by Alexa Riley
I grab the soap and wash my body, being careful over my ribs and trying to avoid looking at the discoloration while I do it.
I’m still not sure exactly what happened with Jason. It was like a switch just flipped. He was the owner of the company, and I thought we were friends. That the attention he gave me, the raises and promotions were because he respected my work. I thought he wanted to hear what I had to say and that he valued my opinions.
I thought.
Over time, his touches began to linger. Lunch meetings turned into dinner meetings, and the talk went from work to personal. He started pushing wine on me, then stronger drinks. What I thought was two people becoming friends was something much more sinister.
I didn’t have many friends, being as shy as I am. And it was even harder once I was promoted. I was head of my entire department, and no one wants to be friends with the boss.
Then one night Jason tried to kiss me. I pushed him away, shocked by the advance. Jason was married, and I’d even met his wife a few times. She seemed nice. I told him this wasn’t right and that I thought we were just friends. I only ever wanted to be friends. But he didn’t like what I had to say, and that’s where it all went wrong.
“You’re right, you’re right, Kory. I don’t know what I was thinking. Too much wine, and the wife and I are going through a hard time.” He shakes his head in what looks like regret. “Can I use your bathroom and I’ll be on my way? We can pretend this never happened and just go back to how things were.”
I hesitate for a moment but then nod, sliding my key into my door and opening it. “First door on the right,” I tell him, motioning down the hall. He shuts the front door. Before it even closes, the back of his hand strikes my face. The blow sends me to the floor.
Black spots dance in my vision. The taste of copper fills my mouth. Then a kick lands on my ribs, ripping the air from my lungs. Tears fill my eyes and leak down my face. “Jason!” I cry, still unable to believe this is happening. That he’s doing this to me.
My eyes flutter open. He’s leaning down over me. His face right in mine. “Don’t be such a fucking tease, Kory,” he says calmly, as if he isn’t attacking me. Everything about him seems calm. It’s like we’re talking about the weather or something.
“I’m sorry,” I force out. I don’t want him to hit me again. My lungs feel like they’re on fire. A slow smile pulls at his lips. I suddenly feel like a mouse caught in a trap, with the cat ready to pounce at any moment.
He grabs me, pulling me to my feet. My knees almost buckle, but he keeps me on my feet with his arm wrapped around me.
“Say my name again,” he barks at me, pulling me even tighter to him. I cry out his name in pain, the pressure he puts on my ribs almost too much to take.
He smiles even bigger as the black dots dance in my vision once again. Then he’s leaning down toward me, his intent to kiss me clear. Utter panic rolls through my body when I realize where this is going.
I cough and let the blood that filled my mouth spill out, coating my lips. He freezes, a look of disgust on his face. He releases me. I stumble back.
“I’m sorry,” I plead, trying to make it seem like an accident. “I didn’t mean to ruin our first kiss,” I lie. “I’ve never done this before,” I add.
“You’re a virgin?” he asks, sounding excited. I nod. He stands a little taller, puffing his chest out. A chill runs down my spine.
“I don’t want our first time to be like this,” I tell him, hoping that maybe I can calm him down. Get him out of here. Make him think I want this, too. “I was a little shocked you even wanted me. I’ve wanted you for so long. I got scared you would change your mind if you knew I was a virgin.”
He takes a step toward me. It takes everything in me not to retreat.
“Get yourself cleaned up.” His phone rings, startling both of us. He pulls it out of his pocket. I stand there, unsure what to do. He listens for a moment. “I’ll be home in a little bit, honey,” he says, and I know it’s his wife. The tone of his voice is so different than it was moments ago.
My heart pounds as I wonder what he’s going to do to me. He ends the call and puts the phone back in his pocket.
He takes another step toward me, tucking my hair behind my ear. A tear slides down my cheek.
“Don’t cry, sweetheart. She’ll be out of the picture soon enough and it will be just you and me.” My stomach rolls and I want to throw up. I try to keep from shaking. “I’ll be back tomorrow and we’ll do this right.” He sounds so sincere, as if he hadn’t beaten me only moments ago.
“Okay. I like that idea,” I lie once again. His eyes go to my mouth. My bloodied mouth.
“Tomorrow you’ll get your first everything.” With that, he turns and leaves. I stand there for a moment before I rush over and lock the door behind him.
He’s freaking crazy. I know I have to get out of here. I drop down on my sofa and let the tears fall for a moment.
Then I stand, knowing I need to put as much space as I can between me and this man, and I know where I want to go.
Home.
I turn off the shower, still not feeling like I washed Jason away. I can only hope he doesn’t come looking for me.
Chapter Two
Henry
I sit back in my desk chair and look out at the city. It’s the same window my father looked out of for longer than I can remember. I’ve been thinking about him and my mom a lot lately. They’re off on another vacation enjoying one another and life. They call and check in, but I know they’re happy traveling the world.
I’ve got a stack of papers on my desk that I need to go over, but I don’t feel like it today. For some reason, I’ve felt an ache in my chest for the past couple of days, one I haven’t felt in a long time, mostly because I’ve learned to ignore it. But the beating in my heart can’t be ignored, and my thoughts drift to Kory, just like they always do.
I rub the place between my ribs and wonder if this is exactly what my father felt like, looking out onto a city where he knew the love of his life was, but she was just beyond his reach.
For years I tried to fight it, but it never once went away. Not even for a second.
I think back to the day I asked her to the prom and how it all seemed so perfect. I picked her up at her apartment and met her mom. We laughed and held hands while we went to my aunt and uncle’s house for pictures. She looked so beautiful in her white dress. I kept thinking she looked more like a bride, and I loved it. At eighteen years old, I pictured her walking down an aisle to me, and I wanted so badly for it to be real.
But then everything went to shit, and in an instant, it was gone.
I’m my father’s son, even though I’ve spent my life trying not to be. I knew the way he was with my mom. He was out of his mind for her, and nothing else mattered. I never wanted to be that way. I didn’t want someone to have that much power over me because it was dangerous. That’s what I knew to be true. But all it took was one look at Kory and all of that changed.
It’s been years and I haven’t gotten over her. The day she disappeared was the day I lost my soul. She took it with her, and I’ve never so much as glanced at another woman since. Why would I? I might have been young, and it might have not meant anything to her, but I’ve never felt anything like it since. I knew when I was eighteen that I’d met the love of my life, but she slipped through my fingers.
I could have tracked her down a thousand times over. I could have hired a team of men to find out where she was and drag her back to me, but that wasn’t what she wanted. She left town two days after prom without a single word. I sent hundreds of texts. I called until my number was blocked. I even went to her house so many times that her mom called the cops. Kory chose to erase me from her memory and broke something inside me. I chose to give her the only thing I could, which was my absence. I knew some people thought we were just kids,
but it was more to me than that. It still is. Only I choose to bury it deep down inside me and put food on top of it. Pandora always tells me food makes everything better. I hope one day she’s right.
My parents knew something was wrong the next day, but I didn’t tell them what happened. I was embarrassed, and even though it wasn’t my fault, I felt responsible. Kory hated me after that night, and she wouldn’t hear me out. I tried everything I could to explain, but eventually it wasn’t about what I wanted. It was about giving her peace.
Now my life is all about my work and my family because I don’t have any room for anything else. Kory Summers is the majority stakeholder in my heart, and that’s never going to change. I’ve learned to live with the ache, but some days are easier than others.
There’s a knock on my office door and I turn around to see my assistant, Joseph, coming in, holding his tablet with an expectant look on his face.
“The set of contracts I gave you this morning need to be sent to the courier by the end of business today. You’ve had three calls from our legal team over the new proposal from the Adams Group, but I’ve directed them to the right people instead of bothering you with them. I’ve canceled your lunch as per your request and I’ve moved your afternoon meeting to tomorrow at eleven,” he says, touching the stylus to his screen. He looks up at me through horn-rimmed glassed with a polite smile.
“Thanks, Joseph, I appreciate it,” I say, sighing and grabbing the stack of papers. I cleared out my afternoon so I could go through this, and I haven’t even started.
“Is there anything else I can do to help you with the contracts?” he asks, patient and ready to work.
“No. At some point I’m going to have to rip the Band-Aid off,” I say, opening up one file.
“Give us some privacy, kid,” Pandora says, walking straight into my office and sitting down in the chair in front of my desk.
“Can I get you anything to drink or eat?” Joseph asks. He knows my cousin all too well.
“The usual,” she says, and thanks him when he quickly brings her back a Coke with a tray of snacks.
I wait for Joseph to exit and close the doors to my office before I acknowledge Pandora’s presence.
“Any particular reason you’re barging into my office and being rude to my assistant?” I ask, happy for another distraction and a reason to avoid the tedious work I hate to do.
“She’s back,” she says, and lays a legal-size envelope on my desk.
“She who?” I reach over and pick it up, turning it over in my hands. It’s blank on the outside, but it’s heavy. “What is this?”
“It’s Kory. She’s back in the city. She moved here two weeks ago. At first, I thought maybe she was visiting her mom, but she’s taken a job in Manhattan. You know her mom still lives in the same building on the Lower East Side. Crazy, right? Must be rent controlled.”
“Stop,” I order, holding up one hand and gripping the envelope tighter with the other. My mind is flooded with so many questions I can’t think straight. So I start with the basics. “What?”
“Kory Summers. I’ve kept tabs on her since...” She shrugs and looks away. “You know.”
“What the fuck, Pandora?” I say, standing up so fast my chair smacks into the window behind me. “You knew where she was this whole time?”
“Don’t pretend like you didn’t want me to know, Henry. Ignorance doesn’t suit you.” She looks at me with hard eyes but leans back in her chair calmly. “We all know you never got over her. Not even for a second did you ever let the flame you kept burning for her dim. So don’t act like you’re not about to explode on the inside at this information.”
“But why would you do this? Why now? It’s been ten years and you’re just now telling me?” I pace back and forth as all the wheels in my head begin spinning at once.
I know exactly where her mom lives. I bought the building as soon as I got part of my trust fund. I kept the rent low enough that her mom would never leave or have to worry about making a payment. I ride by there at least once a week to check on things and speak to the property manager.
“Look, I could have told you a thousand different times before today,” she says, leaning forward and putting her elbows on her knees. “But from what I saw, she was happy. She was living her life in Boston, and as much as I love you, it wasn’t my place to step in.”
“You’re damn right!” I yell, and that takes Pandora by surprise. “It wasn’t your place then and it isn’t your place now. What good is going to come from you giving me this information? What am I supposed to do? Run to her mom’s house and beg a woman I haven’t seen in a decade to love me? Do you know what I’ve had to do to cope in a life without her? Do you have any idea the pain I’ve felt every single day that she wasn’t with me? I found my soul mate when I was eighteen years old and had to let her go. This is going to rip me in two, Pandora.”
She stands up from her seat and places her hands on my desk. “Henry, look at yourself. You never moved on. You had one day with her, and it changed you forever. You have to see this through. If you don’t, you’ll never heal, and you can’t keep living like this.” She straightens up. “I can see it in you as time goes on. Every year that passes, we lose more of you, and I know this is why. Open the goddamn envelope.”
Those are her last words as she turns and walks out of my office, closing the door behind her. I grip the envelope so tight that it crinkles in my hand. I look down at it and release it, smoothing it as much as possible. I place it on my desk and fall down in my seat in front of it. I put my face in my hands and think over my options.
Then I realize I don’t have any. I’ll open the envelope, because there’s no way I can’t.
I reach for the letter opener and slice it down the paper in one quick swipe. Inside I find a few folded pages and I flatten them out on the desk. The first few pages detail where she went when she left our school.
Kory had tested out of her senior year early and was waiting to decide on what college she wanted to go to before she left. She received acceptance letters to five Ivy League schools, and she chose Harvard. She graduated early as a chemical engineer and went to work for one of the leading cosmetic companies in the country. She was there for several years before taking an abrupt job offer in Manhattan.
The next page is her personal history, and there Pandora has her listed as single, never married. The knot in my chest relaxes, and I’m surprised because I had no idea it was there. It wouldn’t have mattered if she was married. That wouldn’t stop me.
Wait, what am I thinking? Am I really doing this? Do I have a choice?
The rest of the pages are filled with information about where she lived and what she was up to in Boston. There’s not much else that’s known about her situation in Manhattan, other than the fact that she’s living with her mom in the building I own, and she’s got a job that’s about a block from me.
I stand up and start pacing. I could walk over there right now and wait to pretend to bump into her. I could walk into the building and just ask for her. It’s not like she doesn’t know who I am.
Then I think back to the last time I saw her, and the tears in her eyes. However much time has passed, that’s still the image that’s burned into my brain. I can’t think of a single reason why she would want to see me. But that was then, and I never got a chance to explain myself. She never stopped to let me tell her the truth, and it’s time for me to change that. In fact, it’s pretty fucking long overdue.
I’m pacing with purpose now because a plan is forming. The only logical thing to do now is to make it so she can’t run. This time she’s going to hear me out. This time I won’t let her get away.
Chapter Three
Kory
I finish putting on my lipstick, happy with the way everything seems to be falling into place this morning. I feel like it’s the first good hair day I’ve ha
d in forever, and it helps that my lip is no longer bruised and puffy. I was thankful it had gone away before my mom got back from vacation. I’m even more thankful that I hadn’t heard a word from Jason.
Maybe he’s letting it go. I’ve been debating reaching out to his wife. I don’t know how to handle that. I don’t want to be back on Jason’s radar, but I also think she needs to know about the man she’s married to. Doesn’t she deserve it? She lies in bed next to him every night, and the thought makes my stomach turn.
Putting the lid on my lipstick I put it into my purse then exit my bathroom. I make my way to the kitchen and smile when I see my mom up and making breakfast.
She’s been over the moon about me being back home, which has made me a little slower on finding a new place to live. She turns around when she hears me, and a giant smile brightens her face. Her curly gray hair bounces a little, and it makes me realize how happy I am to be home.
“I made chocolate chip pancakes,” she sing-songs, making my heart ache a little more. It’s always just been her and me, making us superclose.
My mom wanted a child more than anything in the world, so she chose to go through artificial insemination. I never had a dad, but I never felt like I was missing out either. My mom filled this house with so much love that there was never room for me to wish for something else.
“Bacon?” I tease.
“Always,” she says, setting a plate in front of me at the breakfast bar. “How goes the new job?”
“Good. I really love it. I have more freedom, and they give me free rein with all my ideas. It’s refreshing,” I tell her.
Being back in New York has been better than I thought it could be. I feel more like myself. I don’t know why I’ve been running from it for so long. This might not have been my plan, but it’s turned out to be a fantastic opportunity. I’m putting my past behind me and not shedding any more tears. It’s also hard to be sad when I’m getting to spend more time with my mom.
“That’s good, honey.” My mom kisses me on the top of the head. “I’m supposed to meet Susan this morning. Have a good day at work,” she says, picking up her purse and heading for the door. Sometimes I wonder how we’re related. My mom can’t seem to sit still while I’m content on the sofa with a book for days. That said, I love that she’s so active.