“Nate,” I gasp, my heart hammering in my chest. “What are you doing?” I swing my gaze around, looking for Clay and Izzie, finding them sitting on towels to my left, the canoes nowhere in sight. “Did I fall asleep?” I ask, sheepish.
“You did.” He smirks. “I didn’t know you snored.”
“I do not snore.”
He raises a brow at me before addressing the kids. “She was snoring, right?”
“Yep,” Clay answers.
“Liars!” I point at Clay and then Nate. I place a mock angry look on my face as I stand up, swiping the towel off the sand and shaking it out before wrapping it around me.
“It’s okay that you snore like a wildebeest.” Both of the kids start laughing as I continue to scowl at Nate. “We can’t all be perfect.”
My eyes widen, staring at him with fire shooting from my eyes. “How dare you.” I reel my head back. “I do not sound like a wildebeest.” I step toward him, jabbing my finger in his stupidly hard chest. “I’ll have you know—”
“I’m hungry,” Izzie whines, cutting me off.
I tip my head back, staring up at Nate, letting him know I don’t appreciate him comparing me to an animal with horns.
He shoots me a wink before turning his attention to the kids. “How about we pack up here and go back to the main house? I can make us a snack and show you the new library, Clay.”
Clay nods emphatically. “What books have you got?”
I head over to Izzie, wrapping the towel around her body before we all head off the sand.
“I’ll let the books speak for themselves, but I will say there’s a few first editions in there,” Nate explains.
Clay’s eyes light up. “Really?” he asks, his voice high-pitched.
We make it back to the cart, but this time Clay sits up front with Nate and Izzie sits next to me, leaning against my side. Placing my arm around her shoulder, I pull her closer.
“Hold on tight, ladies,” Nate calls back to us as he starts the drive back.
Izzie giggles, but it’s not as raucous as it was when we first got to the lake. “You tired?”
“Mmmhmm,” she answers, her eyelids drooping. “I’m hungry, too.” She tilts her head back, looking up at me, her blue eyes smiling at me. “Do you think Uncle Nate will make me pancakes?”
I laugh. This girl and pancakes. “I don’t know,” I tell her as we come to the end of the trail and back to the house. “You’ll have to ask him, he may not have the chocolate sauce though.”
She blows out a breath. “He better.”
I shake my head at her as she battles to keep her eyes open.
When Nate comes to a stop, he hops out and heads toward us as Clay goes inside.
“Would the little princess like a carry? You look tired.”
Izzie nods, holding her arms up. Nate picks her up, his eyes flitting between Izzie and me.
“We need to feed her quick before she drops off.”
“I’m on it,” he states, saluting me and motioning for me to follow him.
We walk over the patio and into the kitchen where Clay is sitting at the wooden island; Nate places Izzie down on the stool next to Clay and walks over to his refrigerator. I sit down next to Izzie letting her rest her head on my shoulder, running my fingers through her damp hair.
I watch as Nate pulls out ingredients before turning toward me. “Sandwiches okay?”
“I want pancakes,” Izzie whispers. Even her voice is tired.
“It’ll take Uncle Nate too long to make pancakes, Izzie.” I look down at her. “If you have a sandwich then you could go and have a little nap sooner.”
Her eyelids droop again before she tilts her head a little. “’Kay.”
When I turn back to face Nate he’s already making the sandwiches, moving with ease around his kitchen. You can tell he uses it all the time. His hands are sure as they grip the end of the knife, and I watch fascinated at the way his muscles ripple with each movement.
They don’t stray off him as he walks over, placing plates in front of each of us before taking a seat next to me.
Flutters dance in my stomach as he grins at me and picks up his food, taking a bite. Everything he does is enthralling.
We all eat in relative silence, Izzie able to manage half of hers before she slumps forward.
Taking the last bite of his sandwich, Nate slides off his stool and picks Izzie up like a baby, cradling her in his arms. “I think you need a nap, little Isabel.” He looks up from her at me. “I’ll be back in a minute, I’ll put her in the nearest guest room.”
“Okay,” I reply, staring after them as he walks through the door.
As soon as they’ve gone, Clay jumps down, taking his empty plate to the sink. “I’m going to find the library,” he tells me, not giving me time to answer as he disappears.
I stare out of the window for a while before standing up and clearing the plates away, about to wash them.
“You look good standing in my house.”
I spin around, seeing Nate leaning against the doorjamb. My throat clogs with emotion and it takes me several attempts before I manage to whisper, “I love your house, it feels like...” I hesitate, not sure if I should say it or not but ultimately decide I want to be honest with him about how I’m feeling. “Home.”
“Play your cards right and you could be spending a lot more time here,” he says, straightening up and moving toward me. He doesn’t stop until our bodies are touching and he’s pinning me with his hips against the counter. My breath catches, his hands wandering up my arms and stopping on either side of my neck as he dips forward, coming to a complete stop a hairsbreadth away from my lips.
“I’ve been waiting all day to do this,” he breathes out before he slams his lips against mine.
Me too, I think, moaning when his teeth sink into my bottom lip.
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pull him closer, lifting my chest up and relishing in the feel of him pressed against me. His hand threads through my hair, tugging slightly as a groan vibrates out of him, spurring me on even more.
Heat builds between my thighs, a slow burn turning into a roaring flame as I feel his hardness press against me at the same time his tongue runs alongside mine. His hand slides between us, undoing the knot I put in the towel at the lake and causing it to drop.
“Nate.” I throw my head back as his hand spans the side of my waist, his thumb rubbing back and forth underneath my breast. My chest heaves, wanting him to move his hands a little higher as he plants kisses down my neck and back up to my mouth.
I get lost in him, in all of the sensations. I need more of him, I need him everywhere, but when a bang comes from somewhere in the house, I pull back.
It’s too easy to become adrift when he’s near, forgetting what and who are around.
Taking a step away from me, he swipes his hand through his hair and down his face, staring at me for a beat as he tilts his head to the side.
“I…” He stops what he’s saying, inhaling deeply. “I’m glad you brought the kids today.” His throat bobs on a swallow. “I’m glad you came.”
I want to tell him I’m glad too, I never want to leave. I feel safe here: protected. My heart is running ahead of my brain, screaming at me to tell him, but my brain is being the logical one, demanding I keep my mouth shut.
The problem is as soon as my brain comes into the equation, it reminds me of everything happening outside of his house. Prompting me to recall the reason we came here in the first place: the latest package.
It’s one thing receiving them, but to know someone has been in your personal space has the safe sanctuary of your home destroyed.
I try my hardest to shake my thoughts from my head and concentrate on him, but now they’re there, I can’t move them. For several hours I forgot about it all, but now it’s an impossible task.
Blowing out a breath, I lean against the counter, pulling my lips up into a fake smile as I make my gaze meet his.
�
��Me too.”
Fake it until you make it, right?
After Amelia and the kids left yesterday, I couldn’t help missing her. Sneaking around could be fun, but I don’t want to hide her. I want to shout out to the world that this beautiful woman has taken notice of me and thinks I’m a complete and utter goofball, yet still wants to be with me anyway.
That had me thinking as I was sitting on my patio—alone—maybe if Tris and I mended our friendship then maybe Amelia wouldn’t mind us telling him we want to be together?
So I pulled out my cell and messaged Tris, asking if he wanted to grab a drink. It was time I did since he hadn’t contacted me since I set him and Harmony up on a lunch date, so to speak. He didn’t message back for a few hours but when he did, he said he was busy.
He had every right to be pissed but it had been almost two weeks since I set him up with Harmony, so I messaged back telling him he was being an asshole. I don’t sugarcoat things when they need to be said.
He didn’t reply until half an hour ago when I received a message asking if I was free. I thought I was seeing things, but here I am at Gillies, sitting in one of the booths to give us a little more privacy, waiting to see if he’ll actually turn up or stand me up like I’m expecting him to.
I watch the door, my eyes widening as he walks in, scanning the room for me. I wave and he smiles—smiles?
He slides into the booth, taking the beer bottle I offer him. “Thanks.”
“What’s gotten into you?” I ask him, awestruck.
He shrugs, his lips lifting up even higher. “Life’s good.” He looks me in the eyes, the gray darkening as his chest heaves on a breath. “But I’ve been an asshole lately, Nate.” He grabs the back of his neck. “I was so mad at you for setting me and Harmony up at the restaurant.” He shakes his head. “But it just so happened to be one of the best things to happen to me in a long time.”
My mouth opens and closes like a fish for a few seconds as I collect myself, not believing everything he’s saying. “So I got it right for once?”
He nods, sitting back in the booth and relaxing, his fingers peeling away the label on the bottle. “We actually went out on a date last night.”
“And?”
He grins. “I can’t believe how much she’s not changed: she’s still her. You obviously know she’s been through a divorce with her douchey husband, but she’s not let it change her.” He pauses and I wait, listening as he stares down at his hands around the beer bottle. “It’s great; everything is going perfectly, but… I’m terrified.”
“Understandable.”
“No.” He shakes his head. “It’s stupid yet I can’t help it. It’s like my brain is taking forever to catch up to every other part of my body.” His chest lifts on a deep breath. “It’s still screaming for me to run before something bad happens.”
I don’t know what to make of Tris’s sudden emotion sharing, he’s never done this with me apart from the day of Natalia’s funeral.
The coffin containing Natalia, my cousin and my best friend’s wife, is lowered into the ground. A sob escapes my mom’s mouth but she covers it up with a Kleenex as my dad throws an arm around her shoulder and pulls her into him.
I try to gulp past the giant lump in my throat as tears fill my eyes. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry today, I wanted to be strong for Tris but it feels like my insides are being torn out. Natalia wasn’t only my cousin, she was one of my best friends, we’ve been close ever since we were toddlers. My aunt Harrietta gave birth just two months after my mom so we grew up together, but look at where we are now. I’m at Natalia’s funeral and where are her mom and dad? Not here, that’s for sure.
Life isn’t fucking fair, she was only twenty-six years old.
My gaze falls on the tiny bundle lying in Tris’s arms, soundly asleep. She has no idea she’ll grow up without a mom, but the three-year-old clinging to his leg does. He only had her around for the three short years he’s been alive, but she was the best mom. He’ll remember her, for now, and miss her when she’s not around even if he’s not quite grasped onto what’s happened yet. I know because he keeps asking when his mommy is getting back from heaven and it breaks my heart each and every time we have to tell him she’s not.
My gaze wanders up to Tris’s face that’s as stoic and emotionless as it has been since I first saw him at the hospital after we got the call. A shiver rolls through me at the short memory before my dad is tapping me on the arm to tell me the service is over.
I don’t move, staying behind when Charlotte takes the kids from Tris. I’m surprised when he lets her because he hasn’t let them out of his sight. I’m aware he probably wants to be alone and I’ll let him have time in a moment, I just want to make sure he’s alright.
I clear my throat and walk up to the grave, standing next to him. “Beautiful service.”
Beautiful service? What a stupid thing to say!
He nods once, the creases on his forehead pulling down as his face crumples and he loses it, dropping to his knees, the dirt soaking into his pants. “Why?” His palms slap against the ground. “Why her? Can life not give me a fucking break!”
I kneel in the dirt beside him, raw emotion pouring out of both of us as I wrap him up in a hug that has us both sobbing against each other’s shoulders.
“She was healthy and had her whole life ahead of her.” He makes a noise in the back of his throat. “It’s not fucking fair, Nate. It’s not fair.”
“I know,” I choke out.
He pulls back, tears streaming down his face. “I’ve gone over and over that day time and time again. She knew there was something wrong: I could see it in her eyes when she stared at me.” A sob breaks free, his voice quivering. “They should’ve been able to help her.” I nod, wiping at my eyes. I’m in pain, but he was there when it happened. I can’t imagine ever watching the one you love fade before your eyes. “It’s all my fault.”
My head snaps toward him. “No, Tris. This—”
“YES… it is my fault. This is my punishment.” He scrubs his hands down his face. “This is what happens when you destroy someone good and don’t look back; fate intervenes and teaches you a lesson.” I know what he’s talking about but he’s being ridiculous. The determination on his face is enough to stop me from saying anything though: there’ll be no talking him out of this one. He’s grieving and he’ll soon see this is just one of those tragic things that happens. “Twenty-six years old and I’m already a widower and a single father to two children that never really got to know their mom.”
“Tris?” He turns his head to look at me through his bloodshot, teary eyes. “We’re all here to help.”
Looking away, I can tell he’s not really listening now. “I know.”
He gazes at the grave and wipes underneath his eyes before standing up and offering me his hand. I take it and he pulls me up before walking off toward the waiting town car.
“It’s okay to be scared, Tris. But you can lean on us,” I call out to him.
He turns around, holding his arms out wide, the expression on his face void of any emotion just like it was during the service. It’s not that that makes me stop dead in my tracks though; it’s the way he holds conviction in his words as he says, “I’m still standing, I don’t need to lean on anyone,” before turning around and climbing into the car.
It drives off and I slide my hands into my pockets, swallowing down a day’s worth of emotion. I feel like I’ve not only lost my cousin, but also my best friend.
A small sliver of guilt slips in my conscience as I think about setting up Tris and Harm. I know Natalia would forgive me instantly and want Tris to be happy, but the guilt is still there nonetheless.
“I can’t say nothing bad will happen…” His head snaps up from the beer bottle he’s been staring at. “But I can say that you deserve to be happy again. You’re allowed to be scared, that’s completely normal. Just don’t let it get in the way of your happiness.”
He watches me
for several moments, seeming to decide whether what I’m saying is true. “You’re right,” he finally says, sliding out of the booth before pointing at my beer. “Want another?”
“How about something stronger?” I ask, grinning.
His brow raises before he grins along with me. “Something stronger coming up. Go set up one of the tables.”
I take a minute to process the change in Tris. We’ve been out to Gillies hundreds of times since Natalia passed away, and yet it’s never been like this. It’s always stilted conversation and half-hearted pool playing. And even then he normally comes up with an excuse as to why he has to leave after two drinks. This is new territory for us.
I climb out of the booth and find a free pool table, setting up and chalking up the cues as Tris comes walking over. He hands me a shot and a tumbler of whiskey. “Bottoms up.”
I down the shot, clearing my throat against the burn and watching Tris do the same. “What the fuck was that?”
He shrugs. “No idea, a girl at the bar said it was ‘so awesome’ so I got us two.”
I snort as he does his best barely legal, girl voice. “Yeah? That all she said?”
He rolls his eyes and points at the table. “You break, I’m a little rusty.”
I line up my shot and manage to pot a ball. “Stripes.” Taking my second shot, I miss and step back from the table.
He lines up his. “So, Izzie said Amelia took her and Clay to your place yesterday.”
I freeze up for a second wondering where he’s going with this. “Yeah, the kids were bored or should I say Izzie was bored.” He chuckles knowing how hyperactive Izzie is. “I’ve mentioned to Amelia in passing that I’ve been wanting to bring them out there because there’s loads to do. I guess she thought it was a good idea and I was free.”
“The kids said they had fun.”
“They did.” I smile thinking about yesterday. “I’d love to have them more often.”
His face falls as he stands up straight. “I’ve been a shitty friend as well as an asshole lately. I’m sorry, Nate. I should’ve invited you over or asked if you wanted to see them more. I just… it’s been hard.”
Fighting Our Way Page 15