by Daria Wright
His file was surprisingly clear-cut and simple. He was a decorated officer who had won numerous medals for his bravery and work and was on a clear trajectory for a high-ranking appointment. The military seemed to be his entire life. His parents had died in a car accident when he was seventeen. Since he didn’t have any other family, he had moved in with his best friend’s family and lived with them for a year. He had joined the military straight out of high school and had served faithfully for over ten years in mission after mission. Never been married, didn’t have any kids, and he didn’t appear to be in any type of serious or committed relationship, since Jake Rawlings was listed as his beneficiary as well as his emergency contact. Kara paused when she came to the name and thumbed ahead towards the end of the file and her eyes widened with surprise and sympathy and a small piece of the puzzle that was Duke fell into place.
Jake Rawlings was one of the officers who had died during a sniper ambush on their last tour in Afghanistan. Half a dozen soldiers and two officers had died in the ambush. Only Duke had come out of it alive. It was suddenly clear to Kara why Duke was struggling so much or seemed so closed-off. Jake had clearly been his best friend, more a brother than a friend, and while Duke had come out unscathed, Jake had lost his life in a tragic manner. Kara wondered if Duke was struggling with survivor’s guilt. It’s something she would address when they had their next session, because she was determined to get him back into the office and help him through whatever he was feeling at the moment. She knew from experience if he didn’t get the help he needed, his life would spiral out of control and he would lose everything he held dear in his life. In Duke’s case, that would be his brilliant military career.
As she continued to read, she was surprised to see the sniper ambush was being investigated - more specifically it appeared that the superiors weren’t entirely convinced by the Duke’s version of what had happened. Duke had claimed their troop, consisting of the six soldiers and three officers - including him - were on their way back towards the base in the middle of the night when they were surrounded on all sides by Taliban soldiers and taken out one by one. Duke had been lucky because out of the two bullets fired at him, one had gone out through his shoulder and the other had only grazed his thigh. In his statement he had said,
“Everything happened very quickly and I don’t know where they came from or where they fled. I remember being shot at and falling on my face, I remember a lot of shouting and guns being fired and then I blacked out. When I came to, I was in the hospital being treated.”
When questioned about how Jake died, he had replied that he didn’t know. Normally an incident like this wouldn’t raise any suspicions, but one of the victims had whispered Duke’s name over and over again to the doctor as he lay dying in the field. And the doctor had reported the dying soldier’s sentence.
“Duke, it was Duke, he tried…. Duke tried to… So many bullets…”
So Duke was packed up and sent home on indeterminate leave while they sorted out the truth behind the sniper mess and Duke got some help. Duke’s superior had made it very clear in his report that Duke was suffering mentally, possibly from PTSD, and he wouldn’t be approved for any more tours until he was deemed fit and healthy, both physically and mentally by a psychiatrist. Meaning her, Kara.
Since Duke was going to be her last patient of the day, Kara spent the rest of the afternoon poring over Duke’s file. Everything in his file indicated that Duke was a stable man, a good soldier who was loyal to his troops and his country. But the sniper ambush hinted at something else…something ugly. What could the dying soldier have meant when he said Duke tried to? Tried to do what? Could there be more to Duke’s guilt than simply surviving his best friend?
When he missed his second appointment the following week, Kara decided to confront him head-on and show up at his place, especially since her calls went unanswered. A part of her felt worried that he might have done something stupid. Getting into his condo building was the easy part, but getting him to open the door proved to be a challenge. She spent a good ten minutes patiently knocking on the door, fully aware that he was inside and ignoring her.
CHAPTER SEVEN:
“Duke, I know you’re in there, please open the door.”
She knocked some more and called out through the front door. Nothing but silence greeted her. Frustrated, she knocked again,
“I’m not going anywhere, Duke, I’m going to park myself outside your door until you come out. You can’t skip out on me, not if you ever want your life to go back to normal. And I have zero problems discussing all your issues and everything in your file out here in the hallway, through the door. If that’s what you want.”
A minute later, the door swung open. Kara was shocked at the change in Duke in just two weeks. His face was unshaven, his eyes bloodshot, he was dressed in boxers and a ratty t-shirt and smelled strongly like alcohol.
“That was dirty. Anyone ever tell you you’re irritatingly stubborn?”
“All the time.” She stated and stepped past him and into his condo.
The place was drenched in darkness. The blinds pulled shut, the windows closed, take out boxes with half eaten meals littered the dining table and empty of bottles of alcohol were peppered throughout. The whole place felt stifling.
“What do you want Doc?”
“I’m here to find out why you haven’t shown up to your last two sessions.”
“Because I don’t need help. I don’t need shrink talk.”
“You might not believe in it, but I promise you I can help you if you’ll only give me a chance.”
A slow grin spread across his face and even in his less than perfect state, Kara couldn’t help but find him handsome.
“I told you Doc, you can help me any time at all…in fact I have some time right now…if you wanted to help me out.”
“Be serious, Duke.” Kara snapped. She walked over to the living room windows and pulled the blinds open, bright sunlight spilled into the room. She opened the windows as far as she could, hoping to get rid of the stuffy odour suffusing the place. She did the same in the kitchen and the bedroom. It was a loft-style condo so everything was spread out in the open.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
Kara turned to look at him. “Trying to help you. This isn’t healthy, you binge drinking and shutting yourself away from the world. You don’t need to talk to me if you don’t want to, but you can’t keep doing this either. You know where this ends.”
She paused, wondering if she should continue and how far she could push, but Duke didn’t say anything and he seemed to be listening so she plunged ahead.
“I’ve read your file, Duke. You’ve had a great career and have a brilliant future in the army. You’ve seen what alcohol and addiction can do to military men. You think you have control but deep down you know you don’t. Are you ready to give up everything you’ve worked so hard for you only so that you can live on streets drunk out of your mind? Or worse?”
“I’m not going to end up homeless,” he growled. “I’m not a drunk, I’m dealing with things my way.”
“And how many times have you heard that from your colleagues? And how did it go for them?”
Duke didn’t respond and started stacking up the take out boxes instead.
“I know Jake’s death was hard on you, but punishing yourself isn’t going to bring him back.”
Jake’s name triggered an unexpected reaction from him, he whirled around and shouted, “YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT! Get out, get out of my house, I don’t need you here.”
But Kara stood rooted on the spot. Now that she was here, now that she had started this, she was going to leave only when she was done speaking her mind.
“No,” she agreed calmly. “I don’t know what I’m talking about because I don’t know what you’re going through. But what I do know is that if you keep going down this path, you’ll be dead before long, too, and I don’t think he would have wanted that. At
least, not if you guys were as close as I believe you were. I cleared my schedule for tomorrow and I hope you’ll come by, showered, shaved and clean.”
“I’m not coming. You don’t know anything about me.”
“No, I don’t but I would like to. I don’t want to see a great life wasted.”
Feeling she had overstayed her welcome and said as much as she needed to, Kara left the condo, hoping she wasn’t seeing him for the last time.
The next day she waited all day for him to come, in the early afternoon, she finally decided he wasn’t going to show up when, to her shock and surprise, Tamra buzzed her phone to let her know Duke was waiting to see her.
“Send him right in, Tamra. Thank you.”
CHAPTER EIGHT:
As much as Duke didn’t like to admit it, Kara showing up at his place had been somewhat of a wake-up call. Hearing the blunt words come out of her mouth had made him realize he wasn’t ready to give up his career just yet. And even though he didn’t think speaking to a shrink was going to help him emotionally, he also didn’t want to be discharged. If he didn’t have the military, he had nothing. So after spending hours debating the pros and cons he did as Kara told him. He cleaned himself up and showed up at the VA clinic, wondering if she was still waiting for him or if that had all been a load of crock.
It soon became clear the Doc wasn’t one to bullshit, she had apparently cleared out her day and was waiting for him to show up because Tamra ushered him right inside within moments. If she was surprised or relieved to see, she didn’t betray either of those emotions. Instead, she greeted him warmly and asked him to come inside.
“How are you doing today?”
“Fine.”
Sitting on the couch, facing Kara, Duke suddenly felt ridiculous and regretted his decision to come. He got to his feet and ran a hand through his hair.
“Listen, this was a mistake.”
Kara got to her feet too,
“Look you’re here now, let’s just give this a chance, okay? People do therapy for a reason; counselling is offered for a reason. It helps people overcome problems, it helps them heal.”
“Okay, Doc.” Duke nodded. “We’ll do it your way.”
He settled back on the sofa and crossed his arms behind his neck and stretched his muscular legs in front of her. He looked down at his crotch briefly and said, “I’m all yours. Let the healing begin, Doc.”
“Why don’t you talk about your last tour in Afghanistan first?”
“It was hot and the girls aren’t as available.”
“Duke, if you’re not serious about this, I can’t help you.”
“I am being serious!” he protested. “Have you ever been there? It’s fucking boiling in there and the women, if you ever happen to glimpse one are covered from head to toe in black. Hard to feel aroused or get any action.”
“Did Jake find it hot too?”
Duke shrugged, “I’m sure he did.”
“Did you two always go on tour together?”
“Is there anything else we can talk about? You keep bringing up Jake, but I’m going to talk about him.”
“Okay,” Kara nodded, “we can talk about something else, tell me why you were drinking so heavily.”
“Because I felt frustrated.”
Duke could tell from the look on Kara’s face she felt like she was finally starting to make progress. It was too bad she was so mistaken.
“And what are you frustrated about?”
“About my blue balls of course! I’ve been suffering from severe blue balls since you left me hanging that night at the bar. So hell yeah, I’m frustrated because I just want to screw you and you know what you can do to help me through it.”
He knew he had gone too far because she got to her feet, clearly at end of her patience with him.
“If you’re not going to take this seriously, for even one session, for YOUR OWN good, then you better leave.”
“And what about us and what we started?”
She threw up her hands in the air and shook her head.
‘There is nothing between us, I’m your doctor and you’re my patient. I’m here to help you get back on your feet so you can resume a normal life but I can’t do that if you refuse to help yourself.”
“Yeah, whatever.” Duke said, “Thanks a lot for the session Doc and my offer still stands by the way. You know where I live now, drop in anytime.”
He winked at her, leaving her staring after him, looking outraged. But Duke could tell her by the flush on her cheeks what her real feelings were. She was horny as hell.
By the time he got home, he was starting to feel pretty shitty about how he had treated the session. He knew Kara was just trying to help him but he couldn’t allow himself to open up about the incident. That was a box best left closed. He decided when he got home he would call Kara, apologize to her and maybe even ask her out; just because they weren’t getting along as doctor and patient didn’t mean they couldn’t hook up, right?
But when he got to his front door, Kara and sex were the last two things on his mind, because patiently waiting by his front door, with a box at her feet stood Jenna.
CHAPTER NINE:
While Duke dealt with the ghosts of a boxful of memories, Kara was lying awake in bed suffering from a sleepless night. Her mind consumed with thoughts about Duke. Both personal and professional.
Personally, she felt disturbed sexually just thinking about him. And there was nothing she could do about it, short of taking him up on his offer and jumping his bones and getting him out of her system. But she knew it would be unethical and she couldn’t risk her reputation or career because of hormones, no matter how much she may want to. She regretted not sleeping with him the night they met at the bar, because then maybe she wouldn’t be feeling so sexually aroused whenever he was around her or whenever she thought about him. But it was too late for that.
Professionally, Duke’s case was bothering her because she felt she had failed as a doctor. She was ashamed of her behavior from earlier that day during their session. She had done what she promised herself never to do, lost patience with a patient and kicked him out. In the few interactions she had with Duke, she had gleaned enough to know the tough guy attitude he was pulling in front of her was masking deep pain. It was a front he was putting up so he wouldn’t have to face the truth of whatever problem he was grappling with. The fact that he had come to the office was encouraging and Kara felt certain it wasn’t too late to help him. But clearly therapy and psychobabble as he would put it, wasn’t the way to go. In order to get through to him, she knew she had to figure out what made him tick. Tomorrow, I’ll see if I can meet his Captain for a quick chat, she told herself. Who else would know him better than the man he’s been reporting to for so many years?
Bright and early the following day, she called Captain Lyndon’s office and made arrangements to stop by later that afternoon. The Captain was an imposing man in his early fifties who carried a no-nonsense, hardened air about him. But his smile was friendly and his handshake was warm.
As Kara sat across from his desk, she decided the best thing would be to get directly to the problem at hand. So she explained how she had met with Duke a couple of times now but that he seemed reluctant to speak about anything relevant.
“He’s not keen on therapy of any sorts, that much he made clear but at the same time I feel like if I could just find a way to connect with him he may open up. I read the reports and the insinuations that he may have orchestrated the ambush are also worrisome,” she concluded.
The Captain nodded and she could tell this was all familiar to him. He was a man who obviously knew Duke very well. After a brief moment of silence in which he seemed to be going through an internal debate, he put the tips of his fingers together and said,
“I’m going to share something with you, which I expect you to keep to yourself for now. Between you and I, I think the insinuations against Duke are a load of crock and bull. He doesn’t have a disloyal
bone in his body.”
“So you think the report is wrong? What about what the other soldier said to his doctor before he died?”
“I’m not saying it’s wrong entirely, I’m convinced something more went down that night then what he’s telling us, but I’m willing to bet my life Duke had nothing to do with it. I’ve known him since he was a kid and he’s proven time and again that his country and his men come first for him. There’s more to this story and unfortunately he’s refusing to share it. I’m hoping you’ll be able to get it out of him. I knew your father, you know…and I know you haven’t been practicing very long but you’re building a nice reputation. I thought you may be best person for him.”
Kara was surprised and touched at the sentiment. She had no idea Captain Lyndon even knew she existed, much less held her in such a high regard! It made her feel worse about her unprofessional behaviour. She cringed at the thought of him finding out she had kicked Duke out of her office during a session.
“Thank you Sir, that means a lot to me,” she said sincerely.
“You can thank me by cracking that tough shell of Duke’s. He’s always been modest and not the greatest talker. He never likes talking about his achievements and ditto about feelings and emotions.”