by Heidi Perks
‘I shouldn’t have come out,’ Ruth says as she turns to the pub, but before she walks off she pauses, looking over her shoulder. ‘It wasn’t my fault,’ she says, shaking her head. ‘I didn’t – I didn’t know.’ Her eyes are filled with tears.
‘Of course you couldn’t have known,’ I say, but as I watch the way she searches my eyes, I can see she believes she should have. ‘You can’t blame yourself for her illness,’ I go on, gently. ‘It wasn’t in your control.’
Ruth shakes her head again, her mouth parting, and I can tell there is something she needs to get off her chest, something she needs to rid herself of. But in the end all she says is, ‘You can’t understand.’
Chapter Thirteen
It’s a relief when I throw open the door to the café and see Meg’s friendly face smiling at me. I order another hot chocolate, this time with whipped cream and a comforting amount of marshmallows on top.
‘You look frozen. I didn’t think it was as cold today,’ she says, eyeing my thick coat.
‘I am a bit cold,’ I smile, though it’s not the weather that’s causing goose bumps to sweep across my skin. My encounter with the Taylors has left me shivering.
‘There are a few more people in, at least,’ she says, and I look around at the customers, murmuring quietly in small huddles. A sense of apprehension still lingers in the air.
When she places my hot chocolate on the counter Meg adds a plate with a large slice of Victoria sponge. ‘On the house. You look like you could do with it.’
‘It looks amazing. And thank you,’ I say, immediately warmed by her thoughtfulness. ‘So how do you cope with no mobile signal round here?’
‘WiFi,’ she says. ‘You can use the café’s if you want?’
‘Oh, God, yes, that would be great,’ I say as she passes me a card. I pull out my phone and tap in the code.
‘Mum said you went to see her yesterday. How did you find her?’ Meg asks.
‘She was fine,’ I lie, smiling. ‘It was lovely to see her.’
Meg shakes her head and sighs. ‘No, she’s not. She’s anything but fine. That’s a shame, I was hoping you might see it for yourself.’ She shrugs as she turns her back and continues to slice a carrot she was midway through chopping.
I want to tell her I did see it, but at the same time I don’t know what good it would do Meg. When the door pings and a customer walks in, I instead find a seat in the corner of the café and call Bonnie’s number.
‘Where the hell are you?’ she shouts as she answers the phone.
‘It’s good to hear your voice,’ I say. She thinks I’m being sarcastic, but she doesn’t realise how much I’ve missed it in the past day and a half.
‘I tried calling you and even went to the flat. Where are you?’
‘I just came away for a few days.’
There is a moment’s pause and then she snaps, ‘Oh God, no. You haven’t gone back there. Tell me you haven’t.’
‘I am on Evergreen,’ I say, glancing around at the customers. ‘But only for three nights. I’m coming back Friday.’
‘Why, Stella?’ she cries.
‘I had to.’
‘You just couldn’t stay away.’
‘No, I couldn’t.’
‘And what do you think you’re going to find exactly?’
‘I just want to know what happened.’
‘And you can’t watch the news like any normal person?’
‘I don’t just mean that,’ I say, dropping my voice as I hold the phone closer. ‘The reasons we left—’
‘You’re not going to tell me you think our parents put the bloody body there, are you? Is that what this is about? You think we left because they murdered someone and buried her in the garden?’
‘No! That’s not what I’m saying. It just – us leaving changed everything, Bonnie. It wrecked everything,’ I say.
‘And you think you want to know why?’
‘Don’t you?’
The truth is I have no idea if I do or not. I’ve spent twenty-five years convincing myself I don’t. That I know who my parents are, that my life on Evergreen was exactly what I always believed it was. But I know my parents had secrets too.
‘No. I don’t,’ she says into the phone and I can hear her teeth are gritted. ‘I can’t see what it matters any more. That’s the trouble with you counsellors, you think you have to dig up the past to help you find the future. You don’t. You just get on with it.’
I sigh, ignoring her rant. ‘I found out Jill died.’
‘What?’ she gasps. ‘What happened?’
I tell Bonnie the brief details I know.
‘That’s awful.’
‘I know. Mum knew, though,’ I say. ‘Annie told her when it happened. Why didn’t she tell me?’
‘It doesn’t surprise me. Mum didn’t tell us everything,’ Bonnie says. ‘Do you remember that rabbit you found when you were eight? You wanted to keep it as a pet. You begged them to let you. Danny said he’d make it a hutch.’
‘I remember. It ran off.’
‘No, it didn’t. Dad pointed out it had myxomatosis and Mum told him they had to get rid of it. We never saw that rabbit again.’
I remember Mum crouching in front of me, looking into my eyes and telling me wild rabbits loved to run free. I shake my head. ‘That’s hardly the same thing,’ I say. ‘People tell kids things like that so they don’t get upset.’
‘The point is Mum omitted telling us things if she wanted to.’
‘You’re talking about a wild rabbit. She should have told me about my best friend dying.’
‘I agree with you,’ Bonnie says. ‘She should’ve.’
‘It feels so wrong.’ I take a deep breath, releasing it slowly. ‘I haven’t even seen her in twenty-five years but I feel like I’ve lost a good friend.’
‘She was a good friend.’
‘She was the best,’ I say, tears springing to my eyes. I wipe them away quickly. ‘Apparently she had heart failure. But it all seems weird.’
‘How do you mean?’
‘Do people that age suddenly get heart failure?’ I ask.
‘Of course they do. It can happen at any age.’
‘I don’t know, Ruth acted like there was more to it. And she was odd about Mum dying, too. They always got on, didn’t they?’ I ask.
‘As far as I know. Why?’
She just totally dismissed her death. And Bob Taylor said none of us should have come back.’
‘Well,’ she pauses, ‘he’s right.’
I roll my eyes. I won’t be able to get Bonnie to agree with me. We are both silent, but when she starts talking again my attention drifts to the man who’s just entered the café. A black woollen hat is pulled low over his forehead, and his chin is covered in roughly shaven stubble. When he pulls off the hat I recognise him as the man who’d been talking to Emma yesterday. He glances around the café and starts to walk to the counter when he catches my eye and suddenly stops.
‘Stella?’ Bonnie is shouting in my ear. ‘Are you listening to a word I’m saying?’
‘I’m listening,’ I say. His dark eyes seem to penetrate right through me before he abruptly swivels on his feet and walks straight out the door. ‘Actually, I have to go,’ I tell Bonnie. ‘I’ll call you again later.’ I hang up amid her protests.
‘Meg, who was that man?’
‘What man?’ She looks up but of course he’s no longer in sight.
‘He just came in the café. Messy stubble, grey hair, really dark eyes. He looks so familiar.’ And he clearly knows me, or at least he did when Emma told him who I was.
She wrinkles her nose. ‘Could be Graham?’ she tries flatly. ‘Sounds like Graham Carlton. Lives up in one of the bay houses. Married to—’
‘Susan Carlton,’ I finish. ‘She was my mum’s best friend. Of course,’ I say, a glimmer of recognition coming back to me.
‘Why do you want to know about him?’ she asks, her top lip curling at the last word.
‘No reason,’ I tell her as I watch the window to see if he’s still around. ‘They were leaving that summer,’ I murmur, remembering how upset Mum was when Susan told her they were going. How she’d cried when an estate agent brought people over to view her best friend’s house.
‘Guess they must have changed their minds.’
I’m leaving the café when Freya suddenly appears on the path in front of me, as if she’s sprung out of thin air.
‘Hey.’ She lifts her hand in a wave, her face drawn. She’s lost the sparkle she had yesterday. ‘Where are you heading?’ she asks.
I shrug. ‘I’m not sure. I might just head back to my room for a bit.’ In truth I haven’t a clue what to do and if there were another ferry today there is part of me that could go home. An eerily deserted island where no one is happy to see me isn’t the return I envisioned.
‘I’ll walk with you,’ she says and nods in the direction of my old house. ‘Let’s avoid that, though. I’ve had enough of it for now.’
‘I haven’t been talking to people like you asked,’ I say. ‘I don’t have anything to tell you.’
Freya shrugs. ‘That’s fine,’ she says, surprising me, and as we walk she makes small talk about everything but the body. By the time we reach Rachel’s I know more about Freya than I could have imagined, and when she stops by the front door and turns to look at me, I suddenly wonder if she’s been lulling me into a false sense of security.
‘What is it?’ I say, cautiously.
Freya drops her gaze to the ground and kicks at a stone. When she looks up she says, ‘I thought you’d want to know the police are about to release a statement. About who the body is.’
‘Oh.’ A shudder ripples through my body. ‘Oh God,’ I say. ‘You’re telling me this because I know her.’
Freya nods slowly. Her eyes flick between mine.
‘Go on,’ I urge.
‘It’s Iona,’ she says. ‘Iona Byrnes.’
Evergreen Island
18 July 1993
Maria had toyed with the idea that it might be better if Iona didn’t come for dinner for a while. Especially after everything that had happened at the sleep-out. That it should be the five of them, drawing back in together, the way they always had when something had happened.
Sitting around the dinner table had always been a family event, but that summer she had opened the door to Iona and now there was a sixth person merging into her family and Maria knew it was time to stop it.
But five days later and she didn’t act upon her feelings because she’d watched Bonnie’s face as her daughter’s friend appeared in the morning. It had lit up when Iona pulled her out to the garden to talk.
Instead of listening to her gut, Maria had allowed herself to be swallowed up by her eldest child’s joy and later that day, when Bonnie came crashing into the house, telling her Iona would be coming for dinner, Maria relented.
She hadn’t been able to spot the earlier signs that disaster lay ahead, and there would soon be another coming. Yet still Maria continued to brush them aside. Could she really have been expected to predict the level of fall-out?
Of course she could.
After what they’d done she should have always been on guard, whatever guise the threat came in.
Bonnie loved that Iona said she had something really important to tell her. Her friend had pulled her to one side when the rest of the family were milling about in the kitchen, making breakfast, discussing what they planned to do for the day.
Stella had announced she was going to the beach again with Jill and it was almost comical the way their mum seemed so upset by it. Clearly she wanted to spend every day with Stella, but her little sister was completely wrapped up in her friend and their stupid secrets.
Whatever they were, Bonnie doubted they were anything as important as Iona’s. When her friend whispered that she had something to say, Bonnie’s tummy did a funny little dance.
Since the God-awful night at the sleep-out when her brother’s antics meant Iona went off with Tess, Bonnie hadn’t felt right. Every time anyone spoke to her she’d wanted to scream at them to shut up. Her insides had felt like they were knotted into lumps of burning iron. It was the exact same way she used to feel as a child, right after Danny was born. Like she’d do anything to get the imposter out of the way.
But it was her that Iona wanted to tell her secret to, not Tess. And that was probably because Tess was only fifteen and she’d always been so sickly sweet. Iona must have found that out for herself by now.
‘Let’s go to the woods,’ Bonnie suggested. It was already a scorchingly hot morning and her shoulders were burnt from the day before. She had to wear a T-shirt to cover them up, which meant she wouldn’t be able to put her bikini on. She was by far the palest member of the family and she hated that her skin didn’t turn the nice bronze colour Stella’s did.
She and Iona linked arms as they walked around the back of the house. Their conversation skimmed over Take That and how much they loved Robbie, and who they liked most in Beverly Hills, 90210. When they were deep in the woods, Iona pulled Bonnie down so they were sitting by a tree. For a moment they were silent and Bonnie knew they were building up to something big. She could feel the anticipation fizzing inside her that at last she was being told a secret she would forever keep to herself.
‘So,’ Iona said, chewing the corner of her lip as she grinned. ‘This is a little bit naughty.’
‘Go on,’ Bonnie said. She laughed out loud, stopping quickly when she feared it sounded childish.
‘I’m kind of seeing someone.’
‘Oh?’ Bonnie felt her heart dip. She hadn’t been expecting this.
‘And you mustn’t tell a soul.’
‘No. Of course I won’t.’ She wouldn’t, but already the secret felt tainted. Did this mean Iona would be spending less time with her? She would have to ensure that didn’t happen. ‘Who is it?’
‘Oh.’ Iona looked away. ‘I can’t tell you that.’
‘Why not?’ Bonnie snapped.
Iona looked at her out of the corner of her eye. ‘I just can’t,’ she said. There was the glimmer of a smile on her lips and Bonnie couldn’t help but stare at it.
‘So why tell me anything if you can’t tell me who it is?’
‘Don’t be like that,’ Iona said, hanging her head to one side. ‘We’re friends, you just have to trust me.’
But Bonnie couldn’t bring herself to accept that. In fact, the way Iona was looking at her, threatening to break into a grin, made the knots in her stomach tighten again. ‘I don’t get why you can’t tell me who you’re seeing.’
‘It has to be a secret, that’s why. No one can know.’
Bonnie’s head started to whirl. It had to be someone she knew. Maybe he already had a girlfriend. Or maybe he was much older. She slumped back against the tree as Iona started talking about something different and soon Bonnie knew she would have to wait before she found out.
‘Don’t be cross with me,’ Iona said as she reached for Bonnie’s wrist.
Bonnie felt a tug and looked down to where Iona was pulling on the threaded bracelet Stella had given her the day before. Her cheeks flushed when she realised she hadn’t taken the thing off. Her sister had made such a fuss of it being the first one she’d made but Bonnie was going to remove it before anyone else saw.
‘What’s this?’ Iona said. ‘Is it a friendship bracelet?’
‘Yes.’
‘Oh no, who’s your other friend?’ Iona was laughing. ‘Should I be jealous?’
Bonnie wished she would be and toyed with the idea of making up a friend just to see how Iona would react. Only deep down she knew Iona wouldn’t be bothered at all. And on top of that Stella had already made a dozen more bracelets and had started selling them, and if Iona found out the truth Bonnie would look stupid. ‘My sister made it,’ she said eventually.
‘Well, it’s cute.’
Bonnie peered down. ‘I want you to hav
e it,’ she said, untying it.
‘Oh, okay, thank you,’ Iona was saying though Bonnie didn’t even look up as she focused on wrapping it around her friend’s wrist.
And that way, she thought, everyone will know you’re my friend.
Danny was grateful his mum had stopped asking him about the incident at the beach. Hopefully she’d accepted it hadn’t meant anything.
It really hadn’t. He’d been just as shocked as Tess had when she came into the cave and acted like she was going to have a wee. Danny had leapt up. There was no way he could keep hiding if she was going to pull her pants down. It would be awful if he watched and then someone found out.
Instead he ran past as quick as he could but the cave was narrow and he ended up slamming into her on his way through. He almost hit the rocks when she started screaming, a little too dramatically, in his opinion.
He definitely wished he hadn’t gone to the beach in the first place. He hadn’t needed to watch her that night, there were plenty of other opportunities. Especially when she was around their house almost every evening for dinner.
Maria was just popping the chicken in the oven when there was a loud rap on her kitchen window. She looked up to see Susan Carlton. Her friend was clearly here to discuss Danny and Tess, and Maria felt dreadful that she hadn’t made the effort to call on her. She didn’t like to admit it, but she had been avoiding her.
‘Come in,’ Maria called, her eyebrows furrowed as she dropped her oven gloves on the side. ‘Can I get you a tea?’
Susan glanced at her watch as she appeared in the open doorway. ‘I’d say it was time for wine, wouldn’t you?’
Maria felt her shoulders melt. ‘Definitely,’ she smiled. ‘I’m so sorry—’
Susan waved a hand in the air. ‘Don’t be. I just thought I’d better come before it got more awkward.’
Maria filled two glasses with a nice Chablis David had brought back from the mainland and they went outside. She took a deep breath. ‘Danny hasn’t said much,’ she started, ‘but he tells me it wasn’t what it seemed. I don’t think he intended to grab Tess or hurt her in any way. What does Tess say?’