“Let me see. Remember James Roberts? He’s the local vet. He mainly does large animals, but is valiantly trying to handle everything while advertising for a domestic vet. He’s not having much success though.”
“Of course he’s a vet. I should have expected that. He always had lizards and small rodents tucked in his pocket. That doesn’t surprise me at all.” She giggled. “Do you remember when he put a mouse in Aggie’s backpack?” Laughter chortled up her throat. “I thought she was going to thump him and she probably would have if she wasn’t so scared.”
Forever This Time (Hope Harbor) Page 5