I don’t reply as he holds my hand tighter, knowing what he’s not saying: before I was pushed.
“How much longer?” Maya asks, bouncing from foot to foot. “It’s freezing.”
He jogs over to where he was standing and brings back two plaid blankets, handing one to Maya and draping one over my legs and winking at me. “Looking good, Earl.”
A burst of laughter escapes me as I shake my head, tucking the blanket around me before looking back up at Nate. We stare at each other for what feels like forever until Maya clears her throat, breaking our trance.
Nate looks down at his watch. “One minute!”
He doesn’t move his gaze from his wrist as Maya pulls out her cell, and when I see Jake’s name on her screen, I whisper, “What are you doing?”
She turns her wide eyes to me as Nate says, “Thirty seconds!”
“What?” she asks, her voice low as her gaze pings to Nate briefly.
“Didn’t I just say to play him at his own game?”
“Ohhh.” She nods her head, locking her cell and pushing it into her pocket. “I forgot.”
I snort as Nate starts counting down from ten. We join in, all our voices merging. “Eight… Seven… Six… Five… Four… Three… Two… One… Happy New Year!”
Nate clicks something and then fireworks are being blown into the sky, so many colors illuminating the dark area along with a booming sound. For several minutes, we all watch the show, fascinated by all of the different patterns and lights until one final rocket goes off, eliciting the biggest bang of them all and bathing the land in light.
My stomach drops when I look out toward the driveway seeing a figure standing there. Is it Phoebe? Has she come back again? I move my gaze away for a millisecond before focusing back on the spot, but there’s nothing there. Did I imagine it? I rest my palm against my chest, willing my heartbeat to slow down as we’re basked in darkness again.
I’m seeing things. I must be.
As soon as the fireworks are over, Maya bounces away, heading back inside from the cold, but neither me nor Nate move, still staring at the now black sky full of stars.
“It feels like a lifetime ago we were last watching the stars,” I murmur, remembering our first date as I try to distract myself.
“Yeah, it does.” He looks down at me, love shining in his eyes as he bends and places a soft kiss on my lips. “This will be our year, Lia.”
I relish in the feel of him before placing the palm of my hand on his cheek, feeling the rough stubble underneath. “It will…” I pause. “As long as you’re standing by my side.”
I smile as I dry my hands on a dish towel, watching as Amelia talks animatedly with her mom and dad in front of the roaring fireplace.
After they left the day after Amelia came home from the hospital, the atmosphere between me and Carl was icy at best. I wasn’t looking forward to having him in our home again, but apart from an awkward greeting, it’s not been half as bad as I thought it would.
I pick up the two beers off the counter and walk through to the living room, handing one over to Carl who nods appreciatively at me.
“She was wearing this huge floppy hat no one could see around!” Jan exclaims, making Amelia laugh and look over at Carl who is playing with the label on his bottle, his expression drawn down into a frown.
“Dad?” she asks. “You okay?”
I take a pull on my beer as Carl shakes his head and gives her a strained smile. “Sure, sweetheart.” He looks over at Jan and she gives him a subtle nod. I frown at the way her muscles tense as she looks over at Amelia with a nervous expression.
“What’s going on?” I don’t miss the shake in Amelia’s voice before she looks over at me, her eyes pleading with me for… something.
I take her hand in mine as Carl places his beer bottle on the small table beside him and leans forward, lacing his fingers together. “I didn’t want to say anything until we knew for sure you were okay.”
“What?” She gasps. “What didn’t you want to say?”
I rub gentle circles into the back of her hand as Carl says, “I know your mom has kept you updated as well as the detective on the case, but I asked them if I could tell you myself.”
“Carl, what’s going on?” I ask when Amelia’s muscles tense up as she looks between her parents.
He looks at Amelia. “They’ve found Phoebe.”
A rush of air flows from her as she gasps, her hand covering her mouth. “They’ve… they’ve found her?” she stutters out, her eyes wide and her hands starting to shake. “Where is she?”
Jan moves closer and puts her hand on Amelia’s knee before pulling it back when Amelia narrows her eyes. “She’s… She was—”
“She’s dead,” Carl deadpans. “They found her body on New Year’s Day.”
“No.” Amelia pulls back completely, wheeling her chair back. “No, it can’t be true.”
I stand up, my gaze drifting from Carl’s to Amelia’s. “It’s over now, you can finally relax.”
“No!” Amelia shouts, her voice raw and full of emotion. “It’s not over because she hasn’t paid for what she’s done.” Her chest heaves as she continues to back away from us.
“I’m not for one minute condoning what she did, but… she wasn’t mentally well, sweetie, she was found in the baby’s room.” Jan pauses, closing her eyes before opening them again.
I start to walk toward Amelia as her shoulders sag, her head hanging in her hands.
“How?” She lifts her head, her eyes glassy. “How did she die?”
“She’s gone. That’s all you need to know,” Carl says, wrapping his arm around Jan as he comforts her.
A muscle tics in Amelia’s jaw as she grinds out, “No, that’s not all I need to know. What. Happened?”
“Lia…” Her head swings my way as I plead to her with my eyes to let it go.
“I…” Her voice breaks, the tears finally overflowing from her eyes as her face contorts in pain. “I have to know she’s really gone.”
It takes me three steps to reach her and as I do, I pull her into my chest, stroking her hair as I look at Carl, giving him the go-ahead to tell her.
His expression is torn as Jan shakes her head, walking down the hallway to get away from the conversation.
He finally sighs. “She hung herself in Avery’s room.”
Her hand clings to my shirt and Carl tries to walk over before thinking better of it and disappearing down the hallway after Jan.
I wrap my arms tighter around Amelia, crushing her to my chest as her sobs shake her body. “It’s alright, she’s gone now.” I kiss the top of her head. “She can’t hurt you anymore. It’s over.”
Her sobs become louder and more guttural at my words, her chest heaving on each one as she tries to catch her breath and all I can do is comfort her, picking her up and walking toward our bedroom.
She buries her face in my neck and I hold onto her tighter.
This information can stop us from looking over our shoulders and help us focus on what really matters: getting Amelia the help she needs to recover, and focusing on our life from here on out.
I startle awake, springing from the bed and looking around the room after feeling something crawling on me. My gaze lands on Amelia’s amused expression and I blow out a breath, scrubbing a hand over my face. “You scared the life out of me, woman!”
“Me?” She pinches her lips together, trying to hold in her laughter as she points at herself innocently. “What did I do?”
I crawl back into bed, pulling her into my chest. “You know there’s nicer ways to wake me up than tickling me.” I kiss the soft skin underneath her ear.
“There are?” Her brown eyes meet mine when I pull back, grinning at her.
I kiss the side of her mouth. “There are,” I confirm as I trail kisses down her jaw and she chuckles softly.
“I’d really like to…” She moans when my hand trails along her collarbone. “I… Dammit, Nate.” I kiss my way ac
ross the path I just created with my hand, loving the way she’s squirming. “I have to pee!”
I drop down onto one elbow, groaning. “Right now?”
“Yeah.” Her gaze bats back and forth between my eyes. “I need to… pee.”
My gaze falls on the alarm clock on the nightstand, seeing it’s nearly eight in the morning and I start to do the calculations in my head. After last night’s conversation, I brought her straight to bed so she hasn’t changed her catheter in a lot longer than it should’ve been left.
“Shit!” I’m up and out of bed, stumbling into the wall as I look for her chair. “Erm…”
“Living room, Nate,” she says, a soft chuckle floating out of her.
My gaze clashes with hers. “Right, I knew that.”
After collecting her wheelchair, I run back to our bedroom, narrowly missing Jan as she walks out of the bathroom.
“Sorry, Amelia needs her wheelchair!”
I hear her chuckle as I turn into the master, scooping up Amelia and placing her in her chair.
“Nate,” she admonishes. “You know I can do it myself.”
I wheel her into the en suite bathroom and take a step back. “I know, I just wanted to get you in here faster.”
I lean against the doorframe and she raises a brow at me. “You can leave now.”
“Right. I’ll go and make us coffee.” I shut the door behind me as I step out, walking over to the closet and pulling on a t-shirt and a pair of jeans.
The smell of fresh coffee has me sniffing the air as I walk into the living room and through to the kitchen. Jan is leaning against the counter and Carl is reading the newspaper at the table.
“Morning.”
They both look up at me, questioning expressions on their faces.
“Morning,” Carl says folding the newspaper up. “How is she?”
“She seems okay,” I say, walking over to the coffee pot and pouring out two cups. They both look relieved at my words as Jan and I join Carl at the table. “It was a huge shock to the both of us, but it seems like she doesn’t want to talk about it.”
There’s not one point this morning where a flicker of doubt, fear, or sadness has crossed her features and I don’t know whether that’s because it’s not hit her yet or because she really has gotten over the shock of finding out Phoebe is actually gone.
Carl folds his hands around his cup. “Do you think she’ll be alright to go shopping with Jan today? With us leaving tomorrow it’d be nice for them to have some time together.”
I nod in Amelia’s direction as she enters the kitchen. “I guess we’ll find out now.”
“Morning,” she murmurs, coming over to the table and parking her chair in her usual spot. I slide over the coffee I got for her and she takes it from me, smiling. “Thanks.” She lifts it up to her lips, taking a sip before moving her gaze over all of us. “What are we talking about?”
Jan looks at me before looking back at Amelia. “Just wondering if you and I could sneak out for some girl time today.”
“Shopping?” Amelia grimaces, but when she sees her mom’s hopeful look, she says, “Okay, but only if we can head to the record store; I’ve got my eye on a classic I’ve been waiting to come in.”
Jan scrapes her chair back with an excited look on her face. “I better go and sort myself out then.”
“I’m ready, I just need to finish my coffee and then we can head out.” Amelia pauses, her eyes widening, an excited gleam in them. “We’ll take my car.”
“Your car?” Jan asks, stalling.
“Yep.” Amelia nods, a smile stretching on her face. “Nate leased one for me for Christmas. It’s awesome, I can drive it myself and everything.” She leans forward. “There’s even this thing I attach my chair to and it takes it around the back into the trunk.”
“Wow.” Carl looks at me, something in the depths of his eyes I can’t quite pinpoint. “Sounds like quite the car.”
“It is,” Amelia replies as Jan walks out of the kitchen to get ready.
I listen as Amelia and Carl talk for a couple of minutes until Jan comes back.
“Ready?” she asks.
Jan nods. “Lead the way to this car of yours.”
Amelia wheels over to me, leaning forward and I meet her halfway for a kiss as she murmurs, “I’ll see you later.” She pauses and raises her voice. “Have fun with my dad.”
My eyes widen and Carl chuckles, placing a hand on my shoulder. “I’ll take good care of him.”
“Mmmhmm.” She raises a brow as her dad places a kiss on the top of her head before she pushes out of the kitchen, Jan following behind her.
I clear my throat when the front door closes, sitting back down at the table. Carl sits down too and looks over at me.
There’s several minutes of silence before he announces, “She’s my baby girl.”
I try to keep the amused expression I want to give him off my face. “I know.”
“And as my only child, all I’ve ever wanted for her is to be happy and safe.” His expression turns serious which in turn has my lips forming a straight line. “I felt like you were taking that away from me. I wasn’t here to keep her safe in the first place and then there you were, swooping in and offering to take care of her.”
I think back to the day when we brought Amelia’s things back here and shake my head. “That was never my intention,” I say softly.
He stands, taking both of our cups over to the coffee pot and pouring a new batch. “I know that now but right then all I knew was my daughter couldn’t walk. I wanted to wrap her up in cotton wool but you were offering her more than I could ever provide.”
His back tenses and I feel guilt swirling in my stomach at his confession. “I honestly never thought about it like that; I just wanted to help.”
He turns and walks over to me, placing the cup in front of me and sitting back down. “That’s because it wasn’t your problem, it was mine. I stupidly pushed her away during the time she needed me the most, but you... you’ve been by her side every step of the way.”
“It never crossed my mind to be anywhere else.” He gazes out of the patio doors seemingly lost in the same memories as I am. “Do you remember the day we met?” With a nod of his head, I continue. “You asked me if I loved your daughter.”
He laughs. “So I did.”
“And I answered I did, but it’s nothing compared to what I feel for her now. She’s the strongest person I know.” A pregnant pause passes between us. “She was upset you two weren’t talking since she left the hospital, but she knew you still loved her and you’d come around eventually.”
He stares at me for a moment and I swear his eyes are starting to turn glassy. He clears his throat, getting himself under control. “Yeah… I guess it’s more than just her mom she gets her stubbornness from.”
“She’s also the most forgiving person I know so there’s no point in dwelling on whatever guilt you’re holding onto. She’d be upset knowing you feel this way.”
He drums his fingers on the table in front of us. “You know her pretty well, don’t you?”
Grinning, I pick up my cup and take a sip of coffee, warmth flooding through me at more than just the coffee. “I think I do, but I plan on spending the rest of my life discovering everything else there is to know.”
He splutters on his coffee. “What?”
I swallow the lump in my throat thinking about the small ring box sitting in the top of the closet.
“I’m not sure what the future has in store for us, but I want to be in control of at least a little bit of it.” He stares with his eyes wide open, waiting for me to talk. Blowing the last bit of nerves out of my body, I add, “I wanted to ask your permission to to marry her.”
His face goes as white as a sheet as he leans back in his chair. “Well…” I wait on bated breath as his color slowly returns and he looks me in the eye. “You know there’s a possibility this could be permanent.”
“Of course.”
He nods as if to assure himself of something. “Well alright then.”
He doesn’t say another word as he picks up his coffee and drains the rest before standing up and putting it in the dishwasher.
“Is that a yes?”
He looks at me, a smile kicking up the corner of his lips. “If you really needed my permission to ask her then you’re not the man I thought you were.” He pushes his hands into his pockets and nods toward the patio doors. “Wanna show me these four-wheelers you were talking about?”
I nod, still in a bit of a daze. When I asked my mom for my grandmother’s ring on Christmas day, I had the idea I wouldn’t be needing it for a little while because there was no way I was asking her without me mending the relationship with her dad. I would’ve asked her regardless but family is important to me, and I know it is to Amelia too so I wanted to do it right.
Now I have his permission and he’s staring me down, waiting for me to make a move, I’m terrified. The sudden dry feeling in my throat won’t go away at the thought of asking her and being rejected.
“Are we going?”
My gaze snaps to his. “Erm… yeah, sure. I just have to take a quick shower and brush my teeth. I didn’t get to this morning since your daughter was hogging the bathroom.”
I push back my chair and he pats my shoulder on the way past him. “Better get used to the feeling, women always have you on your toes.”
I press the button on the side of the chair, lowering myself into the pool as Traci uses the steps and wades over to me.
This is a weekly session now, and each and every time I get into the water, I feel more confident. Nothing has changed, and the last appointment I had with Doctor Bale he told me the swelling was looking much the same.
I know he was trying to discreetly tell me something, but the last couple of weeks I’ve refused to do anything but think about getting better. Just because I don’t have the feeling right now, doesn’t mean I can’t do anything and everything within my power to build my strength for if or when it comes back.
“Ready to get some more muscle strength?” Traci asks, stopping in front of me and signaling for me to lean forward.
Fighting Our Way Page 40