by Diana Ryan
The beginning of the week flew by as I kept busy with classes and homework. I studied hard and got an A on my Math Methods quiz, and my Children’s Lit professor told me I had the best project for the unit. I felt like calling Adam immediately to celebrate, but resisted the urge, considering he said he’d be busy all week.
I continued tutoring Mrs. Stewart’s second grade students almost every afternoon to get some more experience in the classroom. The kids were so amazing, and the whole experience reminded me that teaching came naturally to me. I would work as hard as I could to become a teacher and someday have a class of my own.
On Wednesday I had an appointment with my advisor again. I climbed the stairs to the second floor of the College of Professional Studies building, wondering why my advisor requested to see me only a few weeks after our last meeting. I knew I hadn’t failed any recent tests or quizzes, in fact I thought I had been doing well in all my classes.
It was quiet in the lobby. I sat down and read a chapter of my history textbook while waiting to be called into Mr. Weigel’s office.
The phone on the receptionist’s desk rang out into the silence, and then she sent me back into the office.
“Well, Miss Gardner,” Mr. Weigel greeted me. “Do you have any idea why I made this appointment with you today?”
I wiped the palms of my hands on my pants, and then interlaced my fingers and placed them on my lap.
“Not exactly, sir.”
Mr. Weigel clicked the keys on his laptop computer for a few seconds. “I have your current grades here in front of me.”
I wiped my hands again and took a deep breath. He did not look happy.
My advisor took his reading glasses off and glanced away from his computer screen to me. “I am here to report to you, Miss Gardner, that your current GPA has risen considerably.”
“It has?” The corners of my mouth started to turn up.
“There are several weeks left in the semester, Miss Gardner, but you should be proud of yourself. You’ve made some drastic improvements in only a few weeks.”
I couldn’t hide my smile, now. “Thank you so much, Mr. Weigel. I’ve been working really hard.”
“I can tell. Keep up the good work.” He shuffled some papers on his desk, placing them in a neat pile in the middle. “But don’t get too excited, yet. Getting into the School of Education will still take an incredible amount of dedication.”
My smile faded slightly. This battle had not been won yet. “I understand. I will try my hardest.”
Mr. Weigel looked over at me with his kind eyes. “I’m pulling for you, Miss Gardner. There’s something special about you, I can tell.”
I smiled again, straight from the heart. “Thanks, Mr. Weigel. I appreciate it.”
Riding high on the compliments I’d received, I stopped by the cafeteria to pick up a sandwich for lunch and read a little for my Children’s Lit class. I picked a small round table by itself off in the corner so I wouldn’t be bothered by anyone. I had barely eaten any breakfast that morning and was so hungry I couldn’t get the wrapper off the sandwich fast enough. Trying to juggle holding the paperback novel open with one hand and taking a bite of the overstuffed sandwich with the other hand proved to be difficult, as mayo and vegetables spilled out of the sandwich and all over the table. I would have been embarrassed if there was someone dining with me, but there wasn’t, so I picked the vegetables off the wrapper and shoved them back in the ol’ hatch.
An unattractive glob of mayo was dripping out of my mouth when I happened to look up and see a very skinny and extraordinarily beautiful blond storming my way. I quickly wiped my mouth. Was she going to sit at a table near me?
The lady stranger wore a tight-fitting orange sweater and trendy jeans with high-heeled leather boots going all the way up to her knees. Miss Stylish was headed straight for me, but I was the only person at the table and I was sure I had no idea who she was.
She must think I’m someone else.
I tried to ignore her and read my book, expecting her to turn around when she realized I wasn’t who she thought I was. But she kept barreling toward me.
Just when I thought she was going to crash through the table, she stopped right at the edge and stared at me.
“Ava, is it?” She had an annoying voice that was just a bit too nasally and high pitched. She tossed her beautiful blond curls off her shoulder as her right hand found a resting place on her popped hip.
“Um, yeah?” I checked over her pretty face again, but was sure I’d never seen her before.
“You stay away from my boyfriend!” Her bitchy voice was so loud it about blew me right into the wall.
Huh?
“Excuse me?”
She stared at me. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.”
I had no idea what she was talking about.
She shifted her weight to the other hip and snapped her gum. It was like something out of a bad teen movie.
“Sorry. I think you have me mistaken for someone else.” I turned back to try to read a few words, but she smacked the book right out of my hand and it hit my sandwich, throwing them both off the table and onto the floor.
What. The. Hell.
I stood up from my chair, the back of my legs pushing it backward, causing a loud scraping noise on the floor. I had never been in a fight before, but you just don’t throw someone’s sandwich on the damn floor!
“I can’t believe this is happening,” she whined like she was the victim. All of the sudden her pointer finger was flying through the air, getting dangerously close to my face. “I don’t know exactly who you are or what you think you are doing, but you better stay the hell away from Adam. That boy is mine.”
Did she say “Adam”? Adam had a girlfriend? No. Couldn’t be.
Suddenly all I could hear was my heartbeat in my ears. Crazy Blond was still ranting in my face, but it was like I had pressed mute on the movie—I couldn’t hear a word she was saying. My mind was running through all the time I had spent with Adam.
Was he running off to her after spending time with me?
I suddenly started to feel furious. What a jackass! I knew I should have never trusted a frat boy. I had been played. How could I have been so stupid?
Tears welled up in my eyes, but I squeezed them back because I knew I had to save face while Crazy Blond was still peering over me.
“Bitch!” she yelled and then gave me one last evil look, turned on her heel, and stomped out of the cafeteria. I hoped she went right over to Adam’s house and slapped him firmly right in the face. He deserved it.
Now that she had left, the tears came uninvited, so I quickly packed up my things and stormed out the other way, feeling like I could throw up the half sandwich I ate right there on the stairs.
I wandered around campus, my body full of anger and my eyes on fire. I tried not to be a blubbering idiot in case someone was alarmed and called campus police on me, but I couldn’t hold back several tears.
Why was I reacting this way?
I had spent so much time trying to decide if I even liked Adam romantically, and now that I found out he was being unfaithful, I was upset over not having him anymore.
This was ridiculous!
Although I was still incredibly hurt, after about ten minutes of walking aimlessly around campus, I turned around. If I kept walking this way I’d be out wandering down the side of the interstate before I knew it. I needed some good friends who loved me and would never treat me like Adam had, so I headed for home and decided to not waste another tear on Adam.
My phone rang as I rounded the corner by the Student Catholics building and cut through the parking lot over to College Avenue. I took it out of my backpack and looked at the screen. It was Adam. Did he know what just happened with Crazy Blond or was he calling just to say hi? Either way, he was the last person I wanted to talk to. Actually I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to talk to him again.
He called twice more before I made it back to my apart
ment, but I couldn’t get myself to answer. I stared at the phone in my hands.
No. You’re done with him. He only means heartache.
Then my phone sang out its text message ring—New Text Message from Adam. With shaking fingers I swiped the screen.
Ava, please answer my calls.
I need to speak with you straight away.
I wasn’t ready to face him. If I saw him right now this hurt would be ten times worse. The rest of the walk home was filled with four more text message alerts. I took my phone out, turned it off, and shoved it back into my backpack.
I finally arrived home and collapsed on the couch between Elaina and Kasie. I allowed my friends to comfort me as I gushed about what a jerk Adam was.
“Oh, honey. You don’t need him,” Elaina said. “Just erase that man from your mind.”
“If only it were that easy,” I whined. “I think I just need to take a nap. My head is pounding.” I shuffled down the hall to my bedroom and slithered in between the sheets. It felt so good to rest my head on the pillow and cuddle up under the blankets. But quiet rest time made me think too much, and I was suddenly faced with the mess I called life. Feelings of frustration and confusion filled my mind, bringing forth the realization that I still couldn’t remember anything about last summer and the weird visions and headaches were still present. My life felt like everything was in the wrong place, or like something was missing, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t figure out what it was. Normally I would lean on my parents to help me solve problems like this that felt insurmountably large, but they weren’t around to hear my concern, and I was left feeling alone and miserable.
I must have fallen asleep momentarily because I was jerked awake when I heard a loud pounding on the front door. My heart rate sped up.
Was it him?
I could hear faint talking in the living room, so I sat up and strained my ears to hear. There was definitely a male voice mixed in with my roommates’. I couldn’t quite make out what they were saying, though. Then the talking got louder, like they were walking down the hallway.
“She doesn’t want to see you,” Sharon claimed.
“Adam, get your cheating ass outta here!” Elaina was yelling right outside my door now.
Way to go, Elaina! Give him hell!
“I already told you, I didn’t cheat. It was all a setup.”
My aching heart climbed up my throat. A setup? What did that mean?
It was Kasie who spoke in a much calmer, but still forceful voice. “Listen, that may be true, but I am not about to let you walk in there and hurt my friend anymore. She’s cried enough tears for you today.”
There was a long pause when no one said anything, and then a gentle knock broke the silence.
“Ava. I really need to talk to you.” Adam’s voice had a tiny hint of terror hiding behind his voice box. His head was right up against the door, his voice flowing through the wood and into my heart like the ghost of any relationship we were developing. “Please…Ava, please.”
I wanted to let him in. I wanted him to climb into bed with me and snuggle up close to my body. To passionately confirm his feelings and to fervently apologize for hurting me. But when I opened up my mouth to allow him in, my voice was gone. I was afraid let him through my door or into my heart.
A single tear rolled out of my eye and down my cheek.
He spoke again, his voice soft and full of sorrow. “Ava Gardner. You are the last person in this entire world that I’d want to hurt. You are the only person in my heart.” He was desperate now, that much was obvious in his voice. “You have to believe me.”
I still couldn’t say a word. I needed more time to think about it.
He was basically whining, clawing at my door. “Please. Don’t push me out of your heart.”
I knew opening the door would be a very bad idea, so as the unwanted tears flowed out of my eyes and down my cheeks, I stayed put and prayed he would just leave.
“Ava. I…I…” but he never finished. I heard the back door suddenly open and loudly bang shut, and then an empty silence filled my ears. A few more tears slid down my cheeks and then I drifted off to sleep, dreaming of a place where waves of beautiful brown river water soothed my soul and healed the emptiness in my heart.
Chapter Ten
I spent a good portion of the next few days moping around my room when I wasn’t studying or dragging my butt to class. I carefully avoided my normal pathways to lectures so that I would have less chance of running into Adam on campus. He never came by the house again, and I left my phone turned off.
My friends tried to talk me into going here or there with them, but I always declined. I was overcome with feelings of depression differently than I had ever felt in my life before. All I wanted to do was leave this town, head back to the Dells, and live with my parents until I figured my life out. I still had gaping holes in my memory, and there was some incredibly beautiful man haunting my brain almost daily.
Friday was Halloween. I’ve never had a good Halloween experience. When I was growing up, my parents did not believe in fancy, store-bought Halloween costumes. Instead, my mother spent the weeks before that special night crafting, sewing, and hot-gluing costumes for my sister and me.
Usually they turned out okay, but one year, when I was eight, my sister Laura got to be a very cool and scary witch, and I was forced to be a Kleenex box. My mother found a large cardboard box sitting around, so she painted it white with the word “Puffs” stenciled perfectly across the front. Then she cut holes in the sides and top so I could wear the box with my arms and head sticking out. To finish off the look, she added large pieces of tissue paper around my head. It was hideous.
One year, Laura ate too much candy along the way and puked right on my carefully bedazzled sparkly red Dorothy shoes. Another year, I tripped in the dark on an uneven sidewalk and knocked my front tooth out. My face was covered in blood, and I cried all the way back to the house.
On the first year my parents decided Laura and I were old enough to go out on our own, we got lost. Crying and freezing cold, we sat on a curb for what felt like many hours hoping our parents would notice we had been gone too long. I really thought we were going to die right there on the street. Almost two hours later, my parents drove by in our yellow minivan and scooped us up. Right then and there I vowed that was my last Halloween trick or treating.
From then on, I stayed home to hand out the candy and that was fine enough for me. But for some reason in high school, my three best guy friends (Ted, Aaron, and Joel) talked me into dressing as one of the four Spice Girls with them. Why they all wanted to cross-dress and walk around town begging for candy was beyond me, but I reluctantly joined them anyway.
That was a mistake.
Out in the Oak Lawn neighborhood we ran into the biggest bully in high school, Anthony Vargas. Apparently high on drugs, he started stalking us through the neighborhood yelling obscenities at us. My guy friends oozed confidence and they had a talent for brushing off hurtful words. I, on the other hand, was freaked out, sure Vargas was going to hurt us. Aaron swore he would kick Anthony’s ass if he tried anything, and I believed him. He was the quarterback of the football team, after all, and he had a good thirty pounds on Vargas.
After a while we seemed to have lost Vargas, until we turned a corner down a deserted and very dark dead-end street, and he jumped out of some bushes right in front of a small, crummy looking house. He scared the crap out of me, and I screamed wildly. But right in the middle of my panic, he grabbed me from behind and wrapped his right arm across my chest. Suddenly the blade of a pocketknife was half an inch from my face. He was much stronger than he looked, and I dared not struggle with that sharp point so close to my neck.
“Vargas. Let her go.” Aaron’s voice held steady and determined.
“Screw you, Aaron. Why should you always get the best-looking girls in school? It’s my turn, now.” He moved his face close to my cheek, and I could smell his disgusting breath.
I whimpered with terror and prayed that Aaron would help me as silent tears streamed down my face.
“Vargas. Put the knife down…now.” Aaron was inching closer to us, Ted and Joel right behind him. “We can be your friends. Just let Ava go.”
Anthony’s breathing quickened in my ear. “No! NO!” he screamed through clenched teeth. “Don’t move!” I felt the tip of the knife dig a little into my skin, and I let out a terrified moan.
My friends stopped in their tracks, hands up. “Okay…okay…we’re not moving. Now put the knife down, Anthony.” I couldn’t stop the tears from coming, and suddenly I was full-on sobbing. Aaron stared deep into my eyes. “You’re gonna be fine, Ava.” I tried to believe him but somehow I couldn’t.
“Back off!” Anthony yelled. “I’ll do it! I’ll cut her throat so neither of us can have her!”
That was the last straw. Aaron suddenly lunged at Anthony’s hips and we both fell to the ground. I heard the knife clink down on the street near the curb. Ted quickly grabbed my hand and pulled me up to my feet. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Aaron and Anthony rolling around on the ground. Ted and I ran as fast as we could around the corner and down the next street a bit. This area was much more populated, with several costumed kids strolling around us. I hugged him tightly, still hysterically crying, but so happy to be out of immediate danger.
“You’re okay, you’re okay,” Ted said, trying to calm me down.
We could faintly hear grunts and yelling from around the corner. “Should you go back and help them?” I asked Ted through tear-streaked eyes.
“No. My job is to keep you safe.” He held on tight and I was thankful for that.